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-2-

Birds and the Bees

By Snowing Petals (Kailee –Muffin-)

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Edward sulkily sat on the couch in the Colonel's office. Roy had left for a while, after calling Ed in to his office for an 'urgent' meeting. Ed slouched a bit as he listened to the ticking of the clock, which was playing his last nerve. He sat up a bit as the door swung open. Al was shoved into the room closely followed by Roy who tugged Wrath inside and quickly shut the door. "Sit!" Roy grinned at them, back against the door. Al quickly jolted over to the couch to sit next to his brother. "You too, Wrath," Roy snapped as he locked the door.

Wrath rolled his eyes and ambled over to the couch. Alphonse quickly shuffled over to make room for Wrath who plopped down on the couch in the empty space. Roy kept his hands firmly on the doorknob, behind his back, for a few moments before he decided to let go. "What the hell did you bring us here for? AND WHY ME?!" Wrath glared at him.

"Boys, I think it's time we had a little talk."

"Oh god," Ed and Wrath grimaced, as Al turned 50 shades of red in about 5 seconds.

Roy sat on the coffee table in front of them but moved it back a bit so that he was out of kicking distance. "See… there'll come a time in your life when you'll fall in love…"

Wrath quickly stood up, glaring ferociously at Roy. "I'm leaving."

"Ooh no. This isn't something to be shamed about." Roy grabbed Wrath by the arm and pushed him back down onto the couch. "As I was saying… When you fall in love… You'll want to… do things with that person…" Roy was cut off.

"So you're saying you've fallen in love a million times?" Edward asked, smirking.

"Edward. Shut up," Roy glared daggers at him.

"Bite me."

"… Anyways…"

Al quickly cut in, "Colonel… This really isn't necessary… we've already learnt-" but was cut off with a glare from Roy.

"Please, Al. It's rude to cut off you're elders."

"But you didn't get mad when-"

"Al."

"Sorry…"

"Where was I…? Oh yeah. You'll want to do many things. Touch them, in many places, kiss them, in many places, do things, unimaginable to some of you," he glanced at Al, "And not so much others." A glance sent towards Ed.

"SHE'S JUST MY MECHANIC!"

"I didn't say anything, Edward."

Edward turned beat red, "You were suggesting it!"

"Was not."

"Were too!"

"Was not."

"WERE TOO!"

"Sure, sure. Can I PLEASE continue?"

Edward crossed his arms and sunk into the chair, mumbling.

"Alrighty… So, where was I?" Roy glanced at the boys as if expecting them to tell him. "… Umm.. Right unimaginable things. And at some point you may have the chance to and, woo boy, will you enjoy it."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!" all three boys yelled.

"Oh, be quiet," Roy rolled his eyes.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Good. Now, there's this thing called sex…"

All three boys stood up. "WE'RE LEAVING!!"

"Now wait just a--" Roy was cut off by the glint of Ed's automail arm sword thingy…

"We. Are. Leaving." Edward confirmed.

"Leaving. Right. Okay. Well, we'll continue some oth-" another glint, "-er, um, never…" Roy coughed.

Edward glared at him until the door shut behind Wrath and Al. Roy sat there for a few moments of complete silence, Ed still staring at him. "Uhh… Soo…" Ed slinked back over to the couch to sit in front of Roy. "Umm.. continue?"

Roy looked at him, startled. "Wha?"

Edward turned a deep shade of red. "Continue?"

Roy suddenly brightened and perked up. "Well if you insist."

-

And so Ed chose the horrible fate of having the complete talk from Roy. Why? Cause I made Jess choose a random name, she not knowing why. And unfortunately, Ed was the one she picked. So, BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Toast: -is crying in a corner- OH, MY POOR EDWARD! I'M SORRY! –crying-

Muffin: …

Toast: -quickly stops- I...uh…had something in my eye…

Muffin: …Right…

Toast: Anyway, it was FUNNY! XD But all I did was a little italic here and a spelly thingy there. And a few grammar things. But that's it. So, not much to edit. It's great.

Muffin:D

Both: Review or Roy will give YOU the talk!

Ed: -runs out of the Colonel's office screaming- EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWWWWWW!