A/N: Okay, so Wrex is now playing the game at all times. How many more times will he get Art to creatively lose the game? We'll have to see. Just know that it will keep on going and going and going.

So anyway, now that that chapter is over with... Let's get on to more important things. Like teaching Art how to use a sniper rifle. And then getting a debriefing. So let's get going with that!

Chapter 12: Sniper Woes

Okay... I am not looking forward to today. Because today... is sniper rifle training.

Which sucks even more, because Shepard, Kaidan, Liara, Tali, and Wrex are all off dealing with the geth that we found out about on Feros. Ash, Garrus, and I are all staying on the Normandy. Garrus is staying and keeping himself occupied with the Unchained that Shepard now has aboard the Normandy, and Ash will be busy teaching me the sniper rifle.

It's not even that I'm not taking care of geth. It's that I know I'm going to suck with the sniper rifle. And I know I'm going to suck with it, really, really hard.

But... I have to humor Shepard, so here I am in the cargo bay. I see Ash holding two sniper rifles in her hands as she looks to me.

"Hi..." I say, not hiding how not cool I am with this arrangement.

"I guess you're dreading this, huh?" she asks.

I nod, my expression souring. "If only because I know I'm going to suck very hard at it," I reply. "But, hey, what can I do, you know?"

Ash gives me an odd look. "And why do you say that?" she asks.

Hm... Well... We'll have to see about that. "Well... Let me put it this way," I say. "It's... not my area of expertise, and it probably never will be. I'll probably miss my targets more than I hit them. You know?"

"You'll do fine," she insists as she hands me one of the sniper rifles. "Now get behind cover and we'll get started."

Right... Why do I get the feeling that something is going to go down soon?

Oh, well. I'll just go with it. I walk over behind the crates next to Ash as I suddenly notice some rather small targets. Like, some rather small targets. Shit... This is not going to go well.

"Right," she says. "Those targets will be what we work with. Recoil for a sniper rifle works similar to that of an assault rifle, so you should be able to keep the recoil in check."

I nod at this. Okay, remember to think of it like an assault rifle, then. "All right," I say. "Got it. So... the targets..."

"Yes," she says. "I want you to hit at least ten before you run out of bullets in your clip."

Right... I don't know how this will be. I mean... Oh, bloody hell. I'll just look through the scope.

I do that, and I see that there are at least twenty targets there. I peer around with the scope, all of them seeming to be really far away from there. I see all twenty eventually.

"Right," I say. "I... guess it starts now?"

"Whenever you're ready," replies the gunnery chief.

And instantly, I notice that the scope is jerking slightly from where my front hand is. Shit... I can't even keep the gun straight. I look into the scope, breathing in and out to try to relax it... And yet, it doesn't work. It just doesn't. I try to aim for a target, and see the scope shaking. Shit.. get it in the center... Okay... that's it.

I fire, prepared for the recoil. I look into the scope, breathing in and out as I see...

Oh, damn it, I missed! I look out of the scope briefly to check on my front hand. Shit... It's tense. And if I know anything from viola, tense fingers are never a good sign. Shit... Okay, relax. Let's try to hit that target again.

I peer back into the scope, concentrating on the same target. I swear as I miss the target again, the bullet whizzing by. Okay... My hand seriously needs to stop shaking. Now. Although... the more I think about it, the more it might be shaking...

Right... Think of that one Hindemith sonata with the quarter note value being six-hundred beats per minute. Yeah... And the last movement. How tragic it all is. How everything has been utterly destroyed... And how all that's left to do is to mourn... Mourn the death of this target...

...Which has now brought me to the Barber Adagio for Strings for some reason. Right...

My hand pulls the trigger, and then, to my surprise, it hits the target.

All right. One target down!

... Nine to go, with eight bullets in this clip. Shitfucker.

Well... I might as well get as many targets as I can.

All right, look for target eight... Okay, now calm down, think about something else... Boom, headshot! And another target down. Okay... moving on... Target in sight... And another one down. I keep on picking off targets in this way, taking a few seconds to calm my hands down. Okay... That's it. There's another target taken down. Another hit gotten. Another necromorph head-shotted. Another god of Olympus taken down.

Another lame reference based on shooting something. Okay, yeah, that train is failing fast. As I go about... I'm suddenly noticing I'm spending a little less time forcing myself to calm down. Well, that's a relief. I guess. But... Really?

I shoot the last target, and notice that I hit it dead in the center. Okay... I got nine targets. Ah, well, it's close enough. I pull the trigger just to make sure that the clip is empty. When I don't get a response, I nod and sit back to face Ash.

"Nine targets," I say. "Not optimal, but hey..."

The gunnery chief simply smiles. "Not optimal?" she asks. "Honestly, it was more in how you need to calm down a bit while handling a sniper rifle."

Wait, what? "Wait... so all that...?"

Ash nods, crossing her arms. "You need to learn to calm down," she says. "You complaints don't seem to have much basis, not to mention they get a little annoying given how you capitalize on it."

"Hey!" I shout, frowning.

"Well, it's true," she says. "I just proved that you can in fact snipe things. From the way you sounded, it looked as if you would miss all the targets. But... you did pretty good. We'll be in here a little longer for today."

I exhale softly, shaking my head as I look at the sniper rifle in my hands. "Oh, dear..." I groan.

And almost immediately, I regret this. Shit, I should've remembered that Ash is right fucking there! "It's only until you manage to take down the rest of the targets!" she retorts, her tone conveying some sense of her annoyance as she crosses her arms.

I blink tentatively, before losing my annoyed demeanor. "Oh, okay then," I reply. "I guess I could do that."

I look to the side and see some new clips. I pop the one in there out, and then reload the rifle.

"Oh, and they're moving now," she says, working a bit on her omni tool.

Oh, cockpuncher! I look to the side and see all of the targets move side by side. Shit... It's like the target test in Super Smash Brothers. Only instead of a beloved Nintendo character, it's a sniper rifle.

Fuck a duck!

I bring the rifle to my eyes and look into the scope. Well... They're moving at varying speeds. Let's try to get the faster ones first, and then the slower ones. Let's move!

I bring into focus one of the moving targets. Okay, focus... Follow the target as best you can... Actually, wow, this is a lot easier to control than it is with an analog stick, I can say that much. At least you can control the rate you follow your target. Hm. I guess I may be able to do this after all.

I follow the target, and with calm hands, I pull the trigger.

And... I missed most of the targets... At least for the first several shots. Now that the targets are all taken down, however, I think I've made... well... some progress...

Ash stands behind me as I look up, wiping some sweat off of my brow as I see the gunnery chief walk towards me.

"See?" she asks. "You underestimate your worth. You're not that bad a gunman, honestly."

I shake my head. "Sometimes, I don't feel like it," I reply, getting up. "Especially starting out with said guns. It's just... You know, being under stress and all that..." And not just the stress of everything going on around us. With Virmire coming ever closer...

She comes up behind me as I stand up, shrugging. "Still," she says. "A good Alliance soldier rarely complains. I see you do that a lot."

I raise my eyebrows. "I'm a musician by trade," I say. "Usually, I'm better at keeping my complaints to myself. But... I guess I still don't see myself as a soldier. I probably never will..."

The gunnery chief looks over to me, before leaving a hand on my shoulder. "Maybe you never will," she says. "But you're not as bad a soldier as you think. You were called on to step up to the plate. And you've done a great job of doing just that so far."

Her hand leaves my shoulder, and then she walks away briefly. As she does so, I glance down at the floor. "I guess I have come a long way from being the out of shape loser I was before I came here," I observe, looking at the sniper rifle in my hand. Actually... I didn't think I could ever use a firearm when I first got here. And yet... "You know, now that I think about it? I don't think I suck as much as I thought I would. That's... a bit shocking..."

"He went like one that hath been stunned,/And is of sense forlorn:/A sadder and a wiser man/He rose the morrow morn." Ash states this as she turns back to face me.

Oh, right, her love of Romantic-era poetry. I raise my eyebrows, playing along. "Samuel Taylor Coleridge?" I ask walking away from the crates. "I never knew you to be the type to be into Romantic poetry."

She looks over at the ceiling, getting all sentimental. "It came from memorizing my father's favorite poem," she says. "And besides, you're not the only one who's into art on this ship."

Oh, boy, I think I have an opportunity to get back at her over something. "And what was that about distractions you were telling me about earlier?" I ask, a playful smirk lighting up on my face as I cross my arms.

She blinks, looking over to me. "Good point..." she says. "But still, you're much more easily distracted than most."

Hey, I was put on concerta and ritalin throughout elementary and middle school for a reason, you know! "You know me," I say. "But I try my best to pay attention."

The Gunnery Chief slowly walks out. "Good," she says. "Don't get too distracted, Serviceman. I've noticed you're getting a little grim lately."

I glance over to her. Oh, dear, Ash. You have no- wait. Grim? "Grim?" I ask. "Have I been acting grim lately?"

She turns as she leaves. "Something's on your mind," she says. "Something that's making you smile a little less than usual. We can all tell."

Hm... Well, that's a little alarming. Well... I can cover my ass still. "It's just thoughts," I say, looking up. "I've been thinking about things more than ever before today. Just... things... like death... I always have a preoccupation with death, even if it rarely ever shows. For some reason, I'm thinking about it a lot more than usual."

Ash nods. "Don't let it get to you," says the Gunnery Chief. "As long as Shepard is around, we'll pull through. You'll make it out of this alive, Serviceman. Don't worry." She heads for the exit, turning to me. "When you're feeling a little happier, I'll be where I always am," she finishes. "You've done good work, Serviceman."

And with this, she leaves the cargo bay. I look back to where she is. Shit, Virmire is coming up soon. And then it's going to be Kaidan... Or Ash...

Shit... It's going to be coming soon. We don't have any more missions to tack on after this mission with the geth unless the 'Bring Down the Sky' DLC needs to be taken on... But at this stage, I doubt it. After all, we have almost no missions that are left on the waiting list... Shit... This is extremely disturbing. I knew Virmire would be coming from the moment I stepped in to save Tali. But I didn't think it would be coming so soon...

"It's not me that I'm worried about..." I whisper to myself as I look over to where Ash just exited the cargo bay. "It's you..."

And with this, I sit there, allowing myself to think a little more on the subject.

Wow... I just can't get Virmire off my mind... What if I don't get to go back home? What if I wind up dying instead? Wow...

I didn't think I'd ever get so many doubts about a single decision. What if it goes wrong? What if I die for real? What if the bomb doesn't go off? What if I wind up with Kirrahe's men? What...

There are too many what ifs. And it's kind of scaring me a little as I sit in the rec room. I've just been thinking for the past few minutes about it. Too much, I think... This... is really bad form. But I can't help myself. What if nothing goes according to how I think it will? What then?

I see Garrus come over and sit at the table next to me. When I notice him there, I nod.

"Hey, Garrus," I say.

The turian instantly seems to know something is wrong. "Hey," he says. "You've been seeming pretty down lately. What's going on?"

Nah. I can't tell you that, Garrus. "I don't feel like talking about it," I say. "It's nothing that'll get in the way of stopping Saren anyhow."

Garrus nods at this, and he sits back. "Doesn't stop the fact that this is odd for you," he says. "You're usually more... ah... cheery than this."

"Maybe someday I'll tell you about it," I reply. "Maybe not." Definitely leaning closer to 'maybe not', even if I do survive Virmire. "I just tend to have grave thoughts on my mind more so than you'd like to think. My own death is something I think about all the time."

The C-Sec officer leans back in his seat. "I never knew you to be the kind to think about death."

I shake my head, chuckling mirthlessly. Yeah, there's a lot more to me than meets the eye, Garrus. "Yeah," I say. "I sometimes wonder what kind of imprint I'll leave behind when I'm gone." And it's not just because I'm here. I always think about it. Even when I was back home, it was a thought that rarely left my mind. "Sometimes... that though frightens me. What'll people think after I'm gone?"

Garrus looks at me, his eyes seeming to glow in understanding as he crosses his arms. "I don't know," he says. "But whatever it is... I think you'll be remembered fondly. You're a nice kid, Art. Sure, you sound very odd, but you're a good person, always willing to help out. We could use more of that."

I look up to him. His mandibles work slightly, and I give him a soft smile of appreciation. Sometimes a few words are all we need. I guess I'll be remembered fondly...

"Thanks," I say, offering a small hand gesture.

My companion leans against the table I'm leaning on. "But that can't be all," he says. "I haven't seen you get like this..."

Well... I guess I should just go out and ask. I mean, he's asking politely, so the least I can do is give him some kind of feedback on it. But how to do it without revealing too much... Hm... Maybe if I ask instead of just outright tell...

"There's also been something I've been preoccupied with," I admit, sitting up from where I was. "Garrus... Can I ask your opinion on something?"

The turian at first seems surprised at this, but before he can point it out he leans forward. "What is it?" he asks.

I swallow. Okay... I can ask him. Just don't reveal too much. "If... If you were to make a choice..." I begin. Shit... Okay, just calm down. "And the option you decided to take led either to death or something else, and that something else is a very, very uncertain outcome..." I swallow. "And if you doubted it would work... Would you do it?"

Garrus leans his head to the side before regarding me. "I would," he says. "You forget that I have a history of working with C-Sec. I would just do it, regardless of cost to you. Because really, what do you have to lose?"

A family, friends, life... the list goes on, man. "That's true, I guess," I say. "It's just I've got a horrible feeling that something really terrible is going to go down soon..." Well, that and I know, but... "And I feel that someone's going to have to make a decision..."

The turian nods. "If you feel it's your decision, go through with it," he encourages me. "Hopefully the end result will be for the better."

That's what I hope. Okay. I'll go through with my plans to die at Virmire. Okay. A single pep talk with a turian is all I need to make me feel pretty good about myself. "Thanks, Garrus," I say. "I... I think I feel a bit better now."

"Hey, anytime," he says. "Just let me know if you need anything."

"I'll try to," I say. Well, honestly, I'd rather go to Wrex or Tali for that kind of thing. But it's still nice that he's offering.

I smile as he leaves the rec room, and I'm left sitting there. Okay. I'll go ahead and try to die.

You know what? I feel a little better already. At least if I die for real I can be remembered well. Maybe I'll be given a heroic death. Maybe be like Sanjuro; the no-name man that came from nowhere and mysteriously saved people from terrible misdeeds. Sure, I would only be a shadow to Shepard... But I won't be rememered terribly. It'll be likethat even if I don't die and go back home. I'll have taken some kind of understanding home with me, and I'll be happy.

Yeah... This isn't too bad. I'm just overreacting. You just need to calm down.

With this, I move over to the Unchained. I think I could start a new file for Contact Point 3. The fact that it's like Dead Space should help me take my mind off of things.

And so I fire up the Unchained, grabbing the controller as I load the game and wait to play around a bit.

I got to get about an hour and a half into the game when I was forced to run to a save point since Shepard and the ground team was reporting back. We all have to be at the debriefing room now, so I get over there.

I look over to the debriefing room, feeling much more comfortable than I did. Wow... It's astounding how far I've come. I didn't think I'd ever get to know any of these people, and yet I've become great friends with Tali and Wrex, had friendly relations with Liara and Garrus, had good times with Ash, got to admire Shepard's commanding abilities, and get looked at strangely by Kaidan. I think Kaidan is definitely on to me somehow. I just know it. He's been looking at me strangely a lot lately...

But I have to hold it together. Virmire is coming up. I can feel it.

Shepard looks over to the rest of us, nodding before beginning her talk.

"The geth there weren't important," she begins. "They had overflowed, but there was nothing about any involvement of Saren's. So we took them out. Good thing too; they likely would have been a threat to the system."

"Well, that's a good thing," says Garrus.

Liara glances over to us. "Indeed," she says. "But something about the geth's placement here disturbs me."

I raise my eyebrows. "Why?" I ask. "If they weren't affiliated with Saren for some reason... then that should be a good thing, right?"

Wrex chuckled gravely. "As if," he says. "More geth are more problems for us."

Ash nods her agreement. "As if we didn't have enough with Saren, we had this group to deal with," she says.

I nod in understanding. They do actually have a pretty good point. "I see..." I say. "Well... at least we got them. So if that happened... What now? Do we go back and wait further instruction?"

Shepard shakes her head. "If it were that simple, Saren would likely have been brought to answer for his crimes," she comments. "As it is... We have a bigger problem waiting for us. A problem that the Council sent us on just before this debriefing session. Which means that this is now also a briefing for something else, as we cannot waste time at the Citadel."

Oh, no... "The Council told me that they received a transmission from a planet that I haven't even heard of," she continues. "Apparently, a distorted communication came through from a team there that has information on Saren. We'll be heading to this planet, where we'll rendevouz with Captain Kirrahe of the 3rd Infiltration Regiment STG." Shit... I knew it... "We'll get further instructions there."

"That doesn't sound good," says Ash.

I shake my head as Tali speaks. "It certainly doesn't," she says. "What's Saren planning in there?"

"The transmission was unclear," replies the Commander. "We'll have to go to the planet. We'll have all of our questions answered there." Not like me...

The others nod. I'm a little hesitant as I bring my hands together in my lap. "And what's the name of this planet?" asks Kaidan.

Shepard looks to all of us. Shit...

"Virmire."

My mouth barely moves as the commander says this.

The wham episode... The thing that determined whether Ash or Kaidan died... The mission that changed everything... The mission where Wrex could potentially die... The mission that the salarians will prove their worth in... The mission that revealed Ilos to be the location of the Conduit... The beginning of the end of Saren...

It's finally here.

And I'm not ready for it.

The rest of the breifing session goes by, but I don't know what the hell goes on around me. It's here. Virmire is finally here. I've been knowing it's coming... But now that we're actually faced with it...

Fuck... I don't know what's worse; the fact that I may not be going home, or the fact that I don't think I've spent enough time around here... I don't know. It's just... Why did it have to come so soon?

Oh, well... No time for looking back. I have to do what I must. And that means I'll get that datapad, write the note, and leave that orange thing on my bed when I leave the place for the last time. And then...

And then... I have to say goodbye. I have to say goodbye to all the friends I've gotten over the past few weeks... Shit... It's harder than I think it is. I'm going to die at Virmire to every one of these people if everything turns out in my favor. And I'm never going to see them again... Well, not entirely anyway. I still have the Mass Effect games to fall back on. But that... I know it won't be enough. They'll never really capture that lustre in Wrex's eye when he's amused by something. They'll never capture the way Tali moves when she's so excited by something new... It won't capture the nuances of Garrus' body language... Or the way Ash seems to sway just the slightest bit to the rhythms of the poetry she loves so much... It won't capture the inky blackness of an asari's eye when they say 'embrace eternity'... There'll be no Albert Shepard for me to think about unless I do stuff... Joc Shepard also just won't be the same since I'll be controlling her.

Shit... Leaving this universe is harder than I thought it would be. I'll never think of Mass Effect the same way again once I get home. Saying goodbye is harder than it has any right to be... Fuck... This is... unreal. Virmire is finally here...

And I can't stop thinking about it...

Oh... Well... I'll be back home soon, I guess. That'll be enough.

So if it's supposed to be enough, why do I feel like I'm making some kind of mistake?

"Art?"

Kaidan's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I nearly jolt in my seat as I look up. I glance around as well to see... Wow, shit, my thoughts wandered so far I didn't even notice everybody leaving the room.

Shit... I look over to Kaidan.

"Yes?" I ask.

"Are you sure you're all right?" he asks. "You seemed like you were looking at a ghost. And... I think you know a bit too much."

"Why?" I say again. Stupid question on my part, though...

The biotic crosses his arms. "Well, I was pretty sure I saw you mouth the name of the planet at the same time Shepard did." Yep, that had to be the only explanation he would have for suspecting something. I guess small motion is more noticeable by a biotic than I had hoped. "Art, is something wrong?"

I blink. After a few seconds, I rub my eyes, looking over to the biotic. Well... I guess I might as well get started with saying goodbye. And feed a half-truth to him to calm his suspicions of me.

All right, here goes.

"Well... I've been having these... dreams," I say. "Of death in an oddly specific way."

Kaidan raises an eyebrow. "Prophetic dreams?" he asks. "You're... also the only one I know of that has those."

Well... I wouldn't put it like that, but... "Hey, it happens," I say. "At any rate, I don't think they're prophetic, so much as something else. But I can't help but get a little concerned about the contents of my dreams." I take a breath, looking over to him. "I keep seeing this base, and this bomb going off and destroying everything. And somewhere... I see someone being left behind, being caught in the explosion. Not so bad, but it's a nuclear bomb we're talking about here."

"Fear of death?" asks the Lieutenant. "We all have that. You're just letting it get to you."

I shake my head, rubbing my eyes. "But I have the terrible feeling it might happen on this planet," I say, gesturing. "Because then I keep hearing this voice call out 'Virmire' when I wake up, despite the fact that I've never heard of it before. And... I'm afraid, Alenko. I'm really, really afraid... What if there is a nuke? What if something happens where someone gets left there when it goes off? What then? I... I'm terrified, Kaidan. And I'm not sure what to do about it."

That last part isn't a lie, either; I really am afraid, even if it's not for the reasons he might think I am. I just can't help but keep second-guessing myself here. There are so many what ifs it's almost terrifying. And frankly, that scares me the most out of everything here.

Kaidan raises his eyebrow as I stand up. He places his hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "Hey," he says. "You know that Shepard will do her best to make sure that we all come out of this alive. There's no need to worry..."

"And yet I can't help but worry," I reply, biting my lower lip before continuing. "I just can't shake this feeling that something horrible is going to happen."

The biotic simply pats my shoulder once before stepping back. "I still don't think you're being completely honest with me," he says, crossing his arms. Oh, shit, I'm in trouble... I'm in- "But I can see that you're still concerned about us all. So I'll take your word for it." Oh. Okay. I can live with that. "I'm sure it's just a dream... but I'll keep it in mind. And you shouldn't worry. Things will turn out all right. Trust me. We'll do our best to make it so."

I shake my head. "I'm not sure it's something within your direct control," I reply. "But... I'll live with that. Just in case it comes down to that, though..." I guess I better say goodbye. "I hope things work out between you and the Commander. And I've had good times serving with you on the Normandy."

The biotic nods at this, a small smile on his face as he regards me. "Likewise," he says. "I still think there's something off about you. But really? I don't think it matters. You're a good soldier, and a loyal one if any. It's been good, if things come to blows."

I nod. It's good to know that even the suspicious one still thinks I can be trusted. "Thanks," I say.

He simply nods before leaving the briefing room. I stand there for a few more seconds, looking at the chairs. I always thought these were odd chairs, but they were still so comfortable it was nice. I'd take those chairs over the fucking things we've got to sit on during gigs.

Oh, well. I better go write that note. And then leave that orange thing there. Huh. I figured my questions on it would get answered before I left. I guess I was wrong. I'll pass the torch to someone else on the Normandy, though. Hopefully they'll get it and hang on to it.

But for now, I'm wondering what my parents will say when I return home. What will everyone say when I come back? I can only hope it'll be as good as Garrus says everyone's opinions of me here will be...