10

Just as quick as Edward's lips were on hers, he pulled away from her, stumbling backward a few steps. There was a look in his eyes, like someone had sucker punched him, yet a yearning that had her wanting to be closer to him.

Edward put his hand up in front of him, opened his mouth to speak, but then . . . didn't. Instead, he turned and hurried over to his truck, climbing inside, and drove away, leaving her confused and frustrated. Why had he kissed her? Why had he stopped kissing her? Why did she want him to kiss her again?

The door to the bar opened and she spun around, finding Carlisle standing there. "Hey, you okay?"

"I . . ." Bella shook her head. "I'm fine. Just needed a minute to, I don't know, something."

Carlisle frowned.

"It's fine, Carlisle. I promise. You know how I am around family, so . . ."

"Yeah." He held his hand out toward her. "Come on."

Bella bit the inside of her lip before she turned back to where Edward had just been parked, then placed her hand in Carlisle's, and let him lead her back inside. Esme, Jasper, and Rosalie sighed, almost in unison. It would have been funny if she hadn't just exposed her soul to a man she had barely talked to. It had taken her years to tell Carlisle just how bad things had been at her house, yet she told Edward almost everything. Why? Why was it so important that he understand why she couldn't take care of her father?

"Everything okay?" Esme asked, standing up. Her eyes flickered from Carlisle to Bella.

"Um, yeah, it's . . ." Bella inhaled a sharp breath and turned to Garrett, Kate, Emmett, and Alice. "I'm sorry. I . . . I'm just sorry if I made things weird."

"You didn't," Emmett said, standing and walking around Rosalie, pulling out a chair for Bella, like a true gentleman. "Can I get you a drink?"

Bella quickly shook her head. "Thanks, though."

"No problem," he said with a smile. She sat in the chair, feeling very awkward with the way everyone was watching her. She cleared her throat as she placed her elbow on the table.

"I'm going to grab us all another round," he said, giving Garrett a look. "Help me, bro."

"Yeah, okay." Garrett scrambled to his feet and followed Emmett over to the bar.

"What'd he say to you?"

Bella turned to Kate, finding her watching her with a frown.

"Edward, I mean," Kate added. "He followed you outside, didn't he? Was he an ass? Because if he was, Garrett and Emmett will kick his ass."

"He, um. . ." Bella shook her head. "No, he wasn't. He's . . . I . . ." She sighed, leaning back in her chair. "It's complicated, but he's . . . My father's dying, and I can't . . . take care of him, so Edward is, I guess."

The anger in Kate's eyes faded, and she frowned. "Oh, I'm sorry about your father."

"If you knew him, you wouldn't be," Carlisle muttered, drawing everyone's attention back to him as Emmett and Garrett came back to the table. They placed beers in front of everyone except Bella, who was given a bottle of water.

"Thanks," she said, picking it up, but making no effort to open it. "So, um, this your bar?" she asked, gesturing to Kate and Garrett. "It's nice."

"It's a dump," Garrett snickered. "But it's ours." He picked up his beer and took a drink. "What'd my brother do? What'd he say to piss you off?"

Confused, Bella tilted her head and looked at Emmett.

"I mean Edward," Garrett clarified. "What'd Edward say that has you looking like someone just beat the shit out of you?"

Bella felt her shoulders tense.

"Dude," Jasper muttered, and when Garrett looked at him, he shook his head. "We don't joke about shit like that."

"I'm sorry," he said, looking from him to Bella. "Did he say something to hurt you? Because I will kick his ass."

"No, of course not. I just . . ." Bella shook her head, feeling her eyes fill with tears. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, before opening them and turning to Alice, who was nestled up against Jasper, watching her. "What do you do for a living, Alice?"

She frowned. "I, um, I work with Edward, offering end of life care to those in need. I, um, I guess I know who our new patient is, huh?"

Bella's eyes closed.

"You're taking on Charlie Swan's hospice care?" Jasper asked, leaning away from her.

"We are," Alice said with a nod.

"Son of a bitch doesn't deserve anyone to take care of him," Jasper grumbled before picking up his beer and draining it.

He stood up and stalked back to the bar. Alice threw Bella a look before she followed, and when she grabbed his arm, he spun around, gesturing to Bella wildly. Didn't take a genius to figure out what he was telling her. Bella placed her unopened bottle of water back on the table, shifting her eyes to Rosalie and Emmett, Garrett and Kate, before looking at Carlisle and Esme. While Garrett, Emmett, and Kate seemed confused, Rosalie, Carlisle, and Esme looked at her with pity, sorrow, grief. Story of her life, of course. They'd grown up in a house full of love, while she had never known what real love felt like until they took her in.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered, before she grabbed her small handbag and hurried out of the bar.

As she climbed into her car, she saw Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie standing in the entrance of the bar, Esme and Rosalie with their hands on Carlisle's arms, almost like they were pulling him back, away from her.

—You—

Bella wasn't sure why, but she found herself parked outside of The Traymore. Though it was well past visiting hours, she managed to slip inside and down to the room at the end of the hallway. The light inside her father's room was off, only the glow of the monitors provided any type of illumination. She stayed next to the door, watching him breathe, his chest rising and falling heavier and heavier. Laying in that bed, he was frail and weak, looked twice his age, and pitiful, almost.

The father she remembered was large, virile, and burly even. He was intimidating and gargantuan. When she closed her eyes, she could still feel his breath in his face, the specks of spit that would fly out of his mouth as he ranted and raved at her, calling her a bitch, pathetic, stupid, whore, slut, waste of space.

He'd barge into her bedroom at night, grab her by the hair, and throw her onto the floor, kicking, hitting, and hating her for taking her mother away from him. For daring to exist in a world where Renee Swan didn't.

Bella lived in constant fear every minute of every day, so why was she there? Why had she come back to him? She didn't owe him anything. Logically, she knew she didn't owe him anything, but there she was, watching him sleep, watching him breathe, watching him die.

"What are you doing here?"

Closing her eyes for a moment, she exhaled a sharp breath before she turned and found Edward standing a few feet behind her, his hands shoved into his pant pockets.

"I don't know." She turned and faced him. "Why are you here?"

He frowned, his eyes shifting from her to the old man laying helplessly in his bed. "I don't know, either. Guess I needed to . . . I don't know."

"You kissed me," she said, stepping toward him, but he moved away. "I told you . . . about him, and you kissed me."

"I know," he said, clearing his throat. "I'm sorry. I . . . I'm just sorry."

"Why? Why'd you kiss me? Why'd you just leave like that? I told you everything, and you just kissed me and ran away."

Edward's eyes closed, and he shook his head. "I don't know. I just . . . you were telling me about . . . about him, and I . . . I don't know."

"Oh, well, if you don't know," she scoffed, waving her hand before she turned and looked back into her father's room. "I hate him, Edward. I hate him so much for . . ." She brought her hand up, covering her mouth. "He's dying, and I can't bring myself to get any closer to him."

When Edward didn't say anything, she looked back at him, finding him just staring at her. "What?"

"Nothing," he said, smiling. "Have breakfast with me."

Bella rolled her eyes.

"Have breakfast with me," he said, pushing away from the wall, and taking the few steps toward her. She pressed herself against the wall, inhaling a sharp breath when he placed his hands on either side of her. His eyes shift from hers, down to her lips, and back. "Please, have breakfast with me."

"I . . ." She placed her hands in the middle of his chest, feeling him sigh as his eyes fluttered to a close. "Edward."

"Have breakfast with me," he whispered, leaning in and brushing his lips against her ear. "Please."

"Okay," she breathed, tilting her head to the side, but Edward pulled himself away from her, taking several steps back.

"Seven a.m. 2933 w. Manhattan road. It's the big blue house on the left side of the road. Don't be late."

And before she could utter a sound, Edward turned and hurried down the hallway, rounding the corner and disappearing from her sight. Bella placed her hands on the wall, taking a shaky breath before she turned and looked back inside her father's room, finding him wide awake and watching the door. Once more, Charlie Swan smiled, lifted his hand off the bed, stretched it out to her, and said, "Isabella," before she turned and fled. She wasn't strong enough to deal with him, not yet. Maybe not ever.

—You—

Bella made it back to the house before they did, which made her happy. She knew she would have to face them, explain herself. She just wasn't ready. How could she be when she wasn't even sure how she felt?

The light in Charlotte's room was still on, but she passed by and headed into her bedroom, closing the door behind her as quietly as she could. She changed out of the little blue dress Rosalie had insisted she wear, and slipped on a pair of pajama pants and one of Carlisle's old t-shirts before pushing open the window and climbing out onto the roof.

She had been out there for almost two hours, knees pulled up to her chest, when she heard someone climb out next to her. Smiling, she looked over, finding Carlisle. He'd changed into some pajamas, and had a look of pure terror on his face. He hated when she climbed out onto the roof, but it was one of the few places she felt safe.

"Hey," she whispered, laying her head on her knees as he scooted over to her, sitting right up next to her. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," he said, sliding his arm around her waist. "You're allowed to feel what you feel, B."

"But it makes you sad," she whimpered, her eyes filling with tears.

"Knowing I hurt you makes me sad," he admitted. "After we left, when we got to L.A., it just . . . it got hard, you know?"

She nodded, because hard wasn't how she would describe it. Excruciating, agonizing, unbearable would be better. Her life with her father had been hard. Her life without their daughter had been excruciating, agonizing, unbearable. She threw herself into her art, and lost Carlisle as a result.

Carlisle leaned his forehead against the top of her head and she could feel his tears dripping into the shirt she wore. "You're never going to forgive me, are you?"

"I already did," she murmured, bringing her hand up, placing it on the side of his face. "We broke up, Carlisle. We broke up, and you moved on. I haven't, and I'm not mad at you because you found Esme. Other than you, she's all I have. I just . . . I remember how easy it was for us, before she died. We had plans to run away, start again, but we couldn't, not after she was gone. I'm jealous that you get a second chance, and I . . . I never will. It's not fair, I know, but it's how I feel."

"You have to let go of him," Carlisle whispered. "You can't keep letting him control you like this. You don't owe him anything."

"I know I don't," she said.

"Do you?" he asked. "Because you keep looking at that house, like you're waiting for him to come barreling out after you again."

"I am," she admitted, nodding. "He's dying, Carlisle, and I can't leave until . . . until I know he can't hurt me again."

Carlisle sighed and leaned away. "Yeah, I suppose I get that."

She frowned. "Were they mad? That I left, I mean?"

"A little," he confessed. "We told them that things were messy between you and him."

She tensed.

"We didn't give them any details. Just that your relationship," he said with a grimace, "wasn't a good one."

Bella nodded, her eyes shifting to the house across the street, two doors down.

Carlisle tightened his arm around her, pressing his lips against the top of her head once more. "We love you, B, and that will never, ever change."

"I love you, too," she replied, though she knew when he and Esme had a baby, she would be left behind. She'd lose both of them forever, and there wasn't anything she could do to stop it from happening.

Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews!