(A/N: The first quarter of this chapter is intentionally written in the present tense!)
For Your Eyes Only
Chapter Thirteen - When She Had An Epiphany
A few days later...
"What are you thinking, Bella?"
Edward and myself are lying in a beautiful meadow, with wonderfully green grass, luscious flowers of every colour filling the air with their scent and an abnormally blue sky above us. The sun warms my skin and I close my eyes in bliss, feeling the heat.
"Nothing much," I reply. "Yourself?"
"I'm just thinking about you," he says and my eyes flicker open to meet his. I can feel colour flooding my cheeks as usual and I suddenly feel self conscious as he seems to examine my face.
"Your hair is beautiful in the light," he murmurs quietly, leaning forwards to run his hands through it. I close my eyes and feel myself shivering under his gentle touch. How can I feel ice cold even with the blazing sun above? "It has streaks of red in it," he observes.
"Yeah," I whisper, barely audible.
His eyes are close to mine and I'm overwhelmed by the colour; they're like emeralds and I can't begin to imagine how they are real. I could really just happily lose myself in them.
"And your skin is beautiful," he continues, his eyes scanning me. It's making me feel a little uncomfortable, yet my heart won't stop hammering wildly.
This time, he raises his hand and brushes his fingers lightly down my cheek, making goosebumps spread over my arms and the hairs stand on end on the back of my neck. God knows how he has this effect on me, but anytime soon I might be overcome with dizziness.
He is so close to me now. So close that I can feel his cool breath on my skin. He's luring me in as though he's a deadly predator and I'm his prey. I stand no chance; he's the lion and I'm the lamb. As I edge closer towards him, the grass tickles underneath me.
"Your parents knew what they were doing when they named you."
I just look at him, anticipating what will happen next.
My eyes widen in shock as he shifts his body towards me, never leaving my gaze along the way. His soft lips seem inches away from mine now and the space between us slowly decreases, and suddenly we meet and my senses are paralysed.
His lips move expertly against mine and his hand creeps around to pull me closer, and my own run through his wild hair, gripping him tightly. His subtle smell fills me and numbs my brain and I gasp as the kiss intensifies.
Suddenly, I bolted straight up in my bed, catching my breath while Edward eyed me curiously across the room. I gulped in lungfuls of air greedily, feeling hot and completely breathless.
Oh my goodness.
"Is something wrong, Bella?" he asked, joining my side. My head was filled with impure thoughts and I placed my head in my hands, trying to displace them.
It wasn't working.
What the hell was that dream all about? Well, I know what it was about but I was still just confused.
"Bella?" he repeated, clearly concerned now. "Please tell me what's wrong."
I eventually looked up to meet his eyes and was instantly attacked with images from my way too vivid dream. I was in disbelief at how real everything had been; it was a little scary and I could still replay every moment in my head.
"Bad dream," I managed, giving him a small smile. That was a complete lie and I hoped it didn't show. According to Rose, my mouth twitches when I lie. "Never mind me," I added for good measure.
His eyebrows pulled together; crumbs, he didn't believe me. "Are you sure you're alright?"
I nodded enthusiastically, nearly giving myself whiplash. "What's the time?" Change of subject - always good.
Turning around in my bed, I checked the clock and realised that it was an hour before I should start getting ready for school. I groaned and slumped backwards, knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep anymore. The pillows inflated around me and I heard Edward chuckle.
Oh God... I desperately hoped I hadn't talked in my sleep. That had been a habit of mine in the past and I cringed to myself. During an unfortunate sleepover, Rose completely took the mick and recorded the whole event of me sleeptalking with her video camera. I think she still has it stashed away somewhere in her cupboard as evidence... one day I'll have to sneak in and destroy the stupid thing.
"Are you staying awake now?" he asked.
"Yeah, my mind's crazy at the moment," I laughed lightly. Understatement. "We could maybe talk for a bit?"
He nodded. "Sure. That sounds great."
Despite how hard I tried, it wasn't long before my thoughts automatically moved back towards the dream and, on the whole, I just couldn't understand what it was about. I knew I was frustrated about not being able to touch Edward so maybe all my frustrations were let out in this form...
The kiss was something I couldn't explain, though.
Maybe it was a... oh God no, please don't make it be a crush. Please. I could really do without fancying a ghost.
"Bella?"
I'd done it again; completely drifted off. "Sorry, Edward. What did you say?"
"This dream has really affected you hasn't it?" he said softly. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
I shook my head. "Sorry. Not really. What were you saying?" I stared at him for a moment; it would certainly be reasonable to like Edward. But this feeling was more powerful compared to Jasper Whitlock. Way more powerful.
It was scaring me.
"I was just saying how nice it was of my uncle to let you play his piano everyday after school," he smiled.
I blinked, realising I'd been in a daze again. "Yeah, yeah. I felt so embarrassed asking him though!"
"He didn't mind, you could tell. He was really willing."
I smiled this time. "He's really friendly."
"Yeah. Hopefully I'll be able to get to know him."
"It's good to be optimistic. Makes a change."
He paused for a brief moment. "He's going to want to visit me in hospital soon."
I nodded. "Probably. Do you want him to?"
It looked as though he was considering this for a moment; his face furrowed as he concentrated. "Well, I guess I have no choice really. I can't exactly stop him from doing so and he works there most days anyway. It's humbling that he's actually taking an interest."
"Well, he is a member of your family."
"I'm just not used to people really caring," he admitted.
"Sorry," I murmured. "But Edward, he'll be expecting me to be there with him. I said so."
He just nodded.
"Should I go to visit you, then?" I asked slowly.
He shook his head so fast that I thought it was dangerous; he was mirroring my actions from earlier but in a negative manner. "No. No. You can't."
"Well, why not?" I demanded. "You'll let Carlisle go but not me. I don't quite understand."
Sighing, he replied, "It's... it's different with you."
"How?" I asked, a little too fiercely.
"I... I just don't want you seeing me, Bella. I can't explain... it's not something you should have to see. Carlisle is used to it, but it might distress you."
"Isn't that up to me to decide?"
He winced. "Bella, just... please? I don't want you to see me... it just wouldn't be right."
"Why?" I persisted. He was circling around the issue, never giving me a proper answer, and I was beginning to feel a little agitated.
"Bella, my injuries were pretty severe and I don't want you to see that. It's not something that someone who you l-" He paused, his eyes widening. He then stared at the floor and didn't reply for a while. Eventually, he murmured, "It's not something you should have to see, that's all. I'm sorry, I really am."
I nodded in defeat, knowing nothing was going to happen. "Alright. I think I'm gonna get up now."
He opened his mouth to say something but I interrupted.
"Please can I have some privacy? I need to change."
He left then, and I felt a mixture of guilt and even more frustration.
School was depressingly boring, but then again that was nothing new. It was the same old routine and Edward was quieter than usual, probably wary of my tiny outburst from this morning. I still felt quite bad, even though it was really his fault. A little explanation surely couldn't be so difficult?
Despite this, there was some interesting news regarding Rose and Emmett, and she told me all about it during lunch while Edward listened on, rolling his eyes every now and then. I'd grown to learn that he couldn't really tolerate Rose and this did make me laugh, even though it shouldn't.
"I went to visit Emmett at home the other day," she told me, grinning a little. While she spoke, she toyed with her apple juice carton, breaking away the packaging. Thank goodness it was empty... "And we've decided to get back together."
My eyes widened. "Oh," I managed after a moment. "Oh, that's... that's a nice surprise!"
She smiled. "We were just meant to be. He realised that it was all a stupid misunderstanding."
"Misunderstanding?" I repeated in disbelief. "But you did kiss Jasper."
She dismissed this with a quick wave of her perfectly manicured hand. "Never mind that."
"How is he now, anyway? Do you know?" I asked. She looked confused. "Jasper, I mean."
"Oh, I think he's fine," she replied briefly. "Emmett wasn't really that violent."
I scoffed at this moment, my orange juice nearly going up my nose. As a result I started coughing manically, actually in pain, while Edward just watched on in amusement, as usual. I was starting to think he enjoyed witnessing my tiny misfortunes...
When the bell for the end of the day finally rang, I genuinely believed I could jump for joy and do a little happy dance.
However, I remained dignified and walked back to my truck with Edward, suddenly feeling very excited about going over Carlisle's house. He'd actually given me a spare key seeing as he was still working at the hospital and this clearly showed that he trusted me. We hadn't really known eachother for that long but it still made me feel a little warm inside and I was really pleased about having such a wonderful place to myself.
Well, along with Edward of course.
We talked happily during the journey and, luckily, this morning's incident seemed to be forgotten. I couldn't help wondering, though, if Carlisle was going to visit Edward after his shift. And I couldn't help thinking about my dream either.
Edward was good looking after all and we had bonded...
A few minutes later we found ourselves inside the wonderful house again, looking around in awe, and the beautiful piano was waiting in front of us.
I suddenly felt a little nervous.
"Um, Edward, I'm probably gonna be rubbish... maybe this isn't such a good idea."
He shook his head. "No, you're not going to bail out now. Sit down there."
I didn't move, surprised by his authoritative tone.
"Please?" he added, smiling angelically. I was helpless.
I sighed, sitting down in front of the keys. In all honesty, I felt a little lost.
"Right," he said, kneeling beside me. "I'll have to teach you the basics first. Place your hand there." I did as he ordered, my finger hovering over a key. "That's an A. The key next to it is B, then C, and so on all the way through to G, and then it repeats itself. This C here closest to the middle of the piano is called the middle C."
"That's logical," I replied helpfully.
"Now the black keys are called the sharps or flats, depending on whether or not they are high or low." I nodded along, slightly engrossed by the expression on his face as he explained.
As the hours passed by, he taught me more and more, and did it in such a way that I was just in awe. He made everything simple and would really make a brilliant music teacher. I told him this but he just shrugged it off, clearly embarrassed.
By the end of our time there I was able to read some notes, with help, even though I was still a little shaky, and I could play the tune to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star which, to me, was a fantastic achievement, and I was beaming when we walked back towards the truck.
"Am I any good?" I asked, starting up the engine.
He nodded. "Yeah, you seem to be naturally talented." His smile was so wide and it seemed to make his eyes sparkle; I'd never seen him look so happy. "It was wonderful hearing some piano music again, even if it was a nursery rhyme."
I grumbled. "It's a nice enough tune."
He laughed. "I guess. But you're always easily amused."
I didn't comment on that. "Maybe I could buy some kind of piano CD," I suggested. "Y'know, if you're missing the music."
He thought for a moment. "That's not a bad idea actually. If you wouldn't mind, that is..."
"It'd be my pleasure."
I could feel him looking at me and began to feel a little paranoid. "Bella," he suddenly said, "you've done so much for me. You really didn't have to help me, yet you did." He paused. "Why did you help me?"
I shrugged. "I had to. You wouldn't stop pestering me if I didn't."
"No, seriously, Bella? Why did you?"
His eyes bored into mine and I swallowed shakily. "I don't know... it seemed as though I was the only person who could. Only I could see you, remember?" I smiled at the end and he did so too, only briefly, though.
"I guess. Were there any other reasons?"
"I wanted to help you, Edward," I replied honestly.
"Okay." He seemed happy and convinced with my answer. "Thank you."
"You're starting to repeat yourself," I teased. "It's seriously fine. It's been my pleasure."
We looked at eachother for a while and I knew then exactly what was happening. It terrified me, but it was blindingly clear that I was falling for Edward. It was a really bad thing to happen; he was a ghost for goodness' sake, but I just couldn't stop myself. I loved his company, everything seemed natural between us, he made me smile, he was really good looking...
Ah, crumbs.
We arrived home after a few minutes and I just stared ahead over the wheel, my thoughts whirling around. It had sure taken me long enough to have this epiphany but it was now startlingly obvious.
"Okay?"
I heard his deep voice and closed my eyes automatically, the sound seemingly to reinforce my newly-found feelings.
This really wasn't good.
Turning towards him, I managed a smile, feeling a little ashamed of myself. This really could end badly and it was highly likely; the odds were against me.
"Yeah," I murmured weakly.