CHAPTER FIVE: smile like you mean it
Marissa stood just inside the door to the stairs, leaning against the wall. She closed her eyes slowly and breathed out. After all those years of wondering, here was her answer, and she had no idea what to do with it. She slid down the wall and wrapped her arms around her legs. Right now she just needed to think things through.
Alex walked through the stair door quickly and purposefully. She flashed a smile to one of the band members who was walking toward the elevator with a guitar case. When she got to the lobby doors she found Jeremy being mobbed by a ton of screaming teenage girls. He was grinning ear to ear and signing autographs when Alex grabbed his arm.
"You've got band practice in thirty." She practically yelled in his ear. He nodded and finished an autograph, then followed her inside.
"So where's the Bait Shop?" He asked, still waving to the girls outside. Alex pulled him away from the doors.
"A few miles from here." She said. "I'll have a car outside waiting. You need to go take a shower and change your clothes." The younger guy finally focused his attention on Alex.
"You wanna share that shower with me?" He asked, then winked. Alex gave him a look and he just laughed. "Whatever." He said and headed toward the elevator. "If you change your mind, you know where I am!!" He called over his shoulder and Alex had to laugh.
Ryan stood in the doorway and watched Alex laugh with Jeremy Rochester. She's grown up. He thought, echoing the words she had said to him years ago. And she had. She had grown up, but she hadn't let go of her past yet and that was her problem. Only, Ryan didn't know any of that. He just saw her and saw the look in her eyes that only time and memories can give. He pushed the door open and went out to Alex.
"Have you seen Marissa?" He asked, looking around as if Alex was hiding her. Alex shook her head, but something in her eyes betrayed her.
"Are you sure?" Ryan asked. Alex nodded.
"Yeah, where is she? I haven't seen her in years." Alex glanced around the lobby a bit, but Ryan eyed her suspiciously. Finally, he shook it off. Why would Alex lie about that?
"I forgot you were friends that week you were here." Ryan said, remembering. "Why'd you leave so soon?" Alex shrugged.
"Personal stuff." She said shortly, leaving it at that and Ryan nodded. Alex flashed him a grin. "So where's the best place to eat around here?" She asked, easing the tension. But everything Ryan said after that went through one ear and out the other. Her mind was elsewhere, with a certain brunette.
Marissa finally got up the nerve to open the stair door, her face dry, her eyes clear. She took a confident step out, but that was all a ploy. She was completley thrown off by seeing Alex and so confused. She knew that she loved Ryan, but couldn't tell if it was romantic or a friendship anymore. Marissa looked up to see Ryan walking toward her, Alex was behind him, standing awkwardly by a couch.
Marissa flashed Ryan a fake smile, the same one she'd been using for years. Once in a while he did something that brought out a real smile, but there was no permanent grin or half-smile that Alex had given her. Marissa tilted her head up and kissed Ryan quickly. He smiled down at her and put his hand on the small of her back.
Marissa watched Alex's face slowly grow cold, her eyes flick away from the scene of quiet intimacy. When Alex glanced back her gaze was far away. Apparently, she had just realized that Marissa and Ryan were married, that they weren't faking their affection and Ryan, at least, wasn't faking his love. And that they had everything that went along with being married. Everything. Marissa glanced up at Ryan and they started toward Alex.
As Ryan and Marissa made their way toward her, Alex had an odd impulse to flee. Which was weird, because when it came to the fight or flight instinct Alex usually went with fight. Love makes you do the wacky. Plus, an uncontrollable image of Ryan and Marissa in bed together was making Alex green with envy and disgust. Marissa was hers, her brain told her. Which was completley crazy.
But Alex stuck it out, flashing Ryan a smile, and then breaking out into a real one when she saw Marissa. It had never been something she could hide. Her girlfriends had called it different things, 'the other woman smile', the 'space out smile'. It was something she did when she thought of Marissa, but now . . seeing her. It was a whole different animal.
Alex couldn't resist reaching out for hug and, while Ryan smiled, happy that his wife and his old friend were getting along, Marissa and Alex's thoughts were on something completley different. Something along the lines of touch and kiss and sheets and sand and butterflies.
They're tantalizingly brief touch was screwing with their brains. Neither of them could control their thoughts and when they pulled away and glanced at each other Alex raised a suggestive eyebrow and Marissa blushed. They both knew what the other was thinking of. Ryan watched this exchange, confused, but pushed it away.
"So, do you want to get something to eat?" He asked, looking from Alex to Marissa. Marissa nodded.
"Sure, where?" She asked, but Alex shook her head.
"Can I take a rain check? I have to go to the Bait Shop with Jeremy." Alex asked and explained. Marissa smiled, hiding her disappointment.
"Sure, let's do it another time." Marissa agreed. Alex shrugged.
"I can do dinner." She offered. Ryan fake cringed.
"I can't do that." He said and then his face lit up. "But you two could go, catch up or something. There's the Mack ball tonight at the hotel." The girls glanced at each other.
"I don't think-"
"I really can't-" they both started, but Ryan cut them off.
"It'll be great." He said. "Look, we've already got two tickets and I'll get Alex a ride. You'll have a good time." Alex wanted to say something, but didn't want to hurt Ryan's feelings.
"Alright." She agreed reluctantly. Her mind was racing to find a way out of this, but the problem was, she wanted to go. She had missed Marissa so much that it was impossible to even think of those first few months without her. Now a chance to spend a whole evening with her? Alex knew it wouldn't be that easy, but her heart said it would. What had happened to cynical? Marissa nodded as well.
"Eight? " She asked and Alex agreed. Just then Jeremy Rochester came up. He winked at Marissa and wrapped an arm around Alex, who rolled her eyes, but didn't try to move it.
"What happened to a shower?" Alex asked and Jeremy shrugged.
"I didn't have anyone to share it with." He answered coyly. In Marissa's frantic mind this signaled that the two were sleeping together. Alex caught a glimpse of Marissa's flash of feelings smiled. 'No!!' She mouthed, making a face and then grinning.
The two guys chatted about some car in Jeremy's last video and the two girls regarded each other subtly. That single mouthed word erased all of Marissa's doubts and created so many more. Alex wasn't dating Jeremy. Ok, she knew that. Alex could still read her like a book. Obviously. Alex was still as forward as ever. Apparently. And Alex still loved her. God only knows. Marissa sighed and turned back to the boys, who were so much simpler.