CHAPTER FOUR: heal over
Marissa stood behind the door to stairs, peeking out at the last person she would have expected to see in her hotel lobby. The absolute last person. Alex Kelly. Marissa just stood there for a second, soaking in how Alex looked, her mouth, her body, her smile, which was right now directed at Marissa's husband.
Then, Ryan walked off and Marissa found herself looking at one of the oddest scenes she'd ever seen. Her would-be rapist and the love of her life, who shared one of the most painful night of memories Marissa could think of. Marissa brought her gaze back to Alex, and found Alex looking straight into her eyes. It was a look that Marissa dreamed about, that haunted her nights, and that had driven her crazy during their week together. No one else seemed to look right into Marissa quite like Alex Kelly. It set her body on fire and at the same time made her mind perfectly calm.
They just stared for a moment, each taking in the other, their first tantalizing glimpse of each other in five long years. Other people walked in between them, but neither girl really noticed. Then, Ryan walked back to Alex and stood directly in between the two girls.
Marissa took a deep breath, suddenly realizing that she had barely breathed the entire time she had been looking at Alex. She stepped backward and closed the door quietly. She turned and put her back to it, then slid down to sit. Alex was back? Alex was talking to her husband? Why hadn't she known? Shouldn't she have known? Ryan didn't seem that surprised to see Alex there, here. A million and one questions flooded her mind and she couldn't slow down any enough to answer them.
Alex sat on the couch silently, looking around Ryan at the closed door to the stairs. She was vaguely aware that Ryan was saying something to her, but she was completley ignoring him. It wasn't her fault, really, she just couldn't seem to concentrate on anything but Marissa. She finally forced herself to look away from the closed door and up at him.
"Hmm?" She asked and Ryan frowned a little. Before he could say anything, Alex put up a hand. "I've got to go check on the band and Jeremy. I'll be back in a second." Alex lied. She stood up quickly and practically pushed Ryan out of the way.
"I'll see you later?" Ryan called after her as Alex walked toward the doors. Alex just waved over her shoulder. The second she was out the door she turned and looked out around the edge. For a few seconds Ryan stood by the couch in the lobby, confused. But then he turned and went through one of the management doors.
Alex walked back inside and threaded through the lobby toward the stairs door. Once there she paused, considering something, her hand over the knob. Finally, she turned it and pushed. Something was stopping it from moving, but Alex felt it give way and she walked inside. Marissa stood right inside the door. Her makeup was smeared, her eyes slightly red and Alex had a very good guess at why, or who, she'd been crying.
"C'mere honey." Alex said, holding her arms out to Marissa instinctively. Marissa felt more tears come and she practically fell into Alex's arms. You've got a girlfriend, she's got a husband. Alex thought, but that was the last she thought of Rachel for hours.
Alex held her as close as possible, Marissa's face in the crook of Alex's neck. "It's okay Riss." She said softly, slipping back into old times and old memories. Alex just wanted to make the younger girl feel better. Finally, Marissa pulled away to look Alex in the face. Alex reached up to brush away a few scattered tears.
"Hi." Marissa said a little awkwardly, still only a couple inches away form Alex's face.
"Hey." Alex returned. They didn't say anything for a second, and Alex could feel the tension, sexual or otherwise, crackling between them. Then, she slowly leaned forward. It wasn't impulsive, wasn't sudden or shocking. It was just right and maybe a little expected.
Their lips met for only a half a second before Alex pulled back, unwillingly. Marissa was married after all, and the last thing Alex wanted was to ruin her happiness. But when Marissa leaned forward again Alex wasn't afraid to kiss her hungrily. It had been five long, lonely years and dreams of this were all Alex had had to hold on to.
"I have a husband." Marissa said between kisses.
"I have a girlfriend" Alex added, but neither girl paid much attention to those statements. They were only words. Alex slid her fingers through Marissa's hair, letting it fall through her fingers. She ran her right hand up Marissa's neck, barely touching her soft skin. Then, Marissa put both of her hands on Alex's waist and pushed her back against the wall.
Alex's brain was spinning, partly from lack of oxygen, but mostly from the unbridled joy of feeling the other girl in her arms. Alex wasn't one to be melodramatic, but Marissa was setting her off in a way no one else did. Marissa slid one hand up Alex's shirt, letting her nails softly graze Alex's skin. Her mouth moved to Alex's neck. Alex let out a soft moan, her hands still in Marissa's hair.
Apparently Marissa had had some practice with Ryan. Alex rolled Marissa over, pushing her against the wall and felt Marissa's hands slid down her back to settle on her butt. Alex grinned into her and Marissa's kiss and felt Marissa grin back.
Alex's hand started up Marissa's skirt when a door slammed somewhere above them. Alex felt Marissa's hands leave her body and forced herself to pull back. She glanced up to meet Marissa's sea green eyes.
"I'm sorry, I just can't. I don't know why I-" Marissa stopped, her voice choked slightly with emotion. Alex nodded, taking another step back from those slightly familiar words. Marissa ran her hands through her tousled brown hair. Her face was still streaked with tears, but there was passion in her eyes. "I don't know how you feel or how I feel or what I want, so I-" she stopped again, biting her lip and glancing away. "I don't want to hurt you." She whispered. Alex looked at her one more time and then stepped closer. Marissa pulled back a bit, not sure what Alex was doing.
"I just. . ." Alex started, but then trailed off, her hand coming up to touch Marissa's face. She leaned in, kissing her slowly and softly, her lips barely touching Marissa's. That simple, sweet kiss seemed to stretch on and on. When Alex finally pulled away there were fresh tears in Marissa's eyes, but there was nothing Alex could do about those. "Now you know how I feel." Alex said. She gave Marissa a bittersweet half-smile and walked through the door to the lobby.