The Long Dark

XXIII.

A New World

The government did exactly as Jill had anticipated; they promoted Leon.

He was now Special Agent in charge of domestic and international bioterror affairs. It was a long, messy title with a lot of responsibility, and probably no more money to go with it. But it was what he was made for.

Defiant and angry, for reasons beyond Jill's understanding, Chris gathered the B.S.A.A. up after the cave was sealed beyond the main opening and took off like an animal licking its wounds. She was so surprised to find him gone within hours of returning to Nome, she didn't even know how to react. She checked her room or the front desk for a note of explanation, but there was nothing.

Chris wasn't much for leaving notes when he left...or explaining himself.

She stayed in the infirmary, being treated by Sheva Alomar for blood loss and early-onset hypothermia. At the same time, Leon and Kevin set about handling the closure of the caves and educating the locals. She fell asleep after a heavy dose of medication and woke up to find a giant stuffed bear in a chair beside her and a vase filled with wildflowers on the small nightstand.

The note pinned to the bear said - something to hold. And the note pinned to the flowers said - something to remember.

Wildflowers - a riotous arrangement of things that grew in the most obscure of places. A colorful array of life. Jill touched one trembling purple spiderwort with her fingers and understood. Wildflowers grew everywhere, anywhere, and they found their way toward the sun even under the most turbulent sky. No matter how shitty the soil, wildflowers found a way to bloom.

Life always found a way to survive.

She cuddled the bear to her side, stared at the flowers, and remembered that.

A few days in the hospital saw her free and back in the village. She couldn't do much to help with the cleanup from the first wave of plagas, but she tried. When she'd been ejected from the body removal team and stopped at the door by the medics, she knew it was time to face what she'd been putting off.

Jill was left with the task of cleaning up Rebecca's room.

She picked the lock on the door since she didn't have the key and let herself in. The moment she did, she saw Rebecca. The ghost of her was everywhere - from the scattered mess on her desk, complete with empty Starbucks cups and a bobblehead of Oscar the Grouch, to the haphazardly tossed clothes all over the bed and the floor. Rebecca was a typical genius - all brains and no sense of organization in her personal life.

Jill bagged up her things as she moved, leaving what didn't matter and collecting what did.

Three photos were propped against the lamp beside her open laptop. One was her, Kevin, Rebecca, and Leon at the bonfire, looking happy and smiling as Shenmei snapped their photo. Kevin had Leon in a headlock. Jill was trying to give Kevin a wedgie to save Leon. Leon might have been trying to take a bite out of Kevin's side. Rebecca was leaning over them all, giving a thumbs up and grinning. A good shot. Happy. Hopeful.

The second photo was Jill and Leon standing at the bonfire. The flickering flames reflected on their smiling faces. She had her hand on his beer and was lifting it to her lips. He was watching her face like that sip was the only thing he had eyes for. It was moments before they'd gone to play darts. The high point of their flirting. The firelight made the scene seem intimate. The smile on their mouths seemed playful.

The last was old, showing its age. It was S.T.A.R.S., all laughing and mid goof-off. Chris had his arm around Jill's shoulders and was giving her bunny ears behind her head. Jill was avoiding a pie in the face from Enrico. Joseph and Richard were trying to throw Forrest into a dumpster. Barry was sitting in a lawn chair with his head back and an open book on his face, sleeping. Edward was being pushed over while Brad pretended to hump him. It was one of those days they'd spent at the Millenial Fair, laughing, drinking, having a good time. Rebecca wasn't in it.

Because she'd been the one taking the picture.

She'd saved a picture without herself because it had everyone she cared about.

And she'd never really cared about herself enough to need a photo with her in it to remind her.

That's just who she was - the girl who never put herself first and wanted to be the one on the outside - making the goddamn memory last.

Jill put the picture against her face and let loose. It was like opening a floodgate. It rushed out of her so fast, so hard, she nearly doubled herself over with it.

Everything she'd been trying so hard to bottle up and restrain. It washed over her and out of her in wracking sobs of regret and grief. She was so angry it made the crying worse. She hated the crying. The crying was weak. She wept wildly, tiredly, completely. Finally.

Men didn't cry like this- they punched and raged and brooded.

But she wasn't a man. She had never been. She was a woman, and she'd lost a piece of herself with Rebecca. The piece that still haunted that picture - happy, so happy, and so innocent. It had lived in Rebecca Chambers.

And died beside her in that cave.

She sank to the edge of the tousled bed and hunched over, the picture crumpling her hands as they pressed against her wet face. She tried to hold it closer to her like she might hear Rebecca laughing in it as she snapped those shots. Like she might hear the fireworks going off or smell the pie that had hit her in the nose a moment after Rebecca had immortalized that second in time.

But there was nothing but the harsh wheeze of her breathing and the high-pitched whine of her crying.

And it broke her heart to hear it when she wanted so badly just to hear Rebeca tell one more bad joke or make one more flippantly, brilliantly observant remark.

When she lowered the picture, she wasn't alone anymore.

Her gaze came up and landed on Leon in the doorway of the room. She tried to get it together, she did. She dug down and inhaled sharply and the photo in her hand made a crinkling sound. Lost, undone, she lifted it at him and whimpered, "...I can't do this...I don't know how to do this."

It was almost desperate.

Leon crossed a line now, one he hadn't in so long he'd forgotten it was possible, and he did what he'd done for her in Spain when she was spiraling. He put aside his reservations about personal boundaries, and he stopped fighting against what she meant to him.

He crossed the room in three strides and crouched in front of her. She almost threw herself into his arms with a soft cry of loss. His arms came up, one cupped the back of her head and drew her face in against his neck, and the other wrapped around her hips and back to hold her close. She clawed against him, burying her nose behind his ear and her eyes in his throat. The warmth of him soothed somehow instead of frightened. The clean black thermal he wore and his damp hair smelled like Ivory soap and sandalwood.

She tried to fight against it at first, denying him, "...don't...don't...please..."

But he just held on.

She clung, trying to find the answers in his skin. And he held on because that's what he did; he hung on even when you didn't want him to.

He was surprised that he needed the contact almost as much as she did. And he was reluctant to let her go. Because holding her reminded him of what it felt like to just be him, just a man, just a man with a woman who had started to mean something real to him. Just a man holding onto the first real friend he'd had in years.

He honestly could not seem to care about anything else but that as he leaned up, cupped all that hair and her face in his hands, and angled his mouth to kiss her. Jill melted, opened her mouth, and accepted the surge of his tongue into her. His beard was soft enough to tantalize without scratching. Her hands splayed at his back and pulled him flush against her.

She tasted salty with tears.

Kisses, he thought as he tried to drown in her, the thing that saved you when you were dying, that woke you when you were sleeping, that found you when you were lost. Kisses. He'd denied almost every woman in his life that wanted one because it meant something to share them. It meant something.

And he hadn't been ready to share them.

He was ready now.

She clutched at him until they ran out of air, and she made a high-pitched bid for breath. She rubbed her face against his, noses brushing, lips stroking. When she opened her eyes, his were still closed as she held on. Touched, Jill clutched handfuls of his hair and kissed him again, eyes open, watching his face.

Everything on his face echoed hers. Their foreheads brushed and leaned, just for a moment as she lamented, "... I have to go."

He nodded. He held those handfuls of her hair and nodded once, then once more. He knew her transport was here. He'd come to tell there they'd arrived. He knew she had to go.

He'd be here for a few more days to close things down. But she was done. Her part was done. She was meant to go. He wanted her to stay.

Needy, she clutched his ears and deposited a kiss on his forehead.

He let her go, trailing his hands over her hips as she rose, picked up Rebecca's bag, and headed for the door.

With her back to him at the door, she remarked, "...I left Oscar...he's a grouch...but it's all bluster. I think he has a good heart under it."

Leon, still on one knee by the bed where she'd been, lowered his chin to his chest and murmured gruffly, "Oh, yeah?"

"Oh, yeah...she'd say the same of you, I think. She'd want you to have him, so you never forget - even when life sucks...it could be worse. After all-"

He finished with a small laugh of pain,"-you could live in a trash can."

"Exactly...it was good to see you, Leon. Maybe next time, somewhere, no one is trying to kill us."

He inhaled sharply, "I'm glad you were here, Jill...and I'm so fucking sorry about Rebecca."

"...me too." She paused, reconsidered, and added, "Promise me you'll be careful."

He knew what she meant. She knew he did. He lifted his head and turned it, his shaggy hair falling over his eyes as he met hers and vowed, "I will."

"...I trust you...Leon," They didn't look away as she offered, "...thank you...it's not enough but-"

"It's enough," He avowed, "from you, it's enough, Jill."

It wasn't. She knew what he'd done. The world might never. The people of Nome might never. The government might not even ever know. But she knew. And she was so afraid it would be the noblest thing he'd ever done.

If there was anyone alive who'd find a way to finish them all by carrying the core inside him, it was Leon Kennedy. She had never trusted anything as much as that. She just prayed it wouldn't kill him to do it.

"This is a good shot," she said softly, the one of the two of them that looked almost surreal, "worth holding onto, I think."

He murmured, "...worth remembering."

Like the wildflowers, she thought, worth remembering. She left the photo for him. She wanted him to have it. She was hoping he'd take it and look at it and remember.

Her hand slid against the other photo on Rebecca's desk - the one with her in it. The one that was now, that was here and now, and that showed you could find hope - anywhere, anytime, if you just looked for it among the flames that surrounded you. It wasn't the past; it was the present - and it was what she was still fighting for. Jill took it and tucked it into her back pocket.

"I think Natalia might like Oscar the Grouch."

A smile curved his mouth as he answered, "...I think you're right."

"Take that vacation for me, ok? A promise is a promise."

She turned and left him.

He remained on the floor with the crumpled picture by his knee. A promise was a promise. He picked it up and looked at the happy faces. She'd left it behind. It was too hard for her to hold it and think about those times.

Right now, she needed to leave it behind. He folded it gently and poked it into his back pocket. Someday, she'd want it back. He'd hold onto it for her until she did.

It was the least he could do for her.

He rose and picked up the photo of the two of them. Their faces were so very young. They looked like two people at the start of something. What? He wasn't sure. But it was something. He pocketed it for safekeeping. He kept it because he wanted to remind himself of the guy and the girl in that picture. Two people trying like hell to be normal in a shitty world.

He picked up Oscar the Grouch. The bobblehead shivered, the dopey green face glaring at him. He touched it and watched it shake, dancing stupidly in his hand.

In the doorway, Kevin called, "Hey, boss man, they're ready for the report."

Leon gripped Oscar in his hand as he walked toward the other man. Kevin glanced at it and back at his face, "Have a thing for Sesame Street, do ya?"

"It was Rebecca's."

Kevin held his hand out for it, and Leon placed the bobblehead in his palm. The big guy lifted it and sighed, feeling sorrow eat at the edges of his heart. "She was a good girl. I can't fucking believe she's gone."

"I know," Leon walked with him side by side down the hallway, "you get in touch with Hamilton like she wanted?"

"You bet. George is set up and waiting."

"Good," Leon paused and glanced around the lobby. The people waved as he passed. They smiled and nodded. To them, he was a hero. But none of them knew what was slithering around inside his head.

If they did, could they even understand what he'd done?

It was unlikely. And that was why he'd done it. To make sure they were safe. However, that didn't mean he was stupid, either. He told Kevin, "Make sure you make it clear that the contingent of National Guard is kept here permanently."

"Of course. They'll send active-duty guys here; I promise you that."

They stepped out into the sunlight as Jill started climbing into the back of a black SUV. She paused, turned a little, and waved. Kevin blew her a kiss, musing, "Where's she off to?"

Leon shrugged and held her eyes as she hesitated. He finally lifted a hand in goodbye and made the choice for her. She nodded, smiled sadly, and slid into the back seat.

"Hopefully, off to the beach to frolic in the sun."

Kevin glanced at Leon's face and licked his lips before returning, "Could go with her- sans bathing trunks- just toss a tube of sunblock, a package of condoms, and some lube and just meet her there."

Leon shook his head. He glanced up at the sun starting to set on the horizon. "...I'm on duty."

And Kevin chuckled, "...ain't it always the way."

Two Months Later

The plane touched down about 2 o'clock.

Leon clomped down the steps onto the tarmac. The warm air on his face felt like nirvana after weeks in the snow and ice. His aviator sunglasses reflected the bright sunshine as the wide open field behind the aircraft trembled with waving wheat and corn.

Nebraska - corn country- and the middle of nowhere.

He wouldn't have it any other way.

Summer shivered around him as he descended, demanding a trip to the lake to cool down once the sun hit its zenith in a few hours. Leon inhaled sharply and enjoyed the push of heat as he hefted his bag over his shoulder and stepped onto the asphalt.

Weeks of pre-exposure testing had taken its toll. He was tired. He was ready to stop fighting. It was time to focus on what was waiting for him. George Hamilton had stood over him and declared, "You're as fit as a fiddle and twice as handsome. Besides stopping a few hearts with that movie star face of yours, I think the risk to anyone else is minimal."

Yoko Suzuki had stood behind George and remarked, "We've tested everything from your brains to your balls, Leon...there's not much else we can do now but wait and see."

Wait and see- the story of his life. He was hoping, at some point, his story involved more than just waiting...it involved living.

Shenmei paused beside him as she headed toward the car that would take her to another plane. She considered and finally said, "I did what I had to do."

He glanced at her. "So did I."

She nodded and remarked, "I don't guess we're going to be friends."

He just held her eyes, and she stared at those sunglasses until she laughed, "That's a big fat, no way."

As he started forward, she told him, "...I'm being tasked with keeping an eye on Redfield."

Surprised, he turned back to face her, "why?"

Shenmei tilted her head, "Why else? To spy. I thought you'd understand that."

"...lying does seem to be what you're good at."

She didn't even bother to fake a wince. She just laughed again, "...nice meeting you too, Agent Kennedy. You sure don't want to get that dinner?"

He ignored her, and she laughed once more as he just walked away. He listened to the car fight up that would take her off to continue spying and lying. He hated this fucking job sometimes.

Leon made it about four steps before the door of a black Lincoln Navigator opened, and a small form in white shorts and a yellow tank top emerged. Her spunky dirty blonde hair was tossed into a lazy ponytail. Her bangs trailed over her blue eyes, and she had a big grin.

She held a polar bear in her arms as she yelled happily, "Daddy! Daddy! Did you see the polar bears!? Did you ride one!?"

And just like that, his world snapped into focus.

He took two steps, then a third, and by the fourth, he was running. She whooped and echoed him, running at him as if she'd tackle him. Laughing before he ever reached her, Leon dropped the bag, scooped her up, and tossed her high in the air.

Natalia squealed and landed in his arms with an "oomph." He buried his face in her neck. She giggled and gripped his hair, declaring, "Daddy! That tickles!"

Tickles - a sensation he seemed to forget existed when he was gone. As his mother sauntered up beside them, he remarked, "Mom."

She gave him a smile so like his own and teased, "You didn't bring back a polar bear, son."

"Couldn't get it through customs."

His mother's eyes sparkled as she returned, "There's no customs for state-to-state travel, you goof."

Leon chuckled, "Busted. I couldn't fit it in my suitcase."

And Natalia decided, "...can we get a dog!? A shaggy one!? I will feed it!"

His mother scooped to pick up what had fallen out of his pocket. The photo had her studying it. He wasn't in it. Why did he have it?

She offered it back to him, and Leon met her look equally as she asked, "Is this yours?"

He poked it in his jacket and answered, "Temporarily. I'm keeping it for a friend."

Maggie arched her brows at the hesitance around that word "friend." Which one? She'd have given anything for him to find someone to make him happy. He was such a good man, as he'd been such a good boy before that. But he worked too hard and had too little to remind him he wasn't just a warrior and a father. He was a man.

And a man needed a partner. She was hoping one of those women in that photo was destined to be his. She wanted, above all things, for her baby boy to be as happy as she had been with Leon's father before his death. It was the only part of his life Leon approached with real trepidation.

The fear of loving someone and either losing them or losing himself and leaving them to mourn him. He'd watched her struggle so badly with the loss of her husband and then her daughter. He was afraid of it. That was on her. She wanted so badly to remind him that love, even if it was brief, was the only thing in the world worth dying for.

The fear of losing something wasn't reason enough to avoid it. She just wished there was a way to remind him of that without pushing. Until then, she'd just keep waiting for him to find someone worth the risk.

With a tone of good humor, Natalia teased, "A girrrrrlfriend?"

And made herself giggle.

For that giggle, he'd had slayed dragons. That giggle? It meant he was finally where he was meant to be.

He glanced at the wildflowers blooming in the field. They waved prettily in the wind. Happy. Hopeful. Home.

He was home. Sometimes it was a four-letter word. Sometimes it was a place to heal your hurts. Sometimes...it was just wherever the world made sense with the people who made it worth having.

The photo in his jacket crinkled as he walked, carrying his daughter, trying like hell to avoid getting a dog that would drive him nuts, and he wondered if Jill had a home. And if she was there now, trying like hell to find her peace.

The voice in his head whispered - peace...that is all we seek.

It was the one thing that the monster inside him, and he agreed on...for now.

B.S.A.A. Headquarters - London England

"Jill Valentine, the board has voted and found you to be in violation of their terms of agreement related to agent relations. That direct violation has indicated the need for suspension, effective immediately."

At the table, Barry rose and smashed his fists down on the surface. "What the hell is this shit!? Who authorized this!?"

Jill twirled the pen in her hands and shook her head. What had Leon said the day they'd met? He'd been sitting in front of the panel - fully aware it was a firing squad. So, here she was, in front of that squad. Her gaze landed on Chris, watching her in full uniform, with a look of cold acceptance on his face.

Her mouth twitched, "Because I elected to go against Captain Redfield's wishes, I'm being suspended?"

The board member to the left of Chris nodded, "He was acting in the best interest of the situation. You flagrantly violated protocol and sided with the agent from US STRATCOM. It causes dissension in the ranks, Agent Valentine. There's no room for it in our business."

Jill laughed with a flare of disgust, "I did the right thing. Captain Redfield wanted to bomb those caves. It would have freed everything in there."

"We're aware of the situation. Captain Redfield gave us a full report. Your failure to act expediently resulted in the death of civilians, assisting agents from the RSC, and Doctor Chambers."

Jill felt her blood go cold. "What did you say?"

"Your failure to act c-"

"I fucking heard you, you blithering idiot; I want to hear it from him," She met Chris' eyes and demanded, "Say it. Say it out loud. Say I'm responsible for Rebecca. Let me hear you say it."

Chris held her eyes and answered, "You picked your side, Jill. And it was the wrong one. If we'd struck like I wanted, those people would be alive."

Jill volleyed her gaze over his face and finally rose, "You son of a bitch, you know you're wrong. You know it."

The door behind Chris opened, and Shenmei came in wearing a crisp black suit. The talking head beside Chris remarked, "Ah, Agent Mei. It's good you've arrived." He addressed the rest of the room, "Agent Mei will be working with us in conjunction with White House protocols to affect a response on domestic soil. It's a great success in the cooperation of the war on bioterror."

Jill felt her cold blood boil as she stated, "So, this is how it goes - we save thousands of lives, and you determine it was a mistake. Let me clarify, in case there's any misunderstanding, I didn't make a mistake backing Leon Kennedy."

When Chris gave her a chilly look, Jill said, "My only mistake was bringing you in and trusting you to do the right thing."

"If that's how you feel, Agent Valentine," The suit said with a flicker of regret, "maybe this isn't the organization for you."

Barry shouted, "-now hold on one fucking second!"

And Jill held up a hand to quiet him, "It's ok, Barry. It is. Because this bullshit-spewing bastard is right. He's right. This isn't where I belong."

She pulled her badge off her belt and the gun on her thigh. Ejecting the magazine, she freed the bullet in the chamber, and it bounced on the slick surface of the table. She set the gun down and walked around to where Chris was seated. He didn't look at her. He looked forward like she wasn't there until Jill slapped the badge on the desk before him.

"Here," She leaned down and spoke into his ear, "I hope you choke on it...Chief Irons."

He winced. She rose and looked at Barry, saying, "Good luck with these jackals, Burton. You're gonna need it. Fuck your suspension, I quit."

As she passed Shenmei, the pretty Asian woman murmured, "...I'm sorry, Jill. For what it's worth."

Jill held her eyes and answered, "It's worth nothing...and neither are you."

She emerged into the hallway and just kept walking. The second she was outside in the sunlight, she flipped open her phone and dialed. On the second ring, Kevin answered, "Who dis?"

And she said, "The ghost of Raccoon past. I need a job."

"...what?"

"Yeah, I'm unemployed. Know anyone hiring?"

She could hear him chewing on something crunchy before he answered with a full mouth, "You got references?"

Jill laughed. Kevin snorted, and then he added, "Take the weekend. Come in Monday. I'll see what I can do."

"Excellent...thank you."

"No thanks necessary, sugarboobs. Welcome aboard, Valentine. The pay sucks, the food terrible, and you spend most of your time in hotel rooms or ass-deep in monsters."

"Sounds like the story of my life."

He laughed. She blew out a hard breath and felt the shiver of loss as she threw a leg over her motorcycle. Whatever happened now, she'd closed a chapter of her life today. She'd lost more than one friend in the long dark.

She had no home. She was a nomad. As the bike roared over the open road, she thought - maybe it wasn't about home; maybe it was about being free. Maybe for the first time, the choice to do this was hers.

And she'd learn to make her way in the world on her own merit.

It wasn't a happy ending, but it was a good one. The picture in her pocket felt warm somehow, hopeful, and encouraging. She would do it for Rebecca. She'd make it right. She'd change the future.

Her past was behind her now.

And tomorrow began a new world.

The End

A/N: Stay tuned for the next part, my own spin on Revelations, Degeneration, and Infinite Darkness. After wrenching the canon this far, the world is my oyster. Thanks, as always, for reading. I appreciate all the support.