The Long Dark

XIX.

Burnt Bridges

Leon and Jill stared at each other as he warned, "They'll pull my clearance for this. I'm finished. You know what kind of future there is for a burned agent? They'll blacklist me in every agency from here to Hong Kong. They'll freeze my accounts, lock down my assets, and lock me out of my own life. I won't have to be The Ghost in name only anymore, Jill...they'll make sure I'm dead in this business."

Jill shook her head and answered, "They won't. You just saved potentially thousands of lives. American lives. They'll see that. They won't let you go, Leon. Don't you get it? You're worth so much more than you know."

He held her eyes and denied, "I'm worth nothing, Jill. Just another cog in the wheel. Just a weapon they created. With me gone, they'll create another. A more obedient dog on their leash. I'm nothing."

Without missing a beat, she breathed desperately, "Stop saying stupid shit. You? You're everything. And if they let you go, you'll come work with me. And we'll stop this...all of this...from ever happening again. If they don't want you? I'll take you."

He gruffed, "You got low standards if you're willing to take a disgrace."

"You're not a disgrace...ask any person you've ever saved what you are, Leon. The answer will be the same." When he just stared at her, she said, "...nobody asks to be the guy who saves people...sometimes...it's just what you're born to be."

When they kept holding eyes, she whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."

He shook his head, "I didn't either. We are who we are, Jill, and we are what we choose to be. And we both know that anyone we've lost...we tried like hell to stop it."

Without missing a beat, she answered, "...you couldn't save your sister, Leon, you know that. You know it."

He shook his head, "...it doesn't matter. I can save others...and that's what she would have wanted."

They held eyes. There was that moment again, that second when she knew they both needed a hug. Neither reached for it as he breathed, "...who told you about Natalia?"

Jill answered with a slight sound of loss, "...Rebecca...she wanted me to know what made you fight as you do. She wanted me to know why you're so fucking strong."

His jaw flexed once as Jill finished, "...the power doesn't come from the job, Leon...it comes from what makes you do it. You don't need their backing...because you've had the power all along."

He shook his head. He wanted to deny it. She knew that. He wanted to deny all of it. He didn't want to be thought of as noble. But he was. He was. Because he wouldn't ever stop, not when he had something waiting on him at home to protect.

It was the first real-time she envied him. And the first time, she knew he had everything to lose if he failed. He was trying to build a better world for what he would leave behind if he lost.

He could deny it with his dying breath, but that? That's what made a man into a savior.

As the wind tickled and the rain shivered, he finally grumbled, "...I'm so fucking sorry about Rebecca."

Her eyes burned. Jill felt her eyes tear as she whispered, "Me too...she's dead because of me."

He shook his head. She covered her mouth as a slight sound of pain emerged with the words she couldn't stop. "He wanted me for something, and he made that clear. There's something in me too."

When he rounded the table toward her, Jill gushed, "We're the same, you and I...we're both ruined from trying to save lives."

"You're not ruined, Jill."

"I am...I am. There's something in me worth killing for." And then she let go of the greatest fear she'd ever harbored, "...it's what you're afraid of too, right? That what was in you isn't really gone. What if I'm the same? What if it can be activated? What if-"

He caught her upper arms and dragged her forward. She went, her fingers looping around his vest at the shoulders and holding on, holding hard, as he held her upper arms and promised, "It's not. It's not a weapon in you, Jill...it's a cure."

She stiffened as he assured her, "Yeah...you survived the T-Virus. Whatever they want...it's the answer, not the trigger."

When she clung, he added, "We're in it together now, kid. I won't let them take you. And you can drag me to the end. Hell or high water. At this point, it may be just us anyway...god knows what happens now."

Softly, she returned, "...they'll promote you, you wonderful fool because we're going to save them. As many as we can."

"...or die trying."

Jill nodded solemnly. She held on to his words because she wanted comfort, cold as it was. She wanted the moment. She wanted to believe he was right, that they'd figure this out. That they'd make it to the end.

She wanted to believe they'd save lives and stop the darkness from inching closer to the world they were trying like hell to protect. Admitting it was cliche, but she wanted to believe good would win. She had to. It was the only way you kept picking up a weapon and charging into the fight.

Infections, rejections, lost jobs and friends, and horror up to your eyebrows - you had to believe. If you didn't, you were already dead, and you just didn't know enough to lie down and give up. And if there was one thing they understood in their business, it was the undead.

Hell, or high water.

It was time to decide what kind of warrior they wanted to be.

And what price they were willing to pay to become it.

He called in the National Guard to help with evacuations. Kevin coordinated with the local cops to assist. By the morning, things would be moving along as fast as possible.

They went in in the dark to evacuate whoever they could from the overrun village. Chris had been right; it was near total infestation. They pulled eight people from the wreckage of what had been a beautiful little town, and it wasn't enough. But it was something.

It was something.

Evacuating the neighboring villages would save so many lives that hadn't yet been infected. It had to be worth it. It had to be worth the effort.

It had to be.

Jill helped the townspeople gather supplies and prepare places for the evacuated citizens to come and stay. It was done as smoothly as possible. Everyone jumped at the opportunity to help, and Nolan and her deputies were the most gung-ho to assist. After all, these were friends and neighbors.

Jill was helping people prepare supplies when she realized that Shenmei and Chris were missing. The second she realized it, she noticed something else - the rest of Chris' men were happily helping, but most of them? They were also watching her.

It didn't take her long to realize she was being kept under surveillance. A quick study told her Leon was too. She was more curious than alarmed. Why? What was he up to that he wanted their locations constantly known? And what had he bugged?

Was he in cahoots with Shenmei for some reason? With Leon pulling the plug on the bombing, were they working their own agenda on the sidelines? It wouldn't surprise her. Taking matters into his own hands was all Chris really knew how to do. With all the losses he'd suffered on the job lately, he was more willing to fly in the face of the rules and achieve the desired results.

What was Shenmei hoping to achieve by working with him? Or was it just a coincidence that she was absent simultaneously?

Her mind offered - maybe they're fucking. Chris was perfectly happy to fuck when it suited him, but usually not on a mission. So that was unlikely. To be sure, she knocked on his room door and got no answer. She tried Shenmei's and received the same. She would have picked the lock and gone snooping, but her tail would report that she had.

When things started to wind down for the night, Jill figured it was as good a time as any to give Leon the heads up.

Jill approached Leon, aware she was being watched, where he stood talking with a soldier. He smiled softly as she took his wrist, apologized to the soldier he was talking to, and pulled him aside. She took him into an alley beside the Inn, even though she knew she'd be seen doing it, and made a choice to give the appearance it was personal.

He started to speak, and she wrapped her arms around his waist. Surprised, he wrapped her close, and she sighed, "I needed a hug."

He didn't say if he found that odd or out of character. He just hugged her back. This meant either he was just that good of a guy or was as aware as she was that they were being watched. She was betting a bit of both.

When the cold finally made her shiver in his arms, he invited, "Come on...let's get you inside."

"Good idea. I could use a drink." She let go of him. Too many ears here, too many eyes, and no privacy. She turned from the alley, crossed the street, and ducked into the bar. He followed her, brows furrowed, and she pushed into the bathroom while the sounds of evening conversation and music swirled around them.

The door slid shut, sealing them in, and Jill locked it.

The thump of sound became a murmur as she gripped a hand into his coat. The door bumped closed; she pressed him against it and said, "...I don't want to be sad tonight. Give me something else to think about."

And there was that look on his face - part good old-fashioned lust, part shrewd agent. He knew; she didn't need to read his mind to see it. He knew what this was.

When he started to answer, she shook her head and laid a finger on his lips, "...don't resist...just...follow my lead..." She watched the amusement flicker in his eyes. A clever dig, coupled with a subtle warning, made him remember why he liked her.

Tone teasing, but face telling her he was onto her game, he remarked, "...as my lady commands."

She did what she should have done before their showdown in that courtyard; she searched him for listening devices.

He let her, saying nothing, as she skimmed her hands along his body and felt along his coat. The zipper gave, and she took it off him, throwing it into a stall to distance anything on the material, even as she made it look impulsive. When she was satisfied, he was clean; he did the same to her. He unzipped her coat and searched it like he was rushing to touch her.

When he tossed the coat like she had the vest, his hands moved over her ribs, sides, and hair. Most people didn't check the hair, so it was clever. It wasn't so much that they thought the other one had knowingly worn a bug; it was that you couldn't trust someone not to have planted one.

Hell, Chris might very well have. It was entirely his thing, and he was always in the know, even at the risk of your privacy.

Leon had a bug killer, but it was in pen form and in his room. Talking in the hotel wouldn't look impulsive, bug killer or not. So, it was the old-fashioned way - search and seizure.

Just to be sure, Jill pressed him into the door again and whispered in his ear, "...Rebecca was working on answers. I think Chris is pulling a lone ranger on us."

In case they were being watched, she made it look like they were getting intimate. Her hands slid down his back, gripped his butt, and tugged him into her as his lips landed on her neck, slid up to her ear, and he murmured, "How much does anyone else know?"

Jill skimmed her lips over his cheek and nipped at his chin. He shivered, made her do the same, and she put her mouth on his as she answered, "If you didn't beat Chris to it, I'd say they have anything she did on her computer."

His lips grazed hers, his hands tilted her face back like he would lay a good one on her, and he answered, "...I cloned the computer this morning before you left."

Surprised, Jill almost drew back to see his face, remembered what they were doing, and set her teeth against his neck instead. He jerked in her arms, dropped one hand to cup her butt, and tugged her closer, and she whispered, "...you didn't trust him."

To which he grunted, "... I don't trust anyone. He was all gung-ho after coming out of the gate like a lion. I knew what he was up to."

"You knew he was working with Shenmei?"

"Yes," Leon hiked her around his front, making her gasp, and sat her on the edge of the sink. She looped her legs around his hips and tugged him into her as he finished beside her ear, "she would have put up a bigger fight about him coming in otherwise. She wanted him here."

Jill shook angrily as she breathed, "I pushed for him."

"...me too." His lips slid over her jaw as she thrust fingers through his hair, "I didn't realize she wanted him here even more than we did."

Jill nearly jerked in surprise, and Leon tilted her face back and told her with his eyes to remember they were likely being watched. He sucked her ear lobe and added, "They wanted him here as the insurance policy. In case I balked, he was their way out without directly making the White House look like the bad guy. Shenmei...she's good at her job. She played all of us."

Honestly, Jill couldn't even be mad. In terms of the game, Shenmei was as bright as she was savvy. Act against the inception of the B.S.A.A., then back Chris' play when it came time to be swift and merciless. Clever. She likely already had what she needed from the cave. Otherwise, she wouldn't have been so quick to agree to bomb the rest of the area. Unless her goal was to have the bombing in the surrounding villages and distract everyone else enough to let her get in the caves unsupervised.

Jill whispered, "I can talk to Chris." Though she was pretty sure that was a dead-end road after their last interaction.

Leon made a sound of disagreement as he slid one hand under her shirt and over her side. She trembled even as he pressed another kiss to her neck and murmured against her ear, "Leave it. I want to watch them. If I'm right, pulling the plug on the bombing will anger him, but not her. She'll convince him to escort her to the caves, and we'll make damn sure we're there to intercept."

Jill whispered, "...how can we stop what's in there without Rebecca's machines?"

"...by using her research that I stole off her hard drive. Whatever Chris might have gotten, it'll be corrupted."

"When?"

"Dawn."

"They'll be watching us." His hand cupped, drawing her body hard into his like he was sucking on her neck, and hers tugged on his hair enough he grunted.

His mouth slid against hers again as he told her, "I know, which is why you're staying in my room tonight with me. It'll look like we spent the night together, and we'll head off through the patio entrance. When we get back to the hotel, stagger a bit like you're drunk. Put on a show. If anyone stops you, throw some righteous grieving anger at them...you won't even have to fake it."

"Are we going alone?"

He shook his head, "Kat and Kevin will meet us there."

Hesitant, Jill whispered, "Maybe...maybe I can talk Chris out of this. Maybe I can stop him."

Leon gave her a look as he licked her mouth, "...never hurts to hope. But just in case...are you ready to stop him?"

Jill felt her breath tremble as she confessed, "...yes. If we have to...I'll stop him."

"Good," He nipped her mouth and added, "...I'm sorry."

Chris meant well. He did. He just didn't see anything but the way of the gun. It was all he knew. He'd bomb, trying like hell to stop the spread. He didn't understand that bombing would release everything, like opening the door to the gates of hell. Chris was a shoot-first, ask-questions-later guy. She hoped she could convince him the path of destruction wasn't right.

She was hoping he wasn't so blinded by his losses and regrets to make the right decision.

She was banking on him not employing that Redfield temper. It was a losing bet. She wasn't stupid, and she knew what happened when you poked a stick in the eye of a bear. She was just hoping he'd plan before he did something stupid.

She thought she had the first time they'd spoken. Apparently, not. He'd let her say her peace and had already prepared for plan B. And then he'd shown up at that table and guilted her in an attempt to get him to follow her. Lying bastard.

She couldn't trust someone who'd look her in the face and lie to her. The shiver of anger made her breath catch as Leon nipped at her lips again and remarked, "...let it go. Your face doesn't look like a woman being seduced."

He was right. Her face probably looked like a woman boiling with rage if they were being watched. She had to do better at putting on the right show here.

A handful of moments passed before he let go of her. She clung, her hands still fisted in his shirt, and she let go reluctantly as he backed up. His eyes flickered with things she couldn't name as he told her, "...not here. Come back to my room, Jill...come with me...say yes."

She hated how much she liked the words coming out of his mouth. Because she knew it was a performance. They were play-acting. Mostly.

Breathless, she answered, "...yes."

They passed through the lobby, and she keyed into her room. When he started to leave her there, she gripped a fist into his shirt and dragged him back. He pressed her into the door of her room and pinned her there, his mouth rooting below her jaw and licking wetly toward her collarbone.

Anyone watching was getting what looked like a precursor to a good night. She demanded, "...I don't want to think about Rebecca tonight."

That wasn't even a lie, and it wasn't an act. That? It was true. His face flickered with sympathy as he let go of her and answered, "Me either. Hurry."

She entered her room, gathered an arm full of clothes like she didn't care what she had, and moved down the hallway toward his room.

She didn't meet anyone on the way with any questions, which was good as she didn't have the acting skills to sell this as well as Leon. When he opened his room door, he was shirtless. She let his hand wrap around the back of her neck and drag her into him. The clothes in her arms smooshed against his chest as he pulled Jill close, turning her into the room.

A room door closed down the hall from them as he kicked his door shut behind her.

Apparently, he'd been right. Somebody was watching them. Or maybe someone had just been going out for coffee. Who knew?

When she started to say something, Leon covered her mouth with his. She made a slight sound of surprise, opened her mouth to his flavor, and focused her mind even as she let the pleasure wash through the pain and give her a moment of release. She didn't even have to fake the response, and she just let it wash over her as she arched her back, crushed their chests together, and met his kiss with equal fervor.

He backed her into the door and kissed her so thoroughly that she felt light-headed. The clothes tumbled to the floor as she gripped his waist and held on. She figured he thought they had eyes on them still. Acting or not, it did the job - she wasn't thinking of grief. He kissed her until she was breathless. He was as good at that as he was at everything else.

When he let her go, he stayed, pinning her to the door until her eyes fluttered open and landed on his face. Her hands slid over the muscles in his back and biceps until he grumbled gruffly, "...the rooms clean." She blinked.

He let go of her and stepped back. She felt the flush in her cheeks and accused a little hoarsely, "You knew the room was clean."

He said nothing, and that nothing said it all. Which meant, what? He'd just wanted to kiss her. Flattered, she couldn't even muster up righteous indignation. Because she'd asked him to help her forget about Rebecca - for those few moments, she had. He'd done exactly as she'd asked - acting or not.

Leon set the bug killer pen on the nightstand and turned to face her. Jill eyed him quietly and remarked, "You're a good actor."

Leon arched a brow and lifted the coffee in his hands to his lips. The little tattoo on his inner forearm drew her attention. What did it say? Something in Latin. "Who said I was acting?"

Jill shook her head and turned to look at the open computer on his desk. "Is this safe?"

"As it can be," He moved up behind her and tapped a few keys, "she was onto something. That's for damn sure. I need to crack the baseline to determine if I can even get what we need to eradicate those caves. The White House won't wait too long even with the abort called. Somebody will come up behind me quickly and finish the job if that's what they want."

"Can you have Chris ejected before something happens?"

Surprised, he met her eyes and returned, "Maybe...but that means you go too. And Washington liked what he had to say on that conference call."

Jill flapped her lips on a heavy exhale. "Ok. Shenmei vouched for him, and so did you. So, now we know that we gotta work to ensure they don't screw this evacuation and everything else six ways to Sunday."

"Right now, I've got Kevin out there guarding the caves. He has a small contingent of the National Guard and local cops. Chris will have to go through them to get to those caves."

Jill nodded, "He won't hurt anyone. Not like that. He's determined, not suicidal."

Leon nodded and told her, "He won't go out in the dark anyway. No one will. The one thing we know is the plagas won't venture into the sun. So, we go back at first light and do what we can to stop him from doing something stupid."

"What about Kat? She wants what's in there too."

Leon took the chair and started working on the computer, "She does. But she won't go alone. She's not suicidal either."

They worked on what Rebecca had paralleled using the Icarus markings in the caves. She was brilliant, and her research crossed with Leon's on multiple points. She had critical lines drawn between fact, fiction, and supposition.

She'd typed a name in bold twice, Daedalus. Rebecca seemed to think he was a real man or had started life as one. She was convinced he was probably the hub - the sourdre le sang - or fountain of blood. She speculated that he had created the hive mind, and when the body he wore aged too far, he would submit his parasite to another host. Her digging showed correlations as far back as Ancient Rome.

At one point, she speculated on the Garden of Eden as the source of the first plagas. After all, a snake, an apple, and sin were found within the story. What if, she wrote, the sin was the first plagas? What if "Eve" ate the snake and became that sin? The first of the fallen.

The first of the plagas.

She had circled Jesus in her findings, implying she thought he might have also been a plagas host.

Jill shook her head and mused, "...damn."

Leon leaned back in the chair, and there was a rustle outside the door. He gave her a look and grunted, "...you like that?"

Jill felt a flutter of amusement as she slapped his chest, made it echo, and cooed, "...oh god, harder. Harder, you bitch!"

Eyes sparkling, he gripped the desk with both hands and smacked it lightly into the wall while she moaned. She lightly smacked his biceps when she got going to make him groan. The noise outside the door retreated, and they both stifled a laugh.

It felt good to laugh.

It felt like a betrayal to Rebecca, but she wouldn't have had it any other way.

They dug around on the computer, connecting dots and making assumptions, until Leon finally said, "We should try to get some sleep. Big day tomorrow."

Jill nodded and remarked, "I wanna grab a shower before I turn in. That ok?"

He gave her a smile, "Help yourself. I'll grab some floor and let you have the bed."

She arched a brow, "We've slept beside each other before, hotshot. I think we can manage tonight. Besides, if someone gets a look in this room, we gotta look like we passed out post-coital."

He held her eyes and answered, "Alright. I'm on the right side, though."

Jill shrugged, but she knew why he wanted it. It would put him closest to the door if anyone burst through. He was sweet, and it cost her nothing to let him do it. So, she slipped into the shower. When she emerged, she found him curled on his side, facing the door with the blankets pulled up over his jeans.

Shirtless, he would appear naked to the untrained eye. Jill climbed in beside him in a tank top and panties. She studied his back in the low lighting from the bathroom. This close, it was easy to see an echo of scars. The ones from Spain were all healed. Which meant the plagas in his blood had fixed him as it was meant to. What he had, she had no doubt, had come from before his time there.

She lay beside him in the semi-dark and tried not to think about Rebecca. When the grief attempted to gnaw at her belly, she covered her face with her hands and rubbed at her tired eyes. The covers shifted slightly as his voice stopped her from descending into misery, "...seems unfair that you get to wear a shirt."

Jill opened her eyes and met his on the opposite pillow. He had one arm under the pillow, one lying casually on his hip. Even in repose, he was roped in muscle. Not too much, just the right amount, the kind that said strong without being overwhelming.

She gave him a shaky smile and mused, "Unlike others, I get cold."

As they lay looking at each other, the warm yellow halo from the bathroom turned his eyes silver. She wondered if his kid had his eyes. Curious, hoping to keep from thinking about Rebecca, she asked, "...what's your daughter like?"

His mouth twitched as he answered, "Like my mom. Tough, kind, cares entirely too much about others."

Jill sighed and shifted. The sloppy bun she'd pulled her wet hair into kept it out of her face, making her look young. He wanted to skim a thumb over the tired smudges beneath her eyes but checked the impulse.

She confirmed softly, "...so like you."

His smile was so very soft it made her belly catch. "She's better than me."

Jill shook her head, and he amended, "...no...she's the best of me."

After a moment, Jill answered, "I have no doubt. Why didn't you tell me about her?"

"I don't tell anyone about her. That's how I protect her."

Jill nodded. "I get it. How do you make peace with what we do when you have her at home waiting for you?"

Leon decided- screw it- and stopped checking his impulse. He pushed an errant strand of wet hair behind Jill's ear and replied, "She's why I do it. Because I know the monster under her bed is real. I could bury my head in the sand and pretend it isn't, do a normal job, and go home every night to her. But then somebody else wouldn't be there to do the same. When I'm done, when I've stopped the monsters - I can go home."

Jill eyed him sadly, "You really think there's ever a point where we're done?"

He exhaled and admitted, "Probably not. But there's a point where I can pass the torch when I've done what I promised. When I know she's safe. Or at least safe as I can make it for her."

"How often do you see her?"

His thumb stroked over Jill's cheek before he drew his hand back. "Whenever I can. I try to make it home in between missions. I've moved Mom and Natalia a few times since I started working for US STRATCOM, just to be safe. For what it's worth, Adam's got them in a secure location now."

"What if something happens to you?"

They were whispering. It felt right somehow, and it felt good. "Then Mom knows what to do. When Lin left Natalia on the doorstep like a package she didn't want, Mom was the first one to make it clear that I had to do what was best for all of us. So, I went to Raccoon. After that, I did what I had to protect Sherry. And Mom...she never judged. She was proud of me."

Jill smiled softly. "A good woman."

"The best."

Touched by his obvious love for the two most important girls in his life, she queried, "Lin never came back?"

It was way more complicated than that. But this was neither the time nor the place that for that confession. Maybe, if this became something else, the timing would be right. But not here, and not now. So, he played it down and answered with some version of the truth.

"Nope," He shrugged where he lay, "she ditched me; I woke up one morning, and she was gone. Totally ghosted me. For months I thought she'd been kidnapped or something horrible had happened to her. Then one morning, she dumped Natalia and took off. I guess she didn't like my muffins."

Amused, Jill remarked, "Her loss."

"No regrets," He confirmed, studying her face in the soft light, "at least not about Natalia."

Jill smiled softly. "No. Does she look like you?"

He grinned. "Not exactly."

Her eyes sparkled, "I hope not. You might make an ugly girl."

"Nah. Too pretty for that."

Jill sighed and answered, "Let's fix you, Leon. So, you can go home to her."

"Sounds like a plan."

They talked a little more. He told her about Natalia's abrupt arrival into his life. He talked about the moment he'd opened the door to find a bundle on his porch with a baby and a note of goodbye.

"She'd almost dropped her at the fire station," Leon mused, lying on his back with his arms stacked behind his head, "but she decided to leave that choice to me."

Curled on her side facing him, Jill queried, "Did you even suspect she was pregnant?"

He laughed, shrugging, "Why would I? I was young and stupid. She said she was on the pill, and I believed her."

"Did you love her?"

He considered that as he watched the green and purple lights on the ceiling. "I think I did," he decided, smiling crookedly, "she wasn't easy to love. She wasn't sweet, and she didn't even try to be. She was...clever and manipulative."

Jill pursed her lips and mused, "That doesn't seem like someone to love."

Leon laughed lightly, "She was six years older than me."

Surprised again, Jill snorted, "Wow. Like old ladies, do ya?"

He tossed a look at her and had her smiling as he stated, "I seem to have a thing about older women."

Her eyes sparkled, "What's a couple years?"

Leon shrugged again, "Nothing now. Then? I was barely twenty-one, and she was pushing the backside toward thirty. I think she liked my enthusiasm, and I know she liked my puppy dog devotion."

Jill shifted and slid her hand along the bunched biceps in his left arm, where it was keeping his hands stacked behind his head. She inched closer when he held her eyes and laid her cheek on the hard muscle. "What about after Lin?"

Leon volleyed his eyes over her face, "There was no one after Lin. Not that mattered."

Curious, she wondered, "Lovers though, surely."

His mouth twitched, "I'm not a monk, so yeah. I had sex. I just didn't have a woman."

"Why?"

Eyes twinkling, Leon laughed, "You like the tough questions."

Jill chuckled, "I didn't realize they were tough."

"Hmm," he flapped his lips on a hard breath, "with Natalia, there wasn't time. With work, there wasn't interest. I had everything I needed."

Jill sighed, "What about wanted?"

Leon twitched his mouth, "...doesn't really matter what I want."

Ah.

"Sure, it does," Jill argued and slid her hand over his belly to anchor at his hip, putting her head in the warm curve of his arm and shoulder, "life is more than just surviving, Leon. It's more than just work and family."

He studied her face, "I know that. Remember? I like dangerous things."

Jill considered him and wondered, "Am I dangerous?"

The moment held until he answered, "Yes."

"...are you going to expound on that?" She laughed when he left it at one word.

"No." Leon grinned as she chuckled.

"I was never against finding someone," Jill confessed quietly, "it just...didn't fit in anywhere in what was happening with me. I dated a little. But nothing ever serious. I knew eventually someone would want kids or marriage, and I didn't have time for that."

"And now?"

She held his eyes, "Now I'm very aware that time is finite. And all the good intentions in the world won't give you a reason to live. Survive, sure, but not live. Life has to have more in it than dangerous things and saving lives. If it doesn't, I don't know how anyone keeps doing what we do."

The loneliness in her voice echoed in him. He got it. He did. They were people who didn't have much to build on. He had his family waiting at home. What did Jill have?

No one, clearly. It was a lonely way to be, which was often the case in their world. But it was still lonely. And today, she'd lost two of her closest friends. One to the battle, one to the politics that came after. It was a shitty fucking place to be.

He could do what they did and know, without a shadow of a doubt, he was going home to what mattered.

Did Jill have a home? Or anything waiting for her?

Softly, Leon told her, "Maybe it's time for you to find something that makes it all matter."

Jill smiled sadly, "Like it's just that easy."

"It's not easy," Leon confessed and smiled back at her, "but it's simple. What we do...it's gotta have a root. I know what mine is. What's yours?"

With a small smile of sadness, Jill confessed, "I don't have one. I just...want to make a difference. I have to. It's all I've got."

"You feel alone in this."

A small catch in her throat had her laughing, but it sounded like tears, "Hmm. I am now...it's a helluva place to be."

With no inflection in his tone at all, Leon answered, "You're not alone anymore. Not unless you want to be."

Jill's hand curled tighter around his arm as she whispered, "...I'm glad you're here, Leon." And old phrase between them. A good one.

The right one.

And maybe the only thing in that moment that mattered.

"Me too. Get some sleep, Jill. I got you."

With a slight sound of sadness, Jill answered, "...I miss Rebecca."

He cupped the side of her face and returned, "I know. Let's finish this, so she didn't sacrifice herself for nothing."

Jill nodded. She drew a shaky breath. Her fingers curled around his wrist and squeezed. Her lids fluttered closed. He kept his eyes on Jill until her breathing evened out in sleep.

Without Rebecca, there was little hope of avoiding what he knew in his guts was coming. Had he always known that this was how it would go for him? Maybe. Maybe the first time he'd stared down the barrel of a gun on a rotting face, he'd known.

There was no fixing him. He knew that. But that didn't matter. It never had. There were so many more important things in the world than him. He would sell his soul to the devil before he let anyone, anywhere, destroy them.

He did what he did every night before he went to sleep; he prayed to whatever higher power might exist - god, don't let me fail them. He did it for his mother, his daughter, those he could save, those he could avenge, and for Jill because she'd become a person who mattered somewhere along the way.

He'd failed Rebecca. He'd failed more than he could count. He wouldn't fail now.

He waited for the voices to whisper to him, but they were quiet. They were quiet when Jill was near him. Or maybe, just maybe, it was because he was quiet when she was beside him. She'd given him strength in Spain. She'd given him hope. She'd been the partner he didn't even know he was missing.

He didn't know what she was to him, but she mattered. And for now, that was enough.

He wasn't going to let her down.

And he kept his back to the door to stop anything that came through it that meant her harm. It wasn't much or nearly enough, but it was what he had.

He was pretty sure his mother would approve.