20. Desperate Cry

When Jade left me, I fell into a depression. The trouble is that I didn't have the time to be depressed. She said to me that she had to marry him, that it was what was best for her career and mine…

Who gives a shit?

My career was set. I walked away from her like a zombie that night. I dropped into my bed. I didn't get out of bed til graduation. I wasn't going to my last week of school. And seeing her there with him. I was done with her.

Never mind that I was obsessively checking her insta and twitter. Didn't matter, she hadn't posted anything.

I did get up for my graduation. I made sure I looked good too. I wore make up and did my hair, I wore a fucking dress… I walked the stage, got my diploma… walked out of the auditorium… and had planned to lay down and cry because I hated every second of seeing her… and him with his smug face.

"Get up!" Andre said, pulling the covers off me. "Get you a fine ass dress, and make her hate leaving you for that dude. We have a gig."

"What?"

"We are playing the grad after party." I sighed. "Nope… We are leaving in 5 days, you have to let her go. She made her decision. And if you wanted to fight for her, you would have."

"'Dre, when is it my turn?" I said. "Why can't anyone fight for me? Why can't they love me like I love them?"

"I don't know, baby." He says holding me tight. I finally cried about it. I let him comfort me. "One day you will find the girl that will fight for you. I promise."

I heard Trina walk into my room. My sister had such a crush on this man. "What's going on?" she whispered.

"Her girlfriend went back to her ex." he said, nearly dropping me. ewww... He liked her back.

"So we hate the bitch?" Trina said.

"No…" I said pushing away from Andre "She made a responsible decision. I just wish that I was someone's priority." I sat on my bed "Andre… This is my sister Trina… Now you have officially met and can stop asking me about each other."

Trina blushed prettily and Andre chuckled, putting his hands in his pockets. "Hey…"

"Hey," They stared at each other and I sat in the middle moving my vision back and forth between them.

Then my brain connected something. I needed to leave as soon as possible. My 18th birthday wasn't for a month. Mom was going to leave work, (not that she even needed to work but whatever) and follow me until I was 18… but Trina was 19, almost 20…. And didn't have a job. "Hey Trina… I need a guardian on tour… Maybe you can be my guardian and mom can stay and keep working."

She looked at me. Then over at Andre who looked like he really wanted her around. He was already 18. "That's a pretty good idea."

Trina bit her lip, "I'll talk to mom." she smiled then walked out of the room.

"No more mooning?"

"Shit' I'll be depressed on my own time. Let's get to work."

The school Final Jam at graduation was amazing. The groups of students that had been successful in starting their career out of the metro performed pieces.

Cat did a monologue.

Andre and I performed out one recorded single.

That was it within our group of friends. In the show case.

We did hang out together. All six of us. We promised to get in touch monthly if we were in town and not working we would get together. If we were working. During the tour, we would video chat, just to make sure we got together somehow.

Andre and I were busy for 8 months in the beginning, but we stayed in touch. Or he did, and I would pop up in the background and say something. I watched my best friend and my sister Fall in love with each other.

When we got to Vegas on the tour, they got married and it was super weird. He was now my brother.

The first time everyone got together, it was at Trina and Andre's house. We introduced Trina to everyone that night. And I met Lila.

She was a beautiful baby with a head full of dark curls. I stayed away, everyone was catching up and I just stayed in Andre's music room.

He and Trina had been so proud of this first purchase. And it was beautiful and it worked for them.

I loved it too. Because I could come here and feel at home. I lived alone in a high rise condo in My mamma's building just so I wouldn't be lonely.

But loneliness could always find me.

That night as I watched her perfect happy family I retreated with a whole bottle of something someone had managed to snag for me and I opened it.

I sat at the piano and played as I drank. And I realized that the more I drank the less I cared about Jade and Beck.

I was happy where I was.

Jade came down to the music room. I felt her hand on my shoulder. Her touch… the first in so many months. So foreign yet so familiar made me stop playing. "Please don't stop." She whispered.

I started to play again, more tentatively, and she kissed me near the ear she had whispered into, then my neck. She breathed out. "God I missed you."

I stopped playing and looked at her. We stared into each other's eyes and like a magnet our lips were drawn together. We kissed hungrily. Our hands going where they hadn't gone in a long time.

She straddled my lap and I ran my hands up her skirt. My fingers skimming the wetness of her panties and I growl a curse.

Her breath hitched and she moved her hand between us pushing her panties aside and placing my hand directly on the wet heat. Then she pulled back and looked me directly in the eye. She gave me permission to do what I wanted.

And I wanted it… I wanted it all.

My fingers twitched flicking at the hardened nub at the top.

Finally she moved the hand between us to the waist of my pants asking for entrance. Well there was no way we were getting anywhere in this position. And I wanted everything she was asking me for. I closed the lid of the piano and sat her on it. Plunging my fingers deep inside her.

She moaned as softly as she could and then her hands both fumbled with the sipper and button of my skinny jeans.

She pulled my pants down just enough for her hand to fit between me and my Calvin's and plunged two fingers inside of me.

We moaned and rutted together, our thrust matching each other's pace. We were hurried and messy and hungry and when it was over, we were destroyed.

She pushed away from me. It was abrupt. She was distraught. She was blinking back the tears. I had yet to see her cry. "I gotta go." She grunted barely able to speak

I was there standing with my ass bare, jeans around my knees crying like she broke my heart all over again.

I pulled the pants back on, and sat on the bench and cried. I saw the bottle I had been drinking before and remembered how numb it made me feel.

I picked it up, and I drank to forget… and I forgot about four years of my life.

I never went back to the monthly get-togethers.