For Your Eyes Only

Chapter Sixteen - When He Woke Up

The trip to the hospital was absolutely unbearable.

I was racing along the roads the whole way, trying to ignore the possibility and niggle at the back of my mind at being caught by the police. The traffic seemed to be against me, too, because there were several infuriating jams and times when I had to stop for long periods of time, trapped between several cars. It often involved me slamming the steering wheel in complete frustration and considering sprinting the rest of the way.

When I was about five minutes away, I started to really panic. This was a huge moment and something that I'd been thinking about for months. My mind was whirling around, stuck on repeat like a broken record. Would he remember me? What would happen then if he didn't? No, no, of course he would. You've had some great times together - he wouldn't just forget. But what if he had? I wouldn't even have been able to say goodbye. He'd be like a stranger now...

I heard some brakes screech in front of me and narrowly escaped crashing into a car that was overtaking me. I didn't even glance at the driver because the hospital was just about in my view and I decided to pull over again like I had earlier. To my surprise, my whole body was shaking and I could barely grip the wheel anymore. I tried running my hands through my hair to relieve some of the stress but I ended up making a mess of myself.

I wound down the window, with a lot of effort considering it was such a stiff and old truck, and placed my head on the wheel, relishing in the refreshing and cool evening air blowing against my skin.

"Come on, Bella," I muttered aloud to myself. "It'll be okay. It'll be okay."

The pep talk never works in reality.

After a few minutes, I restarted the engine and carefully finished the journey to the hospital. There was no way I was going to be with Edward now exactly when he woke up, but as long as I was actually there, then that was okay. I think.

The parking lot seemed threatening to me; it was full of cars and seemed packed and claustrophobic. I knew I was being ridiculous and slowly parked the truck and stepped outside. My legs were like jelly beneath me and I somehow found my way to the entrance, working my way between the vehicles.

In the reception area I stammered away to the woman behind the counter, desperately asking her where Edward's ward was. Seconds after she told me, I rushed up the stairs, not even bothering to wait for the elevator. I could barely breathe when I reached the top; maybe it wasn't such a good idea with my asthma, and I leant against the wall, fighting the pain in my chest to stagger forwards.

I swallowed loudly and looked up to see Carlisle step out into the corridor. He glanced around and as soon as he caught my gaze, he rushed over and placed his hands softly on my shoulders.

"Bella, are you alright? You look very pale."

"I... I ran up the s-stairs," I told him. "Sorry, I've just been r-rushing around. I p-panicked after your phonecall."

He nodded. "Well, just take some long, deep breaths, keep calm. It'll be alright."

I followed his instructions and calmed down a tiny bit. "Is he awake?"

"No, not quite, but he keeps stirring," he said, leading me down to the room. "He'll be awake during the hour I should think."

The blood began pounding in my ears and made everything around me buzz strangely. "Gosh." I was going to see Edward. I was actually going to see him!

We reached a door and I couldn't quite manage looking through the window and inside just yet. Instead, I turned my back and leant against it, facing Carlisle. "Is this it?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yes." After a moment's pause, he frowned. "Did you say you've visited him before?"

I hoped it wasn't too obvious that I was lying. "Uh... yeah. Has he changed m-much? It's been a w-while."

"Not too much. He's still quite bruised, but I'm sure he'll be relieved to see you."

"I hope so," I whispered.

He met my eyes steadily. "Ready now?"

No. "I... I don't know."

I felt his arms on my shoulders again; it was a soothing gesture and my breathing momentarily steadied. I suddenly wanted my father here. "Okay," I murmured quietly. "Let's do this."

My hand gripped on the handle and I closed my eyes once more, before letting us both inside. I could barely breathe once we were past the door and my eyes were becoming blurred by the hastily gathering tears, but we persisted slowly forward.

Then, all of a sudden, he was in front of us and in my vision.

Seeing Edward lying there completely still on the crisp hospital bed was both strange and breathtaking at the same time. The word that came to mind was surreal; it was a bit like seeing your true reflection for the first time instead of the one that always greets you in the mirror. He was the same, but just a little bit different.

I was accustomed to seeing him in his ghostly manner; almost transparent and nearly always looking lost. But in front of me now was his body - his physical, real body that I could touch and hold. His flesh and bones.

It was all very overwhelming.

Despite this, he was still beautiful. I continued to greedily look at him; his wild bronze hair that probably hadn't been brushed for weeks, his defined cheekbones, his lips.

I couldn't wait to see his eyes properly.

It was understandable why he hadn't wanted me to see him, though; compared to his lively ghostly self, he looked helpless and really weak. His skin, what I could see of it, was covered in purplish-yellow bruises and he had several wounds, some of which had stitches.

His left leg was in plaster, but I couldn't see anything more because the sky blue cover was pulled up and over his chest. He looked a little thin too, probably because he'd been fed by a drip for the past few weeks.

Oh Edward.

"When d-do you think he'll wake up?" I asked Carlisle quietly, surprised that my voice was quite strong.

"You've asked me that before."

I didn't take my eyes off Edward, but smiled anyway. "Oh, sorry. I forgot. My mind's turned to mush."

"It's really unpredictable," he answered with a chuckle, and I wondered if he was referring to Edward or my mind. "But I'm sure he'll wake up when he's ready." That gave me my answer.

I turned around briefly and gave him another small smile, even though I was unbelievably frustrated. At the same time I felt anxious; my thoughts had travelled once more along the path of wondering about whether Edward would actually remember me. I tried not to think about that too much because it made me panic; the thoughts of him losing all the memories of our time together was heartbreaking.

I edged slowly towards Edward and took a seat beside him, carefully leaning forwards and toying with the idea of clutching his hand. I glanced at Carlisle for approval and he nodded. "Feel free, I'm sure it'll comfort him when he wakes up."

My head nodded rigidly and I gradually reached over to clutch his hand. I was afraid at how fragile he would be, but I slowly entwined my fingers between his and the tingle that shot up through my arm took my breath away.

I'd wanted to do this for so long and now that I had, I felt pathetically close to crying.

My thumb stroked his hand in soothing circles, an action that just felt so right, and I took a closer look at him. This was just so surreal... it had to be a dream. Just to check, I pinched myself with my free hand and winced at the sharp pain. Nope, it was real enough.

I glanced back over at him and just watched him for a moment. He seemed peaceful at the moment. Please remember me Edward. Please.

A sudden movement of his eyebrow caught my attention and completely replaced my previous thoughts. "Oh my God," I gasped. "Did you see that? Did he just move, Carlisle or am... am I imagining things?"

I expected the answer to be the latter, but there was a rush of movement as he joined my side and squinted over to inspect the patient.

"Edward?" I whispered, gripping his hand tighter. "Edward, it's B-Bella. Can you hear me?" I paused and there was no response. No. My mind raced around desperately. "Uh, squeeze my hand if you can. Please, Edward."

We waited with held breath and then, in a wonderful moment, his fingers moved briefly around my own. It was a small gesture, but it meant so much.

He was waking up. He was actually waking up.

I suddenly felt very nervous and very excited at the same time. It was a dangerous combination.

A groan came from his lips and my stomach practically flipped in response. I knew that groan so well and had to resist the urge to laugh.

This was really it. Oh God, oh God...

His eyelids began fluttering and the expectation I felt was staggering. I felt sick. His head moved briefly from side to side and then, agonisingly slowly, he opened his eyes and frantically looked around the room, clearly disorientated and trying desperately to focus. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he sucked in nervous gulps of air.

His gaze eventually landed on me and it felt as though the breath had left my lungs. His eyes were just beautiful. I'd never seen such a bright colour; they were so close to resembling emeralds.

But one thing that terrified me was the look of confusion in them. He frowned and opened his mouth gradually.

"Don't exert yourself, Edward," Carlisle suddenly said and I jumped; I'd completely forgotten that he was still here. Strangely, Edward's eyes didn't move away from mine and I blinked wildly, trying to will away the once again gathering tears.

I'd had so many dreams about this moment and now it just didn't feel real.

He continued to stare at me for an endless amount of time. I waited impatiently and he suddenly cleared his throat painfully. I expected him to say something, but he just carried on looking puzzled.

Oh God.

A whimper and oddly muffled sound escaped my lips suddenly. I knew it. He didn't know who I was. He'd forgotten. The weight of this crashed down on me and I had the sudden urge to run away. This room was too claustrophobic. Everything was today.

All the memories... they were worth nothing now.

I made another weird sound and started to stand up, but I suddenly felt his grip tighten on mine.

"Strange n-noises again?"

The croaky voice caught me completely by surprise and my eyes widened. Because of this, the moisture from there overflowed and trailed down my cheeks and onto our clasped hands. Edward had just spoken to me... Did that mean...?

"Y-You... Edward, you r-remember me?"

He just stared at me for a moment and then smiled, that wonderful crooked smile of his that I loved. "Of course I know you, Bella. How c-could I forget you?"

Everything seemed so perfect at that time and I threw my arms around him carefully, finally cherishing a hug that I'd always longed for. It felt amazing; better than I could have ever imagined.

"Wow, Bella," I suddenly heard Edward say from underneath me. "I can't believe I'm actually touching you." He paused. "Oh, that sounds quite w-weird. Ignore that," he chuckled.

I smiled against his hair, resisting the urge to run my fingers through it madly; that would probably scare him. "No," I gasped. "It r-really doesn't." In fact, it was more or less exactly what I was thinking myself.

He seemed to inhale at this point and I felt his warm breath against my ear. Wow. "Bella, you smell really good. I'd always wondered what you smelt like... your hair is just like strawberries."

"It's the shampoo," I replied.

"Can you get banana flavoured shampoo?"

I edged backwards to take a look at his face; he seemed perfectly serious and genuinely curious. "Uh... I should think so." I answered. "But don't you think strawberries smell better than bananas? You'd be walking around resembling a monkey. Or you'd attract them. Imagine that!"

He laughed, the skin around his eyes crinkling. He seemed to wince as he did so. "Ow, that hurt."

I looked at the marks on his face. "You're probably stretching your wounds or something. Be careful."

He grimaced. "You'll just have to stop making me laugh for a while."

"I'll try," I grinned.

I couldn't believe this was happening. We were being incredibly close, as though we had known each other for a long time, as well as intimate, so much so that it made my heart pound wildly and my head spin.

I suddenly remembered that Carlisle was here when he cleared his throat behind us. Crumbs.

We pulled apart and I turned around to meet him, my cheeks flooding with heat. "Sorry, Carlisle, we got a bit carried away there."

He chuckled heartily and glanced at Edward. "It's perfectly fine. How are you feeling, anyway?"

Edward tried to move and winced, clearly regretting it. "A bit sore, actually."

Carlisle smiled. "That's expected... I suppose you don't know who I am, then?"

Edward frowned and started, "Yes I..." Then he realised that he shouldn't know about Carlisle and shook his head frantically, making him wince again. "Ow, I really shouldn't do that," he said to me and I rolled my eyes at him. "Be careful."

He looked back to Carlisle to finish his sentence. "Sorry, no, I don't think I know you... are you a doctor here?"

Carlisle nodded. "You could say that." He turned to face me, smiling. "Well, it looks like we have a lot of catching up to do."

I looked at Edward and tried to forget everything else apart from what was happening at that moment. I wanted to remember it forever as being perfect and I knew deep down that I always would. "Yes," he sighed, "we really do."