A/N: All right, and we're back.

So last chapter was me getting to know the crew. It lays down most of the basic relationships I have with the rest of the crew. So to run down them really fast, Tali, Wrex, and Garrus become really good friends of mine, I become suspicious of Kaidan, and Ashley doesn't like me all that much. And Shepard... we'll have to see about both her and Liara when we finally get her into the motley crew.

Oh, and I should probably translate the Spanish from last chapter. So I tell Kaidan: "Because you need to understand that it's only with vocabulary that I have problems." Trust me, I forget Spanish words all the time. And also certain German grammatical rules, but I'll get to that when the situation calls for it.

So with that, I guess I'll turn it over to other, more qualified people. Away chapter!

"Continuous effort -- not strength or intelligence -- is the key to unlocking our potential."

-Liane Cardes

Chapter 3: Rocky

Okay, I haven't gotten my terminal to work yet, so I haven't been able to do any extranet searches. But we've got a tech team working on it right now. So I think I'll be in good hands right now. But still, it's good for me so I can get used to my omni tool.

Yeah, Ash gave me this omni tool just a short while ago. She told me to fiddle around with it for two hours and get used to it before meeting her in the cargo hold. I think she just wants to see what weapons I would be good at. I have a horrible feeling I'll fail horribly with the shotgun. It would make for a hilarious Resident Evil reference if I ever got one, but otherwise I think she'll have the right idea if I suck with the shotgun. I'll also have horrible luck with the sniper rifle, as I'm fucking terrible with smaller actions. My arms are so used to larger gestures... My meaning is clear.

But right now, I'm fiddling with the omni-tool. And... hey, you can access the extranet on this thing? Hm, doesn't seem to be picking up a strong signal. Eh, I'll wait until the terminal gets back online.

Shepard's still tracking down Dr. T'Soni, although we've only been drifting around for a day or so. The sunglasses went off a long time ago, and... well, I can see clearly now! The rain is gone, and that's always a great thing!

Rain... Speaking of which, I wonder how bad it's raining down in Miami right now. I'm pretty sure it's bad. I just hope... No, I know my parents are freaking out right now. I wonder. Has anybody found me back home? Have I just vanished? Did I hit my head against something and die? Did I go into a coma?

I'm not sure. And a part of me is saying that I honestly don't want to find out the answer to that.

Oh, well, get used to these menus, Art.

All right. So this is the one that gets stuff done. It's just like pressing the L2 trigger for my copy of Dragon Age. Man, it would be super surreal if people from that game started showing up in space opera. But then again, you never know... It happened in other media, and it could happen here. So we'll just have to see about that...

Hm, the time's getting close to when I have to meet up with Ash.

All right, here goes nothing.

I head down to the cargo bay, a spring in my step as I head to the elevators, nodding in time to an imaginary beat. Ah, Varèse, where would I be without Ameríques? Nowhere, I guess. I just hope you exist here, because I will blow a fuse if you aren't.

So I walk into the cargo bay, and instantly I sense something is wrong when I don't see Ashley in the immediate vicinity. I turn around, not seeing her anywhere in crates on my line of sight. I see a pistol in the center of the room, a heavenly light shining on it like the false grail from The Last Crusade. This is a little odd. Okay, time to play the waiting game for ten minutes...

...Ten minutes later and she's still not there.

Hm. Something doesn't seem totally right about this. I don't know what it is, but I don't like this one bit.

Slowly, I slinked into the cover provided by the crates that lined the cargo bay, looking around the place with my eyes just below my cover. I slink along the cover, keeping an eye out for Ash. She wants to play games with me? Okay. I'll go with that for now. Just stay behind cover at all times, and seek her out. That way, you should live longer. Wait, what am I saying? She won't be stupid enough to kill me. If anything, she'll just fire at the ground and reprimand me for not staying behind cover.

Okay, there's a break in the cover. Oh, dear, I've never done rolls on hard ground. I'll just have to play along. One, two, three.

My body rolls across the ground, and I'm behind cover again. The world tumbles a little, and I'm left to catch my breath, but I feel pretty good about myself. Sweetness!

And, I see the targeting laser set on the wall behind me. Okay, she's using a sniper rifle right now. And judging from where the dot is...

I turn around and look behind my cover. Sure enough, I see Ash kneeling against a crate, a sniper rifle in her hands. The dot dances on the wall behind me, and I can sense that she's concentrating. She shifts slightly, and I give her a glance.

Well, you're gonna have to try harder than that to catch me, Ash! All right, Art. Remember the treehouse after your Confirmation. Stay out of sight. Make it seem like the wind. Play it safe. And don't let yourself be seen.

All right, here we go. I slowly get on my hands and knees and crawl away past cover. I traverse any openings I can catch, and then I slowly get around there. And I see the target laser dance over me. Wait...

I tap my shoe once, and I suddenly notice that my shoes are actually pretty noisy on this floor. Uh huh... Might be a good idea to take them off. And I do just that, taking my socks off as well. If I'm gonna do this, I might as well do it barefoot. She'll barely even know I'm coming. I hope.

So I ditch the shoes and I sneak across cover some more. Her targeting laser goes along the opposite wall by the time I can see that bun in her hair, and I'm slowly sneaking up to her. Okay, now I pause. Once I do this, I have to be careful. I have to have extremely careful hands when I lunge for her weapon. I don't think I'll succeed, and I'm pretty sure I won't. But we'll see what she says of that later.

For now, I see her. She's barely a few feet in front of me. Her sight is still trained on where I dumped my shoes. Don't look at her for too long, or else she'll get the feeling I'm staring at her.

Okay. Here goes... whatever the hell I'm doing.

Gripping the edge of the crate, I launch myself forward silently. My feet hammer, and then Ash turns around, surprised at this. She turns her sniper rifle around as if to hit me.

Oh shit! Oh shit! What do I--?

I collide with her before I can finish my though, and then we're both sent tumbling away. Her sniper rifle flies away from her grasp. Huh, I'd expect her to keep a stronger grip on her weapon. Oh, well. I'm sent flying away, skidding just a few feet away. I groan slightly, and then I get up on my hands and knees.

And as soon as I look up, I see Ashley with a deeply mischievous grin on her face. Confused, I raise an eyebrow.

"What's so funny?" I ask, crossing my arms.

"There was a sniper rifle across the room, you know," she says. "It's probably where you left your shoes. Or I'm guessing you didn't see it?"

Wait, you mean there was a sniper rifle all the way over there? Shitfucker! I can't believe I just did that!

"Fuck!" I say, shaking my head and getting up. "You're crafty as fuck, girl."

She glares at me. "I'd like it if you'd refer to me as 'Ash', not girl," she replies.

"Still, the point has been made," I say, crossing my arms. "You done playing with my mind here?"

"Yes," she says. "I half expected you to walk into the center of the room when you noticed I was missing. I'll admit I was definitely not expecting what you actually did. Especially when you vanished without a trace breifly."

I rose an eyebrow. "Really?" I ask. "Even with my shoes off you could probably still hear me."

She shrugs. "Not over the constant sound of gunfire," she says. "That's what would probably happen in a combat situation. Except that in a combat situation, there would likely be less cover for you to work with. But since you ran faster than I expected you to, then that takes care of itself..."

I rose my eyebrow at this. "So... you're not mad about the sniper rifle," I say.

She shakes her head. "No," she replies. "You have the right idea about never leaving from cover. Also, you have the good sense not to walk into the open space, even with the promise of another weapon. And you have good sense to tell when a trap is being set up. So for that, we're already doing well."

I nod, suddenly feeling pretty good about myself. If I was able to make her happy about that, I'm on a roll! I just hope I never have to crawl like that over a field of broken glass...

"Thanks," I say. "So, what happens now?"

She pulls out a pistol and hands it to me. I take it gingerly, the weapon feeling a little... lighter than I expected? Lighter? Huh...

"We get started," she says. "Recoil training. Tali tells me your arm almost got greatly messed up because you weren't used to the recoil."

I nod, looking at the gun and then at a crate. I assume she wants me to attack a crate? But where the hell are we going to find an empty crate... Hm...

"Yeah, it was," I say, deciding to just continue the conversation as it was.

"Then let's get started," she says. "Point at the crate over there, and I'll see how badly the recoil affects you."

I raise my eyebrow at this. I... don't think this is a particularly good idea. I mean, what if I can't move around the battlefield all that well because I never learned how to roll with a gun in my hand? What if I'm a little too slow with that? Why am I trying to get the recoil done now? Shouldn't I know how to handle the damn thing before I try to fire it? I know that when I took fencing in junior year my entire class was forbidden from touching a foil for two weeks while we were learning form. And sure enough, I became one of the better foil fighters in the class because of it. So shouldn't we be doing the same here?

Ah, you know what? Nah. I should trust Ash a little more here. She's obviously more knowledgeable on firearms than I am... but if I shoot myself by accident, I'm telling Shepard that I never learned how to roll with a gun.

So I point at the crate, bracing myself with a foot behind me as I aim. I shake a little bit, and then I pull the trigger.

Oh, dear, the recoil. At least this time, I think I got myself in good hands right now, as I don't think I injured anything and I didn't fall over. A hole goes into the crate, and Ash nods.

"Not too bad," she says. "But do you have to splay your foot out so far?"

I look behind me to see that indeed, I do have a lot of distance between my waist and my foot. Huh. All right, shuffle that foot forward. And try again.

Bang.

And, I think I'm getting the hang of the recoil. Ash nods, and she gestures to me.

"Right," she says. "Now, keep firing. And before you fire, feel the weight of your arms. Feel it press against the gun as it fires. Feel yourself launch forward ever so slightly, and then let it go."

Okay, that's a lot like my viola lessons. Oh, dear... Stop reminding me of home!

Anyways... Okay, so, stand there. Feel the arms. Okay, I feel the muscles on them as they twitch around the bone. I think I'm on the right track. Right. Now, in a split second, you'll lean forward. And only for a split second! And, pull the trigger.

I barely feel the recoil. This will take a bit of getting used to, but I know how important it is that I stay in shape. This will only get better when I continue to work out. But for now, I see her nod, a pleased look on her face.

"Good," she says. "A few more times so you can get used to the feeling, now."

Well, she may not like me all that much, but she's a good teacher. So I'll take her on what she says. Okay, focus. Fire a few more times.

I do just that, waiting a little bit between rounds fired and making sure I have it right. Just think of it like viola lessons. Feel the deltoid muscle, Art! Feel it! Feel also the placement of your feet on the ground. Your shoulder muscles. The direction your eyes are taking. Now, focus, and time it just right.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.

And another one bites the dust.

I turn to her, looking at the smoldering hole that the bullets left before nodding. "All right," I say. "You know, that wasn't too far away from my viola lessons. I'd get reminded about having to use certain muscle groups again and again." Shit, bite down the yoga comment. Bite it down... Don't let the office see your hand shake...

"Huh," she says, sparing me those thoughts. "It would explain why you got used to it so fast. Usually, it takes three, maybe four shots for a recruit to figure out just how the recoil works."

I wink at her. "See?" I say. "Music is good for the military!"

She raises an eyebrow at this, crossing her arms in mild surprise. "It does provide distractions," she replies.

"Distractions are good," I reply, shrugging. "We'd all go insane if there were no distractions in life. I mean, if we were all about work, then there'd be no time to appreciate life. We have to take time to think about things, allow ourselves distractions. Like what I'm doing with this overly long monologue that I take is annoying you once again."

At this, I found her fighting to keep down a chuckle. "Well, you certainly hit the nail on the head there," she says. "But anyway, we have to move on. We don't exactly have all day, you know."

I nod. "Of course," I say. "Now, what's next?"

And then she plops an assault rifle into my arms. It's a little heavier than I expected, and I give it an odd look as I hold the weapon in my hands.

"Recoil training," she says. "Again. You know the drill."

Huh. Way to be a strict bitch again. We'll have to see how well this gels, A.K.A., not at all. I guess I won't bore myself with details.

I stand at attention, holding the object as I stare the crates down. I pick up my rifle... I aim... I think of my upper body...

And I cue the Rocky-style montage!

The next two days were full of getting myself in shape and getting gun training with Ashley. She brought me up to speed on many things with handling guns, including how to roll with them, getting used to recoil behind cover, basic tips on how to reload quickly, and that whole shebang. She was very helpful, but she'd go into her strict bitch mode whenever I would go off on a tangent. I was started on pistols and assault rifles for now; we had both learned that I was a terrible sniper, and that for now the shotgun recoil was far too much and would send me flying unless I gained more expertise.

Target practice was a bit wierd, as she used very specific colorations on the crates for that. I was pretty good at aiming with a pistol by the time I had gone through it enough times, my automatic rifle work could have used some help, and, well that was essentially all we covered. I imagine my shotgun aim could be pretty good in the future. As well, I also had to learn some weapon swap and some reloading. Reloading I got the gist of doing very quickly, but switching was a much more laborious process. And I was not good at it, so we spent the majority of our time on that until I had gotten the gist of how to switch quickly. And even then, I still got it wrong. And then there was rolling practice, which she did without the aid of mats. I would have complained, but I saw her logic behind it. After all, the battlefield isn't going to have anything to soften the ground, so I can't get too used to that. This I seemed to get the hang of, although I did nearly break my arm a few times. But hey, what can a guy do, you know?

I also spent those days taking on a strict one hour of cardio and one hour of yoga when I wasn't training with Ash for six hours. The exercise regimen recommended by Chakwas took a bit of getting used to, but I was usually the only one in the gym (Shepard would stop by and talk to me sometimes, but that's besides the point), so I worked at it. Core muscles got stronger. I was able to run on the treadmil for progressively longer distances. It was intense, and at the end of both days I felt absolutely exhausted.

But I felt I was learning something. Ash was an incredibly tough instructor, but I put up with that. Sometimes I wanted to scream at her in frustration, but she had power over me so I did as I was told. And at the end of the day, it all started to pay off as I... well, failed and succeeded, failed and succeeded, and then began to succeed on a more regular basis.

It was such that on the second day Ash had given me something of a breather after all the target, rolling, cover, and reloading practice that she and I both sat there.

It was the day that Shepard and the crew had touched down on Therum looking for Liara T'Soni. She had taken pretty much the entire team except for Ash and myself. We were wearing standard issue armor, myself wearing armor that was handed down from Alenko. Some of it had to be trimmed down to fit my size, but otherwise it fit me fairly well. I do have to say, though, this armor is heavy as hell! It's like wearing one of those lead things at the doctor's office; heavy and mildly ungainly. My rolling somehow impoved while wearing this, though. I honestly don't know why.

But anyway, enough about the armor.

I am sitting against a crate and Ash turned to me.

"How are you feeling?" she asks.

"Tired," I say, wiping some sweat off of my brow. "I've had sixteen hours of doing nothing but nonstop training to be a soldier. I'm pretty sure your troops in the Alliance get it better than this..."

"Partly," she says. "But then again, they're not being forced to be prepared for a dangerous mission in such a short amount of time, so..."

I shrug at this. "I wasn't exactly complaining," I reply defensively. "I'm just sayin', it was more hard work than I expected it to be. And at the end of the day... I think I'm gonna sleep past breakfast tomorrow..."

She chuckled good-naturedly. "That's the idea," she says. "Especially so as we take on this final training challenge."

I raise my eyebrows. "Challenge?" I ask. "Am I going to be engaging in a mock firefight?"

Her reply comes in the form of a few heat sinks being dropped at my feet. "Blanks," she says. "They'll fire charges, but not enough to seriously injure someone."

I look down at the heat sinks, picking one up and inspecting it. I look up at her, uncertainty on my face. "You mean, I'm gonna have to..."

"Yep," she says. "You're taking on me in a one on one firefight in the cargo bay, as soon as this break is over."

"Oh dear..." I say, looking at the heat sink as I pull out my pistol and begin to switch ammunition. "I don't feel entirely confident about that..."

As I collect the blank heat sinks, she nods. "Don't worry, they won't injure me," she says. "If anything, it'll be just a small zap that I feel. Nothing more."

"Not about that," I say. "But about how long I'll stand out against you. I'm sure it won't be too long."

"You never know," she replies. "Have more faith in yourself. And you can do it. Even if your monologuing gets the better of you."

Ooh. Burn. You got me good there, Williams. "Right," I say, shaking my head as I put my pistol away on the magnetic charge on my back and pull the assault rifle away. "So, what are the stipulations?"

"Either shoot me once successfully, or survive for five minutes," she says. "Either condition will mean that I can deem you worthy to join the crew on the next mission. Which, by the way, I'm still not forgiving you for keeping me out of today's mission."

"Whatever," I say, shaking my head as I stand up. "I'm not particularly happy about not meeting Dr. T'Soni until she gets here either."

"Not what I meant," replies the gunnery chief. "Now, I hope you're ready, because it'll begin once I radio you to put your shields up."

I stand at attention as she looks at me. "Yes, ma'am!" I say, looking at her determinedly.

"All right," she says. "I'll go to the other side of the cargo hold, and you stay here."

"Of course," I reply, slowly moving to cover. "Whenever you're ready."

And then she walks to the other side of the cargo hold. I slowly get behind the cover, losing my composure as I did. I'm facing off against Ash! Ash, of all people! Shit! I'm not gonna survive for five minutes. I'm not gonna be able to shoot her. I'm gonna fail miserably. And...

Okay, relax Art. You'll do fine. You can survive for five minutes. Just be careful, don't show your face when your shields go down, move through cover quickly, and make sure that there is at least one row of crates between the two of you. And remember your training and put it to good use.

And remember, it's a large space... Oh, god damn it, why can't I come up with a good music analogy?

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm gonna fail...

No, I'll do fine.

"Activate shields on three... two... one..."

Too late to turn back now.

I activate my shields, and I nod.

"Shields activated," I say.

"Good," she says. "Firefight starts now!"

And she's the first one to shoot at me as I hear some assault rifle rounds zing past the crates I was using as cover. I wait for her to stop firing, drawing my pistol before turning around to gaze there. If I can keep her behind the cover...

She comes up at me again and I duck behind my cover. Okay, wait for the rounds to come by...

Now!

I come out of my hiding place and manage to fire my gun. She hides behind her cover, however, and I silently curse to myself as I linger there. As soon as I see her, I duck back behind my cover.

This isn't working. I need to use faster fire.

That said, I switch to the assault rifle. All is silent for a few seconds, and I imagine that Ashley is waiting for me to surface. So slowly, I peer out from behind my cover to find Ash doing the same. I'm quick to duck behind as suddenly a rush of blanks fly past my cover. All right, I think I'm doing good so far on the reflexes department. I just wish my arms weren't shaking so much...

Don't worry, Art. You can do this.

As soon as I hear the fire stop, I extend my arm out past the cover, keeping an eye on Ash. And miraculously enough, I managed to get the first few bullets that actually hit something as I see her shields glow blue for a brief second as they deflect the bullets. All right! I can do this!

Or, could, if she didn't come out right afterwards and then attempt to take out my own shields. She did manage to lower them some, as the display on my armor so religiously showed, but I was fast enough to retrieve into cover before it could be a problem.

Well, Art, that's what you get for being cocky. You got a hit on Ash, but that doesn't mean you can stay out for long.

Speaking of which... are those footsteps?

Oh dear. Time to head to different cover. I listen carefully to where the footsteps are coming from. And they're coming from my right side.

Okay. To the left then.

Quickly, I move along, checking my cover as I move to keep an eye on Ash's position. And I see the top of her head stop somewhere. She rises over her cover and fires.

I barely manage to duck in time, and even then she manages to take some of my shields, which had regenerated by then. I was not doing as well as I thought I would, but at least my shields had still managed to hold. I hear the rounds go off above me before rising and taking fire. I duck back down as we exchange fire like this for a bit.

Okay, this isn't working. I need to think of something else. Rush her? Nah, that would be reckless, and even more so in the kinds of situations found in the game. Stay out of cover and just zigzag? Possibly, but that wouldn't work when fighting a bunch of mooks that can fire at you from so many different directions. Pull a Thane? ... Okay, why did I just think that? I'm not that awesome. Pull a Rambo and use both of my guns?

... Actually, that doesn't sound like too bad an idea. I might not be used to the recoil of an assault rifle in one hand, but hey, it might throw her off.

Before I can act on it, though, I hear footsteps. From the right again, and she's close enough where she could fire down.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

I get up and dash away just as Ash appears around the corner. Her assault rifle fire follows me as I make a mad dash for the opposite end of the room. My shields barely held together after that, and I only managed to fire a few blanks before finally I was nestled back in the center of the room.

Okay, the Rambo approach will have to wait for my shields to regenerate. While I do that, though, I get out my pistol, nodding at it. I very quietly place my assault rifle on the ground right next to me, and as my head appears I hear a rattle of gunfire.

Not yet. My shields haven't regenerated fully. I'll need them at full capacity for this to work. Because, after all, I'm not exactly Sylvester Stallone.

Okay, I wait for a few minutes, peering my head out again. Ash is moving very slowly, and I sense that she may be trying to throw me off. Not so fast there, Williams!

I fire a warning shot just above her head to show her that I know what she's up to. She recoils slightly, and then peers up.

Duck back, and wait for her to stop firing. Okay, my shields have regenerated. Now, to exchange the fire.

With one hand, I come out of my cover and fire my pistol several times. It's enough to cause me to run out of ammo, but this is part of the plan. I retreat into my cover almost immediately, and I quickly reach for the assault rifle. I carelessly toss my pistol to the side, and I grab it as quickly as I can. I grab it so quickly I actually overestimate how I'll fall. I come out of cover again just as Ash has her gun ready, and after very quickly (but flimsily) steadying myself, I let out a yell and let loose.

And, results! We both fired at each other, shields going out. But my yell startled her briefly, and so I was able to get in a few shots first. And sure enough, as soon as my shields fell, I heard a ping right before I felt a blank hit me on my arm.

Ow! Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow!!!! I hope I landed a hit. Let's see what Ash says about that.

It's quiet for a bit, and then I hear my comm unit buzz to life.

"That was a really ballsy move," she says. "Whatever happens in the field of battle, don't do that again."

I nod. "It'll depend on the situation, but I'll try not to," I say. "Badassery comes like that, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does," she says. "Besides, you got a hit on me first, so that has to mean something. Especially since I felt myself get hit by two blanks before I could get one on you."

All right, the Rambo Gambit paid off! "And where'd they hit?" I ask, standing up from cover and not using the comm unit anymore.

"Stomach and shoulder," she replies. "Two pretty good places to hit if you want to disable your enemy. And it makes it tough for the medics to heal unless they have medigel on hand. And you?"

"Arm," I say, shrugging. "I might not be able to do spiccato strokes for the rest of my life, but I'll live. So that means..."

"It's a draw," she says. "But you seem to show quite a bit of craftiness and observance on the battlefield."

Hm... "Observance?" I ask. Really, Ash? "I wouldn't have noticed you trying to sneak up on me if not for the fact that I just had to check. I guess I owe that to paranoia, maybe?"

"But it still makes you look every so often," she says. "And that's a vital skill to have in battle. As well, you'll have the help of squad mates to take down mooks. As such, I think you'll be ready to join the Normandy's crew on their next mission. And we can get you started on the battle sims before we head to Noveria, which can only help you more."

And cue the Final Fantasy victory music. I managed to beat Ash at a firefight after sixteen hours of vigorous work. Shit, this... this feels really wierd. Like I'm on top of the world right now! I feel awesome! Maybe not as awesome since my victory came with a very brash maneuver, but still. I can't wait to call potshots on Matriarch Benezia!

"Speaking of mission..." I then say, realizing something. "What's Shepard's status on finding Dr. T'Soni?"

Ash shruggs as I collect my items and attach them to my armor. "Well, let's find out, shall we?"

And with this, we both leave the cargo bay. I'm probably gonna get some nice, good sleep aftewards.

"And by the way, I'm still going to be looking after you from here on out."

Well, fuck. Ah, well, I should've seen that coming. After all, I still haven't gotten shotgun quite right, so I'll have to do something about that. We'll have to see what. But still, I was looking forward to my free time! Ah, well...

"But it won't be as vigorous as it was for the past few days."

Oh, okay. That, I can live with. That way I have time to myself. And time to look up whether Vexations exists in this universe or not. I'm sure it does, though. I mean, some of the composers are the same, so I'm assuming the history of western music followed a similar plan...

"Okay," I say, shrugging. "That'll be interesting to watch. Especially when I get to use a shotgun. That'll be pretty crazy. Just, don't force me to use the sniper rifle, as I don't think I'll ever get used to it. At all."

She glances down at me before shrugging. "Anything that'll keep your internal monologuing to a minimum."

Oh. Okay. I'll take that as a cue to shut up. Besides, we do have to see if Shepard's got Liara yet...

And... she has! We're sitting around in a circle, getting debriefed. I'm sitting by Ash for some reason, with a chair freed up there as Shepard stands in front of the com link that can get her to contact the Citadel should the need arise. I would have liked to sit with our non-human friends on the other side, but... well, there weren't enough seats on the other side.

Oh, boy, Liara. This is going to be quite fun when I see you here. And indeed, you look far too attractive to be a doctor. But hey, there's the entire asari race for you. It's too bad you're a pureblood, though, because we all know how that works out for you... Yeah, I'm thinking too much about it.

And we just left Therum, too. And Joker's not too happy about that.

"Too close, commander," he says over the intercom. "Ten more seconds and we would've been swimming in molten sulfur. The Normandy isn't equipped to land in exploding volcanoes. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull. Just for future reference."

Liara is the first to say something after this. "We almost died out there and your pilot is making jokes?" she asks.

Well, at least it's not an internal monologue, Dr. T'Soni. In fact--

"It eases the tension," she says. "Bad jokes tend to do that around here."

Oh, I hope I didn't actually say any of what I thought aloud.

"I see," she says. "It must be a human thing. You must forgive me for not having much experience with your species. But I am grateful to you. You saved my life back there, and not just from the volcano. The geth would have killed me."

Kaidan is the next person to speak. "What did Saren want with you?" he asks. "Do you know something about the Conduit?"

Yeah, Ash filled me in on what was happening on the first day of shooting lessons. So I'm as up to date on the mission as everybody else. Not like I needed it, since I already know where the Conduit is, but hey, I've gotta humor them to avoid suspicion, right? Hopefully biotics can't read minds... If they can, I'm fucked.

Liara replies, leaning back against the chair. "Only that it was connected to the Prothean extinction," she says. "That is my real area of expertise. I have spent the last fifty years trying to figure out what happened to them."

I raise my eyebrows. Good for a refresher, I guess.

"I'm sorry, but how old are you?" I ask. "You'll have to forgive me on this one, as I've never really encountered an asari before. So, no offense..."

"None taken," replies Liara, her hands settled in her lap. "And I am only a hundred and six."

Ah, okay. To play along, I rear my head back, raising my eyebrow at this. "Only a hundred and six?" I ask, keeping in character.

"Asari can live for a thousand years, Mr. *********," replies Liara, looking at me. "It may be old for a short-lived species like yourself, but for my species I am only a child."

I shrug at this. "Well, I mean, since you're only a child in them, doesn't that mean that you can come to conclusions that those older than you wouldn't otherwise be able to come to?" I ask.

"That is exactly the problem," she replies. "My research does not get the attention it deserves. Based on my youth, they tend to discard what theories I have about the Prothean extinction."

Shepard gives her a glance. "I've got my own theory on why the Protheans disappeared," she says. And so do I, but I'm not telling you guys that.

"With all due respect, Commander," says Liara, her voice seeming a little too scientific, "I have heard every theory out there. The problem is finding evidence to support them. The Protheans left remarkably little behind. It is almost as if someone did not want the mystery solved. It's like someone came along after the Protheans were gone and cleansed the galaxy of clues."

Oh, the irony. Maybe it was towards the end, not after, Liara.

"But here is the incredible part," she says without waiting for my train of thought to finish. "According to my findings, the Protheans are not the first galactic civilization to mysteriously vanish. This cycle began long before them."

Yep, I've heard that too, Dr. T'Soni. I'll let the other crew ask questions for this.

"What makes you think that?" asks Shepard. "There was no evidence left behind..."

"I have been working at this for fifty years," replies Liara. "I have scanned all of the evidence I could find. Eventually, a pattern emerged. A pattern that hinted at the truth. It is difficult to explain." Not to the guy who listens to Varèse on his spare time, dear. It helps that I've got the pattern figured out, but still, even if I didn't... "I cannot point to one specific piece of evidence. It is more derived from a half century of dedicated research. But I know I'm right. And eventually, I will be able to prove that there were other civilizations that were wiped out before the Protheans. The cycle has repeated itself many times over."

For several billions of years, I bite back the urge to mutter. I think I do mouth it though. Shit, I hope nobody was looking at me... Fuck fuck fuck... Well, everyone's eyes are directed at Dr. T'Soni, hers are directed at Shepard, so... Fuck...

"So, let me get this straight," I say, all attention diverting to me. "You're saying that there's a cycle of extinction going on here? That we're gonna meet the same fate the Protheans met somehow?"

"That seems to be what my research indicates," she says. "Each time a great civilization rises up, it is violently cast down. Only ruins survive. The Protheans expanded across the galaxy, yet they climbed to the top on the remains of those who came before. Their greatest achievements-- the mass relays and the Citadel-- are based on the technology of those who came before them."

Oh, dear. If only you knew. It's not the Protheans at all. The Citadel is a trap. The Protheans made nothing. The cake is a lie. You get the idea.

She continues on, and I discard this thought pretty quickly. "And then, like all the other civilizations throughout galactic history, the Protheans disappeared. I have dedicated my life to figuring out why."

Okay, Shepard. Since you saw the beacon on Eden Prime, let's hear you.

"They were wiped out by a race of sentient machines," she says. "The Reapers."

She seems a little confused by this. "Th... the Reapers?" she asks. "But I have never heard of--. How do you know this? What evidence do you have?"

Shepard continues. "There was a damaged Prothean beacon on Eden Prime," she replies. "It burned a vision into my brain. I'm still trying to sort out what it all means."

"A vision..." she says, thinking. "Yes, that makes sense. The beacons were programmed to send information directly into the users' brain. Finding a beacon in working condition is extremely rare."

"So that would explain why they attacked Eden Prime," says Ash, crossing her arms.

"Finding a working beacon is worth any risk," says Liara. "But... the information is likely confusing. The beacons were programmed only to work with Prothean physiology. Someone would have to unscramble the vision for it to make any sense."

"All we know so far is that Saren is after some 'Conduit'," says Shepard. "Maybe these visions can provide a clue for that?"

"Possibly," says Liara. "I could unscramble the vision for you if we can find another working beacon."

"Of course," she says. "That sounds as good an idea as any. For now, we will be chasing after Benezia on Noveria."

And then, she turns to Ash and me. "Chief Williams, how has Serviceman *********'s firearm training gone?"

Fuck, I'm only ranked a Serviceman? Well... actually, come to think of it, that does make a little more sense than just referring to me as 'Art'. I'm technically not a part of the Alliance military, but it's better than nothing I suppose.

Ash nods, smiling softly. "He's a fast learner, I'll give him that," she says. "He'll be ready in time for Noveria."

Shepard nods at this. "Excellent," she says. "I'll contact the Council and let them know that we have Liara on our crew. Serviceman, I expect you to be ready when we touch down on Noveria."

"Yes, Commander," I say, nodding my head and smiling. All right, so I'll get to fire at Benezia! Provided things don't go too badly...

"This debriefing is dismissed," says Shepard. "Prepare for Noveria, as we'll be heading to there as soon as I bring the Council up to speed.."

And so the debriefing ends. All right, Liara T'Soni has joined the party! I know she won't betray us despite the council's fears, so this should go rather smoothly. Now all that's left is to talk with her a little bit, get to know her a little more. And that shouldn't be so hard.

The hard part will come concerning talking about the Reapers to her. Now that will be hard to not let my mouth run off in a thousand different directions...

And... it wasn't too hard. We'll have to see what goes down with that later. We just introduced each other and our professions. Nothing big, really. But she did say that she did have something of a soft spot for human music, and she especially liked new composers. I told her I would see what I could do once I had gotten a hold of a way to write some music.

For now, though, I'm back in my room. Before I showed up, some of the tech guys on the Normandy told me that my terminal is up and running now, complete with extranet link.

Sweet! Maybe I can find out where I can get a hold of Vexations again. And then, I just have to find somewhere to hide, and then to play it. And then hopefully I can be back home.

So I sit at my desk and turn my terminal on. This is going to take a bit of getting used to the holographic nature of it, but still, I think I understand what's going on. Actually, it's surprising how similar this interface is back home. I wonder... how often do these terminals suffer from the infamous Blue Screen of Death? I hope it's not as often as my Dell XPS laptop. Because that would be fucking annoying. It's annoying when it happens in my universe, and it's annoying when it happens anywhere else.

Although, if I do get the BSOD, it might give me an excuse to loudly scream a quote from Spaceballs. That would be quite funny.

Okay, enough chat. Now, let's log on to the extranet.

Okay, we're on the extranet.

And I've hit a blank. I just realized I don't know what the hell the search website is for this thing. True, we got tons of mentions to the extranet, but I don't remember if they ever mentioned their search function. Fuck. Ah, well, we'll have to make do with--

Oh, hey, the home page has a search bar! That's definitely convenient. Just remember: this home page has a search feature. For future reference.

All right. So, how do I type on this thing...?

I look on the screen, and then I see an icon on a corner of the screen with a letter in Times New Roman. Good to see that font hasn't fallen out of fashion. I touch it briefly on the display, and I see a virtual keyboard lay out before me. And the keys are arranged the same way.

Good thing I'm a reasonably good touch typist. Unfortunately, not much I can do about that. I touch the search bar, and when I see the customary line blink, I type in the items I want.

Vexations Satie

All right. Press enter. And now, the re...

...What?

No. No no no no no. This can't be right.

What the hell do you mean, no search results? What? That can't be right!

Vexations Piano

No. There are no search results for that either? Oh, no... Shit, this can't be good.

Vexations 18 Hours

Holy shit! No... This can't be good... Fuck... No, please don't let it be true...

Vexations Sheet Music

One search result came up. Maybe there's hope! I click on it.

It's not Erik Satie. It's a chamber piece written by some... Mangdalar Vorolis. Sounds turian.

And... Fuck, it's not what I'm looking for. Fuck!

Oh, no... Please, don't let it be true... Please, please, please don't let it be true.

Erik Satie

With a bit of hesitation, I press enter.

No search results have been found for "Erik Satie".

... No... No, it can't be true. Erik Satie has to exist in this universe. This can't be... No...

Fuck... No, it's not true! It's impossible! This can't be...

No. Vexations doesn't exist in the Mass Effect universe. The fucking composer doesn't exist! This isn't... No... No...

I don't know how I can get home! And now, I'll never know if I died, or if...

Wait a minute. Died. Most people...

That's it! I don't need Vexations to go back home! It's a wild theory, but given the circumstances... I remember when I would read fanfiction that most self-insert authors kill themselves in the real world before winding up in their universe of choice. And then maybe if they were lucky they could find some magical device to bring them back. This isn't a self-insert fanfic I'm in right now, but maybe the reverse could apply where the mystical elements are what get me in and the death is what gets me out?

In that case... I could get shot down. But the medics would make sure that wouldn't happen. So maybe plotline death will suffice. Where in the game...?

Virmire! Of course! I could let Ash or Kaidan go with Kirrahe's men, and then I could stay behind to activate the nuke! Maybe then, the blast will kill me and I can go home! And I can see my friends again! Of course, that depends on what kind of Shepard we're dealing with here. But I know she'll go after the one with Kirrahe's men. She told me it was her job to look after her subordinates, after all. Maybe that'll hold true for Kirrahe's men? No, it will. I know it will.

Okay! So, I'm gonna go about the plot, I'm gonna die on Virmire, and I'm gonna be back home! And until then, I get to find things out about the Mass Effect universe, and it'll make for interesting fanfiction when I get back! Sweet!

Only problem is, I might hurt those people. But... a part of me misses home. And a part of me wishes I could see my younger brother. Speaking of which, I'll have to work him into the cover story. I can hardly spend a day without thinking about him; he's that important to me.

Well, don't worry, Augie. If things go right, I'll be back home soon enough. And I'll be back to composing on actual paper again!

In the meantime, I better verify if my favorite things are still here.

So going to the search bar, I type a name.

Edgard Varèse

I hit enter, and I'm bombarded by results.

Hey, today's my lucky day! Liara's arrived, I've been deemed worthy to go on missions with the rest of the crew, I've formulated a plan, I've pitched the movie night idea to Shepard, it's gelled, and I found out that my favorite composer not only exists in the ME universe, but is also the subject of great admiration from salarians and asari everywhere. Yes.

My life is awesome right now! I love this!