A/N: And, we've found a wierd paperweight last time. What does it do?

Well, unfortunately, I'm gonna tease you with that thing for all it's worth. Because I don't plan on telling you until the third part. (Yeah, this can eventually turn out to be a full trilogy, with a few fun surprises along the way.) Why can only Art handle it? That'll at least be explained before this part of the saga ends. But everything else? Oh, boy, you'll have to wait and see about that. Oh, yes... *laughs evilly*

Anyway, damn, I haven't written that much in... how long? I don't remember. So yeah.

I'll shut up now and give you the chapter. So, enjoy!

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence."

-George Washington

Chapter 5: Monty Python's Flying Circus

When I arrived at the Normandy, the first thing I did was to plop down in my room and fall all over my sleeping area. I took in a few breaths, wiping some sweat off of my brow. I am not doing anything for the rest of the day. Guh, that was absolutely exhausting. Walking to Peak 15, dealing with Benezia, and walking all the way back was looooong. I was actually shocked to find out that we had only been in there for four hours. So much shit had gone down I thought it was really twelve. Whatever; the fact is I'm not hitting the gym today. Shower, food, movie, and bed. That's the order of the day.

Good thing I'll get to chill out with a Monty Python movie. That will be quite fun. It's so ridiculous the aliens will find it hilarious, and then all the religious stuff is saved for me and the other humans on board. Unless these guys have other monotheistic religions, that is. We'll have to see how that pans out. I'm quite looking forward to it.

Right now, though... As soon as I take a shower and get into my casual clothes, I need to get that message to Liara. Or... no, I should really seek her out first. She seemed pretty badly off at the debriefing upon hearing the news that her mother was dead. Honestly, I can't blame her; that's a pretty tough thing to bear. So maybe I should tell her something about that. But at what... No, no cost necessary. I did check on her before she died. I could just say I said all that shebang then. So... Yeah, I think I'll do good by that. Maybe? No... I can wait. But then I procrastinate... Shit, I'll just get it out of the way once I take my shower.

Speaking of which... I take out that small orange paperweight and investigate it. Hm... Looks like it's more than just a paperweight. I'll bet it's like that pen in Percy Jackson that turns into a sword when you click it. But why would you need swords in the Mass Effect universe? Unless it can kill the Reapers? No, that's silly; entire fleets of gunships won't be able to take Sovereign down when he shows up, what's one little blade that's just the length of my legs going to do? Although, thinking on that... I'm pretty sure Kratos from the God of War series would win in a fight with a Reaper. But that's just me.

So... what is this object? And why is it that Benezia said only I could have it?

Nah, I'll neglect Benezia. I still want to go home. I think I can just leave it in here with a note telling the person who finds it to look after it. Or something like that. Either way, I'm sure it won't come back to bite me in the ass later.

Yeah, I'm gonna still let myself get blown up on Virmire. So we'll have to see how that goes.

In the meantime... I stash it away in my casual clothes in the same pocket that I keep my apartment keys in. I pick up a few more objects, including a towel, take care of removing my armor carefully, and then I head to the Normandy's showers so I can take a nice, hot bath after all that fucking cold...

Well, I'm back in my shirt and pants. I'm pretty hungry, so I head over to the mess hall and pick up something to eat. Steak sounds good right about now, but that means I'll fall into bad habits again. And besides, it's probably not very good, so...

When I come out with my food, I see Liara sitting alone somewhere. Oh. Well, that takes care of itself. I should sit with her and talk about Benezia. Just to see what she was like when she wasn't a victim of Sovereign's indoctrination. Still, I can't seem to stop the shaking...

Ah, well. I take a seat next to Liara and look at her.

"Hey, Liara," I say. "You holding up all right?"

The asari sits in silence for a second before she swallows and nods. "I... I am not sure," she tells me. "I understand why my mother did what she did, but... This... grief... is new for one such as myself."

"You're 106," I point out. "I know I would've seen a lot of things by that point."

"It is different for a species with my longevity," replies Liara. "How, I should not have to tell you, I hope."

"You don't," I reply, shaking my head. "I can't say I blame this reaction, though; you weren't even there when she died..." Here, I turn to face her, a soft expression on my face. "This is more about the distance you two had before she died, isn't it?"

"It is," says Liara, looking down at her food sadly. "My mother and I were both distant towards the end. I wish I could have been there, if only to hear her say something about me. Anything at all."

I nod, crossing my hands together. "I see..." I say. "You know, I was the only company she had in the final moments of her life. And... I told her that you were safe. With us, I mean."

Liara finally looks at me, hope gleaming in her eyes. "Did... did she say anything about me?" she asks.

Aha, there we go! "As a matter of fact, she did," I say, smiling. "She told me to tell you that she was proud of you. Not much given that she was dying, but I suppose it's better than nothing..."

The gleam in the asari's eyes seems to get slightly more intense, and I see a tear fall down her face. She nods, and a sad smile graces her features as she looks down at her food. "Thank you, Art," she says. "For telling me this. It... it puts my mind at peace."

I nod at this, knowing she has a point. I look at her again with a sad smile now gracing my own face. "You're welcome. Tell me about your mother," I say. "What was she like before the indoctrination?"

Liara nods. "She... she was a kind mother," says Liara. "Always calm, always serene, never too strict... Of course, she was strict when she absolutely had to be but... I know she was a good mother. She cared for me very much, and it was obvious that she did even through some of the punishments I would get as a mere infant... I... It pains me to think of her death under such circumstances. I cannot imagine her as anything other than the kind woman she was before this happened... And yet..."

I nod, swallowing a lump in my throat as I lay a reassuring hand on her shoulder. I dare not say anything, because usually saying something only makes things worse. I simply nod to her. You know what they say: actions speak much louder than words. And at least in this case, actions are speaking quite loudly about stuff.

"If you need someone to talk to, I think you'll find plenty of ears on the Normandy that are willing to listen," I say, giving her an understanding look. "Just, don't hesitate to ask."

Huh, how ironic. I'm telling her she can trust me and the crew with stuff... And here I can't even do that. It's a little ironic, I think. But eh, what can I do when the only explanation I can give them makes me look like a madman?

She nods. "Thank you," she says simply, giving me a sincere smile.

"Any time," I say cheerfully.

And with this, I turn my attention to my... okay, my food doesn't look too great. Ah, well, it's what I'm stuck with. Might as well.

I bring a fork up and part a piece of stuff, working to get the food into my mouth as Liara stares down at her food before finally moving to take a bite out of it.

Later that night, I'm the first guy in the rec room. Wow, this equipment is... complicated. It's even worse than the Netflix streaming disc for my PS3 that I could never seem to get working. Here, I just don't know what the hell I'm doing. Figures; I should've seen this shit coming. Ah, well, I'll just roll with the punches.

Shepard finds me there, and as I tried to figure it out, I noticed her enter. Oh, hey, maybe she can help.

"Hello, Art," she says.

"Hi Shepard," I say, clenching my fist again as I attempted to figure it out. "A little help here please?"

The commander walks over and I point to the menu on my omni tool. She looks at it briefly before tapping another command on the omni tool and navigating through a menu there. My eyes widen at this, and I nod.

"Oh!" I say. Damn it, I want to slap myself for that. "God, I'm such an idiot!"

"Not with the way you handled the situation today," replies Shepard. "You did good out there, Serviceman."

"Uh... thanks," I say. "I guess it's hard for most people to come out of an attack by an asari commando alive?"

"Possibly," she says. "You also did pretty well for this being your first time on the field of battle."

I glance to the side as we finally get the thing loaded onto the vid player. "Really?" I ask. "I don't know, I don't feel too good about it all. I mean, I rarely got as many things as you did, so..."

Shepard shakes her head at this. "You did your part well," she replies. "That's all that matters."

"I guess..." I say with a shrug. "Again, I'm a musician, not a soldier. I don't like to brag about stuff that isn't actually in my area of expertise."

"And yet I'm guessing you dabbled in a lot of things before getting stranded on the Citadel?" asks Shepard.

I nod. Oh, if only she had an idea. "Oh, boy," I say. "I was into a lot of other stuff besides music. I'm a bit of a pop culture nut. Especially when it comes to gaming and movies. Of course, I'm into really old things, but still..."

Shepard nods at this, shrugging. "I see," she says.

"But music was always the one thing that could keep my attention really, really well," I say, looking wistfully at the ceiling. "That's why I went into music. And I also really love creating it. I guess what Benezia said there is true in a way. The power to create is... something that even people that create can't really understand. It makes me think a lot. Why the creative instinct? I don't really think it matters, though..."

At this, Shepard chuckles, and she pats me on the shoulder. "You like to think, I see," she says.

I shrug. "Yeah," I say. "My thoughts just wonder whenever I'm alone with nothing to do. It's interesting to see where my train of thought will be..."

Shepard gives me a soft smile as she stands up. "You remind me of my brother," she says.

Wait, what? Oh, this is new. Shepard has a brother, huh? "You've got a brother?" I ask.

"You both tend to think a lot," she replies. "And you're both into that kind of thing. I'd be willing to bet you two would get along quite well."

Uh, no. I shake my head to mirror my emotion. "It depends on how well your brother is with handling wild people," I reply.

"He handles anybody well," she says. "It seems to be a common trait amongst our family. It's a good thing he's going into N7 training soon; people could use a man like him..."

I raise my eyebrow. I'm guessing this is a Spacer Shepard, then. Fun times for sure. "I see," I say. "I'll bet he's just as good a leader as you turned out to be."

Shepard shakes her head, smiling. "That's what I keep telling him," she replies. "He's never too sure of himself, though."

"Well, who is when they start out?" I point out. "I didn't think I could make it past an asari commando, yet I survived against an entire unit of them."

"That's what I tell him," she replies. "But... he doesn't have that confidence. Not yet. I guess that's why I'm his older sister..."

Huh, older sister. Pretty fun. It reminds me of myself, actually, what with having two siblings and all. Being the middle child is never fun, but for some reason I think I got pretty lucky like that. Yeah, and it's funny because I've also got an older sister. I can see a bunch of similarities between myself and Shepard already.

"What's his name?" I ask.

"Albert," she replies. "Everyone calls him Al for short though. They don't even bother saying Shepard."

Hm... Albert Shepard. That certainly has a ring to it. A very nice ring to it. I'll still call him Al, though, 'cause it's just easier. Also, because it reminds me of home. RoyalFanatic... I wonder how she's doing with the Shooting Star saga. I wonder if she's finished it and moved on to Follower's Rise... And if she's finally gotten that fucking oblivious to love bit settled between Al and Meru. I swear to God...

Whatever. It's still interesting to find ought I might be working with both a female and a male Shepard. I wonder who the M/Shepard will fall in love with over the course of our adventures. I hope it's with Jack: the crazy bitch could use a source of stability in her life, and where better to get it from than the Shepard family?

I nod at this, smiling. "You know, I had... have... had a brother too," I say. "I don't know what to say, given that I'm not exactly in a position to see him anymore."

Shepard raises an eyebrow. "You do?" she asks.

"Yeah," I say. "The little guy is about the most adorable fucking thing in the entire galaxy. He's younger than I am, so I guess that lends itself something. He's just so innocent it's enlightening sometimes and painful others. He's... young." If you know what I mean.

Shepard nods, seeing my point. "In that case, I hope he's doing well for himself," she says. "Especially with you not being around."

Eh, I was kind of already far apart from him. "I'm sure he'll be fine," I say. "He's got plenty of relatives looking out for him. Plus, he knows a lot more than what people give him credit for. His name is Augie, if you're wondering."

She nods. "Very well," she says.

The conversation continues to meander, but I can't help but think about Albert Shepard and how he'll affect things in the future. There was a definite change: even Spacer Shepard didn't have a brother. But since the Earthborn Shepard separates herself from her siblings and the Colonist Shepard ensures that any siblings she has dies, then that's the only origin left. Spacer Shepard. Makes me wonder when the Normandy is going to meet the family. Now all that's left is to wonder if she's a Survivor, a War Hero, or Ruthless. I doubt it's Ruthless, of course, so yeah.

But all this is on the back of my mind as we talk about various things, and slowly people show up to the vid night.

"The first son of Deuteronomy of Geth!"

"Do I say yes?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

Ah, the stoning sketch. One of my favorite sketches from this movie. John Cleese looks ridiculous in that outfit, but hey, what can you do? I'm sitting right between Tali and Garrus. Ash is seated on the couch, and Kaidan and Shepard are sitting together. Hm... her hands are unusually close to him... Wonder what that means...

Wrex and Liara aren't here for some reason. Guess I can't fault them for that, though. Liara was mostly just a bit nervous, and Wrex is... well, Wrex.

The exchange elicits a chuckle out of myself as we sit down and watch the sketch.

"You have been found guilty by the elders of the town, of uttering the name of our Lord, and so as a blasphemer!" A gasp from the crowd. "You are to be stoned to death!"

Yeah, I had explained stoning to some of them before. They were mostly okay about that, I guess. Except for Ash. Good to know she's not that crazily religious. But the first cut to the crowd is made, and eyebrows are raised at this.

"Look, I had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was 'this piece of halibut is good enough for Jehova!'" A cry of derision comes from the crowd. "Blasphemy! He said it again!" The crowd goes wild. "Did you hear him?" The crowd goes wild again, but then one person shouts too loudly in a high pitched voice.

Most of the people there laugh at this. I hear a small little something Tali as she holds a hand over her facemask.

"Are there any women here today?" The heads of the crowd shake at this question. "Very well." This gets a few more chuckles as he goes on. "By virtue of the authority, vested in me-!" But someone already throws the stone on him. "Owwww, lay off, we 'aven't started yet!" "Come on, who threw that?" Some hesitance from the crowd. "Who threw that stone? Come on!" And the whole crowd points at Eric Idle in... err... reverse drag? But their voices get deeper as they shout.

This manages to get more laughs out of the crew.

"Sorry, I thought we started." Now that gets more laughs out of us as Idle does the same thing. And the priest is obviously too stupid to do stuff, so... "Go to the back." This gets laugh as Idle does just that. "Always one, isn't there? Now, where were we?"

"Look, I don't think it ought to be blasphemy! Just saying Jehova!" And then they go screaming at him, and we get some more laughs out of this, and I start to crack up quite a bit. Everyone else is starting to get into it, I think.

"You're only making it worse for yourself!" "Making it worse? How could it be worse? Jehova! Jehova! Jehova!" The dance. And the screams. Yeah, it's all adding up to a picture that's making all of us start laughing a little harder. I don't hear anything from Ash, but Tali looks like she's about to hit the floor laughing. "I'm warning you! If you say Jehova once more-!" And he gets hit in the head with a stone. This elicits chuckles from all around.

"Right! Who threw that?" Silence, and there's Micheal Palin again. "Come on! Who threw that?" And then the whole gag with the "she did!" and everyone's starting to really get into it now. "Was it you?" "Yes." "Right!" "Well you did say Jehova." And then they all start throwing stones. Tali looks about ready to fall on the floor laughing, and Garrus seems to have an odd glint in his eye as the rest of the crew start leaning forward.

"Stop it!" Oh, boy, John Cleese throws a tantrum. Now the funniest part of the sketch comes up. "Now look! No one is to stone any one until I blow this whistle! Do you understand? Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear! Even, if they do say Jehova!"

And then the stones start flying again. And as he gets crushed under a giant stone, we're all laughing. Hey, we're all laughing!

I think we've found some common ground! Yeah, I knew these vid nights were a good idea! And it was a good idea to start with Life of Brian, too, as that seems to be pretty accessible if only because it's so hilariously silly in its own cynicism.

That becomes apparent throughout the rest of the movie. Something in there always gets us to laugh consistently. And by the end of it, Tali is more or less almost rolling on the floor laughing as everybody else is still trying to contain how amused I am. I look around with a smile on my face, laughing at all my favorite parts and looking around to see that yes, we were all laughing at the same general thing.

After the first vid night, I went straight to bed. I don't remember ever having as good a sleep as I did then. I'm not an especially good sleeper, since I always hit a crash in the middle of the day. That got annoying when it affected me in LibArts and my Chamber classes on certain days of the week. I just can't seem to resist the temptation to put my head down. And then I miss stuff, which is quite stupid of me to do. Anyway, what do I say about this life? I look at the... Okay, I always get up early, no matter what. Jeez...

Ah, whatever. I get up and get my clothes on. Always a pleasure doing stuff aroud here. I leave, and head out for breakfast.

When I go to breakfast, I find that Tali's the only other one there. Huh. This will be interesting. I pick up some food and sit by her.

"Hey, Tali," I say. "I take it you're an early riser too?"

"A little, yes," she replies. "How are you?"

"Feeling rested," I reply with a smile. "I can't say I was sleeping too well before I got on the Normandy. Yourself?"

"I'm all right," she says as I take a bite out of some of these eggs. Hm... not bad. "I have to say, that was a very funny vid we saw last night."

I smile at this, nodding as I swallow my food. "Thanks," I say. "Monty Python is always good for laughs. A lot of their humor is extremely surreal like that."

"I can tell," she says. "Is that the only thing they did?"

I shake my head. "No," I reply. "There are two other movies they made, and a TV show that they made before those. Both forms are really funny."

"Really?" she asks. "Tell me about one thing from either of them."

Hm... Where to begin. Well, there's the meat shop... no, that just compounds the absurdism of everything that was already seen in Life of Brian. Maybe talk about Terry Gilliam's odd animations? No, those aren't too lengthy... Parrot Shop? Nah, that's also absurdist. So what...

Aha! Got it!

"Well, there's this one sketch from the TV show that sort of comes out of nowhere," I say. "It's a sketch where two of the guys are standing by a river doing a silly dance."

"Silly dance?" she asks. "What kind of silly dance?"

"Well, it's a dance where one of them walks up to the other..." I snort here. God, I suck at talking about jokes, because I crack up every time I do. "And then the other one gets slapped with a tiny fish."

Tali snorts as well, and then she nearly hits her head mask against the table. "I see," she says. "So it's just that over and over again?"

I shake my head. "No, actually," I say. "The sketch is only fifteen seconds long. What cuts it off so short is... well, you know how when there's a dance form that the partner typically repeats the steps, right?"

"Not really," she replies. "But what about that?"

"Well, instead of repeating the slapper's steps..." I say, struggling to hold my laughter in. "The other guy pulls out this giant fish, and slaps the other guy into the water."

This gets Tali to start laughing. Our food is forgotten for a moment as I smile, the recollection being enough to brighten my day already. She calms down, and looks at me as I return back to eating my food.

"That's quite... unusual," she says. "But still, it sounds pretty funny."

"Possibly because it is," I reply. "Some people say it shows everything that makes Monty Python so funny in the first place."

Tali simply smiles as she regards us. "Unfortunately... we don't have anything like that," she says. "Being in ships for 300 years can do that to a species..."

"Indeed," I say, going quiet.

Actually, thinking about it now... The quarians have been exiled since around the time of the American Civil War. Shit... It feels so surreal to know that we were still fighting with muskets and stuff when the first AI had already been developed. Shit, the Catholic church really did set us back in the Middle Ages. That... is a bit disturbing to think about it. If we had done that... We might have made contact with the turians sooner. Maybe avoided this whole mess with the Second Contact War. Who knows? Then again, it would be a bit disconcerting to think about how we made our first space travel in 1642 or something like that, so. Well, not really... I guess I would be used to it if that had actually happened. But still, I feel pretty disconcerted about all this. Man... And around the time that the quarians were exiled, Wagner was dying, the Victrian era was in full force... Shit. I'm thinking too hard into this. We humans really fell behind. Thanks for nothing, Saint Augustine.

"Something on your mind?" she asks.

Okay, that kind of came from nowhere. But I was distracted, so it was warranted. "Oh yeah," I reply. "I always have something on my mind. Usually it's trivial, though. Like, I was just thinking about how we had only just invented our first real rapid-fire weaponry when you were exiled from Rannoch."

Tali gives me an odd gesture. "Really?" she asks. "I didn't know that."

I shrug at this. "Not a lot of people do, but hey," I say. "It's odd thoughts like that which make me operate."

I take another bite out of these eggs as Tali nods silently in agreement. "I see," she says. "What's the point of thinking so much?"

"I don't know, and I don't care," I say. "It's interesting what thoughts will do to a person, you know? I just like to think a lot. And sometimes, my thoughts don't always make a whole lot of sense. But then, there's a kind of beauty in that. Sometimes, when I'm bored and have nothing else to do, I just think. It's interesting where my train of thought will go when I think."

Tali nods at this. "Sounds interesting," she says. "Do you always tell people what's on your mind when you do this thinking?"

I shake my head at this. "Rarely," I reply. "It's one of those things I do for myself. And I never really tell people about what happens when I think, so..."

"Interesting," she says.

I chew on some eggs and gesture at her. "So, tell me a bit about yourself," I say.

"Anything?" she asks, her hands splaying on the table in front of us.

"Of course, anything," I reply with a smile. "Like, how did you start your Pilgrimage? What's your family like? Something like that."

She nods, and she takes a deep breath. "Well..." she says. "I can't exactly say why, since you know why, but I can tell you what was happening when I left..."

And then she tells me what was happening around her when she left for her pilgrimage. It's a pretty fascinating story, actually. Apparently, a lot can go on in the fleet at the same time. And then there's her father, who she seems to talk about with so much respect that it's painful. And... I'm getting flashbacks to my own father. We were never really on the best of terms, but he did his best. But still, his best wasn't enough, as I lived in constant fear of him. I had to be careful what I said to him, because he was a stubborn son of a bitch if there ever was one. And if you tried suggesting something different, then yeah. I remember that his ideas quite possibly could have gotten me and my mother killed once when I moved into my dorm in college when some guy told us he would drive us there for free. Uh, yeah, that sounds like a perfect proposition, except that, you now, it's free!

And he gets pissy if you argue with him enough, to the point that he starts yelling at you. I really didn't like him. He did stuff for me, sure, but I lived in constant fear of him. I wish I could say something nice about him the way Tali is talking about Rael'Zorah. The way she talks about him, I actually feel sorry for him. True, he'll do some very... er... inhumane experiments on the geth, but he seems like an intuitively good man who wants the best for her daughter. In a way, it reminds me of my own dad; he did stuff for me, but he's just misguided on a few things. I wonder if I'll ever get to meet Tali's father before he dies...

Probably not. But still, one can dream.

And so, I sit there, listening to Tali's story as we slowly eat away at our breakfast, the rest of the crew piling in slowly.

I bumped into Wrex while wondering around the Normandy after my jog on the treadmill that morning. He was at his usual spot again, and still friendly as ever after the incident on Noveria. He's a bit grumpy, and he seems to like checking his weapons then more than usual.

"Hey Wrex," I say as I approach.

"Serviceman," he greets. "I don't think I missed much."

"Actually, you kind of did," I reply. "You missed a lot of stupid people killing themselves at a cross where some dude was standing about ready to die."

The krogan simply looks at me. If he's confused, he doesn't show it. "What's the point of nailing them to a cross?" he asked then. "I'd just shoot them."

I shrug, beginning to gesture with my hand. "Well, crucifixion was a common punishment back in those days," I mention. "Your hands and feet get nailed to wood, and they leave you out for everyone to see. And usually, you had to commit some kind of crime first, you know? Apparently it was a really painful way to die, and everyone saw you dying."

"I'll bet most of them just laughed," replied the krogan.

"Not really," I reply. "They just cowered in fear and went on being good citizens."

The krogan huffs. "That's no fun," he said.

"I don't think the Romans were aiming for it to be fun..." I reply, glancing to the side. "I'm surprised they didn't get more people who were too dumb to live, though. They probably would've done the universe a favor if they had gotten more of those people."

He nods in agreement. "That they do," he says. "Lots of people these days are pretty stupid."

I shake my head. "Doesn't hold a candle to some things, though," I say. "Let's face it. People have always been fucking idiots at one point or another. Especially if they're religious zealots. Believe it or not, people do actually get so caught up in their religions they actually don't know their own religion that well."

"Really?" asks Wrex. "This will be interesting."

Yes, it will be. "Way back in the history of my country, there was this church in some place out in the middle called the Westboro Baptist Church," I say. "Anyway, they were a bunch of zealots who went around parading with signs in places they had no jurisdiction in. And what they were picketing? The acceptance of homosexuality, and why it's wrong."

The krogan seems to be interested. "Really?" he asks. "That's disturbing... I hope they don't exist anymore, because that would be a favor to all of us."

Wait... "...So you're not disturbed by the whole homosexuality bit?" I ask.

"No," replies the krogan. "Especially not since it's apparent these people are remembered for being too stupid to live."

"Right," I say, scratching my neck. "Anyway, back to the topic at hand. These guys quoted a passage of Deuteronomy of the Christian Bible that said that a man shall not lay with another man. Or something like that. They took that to mean that they were all going to hell."

Wrex blinks. "That's... not good," he says.

"And that's the thing," I add. "In proper Christian doctorine, many people agree that all sins are forgiven by God. Homosexuality is considered a sin, but it's still forgiven if you repent stuff."

"And yet those idiots went right over that," says Wrex.

"Exactly!" I point out. "After a point, nobody really took them seriously anymore. They were even barred entrance into another country for that reason. And I'm telling you, those guys were real nutcases. The universe was done a favor when 'Pastor'" -and there I used air quotes -"Fred Phelps died all those years back."

At this, he pauses, looking at me. "Wait, so let me get this straight," he says. "One man convinced a whole group of people to protest. Did it do anything?"

Well, from what I've seen on the extranet on homosexual marriage in America... "I'm pretty sure it didn't," I say. "But then, all they did was parade around with signs, so..."

I'm not given any warning before Wrex bursts out laughing. I jump back hearing the sound, looking at Wrex. Wait, why's he laughing? What's so funny? He continues to laugh, and... Well, I'm almost afraid his second pair of lungs isn't going to kick in.

Finally, he calms down enough, and upon seeing my confused expression, he nods. "He's a weakling," he replied. "He wouldn't survive two seconds on Tuchanka."

I blink at this, looking over to the krogan. "Why's that?" I ask.

"He should've just charged into the idiots," he says, smiling softly. "He's weak. Trying to change the world with signs that nobody else was carrying! What was he hoping to do?"

I glance to the side. Right... "I mean, the thing is they didn't even have residency where they campaigned," I reply. "As for why they didn't charge into them... Well, if you charged every homosexual at the time, you'd get arrested for assault and battery. And that would mean that you'd be taken even... less... seriously..."

I trail off at this, glancing down at the ground. Wait... Somehow, that makes sense. "You know what?" I ask, giving him a goofy smile. "You're right. That's what they should've done. We would've gotten rid of them sooner that way!"

"And those are a few less weaklings we'd have to deal with," he says. "But still... trying to change the world with signs..." He chuckles at this. "What did they do with them, hit the homosexuals with the signs?"

Oh god. Hit them with the signs. That's actually a really amusing image, now that I think about it. Imagine, innocent churchgoers whacking homosexuals with signs. It would've made that part from Bruno so much more funny if they started that. And then... Oh...

To that end, I snort, and now Wrex gives me a rather confused look. I'm unable to do much more before I start laughing very softly. He tilts his head over to the side, but I only laugh for a few seconds before I find myself feeling strange. I try my best, and eventually I calm down enough to look at him with a more or less straight face. My smile is still incredibly goofy, though. Ah, well, not much I can do about that.

"As amusing as that image is, no," I reply. "They just sort of stood there, holding their signs."

And now it's his turn to laugh at it. I find myself realizing the absurdity of it all. If they really couldn't change anything... What does that say about those people? Yeah, Fred Phelps is a weakling after all. I bet he's hiding something too, now that I think about it.

"Oh, this Phelps person was a weakling," said Wrex. "It's a good thing he's dead; being killed in battle wouldn't dignify his life."

I snort at this, shaking my head. "Yeah, that it would not," I reply. "I'll see you around, Wrex."

"Hey, if you know any more people like that, let me know," says the krogan. "It's a good laugh for me."

And with this, I nod. I then leave the krogan to his devices, and I begin to mull on the absurdity of Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church.

All right, so we're heading to the Citadel. We'll be docking off in a bit, and I'll be staying on with Ash. We'll be getting in some shotgun training since I did some very good work on Noveria. I'm not feeling to confident about wielding a shotgun, but I did get used to holding other weapons. So we'll see. I'm pretty sure I'll get on her nerves yet again.

But then again, she does kind of get on mine. I often wonder what the point of quoting romantic American poets in some conversations is. I swear, I've heard more Whitman out of her mouth than from anybody else, even when I was studying him in high school and when I read Leaves of Grass for my conservatory's lib-arts class... It's almost improbable, but hey.

I wonder when Shepard's going to get back from taking care of matters in the Citadel. And it also makes me think of something else. You know, for all this talk of "we need to move fast", there's some kind of sense of liesure. I mean, if Shepard can take on all those side-quests while still managing to stop Saren, it makes me wonder. It could certainly explain why nobody showed up when Dr. Michel died, especially if Shepard was just running behind or something. But still, I can't shake the feeling that my presence made it so. But eh, what can I do about it now, right?

I still wonder what the hell this mystical paperweight I have is. I suppose I'll find out in due time. But if I don't find out about it before Virmire... well, it's no big deal I'm sure. Right?

Whatever. I'm just looking forward to shotgun training right now. Let's hope that goes well.