The Price

Disclaimer: I am not a Theologian, a Historian, or a TV Producer; I therefore do not own anything.

Note: The credit for this chapter goes entirely to Kate who sort of stood on me to continue with this story after so long. She was great, really helped flesh out some points. She is my hero.

Chapter VI: Broken

Thomas Cromwell stared at the grain of the door until it all blended together into one insurmountable wall of brown. He was but a pace from the door, not even an arm's length, he had to simply raise his hand and knock and yet he could not. The King raped your wife. Over and over he heard the words, Bette's voice ringing in his ears. He had been so blind. So very blind. His Elizabeth, the love of his life had been hurt in the most unspeakable ways possible. And what had he done? In her time of need he turned his back on her.

He disgusted himself. A single tear rolled freely down his cheek. If only he'd died! He'd willingly die a thousand deaths if it meant she'd never feel pain. Yet he lived! Lived to hurt her himself. There were no words. Tears blurred the world further, the walls and the wood and his shame closing in.

"She used to chase the children barefoot." An aged hand touched his arm gently as an accent from his past spoke. "Climbed the trees as well, back before Hampton Court became Henry's Palace." It was Joan Wynters, tray of food heavy with nourishment resting on her hip, brown eyes studying him seriously. Thomas Wolsey had feared Joan and his children would get lonely without him in such a big house, Thomas Cromwell feared for his wife's safety – a mother alone in Putney, even when they were poor she would be a target. Hampton offered safety; Elizabeth and the children gave Joan company. Their children grew to be very close, as did the mothers.

"Beth and I were best friends, both blessed with beautiful children and husband whom we loved more than anything. We laughed together and we cried. Elizabeth Wyckes Cromwell had a spirit like none I'd ever seen before or since. She used to say it was because you loved her. I was blessed to see Elizabeth in full bloom. I watched her grow, the rose of her cheeks glow, her smile blossom. She has now wilted. That spirit once as mighty as an oak has been broken - snapped in half and burned to ash. You – you have broken her Thomas." She said all this softly without breaking her steady stare. Her unwavering gaze holding his eye and driving each word into his soul like nails.

"I – I didn't mean to." He said weakly, knowing that ignorance was no excuse, no defense.

"You've broken her Thomas, and now you must fix her. You are the only one who can." He nodded. It was funny how the only person who could so utterly hurt her was the same as the only person who could heal her.

"I will try." He promised. Joan shook her graying head.

"Don't try – Do. You are the only one who can."

"I don't see how, what I've done is unforgivable." She squeezed his arm, her brown eyes boring into his.

"When you love someone truly there is no sin that cannot be forgiven and Elizabeth loves you truly, with all her being. She loves you much as I love my Thomas," she crossed herself in memory of her beloved the Cardinal. "She loves you and she needs you." She passed him the tray of food. "Now quit lamenting and GO TO HER." With that she knocked on the closed door, the wall between him and his wife.

"It's me, Bess, Bette sent me to bring you a tray. She says I have permission to force feed you if you do not eat on your own."

"Come in." A voice, no more than a mouse replied. It cut Thomas to the bone. That was what his LizzieBeth was reduced to – what he'd reduced her to. He felt sick, his knees weak.

"No, no you don't." Joan said opening the door and forcing him through it with a swat. Once he was clear of the threshold she closed the door firmly the key on her belt sealing them together. Dropping the keys back to hang from the ring Joan Wynters looked to heaven. She closed her eyes and listened with her heart, she could hear her husband's mild scolding, that little laugh that occurred when he told her she should not have done something but he was glad she did. Oh Thomas she whispered help them.

Cromwell entered his beloved's room hesitantly, still racked with the fear that had held him outside of it for so long. He heard the tumblers of the lock shift; there was no turning back now. He looked to the bed, Elizabeth lay on her side, curled tightly in on itself, her blue eyes gazing unseeingly, and the light that once made them glow was extinguished. He studied her eyes open for the first time. Bette, he was nauseated to admit, was right. Liz's gown hung off of her, once creamy fair skin was now sallow, stretched tight over gaunt features. She was broken, he had broken her. He wanted to cry. But he could not, he did not deserve to. Crying was for the injured, for victims, for humans. He was too vile to cry. After what seemed like an eternity he gained composure and took a step further into the room, You've broken her Thomas, and now you must fix her. You are the only one who can. Joan's words came back to him. He took a deep breath.

"Joan asked me to see that you ate something." He said softly, hoping he did not startle her. Unfortunately his hope was in vain. At his breath she winced and quaked, pulling her legs in tighter to herself and burying her face in her knees.

"Why?" she whimpered.

"Because you need to eat." This was not the conversation that needed to happen, but how did he begin? I am unworthy, please, forgive me; I only destroyed all of the good we ever had with one ignorant selfish action. It was not enough. He was beyond redemption.

"You do not have to stay, I am no longer your wife, you are released from your husbandly obligations." Her words so sad and serious made him shiver.

"Who says that you are not my wife?" he asked, ignoring the voice in his head that screamed you did, you Bastard!

"You did – I was unfaithful, I betrayed my vows. I know it, you know it – we both know of my adultery, no man deserves a snake wife, especially not you Thomas. Just go. I release you find another truer than I and marry her. Let me rot." Thomas sat the tray on the table before he dropped it or threw it across the room. His Bess had her own brand of logic but this was beyond the pale. He took another deep breath to keep from shouting, saying something else counterproductive his tongue had done enough damage already.

"Elizabeth," he said softly, "Daughter Bette has told me what-" the king did to you. How he forced you – raped you. "told me what happened. Elizabeth, threatening to execute your husband unless you sleep with him is as much rape as if he forced you down himself and took you. You were not unfaithful you were raped – violated." How had he not seen this, not understood? As a lawyer he'd fought for laws protecting women from such violence and strove to provide aid to the victims and yet to his own wife, his very soul, he was cruel.

"But I chose. I chose!" she said it over and over again in her ear she could still hear the King sneer, 'Bed or Block. Bed or Block.'

"It wasn't much of a choice! It was extortion! I've presided over cases just exactly like this one, if he were not the King and I not an exile I would have him for rape. Elizabeth, my love, you did nothing wrong. Oh, that I died that day! I'd rather face the axeman than have you suffer. I am not worth your pain."

Elizabeth didn't understand, he made no sense. First he thinks her a harlot, then a victim he waxes on how he'd rather die than see her hurt. Claims she had no choice, but she had she chose to give herself to the King. She chose to make her sacrifice.

"Thomas, I chose, it was the only way I could save you, even if I lost your love I did not lose you. You are alive even though you are no longer mine." Why was he being so confusing! It was almost like he loved her still, but that was impossible. He'd pushed her away once; she could not bear\ being pulled to him again when she knew it was only temporary. She ended her life to save his, why could she not die alone? Why?

"Elizabeth, I am not worth your sacrifice." There was something about his words, or perhaps it was the emotional turmoil she was in. the fact she was hurt and she was angry whatever the reason a horrible thought lodged in her mind. And suddenly she wasn't sad anymore, she was mad. How dare he? Howe dare he!

"If I had paid money you would have been proud of the price your head brought, but since I paid in purity you claim it was a pound of flesh – the price too high, too extreme. What is the matter is my wholesomeness the only reason you care? Now that I am soiled-" she made no sense but she did not care. Getting to her feet she spoke, spouting nonsense, her anger and her pain driving her words. The shades on her husband's face turning from sadness to hope to horror to ire and frustration.

"NO!" He shouted. "You miss the point entirely. Elizabeth I love you. I will always love you. I had rather die than see you hurt because I love you. This talk of purity is asinine!"

"Asinine? You want asinine? Try the fact that you think that I don't feel the same way about you. If you took the block that day the ax man would have had two heads to sever for I would have died with you. I would die for you. Thomas, I love you more than anything, more than life itself and if you truly loved me you would know that – you would understand!" Tears sprang to her eyes. The sob was coming; she choked out her final words before sinking to the floor, broken.

"If you loved me you would not have pushed me away when I needed you most."

Silence.

Thomas could feel all the air leave the room, it was sucked from his lungs, he couldn't go on. Joan had said he could fix her, she did not know that he had destroyed their marriage beyond repair. She did not know what a monster he was.

He'd walked away when she needed him, when she needed him more than anything in this world. It was as if he'd stepped over her body and kicked her as she cried for help. He was here now but it was too little too late. Fresh tears fell.

"I am here now, Elizabeth, though I no longer have your trust, I am for you – forever and always." She looked up at his words, sky blue eyes swimming. He continued, after so many lies and misunderstandings, he was compelled to tell the truth.

"Elizabeth, I love you and in my heart I never doubted you. You are my Angel of Mercy, the only thing that ever made me feel human – to feel alive. My mind was in a dark place, without light or reason. The Tower does that to a man. I went mad, mad just like Mr. Pace before me. It seemed so logical at the time for you to have taken a lover, I had neglected my husbandly duties, I had taken the mistress of work and devoted day and night to her. You deserve to be with a man who cherishes you and I had failed. Now I have truly failed. I have destroyed us. I know it is not enough, not now. But I am here and I will never leave you again." She closed her eyes and his heart sank. She can't bear to look at you! After what he said that night it only made perfect sense that she didn't' want him. He lowered his head, how fitting – she had broken him.

"Oh Thomas." No more than a whisper he doubted his ears. "Oh Thomas, I need you now more than ever." He looked up, their eyes met. Hope, long absent had returned. It was small, it was faint, but it was a light in the darkness.

Joan Wynters silently pressed her ear to the door; she heard no screaming, no crying, and no moaning. It would be safe to unlock the door. She peeked inside. The food tray was empty, the first good sign. The second brought a smile to her lips and a tear of joy to her eye. Thomas and Elizabeth lay on the bed, his arms protectively around her, her head on his chest. Elizabeth Cromwell was sleeping peacefully. Joan retrieved the plates and quietly closed the door, pausing outside to lift a smile to Heaven. We did it Thomas.