Depression

By: Sailorjj07

3. Every Waking Moment

A/n: Lookie!! I haven't updated in like months!! I dunno how good I am at Xenosaga, but if anyone else is willing to step up to the plate, go right ahead!! I would love for the world to have some good Xenosaga romance fics because I can barley find any. The only one I've seen so far that's really really good is Infected Angels by Maieve Avvi. It's one of the best fics around! I think you should read it!!

Disclaimer: I do not own.

I woke up the next morning, feeling completely and totally recharged. If anything, that's the best part of my android self. I can sleep and have dreams just like humans. I love it so much. It makes me feel part way human.

Looking around the room, I sat up in my "bed", if that's what you can call it. Anyway, I sat up in my bed and looked around the room, swinging my legs to the side so I could get down. I did a scan over the room to see how it was and if anyone else was in there. I was surprised when chaos tapped me on my shoulder.

My heart beat sped up very quickly. I think I had a blush on my face because chaos smile got even wider in a matter of seconds.

"Greetings chaos. Do you need any assistance?"

Shut up!! I wanted to yell at that stupid android woman. She always had to mess things up. Speaking in that stupid monotone voice of hers, showing no emotion whatsoever. On the inside I'm very happy, but on the outside, she's in control. The last time I actually was in control of the outside was when our ship almost crash-landed and I had to save us. When the human me is on the outside, my eyes turn blue. Otherwise, red is the main color.

chaos looked at me, his smile fading slightly. I think he knows of the struggle going on inside of me. But when I hardly show that he's getting through to me, I guess it could be kind of discouraging. I tried to make myself smile, but I couldn't because she wouldn't let me. I hate her so much. If she wasn't a part of me, I would kill her.

choas continued to smile,"Shion wants you KOS-MOS. She said something about giving you a check-up."

"A check-up? Why did Shion herself not come?"

"She's eating right now. And since I was done, she sent me."

"Then she will wait."

"Wait for what?"

I smiled on the inside, I was breaking through the stupid android, and "Shion can wait for me. When she's done eating, she will come. Until then I will stay in my current area."

chaos' smile grew and he nodded, "I'll go tell her."

He left with a big smile on his tan face. As soon as the door shut behind chaos, I fell to the floor, landing on my butt. I laid my head against the door, closing my eyes and entering my mind. Our daily battle began.

"So you have come to challenge me." I said, to my android side. Our usual battle area outside of the church, in my mind was beginning to expand.

"You will die." She replied, in her monotone voice.

"Even if I gain control for only 5 minutes, I will."

"You will only have 5.58555555 minutes to control the outside. That is all I will allow you."

"No, it's not! You'll allow me the rest of my life because after I destroy you, I will be in control!" I cried, very angry. I rushed at her and she met me head-on.

"You will lose."

"No, I won't because I have my love to back me up!"

"Love does not exist."

"Yes, it does! And I'll prove it!" I attacked my android side, throwing her against the door of the church. She hit it with a very loud crash; breaking it. I followed after her, charging up my R-Cannon. I attacked immediately and she fell. Kicking her, I saw that she was out cold, but she wouldn't be for long.

"Ok. Only have 5 minutes." I told myself, opening my eyes. I stood up and passed by my pod. On the metallic surface, I saw my reflection. I had light blue eyes and I had a soft smile on my face. It worked! I only had control for 5 minutes, but I was going to use them to the fullest.

I ran as fast as I could to the dinning hall, looking in the door for chaos. I made sure I wasn't spotted on the way there. I looked around the hallway and on the entire upper floor before I went to the AGWS Hanger. I walked by chaos's AGWS and there he was, messing around with the inside.

"chaos?" I said, softly, my voice sounded the same, but with a nicer tone.

"Yes?" chaos' head poked out of the AGWS and he took a deep breath when he realized it was me.

"Can I talk to you?" chaos seemed surprised that I was talking so softly, but he gave me a small smile and came down anyway.

"What can I help you with?"

"I have a problem. You see the KOS-MOS your talking to right now...is human. But in about 3 more minutes my android side will take over. I need your help. I have to get rid of her." I told him looking down at my feet.

"Her?" He asked me. I could tell he understood a little bit.

"The android side."

"I see."

"Can you help me?"

"I knew there was more to you then anyone else knew. Of course I will help you. But you have to help me as well." He replied, with a smile.

"What's that?" I said, hope showing on my face.

"When you are in your human state of mind, let me know. I have a couple of things I want to ask you."

"Like what?"

"How you get in control over the android."

"I think about...you." I blushed and looked down, surprised at how open with him I was being.

"Why?" choas reached out and tilted my chin up, looking me in the eyes.

"chaos, she's coming back." I said, looking away.

"Now?"

"Yes, but know something. I control her by thinking about you every waking moment. That way the only time she controls me, is when we are asleep." I replied, about to step away from him. But chaos wouldn't have it. He grabbed me around my waist and hugged me.

"I'll help you."

"You promise?"

chaos leaned down toward my face, "I promise." He kissed me swiftly and I felt a hot red blush run to my cheeks. The android stayed back a little longer because the human emotion of love pushed her back. I moved away from chaos and watched as his green eyes stared me down.

"Bye...." I whispered, closing my eyes. When opened them the android was in control again and my eyes were once again the red of a killer.

"chaos, please move, I need to go find Shion." I sighed she was at it again. chaos moved, looking into her dark red eyes with his bright green ones. And I realized the look he gave was for me, the human side. He searched her eyes until he found me and then he smiled at me, as if to reassure me that he would help. And I knew right then, he would keep his promise.

End Chapter 3