Serena and Blair spent the day visiting house after house, Blair becoming more and more dissatisfied with what she was seeing. As beautiful and elegant as they were none of the properties called to her. Something seemed off, missing. Just as her agent was about to give up, Serena suggested they try one last place, a private listing that had not yet been put on the market.
Pulling up in front of the wrought iron gated doorway, Blair felt an odd sense of déjà vu deep in her gut. Staring at the imposing edifice she knew she had been here before. In fact she would swear it.
"Serena, how long has this place been available?" Blair asked with an odd tone in her voice.
"Ever since the previous owner's fiancé died, so almost three years ago," Serena said quietly - almost reverently - as if she was speaking in a church.
"What happened?" Blair was suddenly afraid, yet she needed to know the answer.
"They were supposed to move in together, but the shortly before the move, she died in an airplane crash," Serena said, closely watching Blair for any reaction.
"How terribly sad," she said faintly, blinking as she felt a slight buzzing in her head.
"I didn't even know this place was on the market," the agent, a painfully thin British female, said. Dressed in a red tailored suit and her trademark pearls she looked up at the house in awe. "Are you sure the owner is interested in selling?"
"To the right person, yes," Serena said, drawing closer to Blair in case the brunette needed her.
"Do you have a key?" the agent asked, excited to see the inside. Taking a look at her client she was happy to see the first stirrings of interest. She had all but despaired in ever finding anything Miss Hawthorne would be happy with.
"No, but I do have the security code, " Serena said slyly.
"Well, shall we then, Miss Hawthorne?"
Blair moved as if in a trance. She knew this place, had seen it before. Maybe her and Jack had looked at it before the accident? If so, he had never mentioned they had been house hunting.
Pulling on her arm, Serena walked Blair to the door. Opening her purse she pulled out her phone and located the text with the security code. Punching in the numbers she held her breath as the door unlocked and swung open.
Walking carefully as if the floor was covered with shards of glass, Blair entered the main entryway. Pausing, she stared in wonder at the marble walls, the exquisitely painted ceiling, the delicate Swarovski crystal chandelier and magnificent winding mahogany staircase. She did know this place. She had dreamed of it.
Serena grasped her friend's hand tightly as they made their way up the arched staircase. Blair held her breath as she peeked in each one of the bedrooms, they all looked so familiar. That one was the guest bedroom, and that one, heart aching, she knew was supposed to be the nursery. How she knew this she was afraid to delve into. It was terrifying enough that she knew.
When at last they entered the Master Bedroom, Blair's breathing all but stopped. There in the center of the room was the very bed she had seen this morning in her flashback. The dark cherry four-poster bed draped in silk was the very same one that she had declared her love to Chuck Bass in. The same one in which he had brought her to dizzying heights of ecstasy, pleasing her in a way she hadn't known was possible.
Sinking to the rich wood floors, Blair covered her hands with her eyes as tears coursed down her cheeks and her face flushed hot with embarrassment.
"Audrey, honey? What's wrong?" Serena asked, scooping Blair into her arms.
Rubbing her back Serena let Blair cry until there were no more tears, and yet still she held her.
"I have dreamed of this bed, this place….I was here," Blair said, neglecting to tell Serena exactly who she had been with and what they were doing.
"It's okay, maybe you have been here before. You had a whole life before the accident you can't remember," Serena said, patting her compassionately on the back.
"No," Blair said firmly, "It isn't possible."
"You don't know that. Maybe this is your first real memory from before the accident? You should embrace it not run from it."
"No you don't understand! He is in it and it's supposed to be Jack!" Blair said, her eyes wild.
Serena finally understood. Blushing she realized exactly what kind of dreams Blair had been having and they weren't about Jack. In that instant she debated about whether to tell the truth, to be done with this "take it slow and see" plan that Chuck had insisted on. She wanted to tell the truth, force Audrey to accept that she was Blair, but looking at her forlorn face and broken eyes Serena found that she couldn't. With Blair's psyche and fragile mental state she was afraid that if she pushed she would break her and lose Blair forever.
"Sometimes the brain does funny things. Your body is trying to tell you something. You just need to relax and listen and I swear like puzzle pieces it will all come together into a beautiful picture eventually, " Serena said soothingly.
"Let's say I was here with Jack before the accident, why would I replace him with another man in my dream?" Blair cried, her voice filled with anguish.
"I don't know, but I promise you we will figure this out. From now on you need to write down every detail of your visions and dreams. That is the only way we will be able to get the full picture, connect the dots. There is so much you don't remember from before the accident, perhaps you are mixing past memories with people and places? Tell me what you have dreamed so far, maybe I can help you make sense of it." Serena said earnestly.
"I dreamed of…", Blair blushed bright red as she hesitated to say the name that haunted her soul. "Chuck Bass." With a groan Blair covered her eyes with her fists, pushing painfully at her eyes, almost in hopes that she could squeeze him out of her brain.
Serena gasped. This was the confirmation she had been looking for, but she had expected baby steps and had never dreamed Blair would have hit the Holy Grail this early with her recalled memories. If Blair was dreaming of Chuck and this bed Serena was positive that was a true memory of her past. Something that was coming to the surface regardless of whatever therapy and or pills Jack had pumped into her system. They just had to wait patiently for the rest to return one by one until Blair appeared from Audrey like a butterfly bursting out of a cocoon.
"Is it possible you met Chuck before? You might have met him when you and Jack were first engaged. Perhaps that's where these memories are coming from?" Serena asked gently.
"I don't know," Blair said despondently. "It's possible. It's just, Jack never mentioned it and when I met Chuck for the first time he didn't know who I was."
"Maybe Jack showed you pictures of him and talked about him before the accident and now since seeing him he is stuck in your head?"
Blair blinked at Serena slowly, considering the matter. "That could be…Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me by replacing my memories of Jack with Chuck."
Serena nodded sagely. "Maybe if you spend some time with Chuck your memories will correct themselves once your brain realizes it is the wrong person," Serena said, hoping to reinforce Blair's decision to have lunch with Chuck.
"That is exactly what I am going to do," Blair said resolutely. The more she thought about it the more it made sense. The memory of the house and the limo had to be true flashbacks of places her and Jack had been. As for the sex and Chuck - that was just her brain injury playing tricks on her. That had to be the answer. Right?
Rising from the floor, Blair dusted minute specs of dust from her outfit. No more would she run from her visions, she would accept them, replacing Chuck with Jack until she only dreamed only of Jack. And she knew just how to do it. The more time she spent with Chuck the more her psyche would recognize that it had the wrong man.
Striding in on her impossibly high heels, the agent entered the room, clearing her throat nervously. "So what do you think of the house?"
"It has…" Blair hesitated, "possibilities."
"Can you arrange a meeting with the owner?" the agent asked Serena, practically drooling as she attempted to calculate the number of zeros on her commission check if she landed this deal.
"I am sure something can be set-up," Serena replied awkwardly, very much aware of the fact that the house was not available and never would be now that Blair was back in Chuck's life.
A buzzing sound vibrated deep from within Blair's purse. Pulling her phone out she glanced at the text, a slight frown marring her brow. "It's Jack. He is leaving work early and he wants to take me out for dinner. " For some reason Blair didn't feel the rush of exhilaration she normally would have expected from such an announcement.
"That sounds like fun," Serena said brightly, trying not to cringe.
"Yes," Blair murmured, her eyes shadowed.
"Shall I arrange another showing for you and Mr. Bass?" The agent asked, her heels clicking on the wooden floor as she followed behind the girls.
"Please," Blair said faintly, glancing over her shoulder one last time at the bed as she headed out of the room.
"We will figure this out, Audrey." Serena said, grasping Blair's hand in hers as they made their way down the staircase to the foyer.
Blair nodded, gripping Serena's hand tightly as the agent continued to natter on in the background about the house's attributes and features.
With her head pounding and nerves clawing at her stomach Blair watched silently through the darkened windows of the limousine as they drove further and further away from the house of her dreams. She would be back she vowed, and when she came again the memories would be gone.
Blair sat primly, smoothing the wrinkles from her green Valentino dress. She had dressed carefully for this evening with Jack, choosing just the right dress to set of her coloring spectacularly. She was instantly rewarded when Jack's eyes lit up as they met at the restaurant, and he couldn't help leaning in for a kiss.
"Audrey," Jack murmured gently, pressing his lips to hers briefly before seating himself at the table.
Jack cupped her hand in his from across the table, his fingers imprisoning hers in their grasp. Blair tried to relax, but her body refused to cooperate. Her fingers twined stiffly with his as he raised her hand to his lips for an intimate kiss. Her eyelids fluttered slowly closed as she was reminded of another kiss from earlier that day, one from an entirely different Bass, which had set her heart afire and made her weak in the knees.
"What did you do today?" Jack asked, his lips lingering over her hand.
"I went house hunting," Blair said, pulling uncomfortably away from him.
"I see," Jack said with a bland tone. "Tell me did your new friend, Serena, offer any help?"
Blair nervously avoided looking him in the eye. "Serena? I am not sure I know what you mean."
"Don't play me, Audrey. You think I don't know every little thing you do?" Jack said, his eyes glittering. "I've had you followed ever since you arrived in town. There is no place you could go and nothing you could do that I wouldn't be informed off."
Blair face flushed hotly and then turned white with anger. "How dare you?"
"I dare anything when it comes to the health and well being of my fiancé. Don't you understand that I love you and want what is best for you?" Jack said earnestly. "I am only trying to protect you."
"Protect me by spying on me," Blair said bitterly.
"Only because I love you," Jack explained patiently, his hand reaching out to touch hers.
She slapped it away angrily. "If you loved me you would let me go free. Have the kind of life, the kinds of friends, I want. "
"Is Serena van der Woodsen really the type of friend you want?" Jack asked lightly, not in the least bothered by her outburst.
"She is exactly the type of friend I want," Blair said defiantly, even as she felt sick to her stomach. Arguing with Jack was something she had never done before. Something she had never dreamed was possible, but she knew in her heart that her friendship with Serena was worth it even if it meant alienating Jack.
"Did you ever stop to think about her ulterior motives? Why she so desperately wants to befriend you?" Jack asked casually, taking a sip of his scotch.
"No, but I have wondered why you never bothered to mention that you knew her," Blair said, smiling at him thinly. "Could it be that perhaps she knows something you don't want me to know?"
Jack slammed his glass of scotch down on the table. Blair watched with barely veiled fear as the contents sloshed over the rim of the glass, staining the pristine white linen tablecloth beneath.
"Can you not accept that I know what is best for you?" Jack asked, anger lightly coloring his voice.
"No, I can't," Blair said as her stomach pitched and rolled like a ship in a storm. She was going to be sick, but she couldn't stop. Something inside of her was breaking free; something she hadn't known existed until now. "Ever since the accident you have decided everything, been everything, but I need something more. While I appreciate everything you have done for me, I need to live my own life. Have something outside of you."
"You don't need anything outside of me, Audrey," Jack said, his voice becoming almost sinister.
"I do, Jack," Blair cried, her eyes locking on his pleadingly. "Please try to understand. As much as I love you, I need something more. I need Serena, she makes me happy." She tentatively reached out to curl her fingers around his hand in appeal. "Let me have this, please?"
Jack regarded her silently, his eyes searching hers, afraid of what he might find hidden in their dark depths. He didn't want to give in, but he knew if he didn't he would be sowing the seeds for rebellion. Something he needed to avoid at all costs if he was to keep Blair under his control. For the first time he was afraid of what he might lose, his plan of revenge almost tasting like ashes in his mouth. He never expected to feel this way, to have so exposed his heart to such an extent that the mere thought of losing Blair caused him pain. His heart always so cold and hidden in the icy depths of his almost non-existent soul felt as if it had been sliced open.
Jack sighed heavily, "If it means that much to you, how can I say no?"
Blair's eyes sparkled like the lights on a Christmas tree. "Thank you, Jack," she breathed, excited she no longer needed to keep her friendship with Serena hidden
"Just promise me you will be careful and you will come to me first if she ever tells you anything that makes you question our relationship."
"I promise," Blair said, looking at him oddly. It took all of her willpower not to question him further, but having gotten what she wanted she was willing to let things stand as they were. "I found a house today."
Jack took a steadying drink of scotch. Ever since he had found she had been to that house he had been expecting this conversation. While he had never told the agent to avoid the house, he had never expected Blair to see it since Chuck had never put it on the market. For that he blamed Serena. She was meddling where she shouldn't and perhaps a chat with her was in order.
"Did we ever look at houses here before my accident? " Blair asked hesitantly, peeking at up at him tentatively through her eyelashes. "There was one in particular that seemed familiar."
Jack's heart froze for a moment, his lungs constricting painfully. "Yes, there were a few we visited when I was first contemplating moving here," he lied, looking her straight in the eye.
Blair exhaled slowly, relief washing over her in waves. "That it explains it then."
"Explains what, Audrey?" he drawled as casually as possible.
"I thought I remembered something," Blair said softly, as color slowly stained her cheeks.
Jack watched her intently, his eyes cold and assessing. "It's possible," he said dismissively. "I wouldn't put much stock in it though, your mind is so fragile that it is possible that you imagined it."
Blair instantly deflated, her eyes sad and broken once more. "I suppose you are right." Looking away from Jack she focused on watching a portly, balding waiter weave his way though the room. Holding aloft a bottle of wine as if it was precious treasure he made his way to their table.
"Excuse me, Sir," the waiter interrupted politely. "Chateau Mouton-Rothschild 1990 for you."
"A very excellent year, but I am quite sure I didn't order any wine," Jack said smoothly, arching his brow in the direction of the errant waiter.
"The year I was born…" Blair murmured, lifting her eyes to the bottle, her gaze lingering over the familiar lettering in gold leaf surrounding the hand painted grapes. She had seen this bottle before. Closing her eyes for only a moment, a memory flickered like an old fashioned moving picture behind her lids.
She lay across a four poster draped bed, clad in an icy blue silk negligee, a feast spread before her on the side table. He was there, standing over her with a devilish smirk, wine bottle in one hand, crystal glass in the other.
"The perfect wine for the perfect birthday girl," Chuck said huskily, his eyes lingering with scorching intensity over the curves hinted at through the gossamer of her gown. "I bought this specially for you at Christies, a case of Chateau Mouton-Rothschild 1990. I have been told the grapes harvested during that year were particularly fine and like you they have an exquisite taste."
Catching her eye, he slowly poured the wine out into a single glass as if it was an erotic act. Blair licked her lips, the tip of her tongue lingering over her plump bottom lip as she suddenly was overcome with thirst. Taking a long sip of the wine, Chuck leaned in so close she could smell the slightly tart scent of wine on his breath as his lips hovered hungrily over hers. It was she who made the first move, catching his mouth with hers she surrendered to the searing heat of his kiss. The taste of him— need, desire and want — combined with the heady taste of the wine was more potent than any alcohol she had ever consumed.
"It is from the gentleman in the corner, for the young lady, with his regards," the waiter said proudly, pleased to have been chosen to deliver such an expensive gift.
Blair looked to the corner of the restaurant, her heart beating erratically. Like a flash of fire she saw him instantly, her eyes drawn to his dark piercing ones. Seated casually in a leather corner booth - almost hidden in the darkness - was Chuck Bass. As he lifted his glass in a toast to her, a secret smile twisting his lips, she felt her heart leap into her throat.
"Send it back," Jack said sharply, waving the bottle away with his hand.
"But Sir, it is a Chateau—"
"I know what it is," Jack interrupted, raising his voice. "Tell the gentleman his gifts are unwelcome."
"Of course, Sir," the waiter said with a slight bow, his eyes widening in surprise. Never before had he had a customer refuse free alcohol.
"Wait," Blair called out, turning her eyes to Jack. "It would be rude not to accept such a costly gift. Besides, think of what people will say? It can't be good for Bass Industries to have the two main shareholders fighting."
Jack nodded stiffly. "Please thank my nephew for his gracious gesture."
Blair watched in silence as the bottle was uncorked, ever aware of the two sets of eyes that watched her. Shifting in her seat uncomfortably she accepted the glass of wine, shuddering as the tangy taste drifted over her tongue pleasurably. The wine tasted just like she remembered and the thought made ice run through her veins. Nodding and smiling at all the right places in the conversation, Blair made it through dinner with Jack. Just once did she let her gaze falter from Jack only to find it caught instantly by Chuck's dark eyes piercing through her like a pin through the head of a butterfly. Holding his gaze she shook her head at him warningly only to receive a smirk for her trouble. It was with a great sense of relief that when dinner was finished he had seemingly vanished.
Back at their hotel suite, Jack's lips clung to hers as they stood outside the entrance to her bedroom. Blair tried to relax in his embrace, but instead of thinking of her fiancé, her thoughts –against her will- once more drifted to Chuck Bass and the kiss they had shared in her dreams. The passion and the love she had felt in his arms was so very different than what she felt with Jack. While she knew Jack loved her, part of her was also very afraid that what she felt for him in return would never be enough.
Thanks to my lovely reviewers: SnowedUnderNJ, omgtowel, nostalgiakills, JYLlian, .x0x0, Kou Shun'u, Poinsettia, elodie6391, READER120, Koenig, Pao, xoxo - Amber, PradaPrincess, odyjha, Krazy4Spike, heather643, SaturnineSunshine, Crystal, TGPfuture writer, Syrianora, Samantha, flowerfalls, hiddenletter, poochbello, uncorazonquebrado, Lil Miss Chuckles, abelard, :D, Shanynde, 1, puresimplicity-xo and Dystopic Entropy.
I apologize for the lack of C/B in this chapter, but the next one is all about them. :D
Much love to Camilla for the beta job.
I am currently looking for another beta. Someone who can do some basic editing for me and catch my errors so I don't look like too much of a moron when I post. ;) If interested please PM me. I would be eternally grateful for the help.