In my English class, we read this play called the "The Goat" by Edward Albee. You know one of those pieces that make you feel so disturbed and nervous that it's funny? That's "The Goat."
It's about a happily married man named Martin with a wonderful relationship with his wife, Stevie. They have a homosexual son named Billy. And Martin has a secret: he's fallen in love with a goat that he saw in the countryside, named Sylvia. Martin and Sylvia the Goat have a sexual relationship that continues for months, before Martin spills the beans to his best friend. From there, everything that was ever important to Martin is torn apart.
It was a great play. Makes you question the nature of relationships. In a way that has you cringing in embarrassment.
Unflappable, the stoic Ulquiorra sat with his hands in his pockets and his eyes closed. The slender teenager was so motionless that one might question if he was even awake. He certainly didn't seem to be paying much attention to the lecture, in any case.
Although, as was the usual with him, it was precisely the opposite.
"What is love," the teacher asked the class for the umpteenth, looking to shake the students out of their lethargy. Only three or four students in the class of thirty has spoken up and offered their opinions. "Who are you to say that the man in this play wasn't really in love with Sylvia the Goat?" The sensei waved around the screenplay "The Goat" by Edward Albee in her hand for emphasis. Orihime squirmed in her seat across the room from Ulquiorra.
"Well, he couldn't have been," one brave student protested. "I mean, its sick, wasn't he fucking the goat?"
"Yes, he was fucking the goat," the teacher agreed, "and that disgusts you right?" The teacher saw many of her poor students nod. "But then, how many of you think that homosexual love is disgusting." Fewer students nodded, and some of the female students giggled and sharing glances among each other as if they shared a tantalizing secret.
"Okay," the same student continued. "But that's completely different! I mean, gays are people, but we're talking about a goat!"
"Chimpanzees have 98% of our DNA," the teacher replied, "would you feel better about Martin and the goat being in love if the goat had been a monkey?" Faces scrunched in disgust. The teacher was just about to further mindfuck her students, when something unexpected happened. Ulquiorra raised his hand. The room fell deathly silent.
"Why shouldn't beings of two different species be able to love each other," the pale, terrifying man questioned.
The teacher hesitated for just a second. "Good question. What do you guys think?"
"Well, like," one girl said, "it's okay for an owner to love her dog, but not if she's doing it with him!" Sounds of agreement were heard all around.
"So you guys draw the line at sex," the teacher surmised. "Why? Why draw the line-" Ulquiorra's hand rose high again.
"You haven't answered my question," Ulquiorra noted grimly, piercing green eyes somehow dull.
"What do you mean," the teachers asked.
"Is there some sort of societal dogma that forbids 'Canadians' and humans from being 'in love', for instance," the arrancar asked. This was certainly something that he should be aware of, just in case.
The whole class laughed as Orihime's eyes widened and she turned as red as a beat. She looked to Tatsuki beside her, but the girl was having trouble stifling a laugh as well.
"Hey, don't laugh," the teacher commanded, even as she held back a broad smile. "Don't worry, Schiffer, I think your Japanese is superb, especially for a foreigner. What you meant to say was 'societal dogma that forbids white people and Asian people from being in love.' Right?"
Ulquiorra was silent. The teacher went on to talk about race relations and a whole bunch of other things that the poor unfortunate arrancar couldn't hope to understand. Giving up on ever hoping to comprehend what the teacher was talking about, Ulquiorra turned his superior mental capabilities to a more pressing issue.
"What does 'fucking' have to do with 'love'," The arrancar questioned yet again. Orihime's hands were getting clammy. There had to be some way to keep Ulquiorra from knowing…
Students laughed, but they were once again silenced by the sensei. "No, no, these are good questions. Why do we associate sex with love?"
"You can have sex without being in love," one male student was quick to point out. "Like Martin fucking the goat." The teacher shot a look at the student.
"Once you actually read the play, Aoshima," the teacher commented judgementally, "you'll see that Albee does a really good job of making you believe that Martin is in love with the goat."
"Well," one girl, having finally worked up enough nerve, raised her voice. "You have sex with a person because you love them." Ulquiorra's eyes widened. Ah-ha!
"But," Orihime exclaimed suddenly. "But even if you love someone, it doesn't mean you should try to do it with them," the girl released in a gust. "Actually, if you really, really love them, the absolute best you could do is to not try to do it with them!" The girl huffed for air, her face red as she turned towards Tatsuki beside her. Her classmates looked at her as if she had lost her mind. "Right, Tatsuki-chan?"
"I agree completely," Tatsuki agreed solemnly, playing along. "If you love someone, and you try to do it with them, you could actually end up making them hate you." Ulquiorra's brow furrowed in confusion. Something wasn't making sense here…
"Anyway," the teacher said, changing the subject as she checked the time. "Does Martin love his wife? Could he love his wife all while also loving the goat?"
"This information, in Ulquiorra's hands, could lead to my destruction," Orihime stated ominously, a cloud of paranoia and impending doom hanging over her. Tatsuki raised an eyebrow.
"Aren't you being a little melodramatic, Orihime," the teenager asked as she sipped on her juice box. "I mean, you said that he listens to you, right?"
Orihime crossed her arms. "He doesn't listen all too well," the busty redhead brooded. "I think the only reason he hasn't tied me down and gone through with it yet is because he thinks that sex is somehow evil…"
"Well, I don't think our Humanities discussions are going to change his mind," Tatsuki asserted reassuringly. "I mean, we're talking about a guy who had an affair with a goat here."
Orihime laughed awkwardly. "The most disturbing thing about that play was that I was actually rooting for Martin and the goat Sylvia…" Tatsuki's mouth fell open in shock.
"Orihime!"
"What, they were cute together," the teenager defended. The two friends laughed at the ridiculousness of it all.
"So, Orihime," Tatsuki started, a devilish smile spreading across her face. "You and Ulquiorra are still sleeping in the same bed, aren't you?"
"N-No," the redhead stuttered. Her protest died on her tongue, however, when she saw that I-can-read-you-like-a-book look on Tatsuki's face. "Well, ya… sort of…"
"Why," Tatsuki questioned. "Wouldn't it be easier for you if he slept on the extra futon?" Orihime blushed, closely examining the aluminum foil that held her sandwich.
"Well… I mean, he's right that the futon does smell like alcohol…" Orihime got out, choosing her words very carefully. "And it's not like I mind that he's there or anything…" Tatsuki smiled mischievously.
"You so have the hots for him," Tatsuki teased.
"Hey," Orihime exclaimed defensively, "It's not my fault that he's so… loving!" Tatsuki just about chocked on her juice.
"Loving," the girl shouted incredulously. "You gotta be kidding!"
"Surprisingly, Ulquiorra's a real touchy-feely guy," Orihime said with a quiet laugh, eyes flooded with warmth. "He's kind and affectionate and doting –"
"Stop," Tatsuki visibly winced. "I can't hear anymore. Does not compute." The spiky-haired teenager looked over to her best friend, who's angelic face still carried that dreamy expression. Tatsuki's eyes softened in sympathy. "You've fallen hard, haven't you?"
The redhead smiled sadly. "I think so, Tatsuki-chan," Orihime replied softly.
"Did you tell him how you feel," Tatsuki asked gently.
Orihime's face reddened abruptly, and Tatsuki raised an eyebrow. "Well… I, er, I told him that I… that I…" Orihime fiddled with the tin foil and then with the sleeve of her uniform. Tatsuki erupted in laughter, easily reading her best friend's expression.
"Way to go, Orihime," Tatsuki laughed. "You tell him that before you tell him that you like him? You're lucky that he's from another dimension or I don't know what he would think of you."
"Tatsuki-chan," Orihime exclaimed, blushing furiously. "It didn't just happen like that! This stuff is complicated!"
Tatsuki's laughter died down as realization dawned on her. "Orihime, you never said that you were attracted to Ichigo like that, did you?
"Nope," Orihime said, masking her embarrassment with cheerfulness. "Ulquiorra's the first."
Tatsuki held back a shudder as she shook her head. "I still don't understand what you see in that guy…"
"Ulquiorra's great," Orihime exclaimed defensively. "He doesn't really act it in public, but when we're alone he's really considerate and affectionate." Tatsuki raised an eyebrow, obviously not satisfied. Orihime blushed again. "You'd understand if you saw him shirtless." Tatsuki cracked a mischievous smile. So Orihime was a normal teenage girl after all… she just needed the right guy to bring it out.
"So all those moves I taught you to seduce Ichigo are gonna be used on Ulquiorra," Tatsuki teased, only half joking.
"T-Tatsuki-chan," Orihime stumbled in embarrassment. "Do you think I'm crazy?! If I ever made a move on Ulquiorra, it wouldn't end with just kissing."
Tatsuki laughed dryly. "Ya don't say," the teenager muttered, voice dripping sarcasm before she turned serious. "You should buy some condoms just in case. You don't want to get pregnant."
"You're so mean Tatsuki-chan…" Orihime murmured. She couldn't even imagine herself… at the pharmacy… with Ulquiorra… Abruptly, the girl let out an embarrassed squeal as she covered her mouth with her hands.
Watching her best friend wiggle uncomfortably, Tatsuki didn't quite know if she was doing the right thing. All of this stuff was dumped on her so quickly. Even though she knew a million good reasons to be staunchly opposed to this relationship, Tatsuki simply couldn't bring herself to make Orihime unhappy. For now, at least, all she could do was help Orihime along whichever path she chose.
"Well," Chizuru started, both voice and face blank. "Aren't you going to make your move?"
Ulquiorra looked up from his sandwich to the ring of girls seated beside him. They gazed at him questioningly, almost as if they were dissecting him with their eyes. "Make my move?"
"Yah," Mahana nodded leaning forwards with her palms on her knees. "I mean, you do like Orihime, don't you?"
Ulquiorra frowned, just slightly. He was really getting annoyed with how Orihime's friends used to word 'like'. They said it as if they meant it to mean so much more than what the dictionary definition implied. "I do like Orihime."
Mahana crossed her arms. "I mean, do you really like her?"
"I have answered that question fourteen times," Ulquiorra intoned, just a hint of frustration in his voice. "How many times to you intend to repeat it?"
Mahana sighed in exasperation. Michiru shook her head sullenly. "He doesn't get it."
"So, Schiffer," Mahana tried again. "How far have you and Orihime gotten?" Ulquiorra gazed at the girl blankly, thoroughly confused. She raised an eyebrow and peered at him judgementally. "Is there some kind of language barrier here that I don't know about?"
"I don't know," Michiru replied, looking quizzically at Ulquiorra. "Do you think he's even understood a word we've said?"
"The weird thing is that he isn't even any good at English," Chizuru noted. "Don't they speak English in Canada?"
"I thought they spoke French," Michiru added. "Like in the cartoons." The three teenagers titled their heads, watching Ulquiorra eat his sandwich with intense scrutiny.
"How could Orihime fall in love with him if they couldn't even communicate," Michiru wondered out loud.
Mahana shrugged. "He is really good looking, even though he's creepy. But this is Orihime we're talking about; anyone she likes must be weird."
Chizuru's eyes sparkled. "If it's just a hormonal attraction, I can still win over Hime-chan! I'm much better looking than this guy anyway."
Mahana pouted. "You're never going to give up are you?"
"Women on a mission never give up on love," Chizuru proclaimed with a thumbs up and a triumphant grin. Mahana sighed, while Michiru could only giggle awkwardly.
"You've got a steep hill to climb," Mahana offered. "First Orihime loved Kurosaki, and now she's falling in love with this Schiffer guy…"
"What," Ulquiorra's deathly flat voice intoned. The girls looked at the forgotten arrancar, startled. Mahana's eyes widened.
"What, what," the girl returned defensively. "I didn't say anything. Nothing at all."
Ulquiorra's eyes narrowed as rage built within him. "Orihime loved Kurosaki?" A dark aura descended upon the group as fingers of pure loathing wrapped around each of the girl's throats. All three were suddenly short of breath.
"No, of course not," Mahana shouted in a shrill voice, her body suddenly very cold and clammy. Looking into Ulquiorra's eyes was like looking into the bottomless oblivion of death. "Kurosaki is so not Orihime's type. You must have misunderstood."
Memories flashed before the arrancar. The night of Orihime's capture. The times she mentioned her 'emotionally unavailability' as a reason not to get close to him. The significance of it all was revealed to Ulquiorra. And he knew what he had to do. Immediately, the aura of death retracted, and Ulquiorra's eyes bore a strange new serenity.
Rising from his seat on the lunch bench with a cold determination, Ulquiorra walked away from the terrified group of girls. Mahana raised her voice before Ulquiorra could get too far. "Wh-Where are you going?"
The arrancar looked over his shoulder, eyes cold, calculating, and concealing a burning rage and a deep throbbing ache. "To do what I should have done a long time ago."
Ichigo, pissed as hell, was on his way home.
What was the point of staying at school any longer? Ulquiorra, the fucking prick, was getting on his nerves. His fucking Hollow was grating on his sanity, clawing joyfully at open wounds. And then next to him in every fucking class was Rukia's empty desk.
Why don't we just kill the Espada, a jubilant voice suggested. Ichigo ran his hand over his face, willing the presence to fade. C'mon, you know you want to, the voice continued tauntingly. You can finally get back at that bitch for ditchin' ya. Shrill laughter shook Ichigo's skull, and he closed his eyes against the pain. The voice was so loud, the Hollow felt so close…
"Kurosaki Ichigo," a deep voice sounded somewhere behind him. Belatedly, Ichigo mustered the strength to turn his paralyzed body around to face Ulquiorra.
"What the fuck do you want now," Ichigo spat through gritted teeth. Ulquiorra looked upon the pathetic specimen with cold resolve. He approached slowly, deliberately. The two stood face to face, just a few feet apart. Ulquiorra raised his fist and delivered a solid punch into Ichigo's jaw that sent him reeling backwards.
Wordlessly, the redhead looked up from the ground into the stone-cold eyes of a killer. In a flash, Ichigo was up again and he put all his weight into a punch. Ulquiorra blocked. They looked into each other's eyes, hatred and pain mixing to the point where all they wanted was to rip each other's throats out.
"The woman is mine," Ulquiorra intoned, eyes just about burning with rage. Ichigo's eyes widened.
"We'll see about that," the Vizard snarled. He kicked the man in the face.
Blows were exchanged. Blood was drawn. Bones were broken. Soon, their mortal shells could no longer contain their simmering fury.
"Bankai," Ichigo shouted. Eyes narrowed, Ulquiorra drew his sword.
Far away, in the basement of the Twelfth Division's headquarters, some very startling data was coming in. Akon read the reiatsu monitors in disbelief. Was it even possible for a single being to have such an incredible amount of reiatsu? These two beings were thoroughly extraordinary.
The part of Akon that was a shinigami knew that this information needed to be delivered to the Soutaichou as soon as possible. If the former Cuatro Espada was on the loose, even the amazing phenomenon that was Kurosaki Ichigo would need back up.
However, the very small part of Akon that was a just sentient being pitied the arrancar for the inescapable fate to which it was doomed.
"And we were thinking that the whole apartment could be really low-key," Orihime continued as Tatsuki just listened. "Because, you know Ulquiorra's a really low-key guy. With light beige walls, a tan couch, shaggy off-white carpeting and glass tables. Oh, and we want a new bay window in the front and a glass sliding door for the back entrance. The kitchen would get more light that way, too…"
"Sounds nice," Tatsuki remarked lazily, her cheek rested in her palm. "How are you paying for all this again?"
"Nii-chan left me a lot of money," Orihime sighed, eyes becoming just a little duller. "I think he would have liked Ulquiorra…" The two sat in silence.
Soon, Orihime felt a familiar reiatsu nearby. It was Ulquiorra's reiatsu, his arrancar reiatsu. Her brows furrowed as she tried to reach her senses out to where Ulquiorra was. She thought she detected Ichigo's reiatsu there as well, although it was different somewhat...
"What's going on," Orihime voiced her concern out loud, pulling Tatsuki from her lethargy. "Are… Ulquiorra and Kurosaki-kun… fighting?" Before Tatsuki could so much as widen her eyes in surprise, Orihime had already dashed off towards where she felt their reiatsu. Tatsuki was soon at her heels.
The two ran through the school gates and down the street. Tatsuki could only follow as Orihime, lead by her sixth sense, paved the way. They sprinted through alleyways and boulevards alike as they approached Ulquiorra and Ichigo.
"Wait, what's going on," Tatsuki questioned, more than a little confused.
"I can sense that Ulquiorra and Kurosaki-kun are fighting," Orihime added unhelpfully, her face eerily blank. Up ahead, Orihime saw glimpses of her two friends engaged in mortal combat, swords swinging wildly, Ceros and Getsuga Tenshous thrown around carelessly, as well as the occasional explosion. Karakura Town had become a war-zone.
Tatsuki's eyebrows furrowed. "When did you learn how to do that?" The girl looked down the streets to make sure there were no cars coming. Tatsuki doubted Orihime was paying much attention.
As she looked both ways, Tatsuki caught sight of Uryuu and Yasutora running towards them from behind. They soon caught up, slightly out of breath.
"What's happening," Uryuu asked, voice aloof but urgent. Ahead of them, vibrant flashes of green energy and sharp black crescents were tearing the midday sky.
Tatsuki looked upon the oddly calm expression on Orihime's face, and then back to Uryuu. "Ulquiorra is in big trouble."
"Sorry, Miss," a uniformed police officer said, voice full of authority. "No passage through this street."
"Please, sir, this is urgent," Orihime implored, looking over the man's shoulder to where Ichigo was currently hovering in the air, panting openly with his hand over the left side of his face. His reiatsu was fluctuating rapidly. Further off, Ulquiorra wasn't in much better condition.
"This is close to Ichigo's house," Tatsuki noted. "Ichigo wouldn't be reckless enough to allow innocents to be hurt, would he?"
"I'm sorry, Miss," the officer repeated, "but there are injured people here, and we are conducting an ongoing investigation."
Orihime saw her chance. "My brother lives in this area, could it be him who was injured?" The man looked at the redhead before him.
"What is your brother's name," the officer asked.
"Kurosaki Ichigo, he's got red hair, like me," Orihime supplied. The man hesitated for just a moment, before deciding that the teenager before him was sincere. She looked harmless enough, and how many people in Japan had natural red hair?
"Your assumption was correct," the officer revealed. "Your brother and another suspect who was not carrying an ID were found in critical condition fifteen minutes ago. Both are on ambulances headed for Karakura Hospital." Orihime bowed before the officer and thanked him before turning back to join her friends.
Out of earshot of the police officer, Orihime started pouting. "It serves them right," she said as she crossed her arms cutely. "I told Ulquiorra not to cause trouble."
"Inoue-san," Uryuu started carefully, fingers eagerly brushing his Quincy Cross. "Are you still intent on protecting Ulquiorra?"
Orihime took one look at Uryuu and started waving her hands before her, eyes wide. "Ishida-kun, please calm down," the girl appeased. "I'll make sure Ulquiorra never does anything like this again." With those words, Orihime's eyes narrowed menacingly. The gesture was so out of character however, that Tatsuki had to stifle a laugh.
Still, Orihime was dead set. She looked to each side, assessing her surroundings, before sneaking into the backyard of the house in front of her, her friends at her heels. From there, she hopped another fence over the backyard next door, and then to the yard next to that one, drawing closer and closer to the battlefield.
"I'm never going to let you have her," Ichigo asserted, determined eyes full of a rage that bordered on the insane. His mask had been reduced to cover only one eye, and even that was crumbling. Control of his body was shifting between Ichigo and his Hollow every few minutes. Even now, he could hear the Hollow in his head, shouting at him, taunting him, threatening to overturn him again at any moment.
"Strong words coming from a dead man," Ulquiorra stated, voice deadly and flat. He raised his sword with his heavily-injured right arm. This would be the final exchange. "Realize that this is your own fault. If you had cared for her the way she deserved to be, none of this would have happened. Your own indifference towards her has pushed her into my arms."
Something in Ichigo snapped. The remnant of the Hollow mask fell, and his mind blew wide open. The inside came out. The two Ichigos were united under the same goal: the utter destruction of Ulquiorra Schiffer.
"She loved you. I therefore cannot allow you to exist," Ulquiorra said, simple words that didn't scratch the surface of the gravity of his feelings of jealousy, pain, and betrayal. Ulquiorra stopped himself from continuing however, when he saw Ichigo's shoulders shake. A moment later, he was laughing hysterically, eyes endless black and gold.
Suddenly, the monster stopped, and gazed condescendingly at Ulquiorra with a wide, joyous grin. "I'm going to cut you to pieces," the being said simply before disappearing.
Ulquiorra was just able to block the creature's attack from behind. The insane laughing started again as the being took Zangetsu by the cloth and swung it in a wide circle. Ulquiorra, unfazed, prepared himself for the attack.
Ichigo projected the sword towards Ulquiorra's heart. Ulquiorra disappeared, and shot a Cero from behind. Ichigo's hand reached for his throat. He threw him forcefully to the ground, destroying a tree house in the process.
A triumphant, although exhausted, Ichigo towered over the fallen arrancar. A wide grin split his face as he bent down to be at eye-level with the stoic Ulquiorra. He licked his lips. "I'm going to eat you now." Ulquiorra, faster than lighting, struck him in the face with his left hand. The Hollow, no longer smiling, wiped the blood from his mouth. A jab. A kick. Both men panted. They were at their limits.
As the two mortal enemies glared each other down, weighing their options and waiting for an opening, a bright light shone before them. Ichigo couldn't help but be distracted.
A dark figure, holding a pure white sword emerged from the brilliant light. "Ru-Rukia…?"
"The second meeting in one day," Captain Kurotsuchi complained bitterly. "Don't they realize that I am very busy."
"The news came from yer division, ya can't complain about it," Captain Zaraki replied. "'Sides, the less time you're out there kidnapping my men, the better."
"I'm insulted that you would continue to make such an accusation," Captain Kurotsuchi said with a sly smile. Captain Zaraki growled, his one visible eye narrowing. Captain Hitsugaya silently crossed his arms in annoyance.
"Both of you shut up," Captain Soi Fong intoned. "The barrier's already been installed, so don't bring up this issue again."
"What sort of emergency caused the Soutaichou to react so boldly," Captain Ukitake wondered. Captain Kyouraku gazed at him from beneath his straw hat.
"Isn't it obvious," the man said. "It must be that Cuatro Espada."
"In other words," Captain Kurotsuchi intruded. "Captain Kuchiki's promise that Ulquiorra would be of no threat turned out to be just empty words after all." Said Captain did not dignify the thinly-veiled reproach with an answer.
Captain Zaraki sighed in exasperation. "I really should have killed that guy when I had the chance, instead of wasting all this time. I'll ask the Old Man if I can go down to the Material World."
"You will do no such thing," Captain Kuchiki said in a bristle. The two Captains made eye contact.
"You trying to take my kill, Kuchiki," Captain Zaraki goaded with a blood-thirsty grin. "Maybe we should decide this the old-fashioned way." Byakuya's eyes narrowed threateningly.
"Wait, I think I know where Captain Kuchiki is coming from," Captain Ukitake intervened before a brawl broke out. "We don't want to risk fighting Ulquiorra if it can be helped."
"Why not," Captain Zaraki replied, as if such a question was purely rhetorical. Captain Ukitake sighed. Big swords, bigger egos, and concepts such as logic did not mix well. Just then, the front door to the meeting room swung open. Commander Yamamoto strode in, staff in hand. Sombrely, he took his seat. His hard eyes focused on the Captains before him.
"The Twelfth Division has reported," the Soutaichou announced, "that former Forth Espada, Ulquiorra Schiffer, and shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo are in battle." Faces overcome by shock soon hardened. "Despite Captain Kuchiki's eloquent arguments to the contrary, the arrancar is certainly dangerous. His reiatsu exceeds that of a Captain, and he has not yet even released." The ancient shinigami paused, waiting for some reaction.
"I continue to believe that the arrancar is of no threat," Captain Kuchiki supplied.
"Bullshit," Captain Zaraki scoffed. "He's an Espada, of course he's a threat. He'd skewer you in a minute."
"What do you mean to imply," Captain Kuchiki returned, his pride not allowing him to drop it.
"Pretty slow, aren't cha," Captain Zaraki said around a maniacal grin. Byakuya was about to respond, but the Soutaichou struck the floor with the end of his staff.
"Although I understand Captain Ukitake and Captain Kuchiki's point," the Commander continued, "I cannot stand idly by and allow this kind of activity to continue. It seems that, given Kurosaki Ichigo's reiatsu fluctuations, neither will emerge from the battle victorious. I will send an envoy to the Material world to monitor the arrancar and determine whether or not he needs to be terminated.
"I will choose a Captain who has proven themselves capable of battling the arrancar effectively. A Captain of great prestige who is level-headed and objective."
Captain Kyouraku smiled. "And, most importantly, someone who knows the terrain." All eyes turned to Hitsugaya Toushiro, who saw this coming a mile away and was frowning deeply.
"Captain Hitsugaya," the Soutaichou beckoned. "You shall go to the Material World and observe the arrancar surreptitiously. You will report back to me in three days with a full report."
Toushiro's frown grew even more pronounced. "With all due respect, Yamamoto-soutaichou, wouldn't a stealth operation be better handled by the Stealth Divisions?"
"Captain Soi Fong will be occupied with domestic issues," the Commander returned without hesitation. "This is your mission, you may leave immediately."
The child prodigy held back a sigh. "Yes, sir," Captain Hitsugaya said with a bow.
With those words, Toushiro walked out of the room, feeling very much like the group bitch.
"Ru-Rukia," Ichigo rasped in amazement. Thank High Heaven, she was okay. In the eyes of the bloodied and battered soldier, she was an angel. Like it were a miracle, all his pain, all his anger, dissolved in an instant. He could just stare at the celestial figure approaching him, the image of serenity.
Rukia kicked Ichigo solidly in the face, and he flew backwards into the trunk of a tree. "I'm gone for a couple of hours and look at what you do, idiot," the petite shinigami yelled, returning her sword to its sheath. "Do you have any idea how much work it'll be to replace the memories of everyone who witnessed your stupidity?!"
"It wasn't my fault," Ichigo defied fiercely, while pointing angrily at Ulquiorra, who was watching the scene with curious eyes. "He started it!"
"Oh, that's real mature, Ichigo," Rukia scolded, arms crossed menacingly.
"Like you can talk," Ichigo shouted back, glaring angrily. "What the hell would make you want to disappear like that?!"
"Aren't I allowed to go back home," Rukia yelled back, just as angry. "I'm still a shinigami, you know."
"What was so important that you had to go back in the middle of the night," Ichigo shot back.
"Important business," Rukia returned fiercely, "that is of no concern to you!" By now they were face to face, both inching closer in an attempt to intimidate the other.
"Was it about your precious Ulquiorra," Ichigo questioned, blood boiling. Confusion shot through Rukia's eyes.
"Of course it was about Ulquiorra," Rukia shouted. "Soul Society needed to know about his warni–"
"Oh, so Soul Society needs to know," Ichigo shouted back, not even trying to think straight anymore. "You tell Byakuya and Renji, but you won't tell me, is that it?"
"I was going to tell you," Rukia countered, "before you started going on a rampage!"
"Well, forget it," Ichigo snapped. "I already know."
Rukia's eyebrow rose, the volume of her voice dropping a notch. When did he find out about the new King of Las Noches? "Really?"
"Yah, I mean, what, were you expecting me to be angry about it," Ichigo demanded, still very angry. "I mean, if you want to go chasing after some fucking arrancar bastard –"
"Ichigo, what are you talking about," Rukia interrogated. She had totally lost him.
A vein popped on Ichigo's forehead as he shouted out his accusation. "You like Ulquiorra, don't you?!"
Rukia's mouth fell open in shock. "Wha –"
"Did you expect me not to notice?! I'm not that dumb, Rukia," Ichigo fumed. "You were the one who wouldn't let us kick his ass, and you even asked me if I'd approve of –"
Another solid kick to his gut and Ichigo doubled over in pain. Rukia paused a moment, soaking in what she had just heard with wide eyes. She looked down at an angry, embarrassed, indignant Ichigo. "You think that I like Ulquiorra?"
"Don't you," Ichigo returned, eyes looking up at her with an intensity Rukia hadn't seen in a long time.
"Of course not," Rukia exclaimed, holding back laughter. "Why would you think that I'd like Ulquiorra of all people?!"
"You," Ichigo started, the mocking look on Rukia's face making him uncomfortable. "You were the one who said we shouldn't fight him."
"Because if you fought him, not only would he destroy you," Rukia explained simply, "but you'd be putting Inoue in a tough spot. And don't tell me that's not true. Look at how bloodied up you are, and he hasn't even released yet."
"But," Ichigo continued, "you also said that Ulquiorra would never hurt you…"
Rukia raised an eyebrow at his feeble justification. "Because he wouldn't. Ulquiorra knows that if he hurt anyone, especially a noble shinigami, Soul Society would come after him, and he'd have to leave Inoue and run away."
"Well," Ichigo tried again, "you looked really sad when you asked me about what I thought about Ulquiorra and Inoue."
Rukia hesitated. "I was sad for a different reason. I'm glad that Inoue has found someone, even if it is an arrancar." I'm not really in the position to be making judgements after all…
Ichigo looked baffled. "Why were you so sad then?" Rukia took a deep breath; she had to do this.
"Because when I asked you what I meant to you," Rukia said, voice and eyes raw in their sincerity, "you only said that I was an important nakama." Ichigo's eyes widened in shock.
"What do you mean, Rukia?" He didn't even realize that he was whispering.
"Ichigo," Rukia continued, "the truth is that I am in love with you." She forced herself to keep looking him in the eye, even as his face contorted in shock.
He didn't know how he felt. Nothing got past the shock. He grasped for words. "…Really?" Rukia rolled her eyes.
"Really, Ichigo," she said as she bent down on her knees to be eyelevel with him. Ichigo watched her with eyes wide like saucers. Her heart was beating like crazy, but she ran her fingers through his pumpkin orange hair and pressed her lips to his.
The reaction was instantaneous. His bloody arms encircled her greedily and one hand at the back of her neck pushed her closer to him. Not to be outdone, Rukia opened her mouth and slipped a tongue out to lick his lips. He responded by taking her tongue into his mouth, sucking it roughly. Rukia's hand slid between the folds of his shirt, running covetously over his chest.
With that, Ichigo fainted. Rukia pulled back, and discovered that she was covered with Ichigo's blood. She smiled, and wiped the crimson from her lips before the others arrived.
On cue, Orihime tripped over the high fence of shrubbery, landing squarely on her bottom.
"Owie…" Orihime mumbled as she rubbed her bottom.
"Are you okay, Inoue-san," she heard Uryuu shout from above her. Tatsuki had also made quick work of the barrier, and landed lithely next to Orihime.
"I'm fine," Orihime returned, as she caught sight of Ulquiorra sitting against the wall of an out-of-ground swimming pool. A few meters away, Rukia stood beside an unconscious Ichigo slouched against the trunk of a pine tree.
"Hi, Kuchiki-san," Orihime smiled gleefully, walking over to where her friend was. "How's the weather in Soul Society?"
"Sunny, as usual," Rukia replied with a smile. Damn, Orihime looked pissed. The healer called out her fairies, and surrounded Ichigo within her rejection barrier. That done, she turned to Ulquiorra, eyes hardened by determination.
Orihime stood in front of the heavily-injured Ulquiorra, arms crossed. She was demanding an explanation. He looked up at her, but there was something different in his emerald green eyes.
"You loved him," Ulquiorra said simply, voice a pained murmur. "You loved him." Orihime's eyes softened as she bent down in front of Ulquiorra. Tatsuki held the protective Uryuu back from approaching the two.
"Is that what this is about," Orihime asked softly. Ulquiorra looked away. She took his hand.
"You would be better off with him," Ulquiorra intoned. "Although I think that that option is closed to you now." Orihime raised an eyebrow, and then followed Ulquiorra's gaze to the fallen Ichigo and the bloodied Rukia.
"Oh," Orihime said simply. What she saw wasn't very surprising, what was surprising was what she felt.
"Orihime, is my affection for you unrequited?" Orihime turned towards Ulquiorra, surprise colouring her face. She didn't know what to say.
"I don't know yet," she answered truthfully.
"I need an answer," Ulquiorra said seriously.
Orihime smacked Ulquiorra's forehead, effectively dispelling the serious atmosphere. "After what you did last night, and what you did to Kurosaki-kun, I think you can wait a little longer," she said evilly with a brilliant smile. "Now I'm going to go check on Kurosaki-kun, try not to move too much." He watched with vacant eyes as she walked away.
"She sure showed you," Tatsuki commented offhandedly, leaning against the side of the swimming pool.
"She sure did," Ulquiorra agreed, closing his eyes in resignation. For how much longer would he be left in limbo like this?
"I wouldn't worry too much, though," Tatsuki supplied casually. Ulquiorra looked up at her. "It takes most people weeks, if not months, to fall out of love and in love again." She shrugged. "Just give it some time. Orihime will realize it soon."
Ulquiorra gazed at Tatsuki in utter shock. Was this girl actually siding with him?
Evidently, it wasn't difficult to read the incredulity on Ulquiorra's face. Tatsuki smirked. "Something you've got to know about love, Ulquiorra, is that it isn't shared only between lovers."
Orihime, Yasutora, Tatsuki and Uryuu, as well as the healed Ulquiorra and Ichigo, arrived in front of Karakura hospital.
"This is never going to work," Tatsuki said dully.
"What are you talking about, Tatsuki-chan," Orihime chided, an exuberant smile on her face. In her hand, she held one of Rukia's Memory-Switchers. "This plan is fool-proof!"
"I am inclined to agree with Arisawa Tatsuki," Ulquiorra intoned.
"You can just say Arisawa, Ulquiorra," Orihime supplied helpfully.
"…Arisawa."
"Good!"
"Well, let's get on with it, then," Uryuu said with a sigh. If this harebrained scheme got him thrown in jail, he would not be happy…
"Nii-chan," Orihime screamed in a perfect imitation of a grieving little sister. "Nii-chan, why?!"
"Shh, Kurosaki-san," Yasutora rumbled comfortingly, a kind hand on Orihime's shoulder. "Your brother is going to be alright."
"Are you a relative of Kurosaki Ichigo," the secretary asked gently from beyond the glass window. Orihime, tears streaming freely down her face, nodded. "You can go into the ER to see your brother. I just need to see some ID." Orihime shuffled through her pockets.
"I... I can't find it," Orihime sobbed. "Wait, it's in my schoolbag… What happened to my school bag?"
"I think you left it at school, Orihime," Tatsuki said gently. Orihime's hands covered her tear-streaked face. "Oh no…"
"I'm sorry, Miss," the secretary said consolingly. "I can't allow you in unless I see some ID. It's the law."
"No, I understand, I understand…" Orihime walked away, shoulder's slouched, to sit on a chair in the large waiting room.
Yasutora turned back to the secretary, leaning over the counter. "Please, let her in. Her brother is all that she has left."
The secretary frowned. "I'm sorry, sir."
Just then, the sliding front door opened to a teenager in a grey uniform and glasses grasping his stomach in obvious pain. Tatsuki ran over to him, slinging his arm over her shoulder for support. "Ishida, what's wrong." The woman led him over to the front desk. He was panting.
"I think… It's my appendix," Uryuu got out through gritted teeth.
The secretary got up from her seat, and ran quickly out to fetch a doctor. Tatsuki gave a thumbs up, which both Yasutora and Orihime returned before three nurses and a stretcher exited the emergency room.
The nurses made quick work of getting Uryuu set up on the stretcher, and quickly led him towards the door of the ER room. In a heart-wrenching display of emotion, Orihime shouted after him. "Ishida-kun!" She ran after him, through the swinging door with the automatic lock.
"Orihime," Tatsuki called, while going after her best friend. Yasutora followed the two silently.
The secretary, who had started getting up from her seat, decided against throwing out the teenagers. Instead, she answered the ringing phone.
Immediately inside the ER, Orihime extracted the Chappy-themed Memory-Switcher from her pocket and set it off in front of the unsuspecting nurses. Yasutora and Tatsuki caught them as they fell unconscious, setting them gently against the fold-down seats. Meanwhile, Uryuu rose from the stretcher, folded it up, and stashed it in a nearby supply closet.
"We're ready when you guys are," Ichigo, clad in torn bloody shinigami robes, said from the end of the hall, where his and Ulquiorra's bodies were currently being tested for trauma.
"Just one more thing," Orihime threw back, as she opened the door to the secretary's office. The woman turned around questioningly, only to be faced with the Chappy Memory-Switcher. Poof. Next, Orihime shuffled through the papers on the secretary's desk, and pocketed all the forms that had Ichigo's name on it.
"All done," Orihime called, and Ichigo disappeared into the CT scan room.
"So we're meeting at Ichigo's house, right," Tatsuki confirmed, Uryuu at her side.
"Yup, even if Ichigo faints, I won't get lost with Sado-kun with me," Orihime assured. "See you soon!"
With those words, Yasutora and Orihime dashed towards the CT room, busted open the door, and disappeared inside.
Tatsuki looked at Uryuu, and the two nodded. They busted into the closest room, shocking everyone inside.
"Help," Tatsuki shouted, "the secretary and the nurses! They've fainted!" The doctors looked at each other.
"Takata, go see what's going on," one senior doctor shouted.
"I'm busy, this patient's in critical condition," the doctor responded.
Their conscious cleared, Tatsuki and Uryuu left the doctors to figure themselves out and ran out the front entrance, towards Ichigo's house.
Meanwhile, Orihime and Yasutora had infiltrated the CT scan room. Ulquiorra and Ichigo entered their bodies, immediately regaining consciousness.
"Hey, you're not allowed in here," one doctor shouted. The next moment, he and all the technicians were unconscious on the floor.
"I feel a little guilty about rendering all these ER doctors unconscious," Orihime voiced as Ulquiorra and Ichigo stood up and tried to regain movement in their extremities.
"Fuck, man," Ichigo cursed. "Look how many ribs you broke!"
"Feel fortunate that they did not puncture your lung," Ulquiorra returned, "And shut up." Ichigo scowled before a realization dawned upon him.
"You're just pissed that Rukia…" Ichigo drifted off. "Wait, do you like Rukia?"
Ulquiorra gazed at Ichigo with vacant angry eyes. "No." Ichigo's brow furrowed.
"Than what did you mean when you said 'the woman's mine'?" Orihime blushed and Ulquiorra just glared.
"We had better go," Orihime changed the subject. "Tatsuki-chan and Ishida-kun are probably already half-way to Kurosaki-kun's house."
The group exited the ER from the ambulance entrance, and made their way to the Kurosaki Clinic.
"Hey, old man," Tatsuki greeted from within the clinic. "Can I borrow your shinigami phone?"
Isshin's eyes widened in surprise as he reached into his lab coat's pocket. "Tatsuki-chan, I didn't know you knew about shinigami," the man noted, handing the phone over.
Tatsuki dialled the number written on her hand. "I do now," she said with a smile. Rukia answered the phone.
"The hospital cleared," Rukia asked.
"All cleared on our side," Tatsuki specified. "Orihime's team hasn't gotten here yet. How about on your side?"
Tatsuki heard Rukia huff in frustration. "It was easy enough the follow the police's paper trail, but the pedestrians have already scattered. I'm just going to switch the memories of everyone who lives on that block."
"Alright," Tatsuki said with a nod. "I'll call back when Ichigo and Ulquiorra are back."
"Thanks," Rukia replied. "I just hope this is the extent of our damage control."
"I hope so, too," Tatsuki agreed. "You wouldn't want those shinigami guys getting involved. See you soon."
"Bye." Tatsuki hung up the phone, and returned it to Isshin.
"What's going on, Tatsuki-chan" the father asked, abruptly worried.
Tatsuki sighed. "Ichigo and Ulquiorra beat each other up, got the police involved, ended up in the hospital, waged bloody battle, tracked down their bodies, switched the memories of half the ER staffers, busting out of the hospital and are now on their way here."
It took a moment for Isshin to absorb that. "Oh."
The reunited group of friends were gathered in Ichigo's backyard, around a flaming garbage can. Once the flames had reached a healthy height, Orihime emptied her pockets into the fire, destroying all evidence of Ichigo's stay at the ER. Likewise, Rukia set to flames all the police documents tied to Ichigo and Ulquiorra, effectively making like the whole thing never happened.
"I hope you two have learnt your lesson," Orihime said.
Solemnly, Ulquiorra and Ichigo nodded, eyes on the flame.