Thanks for all of your supports and your warm-hearted reviews, and sorry for the delay
Secret: Chapter 5
Tears, women's tears were supposed to be one of the most dangerous weapon they had apart from their beauty and femininity or sometimes it was the most effective knife to stab the men's hearts ruthlessly, made them pained, made them be meek and made them be powerless to do anything they had predetermined to do. It must have take a man a lot of effort and courage to resist those sweet beautiful crystal-like drops accompanied with continuous sobs which were greatly agonizing to the male species' ears.
Even though Kakashi was categorized as the rare kind of men who was totally or seemed to be absolutely unaffected by women's tears for his whole life of whatever decisions he made, it still injured so much when hearing his lover crying especially when it came to her own style of crying. Kakashi had seen and heard so many women crying in his presence, either they cried for him or for others, or simply because of wounds or moving, touching moments, they still had one thing in common, when a woman cried, she held nothing back. His girl was different, in few times when she shed her tears, he sensed unmistakably that she always had to hold back something, restrained her voice and suppressed her flare-up of emotion. In stead of continuous sobs, she made him remembered her strangest repressed sobs within her throat. Was it her own character in the first place that she was actually a reserved person who always tried too hard to keep her mind under control and let her intelligence work over her sensibility even in the most intimate moments? Or was there any others reason that she could not express herself fully in front of him? Or she was so sensitive that she could grasp his puzzlement if she cried too hard and she did not want him to be puzzled any further with this entire stranger appeared on his bed every night? After all she did not come to cry on his shoulder or seek for his commiseration, she came to cure his own disease which Kakashi himself did not recognize until he met her. The almost incurable disease biting his soul gradually from inside like a slowly impregnating poison…there's no need to tell what's the disease's name anymore if one had experienced it…
But the way she cried last time made him concern seriously. It was miserable, evidently, and the other part of his sound mind told him that something was broken inside her weep. She tried to restrain but failed wretchedly when he insisted on seeing her face, her choked voice was heartbreaking and sorrowful, which added ten times worse to his ambivalence. He wanted to have her in the normal sense, which blatantly meant that a settle-down relationship but she did her best to prevent it become true.
He knew that for sure that he had loved her but what's about her?
Did she love him like he did?
A huge part inside Kakashi perceived that she must have been deeply in love with him because she was a woman after all. Kakashi knew women and understood them well enough to know that it must be a dreadful persecute for a normal woman apart from lascivious ones to have sex continuously with the men she did not love. Every now and then, lust got in the way of a forlorn woman, made her ready for one or few night stands and then it faded away promptly when she found no bond, no closeness or warmth or whatever from a total stranger. Sex only played as a painkillers or tranquillizer for them occasionally, because after all, every woman sought for their true love. In contrast, men could bear with desolation as long as forever if their sexual need was satisfied. You don't have to love someone dearly to make love to her more than 5 times if you are a man, but one time would be too much for a woman if she did not love her sex partner. The terrible void in her soul would become far hollower if she could not be both physically and mentally contented while as for a man, physical need and mental urge seemed to intertwine with each other quite often. The girl must be definitely, undoubtedly and undeniably in love with him – the Copy Nin – Hatake Kakashi. But why did she bother to keep their lives separately while they were doing things only lovers did? Their paths of life had crossed each other in the most bizarre way Kakashi could think of but when he was ready to incorporate the two souls, she immediately stopped him from doing something so patently.
He could never guess what she got in her mind, which made him let out a heavy sign.
Even his long-time friends Icha Icha series could not help him to get out of his jumble, had he hardly concentrated on the content of the latest copy without pondering his thought to a certain girl. There he was, on his favorite spot – the Anbu's headquarters' roof, trying to draw out some pleasure or entertainment from the adult's book written by the famous legendary ninja Jiraija but failing quite miserably at something which was likely to be his gift for more than 25 years of being a shinobii – attentiveness.
Kakashi loved to read book in deserted places such as at the top of the Konoha's Hokage statues, or in some roofs where he would be unlikely to be interrupted or distracted by anything, but his most preferred one was Anbu's headquarters' roof. The first reason was this building was hidden well under the shadow of the Hokage's tower and the Konoha's hospital which made it a very cool and shady place. The second reason was hardly anyone dared to get close to the Anbu's building without get questioned or even killed by those masters of horror and torment working inside that building. So, in other words, the whole time this building deemed to be so isolated and enigmatic, which added major plus point to Kakashi's liking. Besides, when Kakashi occasionally loosened his hand holding the book's nape to his side and reflect the deep blue sky of Konoha in the lulling winds, he could have a good view of the village. First and most noticeable was the Hokage's tower in the middle of the village; slanted towards the left of the tower was the Konoha's hospital connected with the Hokage's tower by a long lobby, which served the Godaime –Tsunade to no end when she had to hold both the positions of Hokage and the head medic concurrently. Only 200 meters away from the tower to the right was the enormous Hyuga clan's precinct, and next to it was Uchiha's citadel which left abandoned for ages even before the last Uchiha died. Only one block away from the Anbu roof was Naruto and Sakura's department in align with the Ninja Academy. Kakashi's department was on the other side of the village where was far quieter than those busy streets – but obviously, aloofness was always what Kakashi sought after all his life.
Instinctively glancing over the seven floor's window of the hospital, Kakashi caught up with a glimpse of roseate hair flying in the wind along with the white curtains, it was Sakura, checking one of her patient's health conditions. She had done her job when unconsciously she looked up, out the window to realize her ex-teacher looking into her direction. He raised his lazy hand to notice her and he smiled under his mask while she nodded her head in return and smiled brightly. She waved her hand to greet him and quickly resumed to her work. She looked so professional under that medic uniform – Kakashi thought. The feeling of having a mature and successful daughter must very resemble to his now.
Sakura, keep calm, he will be fine…
I can't, his eyes doesn't stop bleeding…
No, just calm down, I will handle this, Sakura…
NO, it's my duty, let's me do this Shizune-senpai
"What's with all those messy voices and noises?"
Oh, shit, It's…fucking hurt
Kakashi tried to think more proper but all he could sense in all the directions of his brain was a dominant burning, scorching pain around his eyes and his chest. All he could hear was the chaotic noises of people' shouting, shrieking, howling, hurrying which worsened his horrible obscure state of mind and pierced his ears brutally. He tried to open his eyes but found it as unworkable as moving a mountain out of its foot while a warm, liquid-like substance was incessantly dripping from his pupils, irritatingly blocking any of his attempt to move his lids. Kakashi had been in extreme pain for more than 25 years of his ninja's life but his eyes had never been this bad in all those years, usually he was just too exhausted and got unconscious instantly, and then experiences the stinging pain subduing the next few weeks. But this time, the acutely aching optic nerves which seemed to be jerked out of his globes added furious influence on his intolerably smarting head. This was the aftermath of using Mangekyou Sharingan five times a day.
- Keep his hand down; don't let him touch his eyes!!!
Some one shouting commandingly, the voice was so familiar but Kakashi could not realize it belonged to whom anymore, no sooner the voice reached his ears than both of his arms were kept down violently on the mattress by strong hands.
He's just emptied out his chakra, if we don't channel chakra into his system now, he could not keep his pulses… - One voice said gravely
But he got the sign of terrible brain-damage, if we can't stop hemorrhage; he may end up losing his eyesight forever and living in coma – the other voice reasoned in the same severe tone
It was too hard, Tsunade-shishou's still in Suna, she can't come back on time
No, we can't wait for her, he need to be operated right now
Sakura…
I will do it, we have to transfer chakra into his system to keep his pulse and into his brain to knit the damage optic nerves and brain-damaged area to stop the bleeding and stabilize his blood circle. We need to do this at once, Shizune senpai, you can channel chakra into his body and I will treat his eyes.
Sakura, I know you can do it but not in this state, he needs at least 8 medics' chakra to get his brain fixed, if all those flow of chakra transferred intermediately through your system, you may…
Shizune-senpai, is there any other medic that can work with you better than me in this situation? – Sakura cut short rudely.
No, Sakura-chan…
Shizune replied in defeat, Sakura was right, she and Shizune was the only ones in this entire hospital could perform such tremendously intricate operation in the Hokage's absence. They needed to work in perfect teamwork to rescue Kakashi's life, only a tiny inaccuracy or miscalculation can lead to the death of the renowned Copy Ninja. The chakra must be transferred meticulously and precisely into both his body and his brain without fighting against each other, and the equal difficult part was how to amalgamate the eight medics' chakra propagated into the head medics' system and use it effectively to cure Kakashi's wound. If those things were not done by masters of chakra control, the in-between medic's chakra system would be spoilt and her life would be threatened…
There's no point arguing now Shizune- senpai … we have to do it right here
………………………………………………………………………………………….
"Where am I?"
In the muddled cluster of pain, reminiscence, emotion and thoughts, Kakashi realized that he was floating in an endless pitch-black space escorted with deadly silence. He tried to say something and shout something, anything to put an end to this frightened quietness but nothing came out of his mouth that was not swallowed completely by this eternal darkness. Kakashi did not surprise to find himself in this vacant space because he was too used to it after years of living as a shinobii. "Always be the last; always be alone" seemed to become his motto. A weak man may soon be killed mercilessly by all the loss and lonesomeness Kakashi had to suffer from his early life. But being Hatake Kakashi meant being Konoha's symbol of unbreakable spirit who always knew exactly what he must have done at the most proper time and overcame all the pain his life to get stronger day by day. He tamed the loneliness, he befriended with desolation to live with sound judgment and cool intelligence. He knew unerringly who and what he needed to protect with all his life and never failed to live up to the expectation of his students, his Hokage and his comrade even once in a while, his long-time friend – "loneliness" betrayed him to return to its wild nature. It attacked his soul, plunge him into the sea of nostalgia, memories and disheartenment. He hated the feeling but could not stop its periodical appearance in view of the fact that Kakashi, as from the day he begin breathing, was always the man of recollection, the man of the past.
It was alright if he died this time, he was never afraid of death as death was another inseparable part of a ninja's life. He had more succeeded than anyone in this career – he was a child-prodigy, an eminent ninja, a respected teacher, a good friend and beyond doubt, an attractive man, there was nothing he regretted now …
if…
if… she did not appear…
Regret…
Yeah, he was not used to it even after so many years…or 18 years to be exact living with it, in his life…he never stopped regretting as from the day Obito died…
There were two biggest qualms in Kakashi's life. The first time was Obito's death, and the second time was Sasuke's decease. In both times, he was powerless to save their life and witnessed their adored friends live in despair of great loss. Just like Obito's case, all Kakashi could do was after the incidents occurred. Only after Obito's death, could Kakashi change his characters to become one of the greatest ninja to honor Obito's eye every where his name could reach – The Sharingan Copy Nin and could he protect the only love of Obito's life – Rin; then again, after Sasuke's death, could he relieve the acute pain in the heart of the two people Sasuke loved most in his life: Sakura and Naruto. But never right on time could he impede their fatality from happening, he could not save his friend's life and once again he could not do anything different to his dear student. And there he was, the last person in this enormous world bearing the last sharingan. Deep down inside his heart, Kakashi knew that Obito would be disappointed when he knew that his entire clan was eradicated and there would be no more Uchiha in this planet. Kakashi's fate seemed to own too much from Uchiha clan but he could never had one chance to pay this debt. For ages Kakashi always thought that the only right things he could do may be having the same death as his friend, his teacher and his disciple. They died like heroes, and he could also die like one, having his name carved in the same stony monument and blended his soul into the Konoha's winds for evermore.
So why bother keeping on living if you can die as a hero at anytime?
Please, stay with me, Kakashi, don't go…please, come back to me Ka...kashi…
Someone was crying and squeezing his hand as the tone was stifled with mournful emotion and his hand was damp with hot tear…he realized the voice – strange, sad and spleenful …her voice – his darling – the girl he had never once seen her visage and known her name…
He always wanted to call her, looked at her facade and caressed her smooth cheeks by his fingers. He would do it so tenderly that she had to keep her gaze locking in his until he felt sated after mulling over her face for hours.
No, not this time…
If he died now, it would be the third biggest regret in his life. In the last two times, his action was too late and he stood no chance to correct it, but only this time, he could make a change. He did not want to regret and he did not want to leave the only love he found alone in this cruel world…
The jet-black thick space around Kakashi suddenly became thinner and softer as he clenched his hand tighter around the girl's hand…
Kakashi…you're awake?
Her voice was trembling with uncertain happiness, he tried to answer but found himself too weak to say anything or move any further but his fingers…
Kakashi, you really have reaction…thanks Kami, he did not take you away…
Uhmm…
Kakashi tried to open his mouth but all he could produce was indecipherable sounds…
Who's there?
A voice startlingly broke the silence of the night around Kakashi and he heard his lover whispered in his ears in a panic and rushed voice:
- I'm sorry, I have to go now, I'll see you later
- Nuh….
He did not even have enough strength to form the word "no" on his tongue when she withdrew her hand from his in a gentle but decisive way, leaving him with an unexpected sensation of abandonment. Only two second after her disappearance, was the room's light turn on in a very vulgar way. Even when Kakashi's eyes were still covered with a thick layer of bandages, he still found the flow of light deluging the room exasperating. Instantaneously noting his hand raising in the vacancy, the nurse exclaimed astonishingly:
Oh, my god, you're awake, Hatake-sama is awake!!! Haruno-senpai, Haruno-senpai
And then she ran straight to the next room to knock loudly onto Sakura's office door and profusely screamed:
Haruno- senpai, wake up. Hatake-same is awake, wake up Haruno –senpai
Sakura immediately opened her door, even the glimpse of sleepiness was still written on her face, she had finished putting the white blouse on and hurried to the next room:
When did he wake up? - Asked Sakura worriedly
I don't know for sure but I just checked him 20 minutes ago when I heard small noise inside his room and I thought that some one else had been there, but It turned out to be Hatake-sama's grumbles – the nurse summarized briefly
Thanks Kami, he was unconscious for 2 weeks and his conditions are gradually worsening; now he woke up, at this time…
An unspeakably happy expression appeared on Sakura's face, which the nurse could not catch up for the last two weeks. She was nearly worn out because of distress, anxiety, grief and concentration to find a way to cure her treasured former-teacher; she channeled her chakra into his body every day to speed up his recovery, and almost lost her hope when his conditions deteriorated day by day, but every time he showed a bad sign, she collected herself again and continued the treatment, palpably with the help of her fiancé – Naruto – he was beside her day and night to take care of both of his fiancé and his teacher. Now all the agony seemed to be washed away from her face when she checked his pulses and other conditions:
He will be fine, his chakra was at last back to normal and all the optic nerves started to work more properly, I will check him in detail nest morning, thanks Kami, Tsunade-shishou is finally coming back this morning
She said in relief when turning to face the nurse and let out a balmy smile even when Kakashi showed no sign of consciousness again since Sakura entered this room. Then she took his right hand poking out of the blanket up to place it under the when, astoundingly, Kakashi caught her hand almost violently, his knuckles turned white with the force he pressed on her hand as if he could never let her go:
You've… come…back
He uttered each word with the same incredible effort which shocked both of the girls in the room.
Don't…go
And on he sank into unconsciousness again. Sakura bent down to look at his sleeping form while her hand was kept unmoved in his grip, she whispered:
- Kakashi-sensei….