Happy Wednesday everyone.

Thank you so much for all the lovely comments on the last chapter. I'm so glad you're all enjoying TC.

Thank you to Christine, for being the best of the best.

And thanks to Sofi for the support.

Hope you enjoy this chapter, too!

One breath, two breaths, three breaths.

That's how long it took for Blaine's footsteps to fade away and for Kurt to be completely alone in the studio.

The fourth one came out ragged, hand in hand with a sob that Kurt hadn't even expected. Something deep inside of him seemed to be breaking, fracturing. It was as if his chest had been hollowed out and the emptiness inside it hurt, like a black hole sucking every hope and every dream Kurt had ever carried close to his heart. Everything vanished.

There was nothing.

When he had arrived and had heard singing, he knew before he saw him that it was Blaine. There had been a tingling inside of him that he hadn't been able to explain, and something invisible pulled him into the studio. He had stood there in absolute awe as he sang and he had checked his mark – still yellow. But Kurt was determined not to leave this room until he made sure it didn't change colors when he met Blaine.

He had imagined Blaine would look at him, as amazed as he would be, if his mark was orange. He had imagined Blaine would lift his own hand and reveal Kurt's initials on his skin in the very same color. He had imagined Blaine would trace the BA with his fingertip, gently, just as Kurt had done a million times since he was sixteen years old.

He had imagined they would smile at each other, both awkward but at the same time more comfortable than they had ever been in their lives. Everything would magically fall into place. The search would be over.

He hadn't imagined Blaine would simply run away from him. He hadn't imagined his own soulmate would want nothing to do with him.

Had this ever happened to anyone before? He had never heard of it. He had never heard of someone rejecting their soulmate. His chest heaved as he thought of it: he had waited for Blaine for so long, had searched for him, had held hope like it was a fragile wounded bird, close and safe, only for Blaine to take one look at him and not want him.

Blaine didn't want him.

Kurt Hummel was proud. He had always been proud, even when things were hard for him. The confidence had been harder to acquire, but he had finally become confident, too. Confident of who he was, what he wanted. And he had made himself a happy life, like his father had told him, as not to depend on anyone else, not even on his soulmate. He owned who he was, owned every decision that had taken him to exactly where he was, he held his head high…

And yet, right now, he couldn't help feeling a prickle of shame, of insecurity, of fear: I'm not enough. All it took was one look and he knew I was not enough for him. He's my soulmate and he doesn't want me.

His head seemed to become foggy with these thoughts, as they swirled fast and unstoppable. It was a miracle he heard the steps at all – he was dizzy. But he heard them, and they were too numerous and the voices too cheerful to be Blaine. He wiped quickly at his eyes and hurried out of the studio and in the other direction. He didn't want to see anyone. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, either.

He sneaked into one of the back offices and waited until he heard them all inside the studio before he headed for the elevator. Blaine said he was going to come back, and after searching for him so long, Kurt suddenly didn't want to see him.

Everything felt broken, out of place. Even himself.

And there was only one person who could help him put himself back together.

The entire day seemed to go like he was on automatic. He was sure he had sucked at rehearsal – he was distracted, nervous, constantly looking over his shoulder, expecting Kurt to be in the room again – and he knew he couldn't afford it. He had to be good, he didn't want to lose the part.

But Blaine also wasn't sure if he could afford to have Kurt that close to him.

He couldn't think, but at the same time, it was the only thing he could do. It was just that his thoughts were hazy, strange. He felt like he was trapped inside a giant bubble and everything from the outside world was distorted, odd, unusual. He floated inside of it for the entire day, until he made it home, feeling numb.

As soon as he made it through the front door, he ripped the Band-Aid off his wrist. The letters KH were orange.

He felt like he was going to be sick.

"Hey, you're home!" Sam said. He was coming out of the bathroom, only a towel around his waist, his blonde hair dripping on his face. His abs were ridiculous. "How was your first day at…? Blaine? Are you alright? You look really pale."

He must have looked as bad as he felt because Sam was suddenly in front of him, grabbing his arms and guiding him to the couch, as if he thought Blaine's legs were going to give out any minute now. Blaine wasn't sure – he might be right.

Sam's eyes searched his face, worried. "Were you mugged? Did you fall? Do you have a concussion? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

Blaine's brain was buzzing so loudly that he couldn't quite find the words to answer to any of Sam's questions. So he simply lifted his hand and showed him his wrist.

The smile bloomed on Sam's face so quickly it was almost comical. Blaine would have laughed if he wasn't freaking out inside. "You found him!"

"He found me," Blaine said quietly. He looked down at his wrist again. He rubbed at the initials, as if waiting for the orange to disappear, for the mark to turn yellow, or even white, again.

"That's amazing. What's he like? What…" Sam was babbling excitedly, but he paused when he saw the look on Blaine's face. "Why the long face? You look like you saw a ghost rather than your soulmate. You should be happy. Or is he like, super fugly?"

Blaine took a deep breath to keep the nausea at bay. "He's probably the most gorgeous man I've seen in my life."

"Then what's the problem?" Sam asked, clearly confused. When Blaine didn't say anything, he frowned. "Don't tell me you're still being an idiot about this…"

"I'm not an idiot, Sam," Blaine said. He finally felt like his legs could support him. He felt restless, like he couldn't sit still for another second. The numbness of the day seemed to melt away, and now he had too much energy, more than he knew how to deal with. "I've always said I didn't want this."

The groan Sam let out was pretty spectacular. He was clearly frustrated. "What are you talking about? How could you not want this?" He practically screamed. "What did you tell him?"

"I… he asked to see my mark after he saw his own had changed colors, and I said no," Blaine said. He was a little embarrassed about how rude he had been. But Kurt had caught him with his guard down – he was still feeling so raw after seeing his parents that weekend, after everything that had happened, and Kurt finding him then… it had been bad timing. "He didn't seem to understand, but… I couldn't deal with it, not really. I wasn't expecting it to happen today…"

"It's not like you get a time and place to meet your soulmate, you imbecile!" Sam exclaimed. "It's supposed to be unexpected. It's supposed to be a shock!"

"I didn't know what to do!" Blaine said. He ran his hands through his hair, messing up the gel. "You know how I feel about this! I don't want a soulmate! I want to be in charge of my own life! I want to get to choose who I fall in love with!"

Sam looked at him like he was the stupidest person to walk on Earth. "Alright, fine. You wanted to get to choose. Like being gay is a choice?"

Blaine glared at him. "That's not the same thing. I didn't choose to be gay, Sam!"

"Yes, it's the same. You have no say on this, Blaine. It just happens. You fall in love with a boy, and that's that. You can't force yourself to love anyone. Love chooses for you. You are not in charge of this, you do understand that, right?"

"It's just a mark…" Blaine said faintly.

"Look," Sam interrupted, clearly done with his shit. "Believe whatever the hell you want, but that's not going to change the fact that you will not get to decide who to love. I don't know, no one knows really, how soulmate marks work. But as far as I'm concerned, they are amazing. We have this little piece of someone with us, all of our lives, whether we find them right away or not. Don't you think it's a beautiful thing, not to feel alone, knowing there's someone out there thinking of you? I think it's comforting. It's wonderful. And you are not the exception to that rule, Blaine, no matter how much you try to deny it. I get that someone used that mark to hurt you, and I won't tell you to just get over it because I'm not a jerk. I know you need to learn to trust again. But you also need to know that what happened to you is special – no one gets their mark at fifteen and yet you did. You got it before anyone else. That was just how strong your bond to KH was. And you're going to let it go to waste because you're afraid? I didn't think you were a coward."

Blaine hadn't realized he had started crying halfway through Sam's little speech. He only realized it when his vision was blurry. He pointed a stubborn finger at his best friend. "I'm not a coward," he said shakily, but he knew he was.

He had always been a coward.

Sam sighed sadly. "I don't want to upset you, Blaine. I don't want to make you feel bad. I love you. You're my brother. But… I think you're making a huge mistake, and I hate to see you waste this chance. And haven't you thought about what it must have felt for him, you saying no?"

No, Blaine hadn't exactly stopped to think about how Kurt would feel. He had been too worried about himself, like the selfish little jerk he was. The guilt began to flood him just as the broken sink had flooded the apartment.

"There was a time when you were desperate to find him. What if he still feels like that? What if you broke his heart today? Do you think he deserved that, just because you had a bad experience before? It wasn't his fault, Blaine," Sam said quietly.

Blaine let himself fall back on the couch right next to his friend. "I feel like shit. I don't… I don't know what to do. I told myself I didn't want this, that I didn't need it. And now Kurt found me and…"

Sam nudged his shoulder with his. He smiled, softly. "So his name is Kurt?"

"Yeah," Blaine said. He ran his hand through his hair again, messing it up beyond fixing. "He's the costume designer. And he… he's actually dating one of the producers. So I when I first heard his name, I didn't think it was possible that it was him." He fell back against the couch and his eyes widened when he realized what he had just said. "Oh god, he's dating one of the producers. I'm going to get fired."

"Look, let's just focus on one thing at a time, alright? That might get complicated, but we'll cross that bridge when it's time," Sam said, patting his knee. "First you need to figure out what you're going to do. I know you don't want my advice, but I think you should find him and apologize. Whether things work out between the two of you or not, he deserves at least that."

Blaine nodded slowly. He once again felt like his head was too full. There was a headache building at his temples. "I just…" he muttered. He was about to voice something he had never said to anyone, not even Sam. "I just can't help thinking, you know? My parents, the people who were supposed to always have my back, to love me despite everything, have never been very interested in me. So what if… what if Kurt doesn't care for me, either? What if I'm not what he expected? Maybe he did search for me for a very long time… and what if what he finds is a disappointment? I know this is supposed to be the one perfect thing in our lives, that's why we're destined to be together, but… what if I'm the exception to every rule?"

Sam smiled sadly at him. "Blaine, I can't tell you how this story is going to end. No one can. Especially if you don't let it begin in the first place. And I know that your parents really messed with your head. I'm sorry about that, I really am. But I know you – better than they do, better than anyone else – and I can tell you, without a single doubt, that there's no way he would be disappointed. There's no way he won't fall in love with you as soon as you give him a chance. You're the most wonderful guy I know. And because you're the most wonderful guy I know, I want you to be happy. You've waited for such a long time for happiness, Blaine… it might be here, knocking at your door. Why don't you answer already?"

Blaine let out a trembling exhale. There were tears in his eyes when he smiled at Sam. "You're the best and I have no idea what I did to deserve you."

"I'm here. For whatever happens," Sam said, nudging their shoulders together once more.

"Thanks. But could you be here with your clothes on?" He asked, as he wiped his eyes. "Your torso is highly distracting and I might be about to get a new boyfriend, if I haven't screwed it up forever."

Sam threw his head back and laughed. "Atta boy. Go get him."

Blaine still felt like he was going to be sick – he wasn't entirely sure what he wanted to do, but the one thing he was sure about was that he wanted to apologize to Kurt for blowing him off like that.

The rest would have to sort itself out. Blaine wasn't used to leaving things up to fate, not anymore, but he felt like maybe it was time.

After a sleepless night, Blaine arrived at rehearsal the following morning feeling like he had been run over by a truck. Sam had given him a cup of coffee and a friendly, encouraging pat on the back before sending him on his way, but he still felt a little nauseous. He hadn't yet decided what he was going to do. The only thing he knew was that he needed to apologize. The rest… it was still pretty blurry in his head.

Did he want a relationship? Sure, yeah, everyone wanted to find love, eventually. Did he want to get to know his soulmate? That was a harder question to answer. It felt like there was too much at stake – he still was scared that Kurt would look at him and only see all the ways in which he was inadequate. Would he look at him and see him like his parents saw him? What was it that made them see him that way?

It was too heavy a question for this early in the morning. Blaine gulped down half of his coffee before he even made it to the subway station.

Most of the cast was already in the studio, looking sleepy, when he arrived. He said hello to them, trying to be as friendly as possible despite the nerves nestling in his belly. He wanted them to like him – he was always hearing stories about how Broadway shows casts were like a tight-knit family. He wanted to feel that kind of companionship, of camaraderie…

Unless Adam Crawford fired him for being his boyfriend's soulmate.

It was as if he summoned him – as soon as that thought had popped into his head, Adam walked into the studio, smiling and clapping his hands to get everyone's attention. He was all British charm and poise with a spoonful of hipster style. The grey beanie he had on seemed out of place, considering how high the temperature was today.

"Hey everyone! Welcome to rehearsal, day two!" He said, and some people whooped. The enthusiasm was palpable. "I'm very happy to see you all again today. I heard you worked really hard yesterday, and I want to see some of that today as well."

Was it Blaine, or did Adam glance his way over and over again? Blaine tried to shake off the feeling that he had done something wrong – though he had. Adam probably looked at him because he was the lead. A lot in this musical was riding on his shoulders.

Right?

He wished his inner voice sounded more convincing.

"Now, we passed around your schedules yesterday," Adam continued. "And I'm afraid we already need to make some changes to them. All of you had an appointment with Kurt Hummel, our costume designer, set for the next week or two, but those are cancelled until further notice."

Blaine couldn't ignore the pang of concern that travelled through him. Was Kurt alright? Was it his fault that he wasn't going to be working with them? Or had he and Adam gotten into a fight?

Stacy, bless her nosy heart, was raising her hand like she was in school. "What's wrong with Mr. Hummel? Is he stepping out? Will we have a new costume designer?"

Adam didn't look particularly inclined to answer those questions, and it seemed like it bothered him having to give explanations, because his tone became a little sourer as he said: "He has to deal with some personal matters that came up unexpectedly. He's out of town."

Blaine felt his stomach twisting. It had to be his fault, right? Kurt had seemed perfectly okay the day before, until Blaine became the rudest person alive. He could have tried to brush off the feeling that he had something to do with it, but now it was completely unmistakable: Adam was looking at him, and he didn't seem pleased.

Adam quickly thanked them all for their attention before Milton took over, separating them into groups to work on different scenes. It was hard shifting his focus back to the work he had to do, when all he could hear was his own voice echoing in his head: You idiot, you ruined it, you ruined it, you ruined it. You hurt him. He ran away. You missed your chance. This is why everyone thinks you're a disappointment. You can't do anything right…

Milton came towards him to give him some directions and Blaine tried to shake away everything else. Still, he found himself wondering over and over again where Kurt was and if he was okay.

But mostly, though, what the voice in the back of his head kept wondering was if he was ever going to see him again.

The mug was slid across the table wordlessly. Kurt glanced up from his intertwined hands – his eyes had been fixed on his mark, the orange letters too evident against his pale skin – and saw his father, sitting before him, a kind smile on his face.

It was probably childish, to run back home like that. Kurt was an adult now, there were things he needed to deal with on his own. But he had only been able to think about his dad since the moment Blaine walked away. If someone had an explanation, if someone had the way to make him understand why this had happened, then it was his dad. He was the only one with enough power to make the world a more logical place.

It was too warm outside for tea, but deep down inside, Kurt felt a coldness he couldn't quite shake off. He wrapped his fingers around the mug gratefully.

"You still haven't answered my question," Kurt murmured quietly. "Which makes me think you know I won't like the answer at all."

"Not exactly," Burt said with a sigh. "The truth is I don't really have an answer for you, Kurt. This whole soulmate thing… it's not exactly science, I don't think. There's no way to know how it works. There are no certainties. It's not like it follows a pattern, and it's not the same for everyone."

"I'm not asking you to write a thesis on the chemistry and biology of soulmate marks and their consequences," Kurt retorted a little frustrated. The frustration wasn't aimed at his father, though, not really. He had been carrying inside of him since leaving New York. "I just want to know if you ever heard of this happening."

Burt removed his baseball cap. The hair on his head – which had been practically non-existent the last time Kurt had seen him already – was almost completely gone now, just a wisp here or there. Maybe Kurt could convince him to shave his head before he left. It would probably look better, neater.

Because he was going to leave, head back to New York, even if it was the least appealing idea to him right now. He still hadn't figured out how he was going to work on Out of Town, having to see Blaine all the time, knowing what he knew now, and pretend everything was okay.

He told himself it was ridiculous – mark or no mark, he didn't know the guy. They were absolute strangers. It shouldn't have mattered if Blaine liked him or not, aside from the professional implications. But somehow two little letters on his wrist made all the difference, and it was maddening. So maddening.

He knew what love between soulmates could be; he had seen many examples throughout his life: his mom and dad, Rachel and Finn, his dad and Carole, Santana and Brittany, and the many, many people he had come across since he had moved to New York. He had seen that what they shared was a more special bond than those who dated people they weren't destined to be with. He himself had experienced a long term, happy relationship with Adam, but there had always been something missing, something he couldn't explain. They had always been on the edge of a perfect connection, but had never quite tilted towards it.

And he had seen Blaine, heard him sing, and something in his chest had tightened, like there was an urgency inside of him that came out of nowhere, something that tried to pull him closer to him, something that told him that this was what he had been waiting for all his life. The change in his mark had been all the confirmation he had needed that this was going to be different to anything he had experienced before with boyfriends and crushes. This was more.

But then it had been nothing, because Blaine didn't want him.

"No," Burt said at last, like it pained him to admit it. "No, Kurt, I've never heard of this happening before. People who never find their soulmate? Yeah, once or twice. People falling out of love and their marks going back from red to orange? Yeah, that's why divorce exists…"

"So I'm the exception," Kurt whispered, staring into his tea with something akin to despair. "Again. I'm always the odd one out."

"Look, we don't know what's going to happen," Burt told him. "You didn't give him more time to react, kiddo. As soon as he walked away, you did too. And you didn't only walk away: you left town entirely. Maybe he went back for you and you weren't there…"

"You didn't see him, dad. He was… so determined not to find me," Kurt said, thinking of the Band-Aid that had covered his mark. "Like he already knew he didn't care about me even before he saw me for the first time."

"Then it's nothing against you in particular," Burt shrugged, like it wasn't a big deal, like this wasn't piercing Kurt's heart. "Maybe he doesn't believe in soulmates. I heard there's people who are very seriously against the notion."

Kurt groaned. "And of course one of them had to be my soulmate. Makes sense. The universe has been against me all along. Why not give me the faulty soulmate connection too?"

"Don't say that, Kurt. I know you've had it rough, but you never put yourself in the role of the victim. Don't start now," Burt said with a frown.

"I'm tired, dad. Why do I always have to work twice as hard at everything?" Kurt wondered, and he knew his father didn't have an answer for that, either. "This was supposed to be the one easy thing. It was supposed to be my reward for everything else. It was supposed to feel like the most natural and simple thing in the world…"

"If someone deserves things to be easy, that's definitely you, Kurt, but I'm afraid that's not how it works," Burt said with a sad smile that looked more like a grimace. "Nothing is promised and nothing is guaranteed. If things were perfect and easy, your mom wouldn't have died so young, when we still needed her around, when she was supposed to see you grow up. If things were perfect and easy, Finn… Finn would still be here and Rachel's mark wouldn't be black. She wouldn't have lost him so soon, before they truly got to live."

There was a pang in Kurt's chest. God, he missed them. He missed his mom and he missed his brother and he wasn't sure he was ever going to get over it.

He wondered if he would have to live his life without Blaine, only to one day wake up and see that his mark had turned black.

The end of hope.

"I just…" he stammered, feeling like he was about to break. "I just don't know what to do."

"The only thing you can do right now, Kurt, is to keep going," Burt said, reaching across the table to place his big hand on his son's arm.

"I feel… incomplete," Kurt muttered, and he had guessed the face his father would make even before he made it. It was a bitter, disgruntled expression. "I know. You taught me to be myself, to not depend on others. But I've always kept this little space inside of me, where he was supposed to fit. Like a puzzle piece. And now I've met him and it's still empty."

His mind flashed back to Blaine singing, like he didn't have a care in the world, eyes closed, his voice soaring, and Kurt didn't know why he was performing like that, like he was exorcising every demon he had ever carried within him, but it had made goosebumps rise on his skin, all over him.

You're my missing puzzle piece, I'm complete, Blaine had sung, and Kurt's heart had pounded a bit harder.

But here he was now, with that puzzle piece in his hand, ready to fit it where it belonged and finding he couldn't, no matter how hard he tried.

The problem was that maybe it wasn't the puzzle piece that was defective – maybe it wasn't the puzzle piece's fault. Maybe it was the rest of the puzzle.

Maybe it was him. Maybe there was something truly wrong with him. And Kurt wanted to keep holding his head high, wanted to keep being proud of himself, of how far he'd gotten. But he just didn't know how to excuse Blaine's rejection.

All he knew was that he had spent years dreaming of this moment, thinking it would be the reward after struggling, after being bullied, after being looked down on, after having to prove himself over and over and over to be accepted. And it turned out that he wasn't accepted now either, not by Blaine, not by the person who was supposed to look at him and say yes, after everyone else had said no.

He had said no too.

So it definitely wasn't the puzzle piece.

There was something fundamentally wrong with Kurt, and he was scared to find out what it was.

"You'll be alright, kiddo," his father said, reassuringly. He was usually right.

But Kurt was starting to believe that this was the first time he would be wrong.

A little bit of heartbreak is necessary before everything falls into place. I promise the boys will be alright. They just need a little time :)

See you next week!

L.-