I just got this idea when I was watching OMaTD. Since I'm so obsessed with Twilight Saga at the time, a friend of mine encouraged me to make a Twilight fanfic OMaTD style. So I decided to give it a try. ;)
Thanks to all the reviews, it makes me really giddy and whenever I got a suggestion or compliments, I can't help but prance around my room, giggling like a school girl who saw her crush. :))
Disclaimer: I don't own TWILIGHT nor One Mommy and Three Dads.
Jacob's POV
I met up with Edward at Uley's Shack. I fidgeted while he puts his arm in front of him and leans his chin on it, looking at me with his dozy green eyes.
"If you won't start talking –" He started.
"Okay. Okay." I took a deep breath. "Man, out of the three, you're the best. Can you do it?"
He instantly woke up and took a deep breath too. "That's true, but –"
"Don't waste 'em on other places! Use 'em for a good cause!"
"It's not because I'm hoarding them. But –"
"You don't have anywhere else to use them. Use them in a situation like this."
He sighed. "Well, I don't really have anywhere to use them. But still." He looked away.
Urgh! Why is he so fucking stubborn? I want to strangle him and force him to give me his fucking sperms! Grr.
I composed my face. "I really want to die."
He looked at me.
"I mean, look at me. I'm pathetic as a man."
He still looks fucking apprehensive.
"I'm only living for her. I want her to be happy." I continued. Come on! Agree already!
He ran his fingers through his hair.
"I'm begging you! I'll never ask another fucking favor in my whole fucking life!"
Silence. Damn you, fucking over-thinking-. It's not worth it, Black. Plus, you need his help now. Right? Calm down. Take deep breaths. That's it. Okay, continue your fucking monologue.
"So can you look at the other way, and do this? That's saving me and Bella."
He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. "How can I do that? This is really uncomfortable. I'm sorry." He swivel his chair, leaving.
What the fucking fuckity fuck?
I took a deep breath and sighed. Plan D.
"I'll forget about the 50,000 dollars that you borrowed."
He froze and snapped his head at me. "What?"
Fuck. What am I thinking? Well, there's no going back now.
I shrugged. "Well, if you don't want –"
"Fine! I'll do it!" He shouted.
I sneered. One down, two to go.
"Jasper, dude! You came!"
"Hey, Jake. So, what ya wanna talk 'bout?" Jasper drawled.
"Will you please do the –"
"Nope." He interrupted, his lips popping.
"Dude, come on! You're the best out of three!" I whined.
"Sam! Beer please!" He shouted.
"I'm serious! You're the best out of the three!"
"Well, I'm better than Emmett." Jasper sighed.
"So,?" I prompted.
He took a deep breath. Yey! Maybe I won't use Plan D on him, after all!
"I ain't doin it, dude. It's plain gross." He shuddered. Sam went to our table, giving Jaz his beer. Sam turned away, shaking his head, grinning. He must have heard my conversation with Eddie too. Haha. Sorry, mate, I swear to you, I ain't doin' this all the time. Just for hard times.
I groaned. Plan D, it is. "Remember when you broke up with the sister of the gangster boss, I told her a lie. I told her that you're a time-limited patient! I'll tell her now that it's not true! I'll even tell her where you live!"
He gaped at me. Hehe. Checkmate.
Finally, he smiled uncomfortably. "Dude, we can talk about this, right?"
"Let me see." I said, mockingly. "How 'bout your sperm donation, eh?"
He groaned. "What the fuck ever!"
"So, will ya do it?"
"Fine! I'll do it." He sighed, taking a big gulp of his beer.
I smiled evilly. Last stop, Detective Emmett Lutz- McCarty. This should be easy.
Looks like he just got off his work, 'cause he's still wearing his uniform. "Det. Lutz - McCarty!" I greeted him, mocking a salute.
"Architect Black." He saluted back.
"So, how are things?" I asked.
"Just get to the point, Architect Black. I may be not that smart but I ain't gullible."
Really? We'll see 'bout that. I sneered.
"Okay then. Give me your sperm." I said in my best Darth Vader voice.
"No. No. Nooooooo!" He shouted in his Luke Skywalker voice, clutching his hand as if it's been cut.
I rolled my eyes. "Bro. I didn't say that I am your father."
He snorted. "You no fun. But still. You get the idea."
"Stubborn!" I shouted at him.
"Black!"
Someone yelled, "Racist!" What the hell?
"That's my last name, okay?" I shouted back.
The black man walked to our table. I stood up, towering him. Oh, whaddya know? It's Crowley back from high school. We're not in good terms since I saw him feeling up Bella's ass. It's reasonable to be angry, right?
"Crowley." I spat.
"Black." He snapped back.
"Emmett!" Em piped up.
Crowley broke our staring contest and looked at Em. He might had seen the badge that Em is wearing because he backed up, leaving us.
Em smiled and waved at him. I sat back, and he too. He kept on smiling, removing his badge, cleaning it.
"This badge always saves the day." He said, kissing it.
I sighed. "Come on, Em! I like yours best! You're like, buff. Please? Give me yours?"
He leaned forward, as if he's going to spill a secret. "You know how to pick 'em?"
I shivered. "No! You're disgusting!"
"Now you know what we feel." He said.
I looked at him. Huh. He actually gave me a smart-ass comeback."You know what, we gave you too small credit than you were ought to have. You're more optimistic than I thought."
"Really?" He blushed.
"Yeah." I said, acting sheepish. I laughed maniacally inside. Gotcha.
He looked like his dreaming. I sighed. Poor little naïve Emmett. Easy to distract.
"So, would ya do it?" I asked.
That seems too snapped him out of his what-the-fuck-ever-it-is daze.
"Nope. Told ya I'm not gullible."
Urgh! Looks like the army not only hardened his pecs but also his head too! Damn you army! Wait. Army? Hmm…
"When you were in the army, your mom got sick and had surgery. I brought her to my house and took care of her for months. You said you would make it up for me. Make up to me now!" I said.
His face contorted to whatever emotion it is and finally, he spoke up hesitantly. "Right n-now?"
I nodded.
"Okay. I'll d-do i-it. " He finally said.
Fuck yeah! I patted myself at the back. Good job!
After all those talking, I suggested that we would meet together this time for the final arrangements. I came first. The three guys are obviously talking to each other outside because they came together. Oh well. Let's get this over with.
"Okay. We'll do it." Edward spoke up. Then he leaned forward, "But you're really going to forget about that $50,000?"
I nodded, swallowing hard.
"I'll do this for my mom. But keep this a secret, okay?" Em said.
"That's the way it's supposed to be." I agreed.
"You can't tell the kid who the father is." Jasper said.
"Of course! That's my child!" I said.
"I'm not taking any responsibility for that child. Don't ask me for any kind of child support." Ed said.
"Don't worry. I will raise it well. Besides the three of you, no one in the world will know."
"If he grows up and isn't good in school or does bad things, it's not our fault." Em said.
"I told you, don't worry 'bout that."
"Okay then. When are we-?" Em sighed.
"Hopefully, this week." I said.
They all sighed.
"Thank you! Thank you!" I said gratefully.
They moved awkwardly on their chair.
"But, hey." I said, leaning forward. "This is forever a secret from Bella."
"Of course!" They shouted.
Em sighed. "So, we better stop drinking, smoking and we should eat what's good for us."
"Why?" Jasper whined.
"So, we might as well produce a healthy child."
"Okay." Jasper groaned.
"You quit girls. You need to save 'em up and create a quality child." Edward ordered.
Jasper exhaled noisily. "This will be a long week."
(I should have stopped there but I'm feeling generous today so I continued ;))
Jasper's POV
We went home after that, tired.
Alex greeted us.
"Alex!" I shouted, lifting her/him up and twirling us around.
Alex barked at me. I smiled. I love that dog.
"Hey, dude, call your mom if she know some foods that are good for us." Edward said.
"Yeah, yeah." I muttered and dialed my mom's number.
"Ma?"
"Jasper! Sweetheart! What's going on for you to call me?"
"Ma. What kind of food is good for men?"
"Well, that would be dog stew. Why?"
I looked at the dog in my arms. Dog stew? GROSS!
I cringed. "Not that ma. Uh, you know? The food that is good for fertility?"
"Fertility? I'm not sure."
"Uh. Okay. I'm hanging –"
"So, is there some good news you ain't tellin' me?"
"Good news?" I asked, confused.
"Who's the girl? Are you trying to get married now?"
I snorted. "No, ma. Goodbye!" I hung up.
I shook my head. She's so foolish. It's not like I can eat Alex?
I put him/her down and lied on the floor on my stomach and did push-ups. Gotta start working out now.
Emmett's POV
"Okay, what about you?"
"Chicken."
"You?"
"Burger."
"Burger."
"How 'bout you, Emmie?"
"I want fish egg soup." I muttered, reading a newspaper.
"Fish egg soup?" My co-workers asked.
"Yeah. Why?" I asked back.
"That's worth a hundred dollars!"
"I know." I said, handing Rose my payment.
"But Detective Emmett McCarty don't eat those kind of foods."
"Yeah but I have a reason for eating it." I snapped back.
"Okay." Rose muttered.
My co-workers looked at me strangely.
"What?" I asked.
I came home early to watch soccer with Edward. It's THE night.
Edward rose from his seat and wandered off to the kitchen.
He came back, opening a beer.
"Hey!" I threw my shoe at him.
"What the hell?"
"You have to quit drinking, remember?"
"Oh, yeah. Right." He muttered, throwing the beer away.
Halfway through the game, Jasper walked in, waving at us.
"Yeah. Hi, uh- girl!" He said to his phone.
I shook my head. He doesn't even remember the name of the girl. What a player.
Then I remember that he should quit girls. So I walked to him and took the phone from his hand.
"Oh, Jasper. Ugh! Oh, yeah! Right there. Ooh! It tickles! Uh!" I moaned to the phone and snapped it shut.
Jasper looked at me weirdly. "I don't know if I should laugh or be pissed at you. But I think I'll settle at being pissed, I mean, you make me look like I'm fucking a man!" He shouted.
Edward is laughing at the couch, almost falling. "Bro, that's fuckawesome!"
I grinned. "Can't take full credit, though. I've seen it on NCIS."
"Still, it's classic!" He laughed harder.
I laughed with him. "Yeah, I bet."
Jasper glared at me, though I can see his stifling a laugh.
"Just get it out dude." I snorted and he laughed with us.
Someone knocked outside. "I'll get it!" Edward shouted, walking to the door.
There's some shuffling and mumbling then finally, Edward came back to the room with a box.
"What is it?" I asked.
He opened the box.
"It's cacti." He explained, removing all the plants from the box and arranging it around the house.
"They intercept electromagnetic waves. People say that those waves are bad for males, so." He shrugged. "I'm bringing some for my work table too."
Someone knocked again. I opened it.
"Hey, Jake. 'Sup?"
Ed and Jaz walked to us.
Jake handed us an unfamiliar juice pouch. "Drink it, it's good for you. I'm leaving this whole bunch for ya. Drink it 3 times a day, okay?"
We opened the pouch and tasted it.
"It tastes good! What's in it?" Jasper asked.
Jake looked at us timidly. "Uh, red ginger, snake, centipede, scorpion, seal, and bear's gallbladder."
It tastes awesome, I finished the whole packet, asking for more while Ed and Jaz are puking their guts out. Babies.
Later that week
Jacob's POV
Four cases of sperms are in front of me. Edward Masen's, Emmett McCarty's, Jasper Whitlock's and mine. Which one should I chose?
My phone rang.
"Jacob Black! You can't."
"I can't what?"
"You can't do this!"
I swallowed hard. "Okay. I won't do it then."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Promise?"
"Okay. I promise."
"Okay. We're trusting you." And they hang up.
I sighed. Putting on my gloves and injection, I know now whose sperm I'll use.
Wee. Cliffie! or (maybe not so much.)
Ookay! That one is hard to write. I just based this from the drama I've watched so, that's what really happened except for some scenes that I added so it would became funnier. [like the NCiS part, the 'Racist' part, and the 'Luke, I am your father' part.]
Judge me and this story. Help me make it better. Review. :)