Chapter 3: Secrets

Aerith had been in a bad mood since her conversation with Rufus. She was always kind to Cloud, but he had noticed how snappish she was, quicker to anger. Zack had told him simply that it would pass and he just had to wait, but he couldn't help being concerned. Their relationship was so new, so tenuous, he wasn't sure exactly how things were going to be between them. Could he risk asking her about something so obviously touchy?

He decided to chance it. Cautiously he approached her where she sat on Zack's back porch, staring broodingly into space. Wordlessly he sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist. She responded by leaning against him, her deceptively frail body relaxing as she accepted his silent comfort.

"I'm sorry," she intoned quietly.

He glanced down at her breathtaking face, seeing the pain in every line and curve of her lovely features. "It's okay," he answered. "We all have our secrets."

"It's not really much of a secret," she said wryly, her bright green eyes flitting to his. "Anyone who knows Rufus knows about me."

"Did he do something to you?" Cloud couldn't keep the note of concern from his tone, again cursing his inability to do anything to protect her.

Aerith laughed humorously, shaking her head. "It's not something he did last night. It's what he did to me a long time ago."

For a moment, he didn't understand, then something inside him seemed to click. "He was the one who-"

She nodded, sitting up and wrapping her arms around her knees, looking suddenly very childlike. "Yes," she answered heavily.

"If you don't mind me asking . . . what happened exactly?" he ventured cautiously.

She blinked slowly, her eyes unfocused as she began to speak softly. "I didn't come from a wealthy family, and times were hard. I had to help my mother earn money, so I was often out late selling flowers we'd grown in our garden. I'd have them in arrangements and bouquets of all different kinds. The buyers were mostly from men to their girlfriends, which was okay. They paid enough for us to scrape by on."

"One night a man in a white suit bought a flower from me. He was kind and paid generously, but there was something about him that made my skin crawl. He asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner with him, but I refused him politely, and I thought that would be the end of it. But he wasn't the sort of person to give up so easily."

Aerith inhaled shakily, still not meeting Cloud's worried eyes. "I was heading home later than usual that night because I'd stopped to help a little girl find her mother. It was a new moon, so I was having a hard time finding my way. Then I realized I was being followed. Of course, I ran, but it didn't save me. He caught me easily, trapping me in a dark alley." She paused here, shaking her head. "Of course he tried to subdue me with his mind, but for some reason I found the strength to fight back."

"How?" he asked, marveling. After feeling that sensation, he didn't know how anyone could fight against such a powerful, drugging feeling.

"I don't really know," she mussed quietly. "Maybe it was the thought that I had a family waiting for me to come home; I actually had something to fight for. Once he had bitten me, I kicked, scratched, struggled, hit, anything I could do to break his hold on me."

"Didn't it hurt?"

"More than anything," was the blunt answer. "It was pure agony, but I still fought him. In my mind, I didn't have a choice; giving in wasn't an option. Not that it made any difference to Rufus, though he was surprised to say the least. His grip never wavered, and soon I couldn't fight anymore." Aerith's voice had grown flat and soft, but Cloud could see the despair in her eyes. "He changed me and the rest is history."

"You didn't stay with him though," he said quietly, reaching out to hold her again. "Isn't that what usually happens?"

"Usually, yes," she agreed. "But not in my case. I had no intention of staying with him, no matter how many times he coaxed and threatened me. What he didn't count on was the fact that I was more than strong enough to survive on my own without his protection, because I had fought him through the transformation. That made me stronger as a vampire than most of the hapless females he changed." She cast him a wry glance. "About once a month, Rufus feels the need to remind me that my life could be much more comfortable if I stay with him. He's under the impression that one day I'll crack and come crawling back. After all, forever is a long time to be alone."

"He's wasting his time thinking that. You're a lot stronger than anyone I've ever know," Cloud told her seriously.

Full lips twitched slightly, her emerald eyes growing soft and if at all possible, even more beautiful than ever. "You're too sweet, you know that?" she asked him quietly, reaching out to touch his cheek lightly.

His face flushed crimson and he glanced away bashfully. "Not really," he mumbled, horribly embarrassed but pleased at the same time.

Aerith nudged him playfully. "Oh, sorry for wounding your male pride by calling you 'sweet'," she teased.

He swiped at her and she dodged it, her bell like laughter ringing out. Zack popped his head out the door, looking relieved.

"Glad to see you're your old cheery self again," he told her with a grin. She growled playfully at him and he quickly ducked back inside, chuckling to himself.

But Cloud's face was furrowed in thought, staring down at his hands. "What is it?" she inquired. "Did I really hurt your feelings?"

"No, no, not at all," he said hastily. "I was just thinking about what you said. About forever being a long time to be by yourself."

Aerith's expression grew cautious. "Well, not quite by myself. I do have Zack around most of the time. Why are you thinking about that?"

"Well," he began carefully, "I was just thinking, maybe forever would be easier if you had someone to share it with."

"Not a chance, Cloud," she said immediately, her tone firm. "Don't even think it."

"But why not?" he demanded, leaning toward her to stare directly into her eyes. "Is it because you don't- I mean, is it that you wouldn't want me around for that long?"

Her fierce expression softened slightly, and she sighed. "You silly boy, of course not." She slid closer to him, resting her forehead against his. "The feelings I have for you are permanent and unbreakable, believe me."

Locked in the deep emerald green of her eyes, he could not doubt her, and nodded slowly in return. "Why, then?"

She blinked, and sighed again. "Cloud, you don't even begin to understand what this life is like. Do you want to know the truth about forever?" Her braid swayed as she shook her head. "No, you don't. Not when you have this life. I would not bring that to an end unless there was no other choice for you."

"But this is what I want," he pled.

A joyless smile twitched her lips. "All the more reason why I can't do it then," she told him quietly. "You'd be willing to be changed, and you wouldn't fight."

Her words from only minutes ago came back to him and he grimaced. 'I had fought him through the transformation. That made me stronger as a vampire than most of the hapless females he changed.'

Seeing his expression, she nodded slightly. "It's that struggle that helps determine how powerful a vampire you would be. If I were to change you, you would be willing and compliant, and being a weak vampire isn't something you'd want, Cloud."

His shoulders slumped. She was right, and he hated it. The deep unhappiness rising inside of him must have been clearly visible on his face because Aerith wrapped her arms around him, laying her head against his chest, just over his beating heart.

"Please don't be sad," she begged softly. "You understand, right?"

"Yeah." He closed his eyes, resting his cheek against the top of her head. "But that doesn't make it any easier."

"I know. But I can't be selfish Cloud. I can't take away your life for my own reasons, and not even for something you think you want. What kind of person would that make me?"

He didn't answer immediately, breathing deeply of her sweet floral sent, immersing himself in it completely. "Will you at least think it over?" he asked her softly. "Please? That's all I'll ask right now."

"Of course." Her face lifted slowly, and in the shadow of the growing twilight around them, the gleam of her eyes was brighter than any star. "I've been thinking about it since I've met you afterall."

&&&

Night had fallen by the time Cloud got out of his detention, and he grumbled under his breath, shoving his hands in his pockets as he hurried down the sidewalk. He was later than normal, making it even later for his meeting up with Aerith and Zack at the club. Zack had offered to wait and walk with him, but knowing how easily his friend got bored, Cloud had declined.

"Blasted Kadaj," he muttered to himself as he turned left on 7th Heaven Boulevard. "Was it my fault he decided to be such a jerk today? He deserved to be slugged. If Mr. Nanaki hadn't been around. . ."

He was now on Midgar Street, nearly there. His pace quickened, along with his heart rate, eager to get there as quickly as possible. Being away from Aerith made him even more melancholy than he already was, and he couldn't figure out why. Maybe it was because ever since he had met her, she had become his whole life, and every second he was away made life harder to live, every breath a struggle.

Cloud groaned, running his fingers through his blond spikes in an attempt to make himself look less windswept. "I'm pathetic," he sighed.

"I couldn't agree with you more," a female voice purred behind him.

Whirling, his heart leaping to his throat, Cloud fought back the gasp that struggled to escape at the sight of Scarlet leaning against the wall of a darkened bakery. This night she was clad in a short blood red dress that came above her knees, sleeveless and stunning. Matching strapped stilettos encased perfect feet, and her flaxen curls tumbled down around her deathly pale face.

Instantly Cloud was on his guard as she pushed herself away from the wall, taking several steps back as she took one forward. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" he inquired, trying his best to sound polite. It seemed the wisest thing to do when faced with a vampire who would like nothing more than to rip his heart out.

She ignored him, stalking closer. "I'm only going to say this once," she told him softly, grasping his chin, perfectly manicured claws tapping lightly against his skin. "Stay in your place."

"And what might that be?" Cloud met her gaze full on, unflinching.

Scarlet's lip curled, inwardly seething at this act of his. "Don't be idiotic, boy. No matter how much you might believe otherwise, you are weak. Prey."

He jerked away from her hold. "I'm no one's prey," he retorted icily. "Especially not yours."

"You're not a fool, Cloud Strife," she hissed. "You've seen how things work in our world. Humans are weak, defenseless creatures, prey for my kind. Our kind. You are nothing compared to me"

"Right," Cloud said coolly through clenched teeth. "I'm not a soul sucking dependant like you."

Scarlet's black eyes flared. "What did you say to me?"

He heard the tone of danger in her glacier voice, but he was no longer afraid, pressing on recklessly. "So maybe you are stronger than me physically, but what about compared to the rest of your kind? Without Rufus' protection, you wouldn't have anything."

At once he knew he'd hit too close to something she obviously kept hidden. The raw fury that flared through those void like eyes was filled with more hatred and loathing than he'd ever seen in a person.

"You keep your mouth shut!" she shrieked at him. "You think you're so clever, so superior. Just like your no good pathetic mother!"

This remark threw him. "My mother?" he repeated, startled.

She grinned furiously at him. "Oh yes, your mother. Sniveling, weeping, weak, good for nothing Elena. You're more like her than I gave you credit for. With any luck, you'll end up the same way as her." She tossed her head, blond ringlets shimmering in the weak light. "Take that as a warning," she jeered. "Know your place, and stay in it, or I will kill you."

He could only stand there, frozen as he watched her saunter away, her words still echoing through his mind. 'My mother. . .' Before he realized it, he was moving, yanking open the door of the club and plunging into the chaos of light, sound, and dancing bodies. His feet carried him directly over to the usual corner where Zack sat alone. Cloud barely registered the startled look in his friend's eyes as he grabbed him by the shoulder, sliding into the empty stool on his left.

"What do you know about a woman named Elena?"

"Elena?" Zack repeated, looking startled. "I don't really know a whole lot about her. She was one of Rufus' girls, like Aerith was-" He peered more closely at Cloud's face, realization sparking in his eyes. "Cloud, didn't you tell me your birth mother's name was Elena?"

Cloud nodded impatiently, leaning forward. "Zack, this is important. Who can I ask about it? Would Aerith know?"

"I don't think so," the dark haired male said doubtfully. "She deliberately avoids being involved with anything like that 'cause it brings up too many bad memories."

Cloud followed his gaze to where Aerith and Tifa stood chatting with two teenage boys, obviously flirting so they could get a chance to feed. "Then who can I ask?" he inquired desperately. "I have to find out, Zack."

Zack exhaled gustily, drumming his fingers against the counter. "You're best bet would be someone close to Rufus. Someone he wouldn't go anywhere without, who knows all the private details of his life."

The blond nodded slowly, understanding as he stood up once more, making his way across the club to the bar, sitting down with his eyes on the private booth where the vampires in blue suits were clustered. He waited patiently though, deliberately not looking toward that area and before long the red head flopped onto the stool beside him.

"Do you have a death wish, yo?" he inquired casually, calling the bartender over to order a drink. The two sat in silence until the drink was delivered and they were alone once more. Reno took a gulp before glancing over at Cloud. "So, what brings you into this corner of hell?"

"I need to ask you about someone." The blond was staring down at the countertop, his knuckles white where they gripped the edge. "Tell me what you know about Elena."

There was silence, and in it the lanky vampire took another swig of the amber colored liquid. "Why are you asking about her?"

"It's kind of because of something Scarlet said to me . . . but more because she's my mother, and I have a right to know."

Again his words were greeted with a pause. Reno stared blankly ahead for a few moments before heaving a sigh. "Yeah, I guess you do." He shook his head absently, his flame colored pony tail swaying with the motion. "Elena wouldn't want you to, but I think you should hear it, yo. It might make things a little clearer to you."

Absently he swirled the drink, causing the ice cubes to rattle against the glass. "Elena was 3 months pregnant when she lost her husband to a robbery gone wrong. He died instantly, leaving her a young widow with nothing. She was miserable, lonely, and desperate. It made her perfect prey for Rufus. I take it you know Aerith's story, about how he changed her, yo?" As he spoke, Reno's eyes darkened, though his face did not betray his emotions.

"Yeah, the basic story," Cloud affirmed with a slight nod.

"Well, after that, Rufus felt differently about changing people. Seeing how much Aerith had fought him, and how much she changed after . . . he felt like he had destroyed her. Like she was one of her delicate flowers that he had simply mutilated and broke, and it shook him." His jade green eyes were pained, and he sighed heavily. "He left her in my care after she was changed. It was horrible, to see such a bright vibrant girl like that huddled in a dark corner wanting to die. She tried to for awhile, starving herself, not that it did much good. It takes much more than that to kill a vampire. I did everything in my power to get her back to her normal self, and it worked. So well in fact that she took off. Rufus sent me to look for her of course, but I pretended to fail. Someone like her should never be caged up in the dark to wither and fade away."

Reno shook his head, as if trying to drive away the bad memories. "Anyway, my point is that after that Rufus wanted to try and change people who were willing- whenever possible, that is. And Elena, well, she was so miserable and despondent, she was more than willing. Well, to be more accurate, she was more than willing, once her child was born that is. After all, it would suck to be pregnant for all eternity, wouldn't it? She wanted a good life for her child, something she didn't feel she could provide in her current state."

Seeing the skeptical look on the blond's face, he continued. "Really, she did. It was all she wanted for you, the best, and she just didn't believe she was it. Honest, Spike, she loved you so much. More than herself even."

Cloud felt his eyes sting and hastily rubbed at them before asking gruffly, "So what happened during those six months before I was born?"

The red head shifted on his stool, and Cloud was struck suddenly by the realization that the other was uncomfortable about something. "Well, Rufus obviously didn't want her getting hurt or risk her changing her mind about being changed, so he had her move into one of his manor houses. He had a bunch of us taking care of her. I was one of her main guards, but Scarlet was also there a lot. A woman's touch, y'know? She resented it of course, and she wasn't sympathetic at all to Elena's suffering. So it was really mostly me who was lookin' out for the poor girl, same way I did for Aerith. She didn't have anyone and nothin', so I did what I could for her. It was always a great thing to have her give me one of those rare smiles."

"You love her."

Reno chocked on the sip of his drink he'd taken, shooting Cloud a glance. "Blunt much, yo?" he shot at him, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, I loved her, but it didn't matter. She was grieving for her husband, and I was Rufus' employee. I couldn't make a move on the boss' girl."

"Like that probably stopped you," the blond murmured.

Making a face, Reno ignored the comment, continuing on. "The rest is pretty much obvious. She had you and gave you up for adoption, then Rufus changed her." He sighed, leaning back on his stool. "Elena didn't stick around very long though. She seemed to realize she'd made a mistake, and it wasn't too long before she took off on her own. I hear from her every now and then, though she likes to keep her whereabouts quiet to avoid being dragged back. Mostly she asks about you, though she does express a desire to see me sometimes." He looked over at Cloud, and added quietly, "I think what she most regrets though was letting you go."

Cloud's eyes were suspiciously bright as he stared down at his boots. "Thanks," he managed to say hoarsely.

"No prob," he answered. "You're a good kid, Spike. It's a shame you had to get mixed up in all this vampire crap. Not that there was really anything you could do about it. You were pretty much screwed before you were born, yo."

"What do you mean by that?" the blond inquired, startled.

Reno blinked, surprised. "Well, you were exposed to us then, y'know? That's why you don't have that human instinct to run away from vampires, yo. You're different 'cause of that. You're more part of our world than the human one. I mean, how many babies spend six months before birth with the aura of vampires around them continuously? It's effected you." Cloud could only stare at him in shock. Truly concerned, Reno laid a hand lightly on the teen's shoulder. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Cloud murmured dazedly. "Tired. Not feeling real great. I think I'm gonna go home."

"This early? Without spending time with Aery?" Now Reno looked really worried.

"She'll come to see me at home once she's fed," he managed to say. "I'll get Zack to tell her."

"Okay," the vampire said slowly, still watching Cloud closely. "Be careful walking home, alright, Spike?"

Cloud nodded slightly before leaving the red head alone at the bar. The male's green eyes followed the blond as he spoke briefly to Zack before heading out the door. A few minutes later, Reno saw a lithe figure in a crimson dress follow. He was on his feet at once.