Moon Shadow
CHAPTER 2: STITCHES
Emmett grabbed Jasper from behind in the next second, locking him into his solid steel grip, while Jasper struggled on. I released his hands, which were now pinned against his sides, but remained close, alert to his every thought and movement.
Jasper's wild, hungry eyes focused only on Bella, cowering helplessly amidst the shards of broken crystal, her life blood flowing out of the gash on her arm, threatening to consume my senses, and staining the floor.
Kill.
Jasper's thoughts were screaming his dark intent, his fury evident as he thrashed savagely in Emmett's massive arms.
He's totally out of control. Emmett struggled to catch my eye, not wanting to speak aloud. We need to get him out of here.
Rosalie stood stone-faced behind Esme, who was watching the scene in horror, her hand covering her mouth and nose. Alice was rooted to the spot next to the overturned table, her face bone white.
Carlisle was the only one who remained calm. Centuries of experience in the emergency room were evident in his quiet, authoritative voice.
"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside."
Emmett nodded gravely. "Come on, Jasper."
Jasper struggled against Emmett's unbreakable grasp, twisting around, reaching toward his brother with his bared teeth, his eyes still past reason.
I wheeled around to crouch over Bella, taking a defensive position, watching Jasper carefully. A low warning growl slid from between my clenched teeth. I didn't dare to separate them, or even take a breath, fearing that if I allowed her scent to fill my nostrils, my own resolve would weaken. I clenched my jaw tighter, hardening the muscles in my face.
Well, that was unexpected, wasn't it? Rosalie shot a smug look at me and stepped in front of Jasper—keeping a careful distance from his teeth. She helped Emmett wrestle him through the glass door which Esme was holding open, still pressing one hand to her face.
Edward, I need to leave… Esme's heart-shaped face was ashamed. "I'm so sorry, Bella," she cried as she followed the others into the yard.
"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle murmured. We need to help her before she injures herself further on the broken glass, and we can't clean up the blood until she is taken care of.
I nodded slowly and relaxed my protective stance, allowing Carlisle to approach Bella. He knelt beside her, leaning close to examine her arm.
I looked down at Bella, registering the shock on her face. Her eyes were wide with fright, her broken body trembling. I knew I would never forget how she looked. Yet, this image was not the only one that would haunt me. The other flashed instantly into my mind.
Just six months ago, James had tricked Bella into meeting him in a dance studio, where he intended to video tape himself brutally murdering her. His plan was to incite me to go after him, so he could defeat a more worthy opponent. My family and I had arrived just in time—but not before James had violently beat her—to find her lying unconscious, crumpled and broken, covered in blood.
This circumstance, though different, was no less deadly. Tonight, I was the one who had led her into a death trap—and it was my own family. My chest constricted, the pain threatening to suffocate me, when I recognized what I had done.
"Here, Carlisle," Alice said, coming from the kitchen with a towel in her hand.
Carlisle shook his head. "Too much glass in the wound." He reached over and ripped a long, thin scrap from the bottom of the white tablecloth, twisting it around Bella's arm above the elbow to form a tourniquet.
"Bella," Carlisle asked softly, "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?"
"Here, please," she whispered shakily.
"I'll get your bag," Alice said, swiftly leaving the room.
"Let's take her to the kitchen table," Carlisle instructed. I do not advise letting her walk on her own, she is in shock. One of us will have to carry her. He was watching me with some concern. Can you do it or should I?
Still not taking a breath, I lifted her easily and carried her to the table while Carlisle kept the pressure steady on her arm.
"How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle asked her.
"I'm fine." She murmured, trying to keep her voice steady.
Alice was already at the table with Carlisle's black bag, and a small but brilliant desk light plugged into the wall. I gingerly placed Bella onto a chair while Carlisle pulled up another. He went to work at once.
I stood protectively over Bella, watching Carlisle go to work—envious of his apparent immunity to the scent of human blood. He methodically arranged his tools on a clean towel and then started mopping the blood away from the edges of the wound, carefully watching for slivers of crystal. How could he bear to touch her blood? I was teetering perilously close to the edge of insanity just from the smell. I ached to hold her, to comfort her, but the fear of losing control kept me from getting too close.
"Just go, Edward," Bella sighed, her eyes focused on Carlisle's face.
I was struggling to keep my composure. Could she have recognized that my own thirst for her blood was tearing at me the way Jasper had been clawing at Emmett? Sometimes it seemed she could read my thoughts, while I was unjustly denied hers. She had always been ardently observant—perhaps she had noticed I was not breathing.
"I can handle it," I said stiffly.
"You don't need to be a hero," She insisted, keeping her eyes locked on Carlisle. "Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air."
When Carlisle had finished cleaning Bella's arm, he then prepared a needle of anesthetic, which he injected directly into the wound, enabling him to harvest all of the glass without causing her further pain.
Bella winced as Carlisle inserted the needle.
"I'll stay," I stated firmly.
"Why are you so masochistic?" She mumbled.
Carlisle decided to intercede. "Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."
"Yes," Bella eagerly agreed. "Go find Jasper."
"You might as well do something useful," Alice added gently. You go on ahead, and I'll come out in a minute.
My eyes narrowed. I didn't want to leave Bella like this. There had to be something I could do for her.
Carlisle stole a glance at me. I know how hard this is for you. Let me take care of Bella while you take care of Jasper.
Reluctantly, I nodded once and sprinted smoothly through the kitchen's back door.
I felt angry at myself. I knew Bella hadn't wanted this party, but I had hoped that it would be a memorable one for her. I cringed at my choice of words. Memorable. Of course she would never forget this. How could this have happened? A paper cut of all things! A common, harmless, innocent, human mistake. Frustration, pain, and guilt boiled inside me as I crossed the yard.
About twenty yards from the house, Emmett was braced against a giant cedar, still holding Jasper, and talking easily to Rosalie, who was sitting next to Esme on a fallen tree. Jasper was breathing heavily, but no longer struggling inside his brother's granite embrace.
Esme looked up when she saw me. "Is Bella all right?" She asked anxiously, noting the scowl on my face.
"She's fine. Carlisle's cleaning out her arm in the kitchen." I told her evenly, glancing at Jasper.
Emmett saw the look and said, "Just give him a few more minutes and he'll be calmed down."
"I'm going to go inside and clean up." Esme said, getting up from the log. Don't be too hard on Jasper. We've all been where he is. She looked earnestly into my eyes for a moment, misinterpreting my dark mood. Then she patted my arm affectionately and glided swiftly to the house.
"I can see why you like her so much, Edward." Rosalie smirked, once Esme was out of earshot. "Things are definitely more exciting with Bella around, don't you think?"
I shot her a withering look.
"Well, I thought the evening was a success." Emmett said with a wide smile. "Definitely a birthday she'll never forget."
I stiffened. His words had hit too close to home.
I tried to ignore Emmett and instead studied Jasper's quiet form with a critical eye.
Soon, his breathing calmed and he was thinking clearly. I'm so sorry, Edward.
Emmett looked at me expectantly. I nodded, and he let Jasper slump to the ground.
"C'mon Rose, let's leave these two to duke it out." He smiled, taking Rosalie's hand and lifting her from her seat. "Don't be too hard on him." He said, inclining his head in Jasper's direction.
Don't you dare destroy our family because of your fascination with that stupid girl. Rosalie shot a menacing look at me over Emmett's shoulder as they swiftly disappeared around the house.
Her thoughts were so shocking, that my heart twisted in agony. Was this what it came down to? My family or Bella? I would sacrifice anything to be with her. There was no question in my mind. If I had to choose between her and my family, I would choose Bella.
Suddenly, the evening's events blazed into my thoughts again, and I gasped at the awful truth. I was sacrificing Bella's safety—her very life! Was I actually willing to pay so high a price to be with her? I felt suddenly sick.
Alice came out of the house at that moment and immediately went to Jasper's side. She took his face in her hands and kissed him tenderly, causing my heart to ache miserably.
"I'm so sorry, Alice." He said in an anguished voice.
"I know." She soothed.
Jasper stood slowly and turned to me, not daring to look at my face. "I'm sorry Edward. I can't believe I acted that way. Please forgive me." I don't know what came over me. I can't believe I lost control like that. I feel so terrible.
Forgive him? Of course I could forgive him. But how could I forgive myself? How could I have let this happen to my Bella? The pain in my heart intensified.
Please, Edward. Alice looked up at me, her eyes beseeching, and I realized I hadn't given Jasper an answer.
"I forgive you." I said, reaching out to touch Jasper's shoulder. He looked up, the relief evident on his face.
Alice put her arms around Jasper's waist and rested her head on his chest. Thank you, Edward. She turned her head and looked at me gratefully.
Jasper hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head. She looked up at him and something passed between them.
He shot me a furtive glance. Please tell Bella how sorry I am. Then he withdrew his arms from Alice's waist and slipped off into the woods.
He just needs some time alone. Alice turned to face me, noting my rigid expression. "Are you ok?" she asked aloud.
"I'm fine." I lied, turning away from her probing eyes.
She appeared in front of me, her arms folded firmly across her chest. You can't fool me that easily. Her eyes narrowed.
"Well, what do you want me to say?" I exploded, flinging my arms out in annoyance.
Alice just watched me, her amber eyes patient.
"It's all my fault—I should have seen this coming." I cried out in agony, pressing my fists to my temples, trying to block out the image of Bella—the most important thing to me in the entire world—small and broken.
Alice shook her head firmly. "No, I should have seen this coming."
"Don't, Alice." I spat at her.
"Don't what?" She asked, taken aback at my harsh tone.
"It's my fault." I growled. "Can't you see what I'm doing to her? Putting her life in danger every second I am with her? I am absolutely disgusted with myself."
I sank down onto the log which Rosalie and Esme had just abandoned.
"I've been deluding myself into thinking that I really had her best interests at heart. I thought I was protecting her when I was with her." I looked up at Alice's concerned face. "How can I protect her when I myself am struggling not to murder her? I am a monster! And the thing she needs protection against the most is me!"
"I could've killed her so easily." I whispered, cradling my head in my hands as the pain washed over me.
Alice was instantly at my side, her small hand on my shoulder. "But you wouldn't." She said with unquestionable certainty.
I shook my head violently and looked into her steady eyes. "I need to stay away from her. She is not safe when I am with her." The words cut through me as I spoke them.
"I'm not good enough for her. She deserves so much more than this." I finished flatly.
"Edward, Bella loves you," Alice said quietly, a small frown tugging on the corner of her lips. So very much—and you love her. Isn't that enough?
Was it enough? My tortured mind wanted to cry out. How could love be enough if she died and was lost to me forever? I was grateful that Alice did not share my ability to read minds.
"I don't know." I whispered as I stood up slowly. "I'm going inside to check on Bella." I sighed, and headed to the house, leaving Alice to stare after me.
I slipped in the back door and into the shadows of the dining room, listening for Carlisle and Bella. They were still in the kitchen, and from what I could hear, Carlisle was telling Bella about how he had changed me. It seemed like an odd topic for them to be discussing, and I wished I had stayed inside to hear the entire conversation.
"I've never been sorry that I saved Edward." Carlisle was saying.
She looks exhausted—I should get her home. I heard his thoughts a split-second before he said, "I suppose I should take you home now."
I had already started walking toward them. "I'll do that," I insisted, keeping my face impassive, while my heart was slowly shattering inside my chest.
"Carlisle can take me," Bella insisted, looking down.
Why didn't she want me to take her? Was she afraid I would lose control just like Jasper had?
How are you doing, Edward? Carlisle's thoughts broke off the awful questions which had filled my mind, and I looked up into his face, now lined with fatherly concern.
"I'm fine." I said evenly, glancing at Bella's spoiled shirt. The light blue cotton was soaked and spotted with blood. Her right shoulder was covered in thick pink frosting.
"You'll need to change anyway," I said to Bella. "You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something." I whirled around quickly and strode out the kitchen door once more and into the yard.
Alice was still sitting quietly where I had left her, a pained look on her face. I knew that expression; she had seen something.
She glanced up at me, startled by my quick return. Is Bella alright? Is something wrong?
Of course something is wrong—everything is wrong! My mind shouted in agony.
"She's fine," I said curtly, answering her unspoken thoughts. "She needs a new shirt though, before we take her home. Do you think you could find something for her to wear?"
I turned abruptly and headed back to the house, not waiting to see if Alice had followed.
Alice caught up to me by the time I reached the door and grabbed my arm. "Wait," she whispered urgently. I stopped, dead in my tracks, not sure if I wanted to see what she had seen.
Alice closed her eyes and concentrated for a moment. Her vision flooded my mind. Jasper was going to leave us to go to Africa, to be with Emmett and Rosalie.
"I need to find him and try to talk him into staying, or maybe going to Denali instead." She said, her tawny eyes laced with sorrow.
"No!" It came out as a strangled cry. I knew Alice would stay with Jasper, wherever he went, and I couldn't stand the thought of losing her.
Don't you dare destroy our family. Rosalie's words rang inside my mind.
"Edward," Alice said softly, looking deep into my eyes, "Don't worry about me and Jasper, we'll be okay."
I couldn't speak as she steered me into the house, because my throat had suddenly become filled with a boulder I couldn't easily dislodge, though I swallowed several times.
We entered the house together, and Alice hurried to Bella's side, while I hung back, trying to absorb the irreparable damage I had wrought upon those whom I loved the most.
"C'mon," Alice said, taking Bella by her good arm. "I'll get you something less macabre to wear." They made their way up the stairs, both shooting quick glances at me as they went.
"Edward," Esme said as she walked toward me with her arms outstretched. You're upset, let's talk about what happened. She reached out and held my arms, her eyes probing my granite expression.
I gazed at her maternal face. How I loved this woman! "Please, not tonight." I said, my face softening under her penetrating gaze.
Carlisle had joined us. "How is Jasper?"
"He feels bad about what happened and apologized." I stated, my voice purposefully void of emotion. I knew Alice would fill them in on the rest when I took Bella home.
Carlisle nodded, noting my lack of details, but not pressing the issue.
I strode toward the front door, prepared to leave as soon as Alice returned with Bella. There was an uncomfortable silence, while Carlisle and Esme, trying not to push me, kept their thoughts blank.
After a few minutes, we could hear Alice and Bella making their way back down the stairs again.
When they reached the bottom stair, I swung the door open and held it for Bella, who was now wearing a shirt which I recognized as one of Esme's. Alice had done well, choosing one that was similar in color and style to the one Bella had been wearing this evening.
"Take your things!" Alice cried, scooping up the two packages, one half-opened, and the camera from under the piano, and pressed them into Bella's good arm. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."
Esme and Carlisle both said a quiet goodnight as I followed Bella outside.
She seemed to be in a hurry to get to the car, not so much as glancing at the lanterns and the roses as she quickly passed them. I wished I knew what was going on inside her head. I could tell she was upset, but I needed to know exactly what was bothering her.
Was she furious with me for making her come to the party at all? After what had happened, was she terrified of my family—of me? I blamed myself entirely for the awful events of the evening, but did she? Did she realize, like I had tonight, what a selfish monster I was? Had she decided that she needed to stay away from me? Deep down, I knew this was the only way to keep her safe, but that didn't stop the pain from slicing through my silent heart.
When we reached the truck, I opened the passenger door for Bella and she climbed inside without complaint. I slowly made my way to the other side, slipping into the cab and glancing quickly at the brand new stereo, gleaming in the weathered dashboard. Keeping my eyes focused on the windshield, I turned the key and the engine roared to life. Bella was sitting stiffly in her seat, watching me with a pained expression as we accelerated down the dark, serpentine lane.
My thoughts tumbled around chaotically as I searched for a possible solution to the danger I had put Bella in. She had to know, as I did, that she was not safe with me, nor would she ever be. My very existence threatened her life.
Alice's words kept echoing inside my head. Edward, Bella loves you so very much—and you love her. Isn't that enough? No, it wasn't. Bella needed to be far away from me, with friends who did not struggle with the desire to slaughter her. She needed to be safe from this dark, hellish existence that constituted my life.
The silence was suddenly broken by Bella's voice. "Say something," she said.
"What do you want me to say?" I asked in a detached voice.
"Tell me you forgive me."
Her words burned, like a fiery dagger, piercing my cold heart. How could she blame herself for what had happened? "Forgive you? For what?" I asked incredulously.
"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened." She replied softly.
"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut—that hardly deserves the death penalty." I shuddered at the terrible irony of my words.
"It's still my fault."
Her words opened up the floodgate and all of the thoughts churning inside my head rapidly spilled over.
"Your fault?" I shouted, "If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage?" I could see the shock on her face, but I plowed on.
"If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own—without someone throwing you into them—even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room?" I was in anguish, reliving the night's events as I spoke.
"Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up—and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there." Even as I said them, my words burned, cutting deeply into my very core. If I had been capable of it, tears would have been streaming down my face.
"Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself." I finally spat out, the revulsion tasting like bile in my mouth.
"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" She demanded, her face contorted with fury.
"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," I growled.
"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," She protested. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."
"Don't be melodramatic, please."
"Well then, don't you be ridiculous."
I glared through the windshield, my hands clenching the steering wheel. The tension in the cab of the truck was almost tangible.
When we reached her house, I killed the engine and continued to stare out the windshield, too consumed with my depressing thoughts to speak.
"Will you stay tonight?" Bella asked, quietly.
What?! She was so unpredictable. She had almost been destroyed by a house full of vampires, and yet she insisted on spending the night with one of them.
"I should go home." My words came out hard.
"For my birthday," she said, an edge of desperation in her voice.
"You can't have it both ways—either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other." She was maddening! But it was one of the things I loved most about her. Everyone else was so predictable, but with Bella, I never knew what to expect.
"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs." She opened the door and hopped out onto the damp ground, reaching for her packages.
"You don't have to take those." I frowned.
"I want them," Bella replied quickly.
"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you." I insisted, not really wanting to get into another argument when she realized exactly how much money had been spent on her behalf.
"I'll live." She tucked the presents awkwardly under her good arm and slammed the door. I was instantly at her side, taking them from her.
"Let me carry them, at least," I insisted. "I'll be in your room."
She smiled—the first real one all night. "Thanks."
"Happy birthday," I sighed, and leaned down to touch my lips to hers. When I did so, she stood up on her toes to kiss me back. The gesture seemed to melt away some of my despair, and I smiled in spite of myself as I pulled away. I gazed at her sweet face for a moment before disappearing around the house and into the darkness.
I slipped easily into her bedroom through the window I had used countless times, and sat down in the middle of her bed, toying idly with the two small gifts. I listened intently to the conversation below me, though I could hear Charlie's thoughts more clearly than the actual words.
Bella's home. I hope she had a good time with the Cullens.
Alice sure was nice to go to all that trouble for Bells. She certainly is a good friend—I hope she comes over again soon.
Wow, they got her a stereo for her truck. That's really nice.
Leave it to Bella to come home injured from her own birthday party.
Charlie had no way of knowing how much worse it could have been.
I listened as Bella hurried up the stairs and into the bathroom, where she kept her pajamas. A few minutes later, she skipped through the bedroom door, wearing cotton pants and a matching tank top, her face slightly flushed from washing. She was painfully beautiful.
"Hi," I greeted her dolefully.
Closing the door quietly behind her, she moved over to the bed. She pushed the presents away from my hands and positioned herself firmly in my lap. I delicately wrapped my arms around her as she snuggled into my chest, the warmth of her body radiating her precious life.
My entire body was aching from the strain the night's events, along with the immense guilt that was eating away at my insides. How could I ever deserve such an angel?
"Hi." She said sweetly. "Can I open my presents now?"
Surprised, I asked, "Where did the enthusiasm come from?"
"You made me curious." She said matter-of-factly, picking up the gift from Carlisle and Esme.
"Allow me," I suggested, taking the long flat rectangle from her hands. I tore the silver paper off with one fluid movement before handing it back to her.
"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" She muttered sarcastically.
She opened the lid and withdrew a long, thick piece of paper, studying it for a moment before comprehension dawned.
"We're going to Jacksonville?" She gasped excitedly.
I was pleased with her reaction, and relieved that she wasn't upset about the amount of money my family had spent on her.
"That's the idea." I said easily. Carlisle and Esme had thought that Bella would be more accepting of their gift if they included two plane tickets to Florida, instead of just one.
She turned to me, her face beaming. "I can't believe it. Renée is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."
"I think I can handle it," I said, and then I grimaced. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."
"Well, of course it's too much." She insisted, "But I get to take you with me!"
I chuckled, her enthusiasm hard to resist. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize you were capable of being reasonable."
Bella set the tickets aside and reached for the package containing the gift from myself and Alice. I quickly took it from her and unwrapped it like the first one.
I handed her the clear CD jewel case containing a blank silver CD inside.
"What is it?" She asked, clearly perplexed.
Instead of answering, I retrieved the CD from the case in her hands and dropped it lightly into the CD player on her bedside table. I pushed the play button and waited nervously for the music to begin.
The CD had been Alice's idea. I had balked at the concept at first, thinking that Bella deserved so much more for her birthday than a few songs, but Alice had firmly insisted, and I had finally given in.
The first song was Bella's lullaby, the composition that had resulted from my meeting this extraordinary young woman. I watched her expectantly, wishing, like I had a thousand times before, that I could hear her mind. To my surprise, she started to cry.
"Does your arm hurt?" I asked anxiously, glancing down at the bandage.
"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward." She said in quiet wonder, "You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it."
"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," I teased, glad that she was enjoying my gift.
"You're right."
"How does your arm feel?" I asked, aware of the heat coming from beneath the dressing.
"Just fine." She said quickly.
I knew she was just being brave. The anesthetic Carlisle had injected into the wound had to have worn off by now, and it pained me to see Bella hurt.
"I'll get you some Tylenol." I offered.
"I don't need anything," Bella protested, but I slid her smoothly off my lap and headed for the door.
"Charlie," she hissed, her eyes wide.
"He won't catch me," I promised. I knew Bella didn't want her father to know about my habit of staying in her room overnight, but she needn't have worried. It took me less than two seconds to make my way into the bathroom, fill the empty cup from the counter, retrieve the bottle of pills from the cabinet, and return to her room.
She took the medicine without complaint, while her lullaby continued, soft and lovely, in the background.
"It's late," I said, noting the weary lines on her face.
I tenderly scooped Bella up, careful not to jostle her injured arm. Pulling back the faded quilt, I gently placed her on the bed and tucked her in. I lay down next to her, putting my arm around her and pulling her close to me. I stayed on top of the quilt, so she wouldn't get chilled next to my cold body.
"Thanks again," Bella sighed, leaning her head against my shoulder.
"You're welcome." I whispered.
It was quiet for a long moment as Bella's lullaby drifted softly to a close. The melody seemed to haunt me tonight. The familiar strains were painful somehow, amplifying the emotions from which the music had been inspired.
How was it possible that Bella could love me? Even after all that I had put her through, how was this angel still nestled in my arms? Didn't she realize how dangerous it was for her to be near me? Didn't she know she deserved so much more than this? My heart ached. It was wrong for me to stay with her.
"What are you thinking about?" Bella whispered, interrupting my thoughts.
I hesitated, censoring my reply. "I was thinking about right and wrong, actually."
"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?" She asked.
"Yes," I agreed, suspicious of what had brought on this random question. The only other time she hadn't wanted me to ignore her birthday today was when I told her I should go home instead of staying the night.
"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again." She said, blushing slightly.
"You're greedy tonight." I teased.
"Yes, I am—but please, don't do anything you don't want to do," She said, smiling.
"Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," I chuckled, but it was forced. I didn't want to hurt Bella or put her in danger, but I was doing it every time I was with her. That was definitely something I never wanted to do, and yet I did it willingly—selfishly—because I knew I could not survive without her.
I cupped her beautiful face in my hand and pulled her close, my lips tingling with warmth when they touched hers.
The kiss began much the same as usual—I had to be careful when I kissed Bella. Not only were my teeth razor sharp and filled with venom, but if I wasn't extremely vigilant, I could crush her in my embrace.
Surprisingly, the agony I had been feeling all evening did not lessen as I kissed her this time, but seemed to burn deeper.
Bella loved me, and I her, but was it enough? I ached at the thought of losing her, but at the same time, I knew I was no good for her.
My lips became much more urgent, almost desperate. I longed to hold her, to love her as a man loves a woman. I twisted my free hand into her hair and held her face securely to mine. She responded equally, clutching my hair and molding her body eagerly to me. I didn't stop her; I didn't want to let her go and lose this moment—perhaps forever.
Her lips opened and her breath assaulted my nostrils, the sweet smell of her throat awakening the demon within me. I could hear her life blood racing just under her delicate skin. It was too much—I had to stop. I pushed her away gently, but firmly.
Bella collapsed back onto her pillow, gasping, her face flushed.
"Sorry," I said, panting heavily. "That was out of line." It was dangerous for me to lose any control when I was with her—especially when I was that close to her body; to her throat.
"I don't mind," she gasped, trying to catch her breath.
I frowned at her in the darkness, knowing she didn't approve of our careful physical relationship. "Try to sleep, Bella." I instructed her.
"No, I want you to kiss me again." She begged playfully.
"You're overestimating my self-control." I was still breathing heavily, but it was subsiding, as the monster within me retreated gradually into the dark recesses of my lost soul.
"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" She challenged.
"It's a tie." I replied, grinning briefly. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?" I said in a more serious tone.
"Fine," She agreed, snuggling closer to me.
I held her in my arms and stroked her hair as I watched her drift off to sleep. I listened to her beating heart, slow and even; her breathing soft and deep. Touching my nose to her hair, I breathed in deeply, drinking in her smell—conscious of the burning desire it stirred within me.
I gazed at her body, outlined under the blanket, memorizing every line, every curve. My eyes rested on her bandaged arm, aware of the heat radiating from the fresh wound.
Pain lashed through my body again, as Alice's words repeated in my mind. Edward, Bella loves you…and you love her. Isn't that enough?
I hugged Bella's sleeping form to my body, desperate to ease the pain, wishing that Carlisle could as easily stitch back together the broken fragments of my damned soul.