Arkham Interviews with Professor Crane
Episode 9
Be Reasonable
Opening Scene:
(We begin with a new location unfamiliar to our audience. This room is the recreational hall for the asylum inmates during their free time. Many of the inmates that are less interested in the weight room spend their time here. The activities available include, but aren't limited to TV, billiards, foosball, a small library room, and places to just lounge and hang out. It is currently midday and the inmates have recently finished lunch. The camera slowly zoom-pans towards a medium sized table with five people seated around it. The inmates in question are Pamela Isley, Victor Fries, who currently has a new arm implant to help regulate his body temperature outside of his cell, Edward Nygma, and the Joker with Jervis Tetch sitting at the head of the table. On the table is a map and dice and small figurines standing about the map. In front of Jervis is a DM screen from the tabletop role playing game Wonderland: Red Re-Dead Revengance. The group is currently listening intently as Jervis describes the scene that lays before their characters.)
Jervis: You now come upon the ruins of an old castle. While unfamiliar to most of you, (he points to Victor and Joker) you two however, recognize this as the old castle of the Queen of Hearts, from your time when you worked here as her servants before the kingdom fell to the plague. "Jester," (referring to Joker's character) you get this sensation of dread that crawls up your spin as you remember your days of trying to entertain the Queen with the constant threat of being beheaded. (He gestures to the group as a whole) There are currently no immediate threats nearby and while the castle's draw bridge has been destroyed, the moat is dry and empty and would be relatively easy to cross. What would you all like to do?
Victor: I'd like to relay the information that I know about the castle to the rest of the group. (In character as the Jack of Spades) This castle used to belong to the Queen of Hearts. Jester and I barley managed to escape here before the plague consumed it. There weren't many of us who had the chance to flee. The Queen claimed her new rose garden would be able to absorb the plague, but it looks like that didn't work.
Pamela: I'd like to do a nature check to see how severely the plant life here has been affected by the plague. (Ivy is more familiar with role playing games than some of the other players.)
Jervis: Alright. Go ahead and make that check using a d20 die and add your… (Jervis checks the rules) Intelligence modifier. (Ivy goes to make her roll)
Joker: While she's doing that, I want to throw a couple of my hand bombs at the castle gates to try and open it up. There's bound to be some sweet loot in there.
Jervis: Okay. Go ahead and make a ranged attack roll… with disadvantage since the gate is made of metal and you're using hand bombs.
(Joker rolls two die and takes the lower number to calculate his success.)
Joker: That's a 17 and a 5. (Joker looks up, annoyed by his dice)
Jervis: (Jervis takes in a small breath through his teeth at the failed roll) Unfortunately, as you throw your bombs one of them bounces off the gate and lands in the moat where it explodes and leaves a small crater in the ground. The other barely makes it across the moat and falls short of the gate where it leaves another small crater.
(Joker slams his hands on the table in annoyance)
Joker: This is bullshit, Tetch! That's the fifth time in a row that I've rolled terribly on my attack rolls! Are you sure you haven't given me the gimpy dice?
Edward: You know, Joker, one of the main mechanics of games like these is that there are several different solutions to the puzzles that are presented to the players. Explosives aren't always going to be the answer.
Joker: Then what's the point of having explosives if they never work?! If I can't play the game how I want, then I quit. (Joker crumples up his character sheet and tosses it at Jervis' head) You can find someone else to help solve your little riddles, Nygma. (He then gets up from his chair and makes his way over to the TV before plopping down on the couch and flipping through the channels.)
Jervis: (Looking somewhat disappointed, Jervis sighs and continues the game as best he can) *sigh* In that case I'll say that after his failed attack, the Jester decides that a trip into the castle might not be worth it and instead of going with you he sets up camp a short way off and decides to keep watch until you return.
(At this time Oswald Cobblepot, the Penguin, walks over to the table and starts to harass Jervis.)
Cobblepot: Seriously, Tetch? You're just gonna let him walk off like that? Can't believe I had to have me, and my boys sign up for one of your stupid games. You'll have a hard time with us if you can't even keep your players under control.
(Penguin then kicks Jervis' chair out from underneath him. Jervis falls to the floor with a thud as he awkwardly lands on the chair and on his side in a tangled mess. Jervis cries out in surprise and pain. Both Victor and Pamela stand up from their seats and make to put themselves between Jervis and the Penguin. Edward looks on and folds his arms, choosing to keep out of it.)
Pamela: Get lost, Cobblepot! No one here actually likes you; you know?
Cobblepot: (Penguin dramatically feigns being hurt) Oh no! Madam, you've wounded me. How will I ever move on? (He then continues like normal towards Jervis) Hope you got something better than this planned for me and my boys, otherwise you'll regret making us play your silly little game. (Penguin then turns to make his way towards the TV) Catch ya later, Tetch. Ha ha ha ha.
(Victor helps Jervis to his feet and replaces his chair. Pamela turns around and checks Jervis over for any wounds.)
Pamela: You okay, Jervis? Does anything feel broken?
(With tears in his eyes, Jervis feels around himself and winces in pain as he touches his right hip.)
Jervis: I don't think so. But that's definitely going to bruise.
Victor: Here, try this. (Victor pulls out a small ice pack he keeps on his person just in case he gets too warm and offers it to Jervis) This should help keep the swelling down.
(Jervis graciously takes the ice pack and applies it to his hip.)
Jervis: Mmph! Thank you, Victor. Ow. Let's just… try to finish our game, shall we?
(Victor and Pamela help Jervis back into his chair and then take their own respective seats. Edward looks between Jervis and the Penguin then back to Jervis again.)
Edward: Riddle me this, Mr. Tetch. What did you do to piss him off? (Edward jerks his thumb in Penguin's general direction.)
Jervis: Honestly, I don't know. Things like this have been happening for a while now and quite frankly I'm getting sick of it.
Pamela: Want me to slap him around a bit for you? I'm sure we could find a nice quiet spot out by the Botanical Gardens. Nothing a little poison oak couldn't handle. (She winks at Jervis)
Jervis: Ha. I appreciate the offer, but that won't be necessary. I've seen his type before. This is something I'll have to deal with myself if I want it to stop. (Jervis glowers at the back of Penguins head.) I'll show him under control.
Pamela: Alright. Anyway, I got an 18 on my nature check.
Jervis: Your nature check, right. An 18. Okay. (Jervis checks his notes before continuing to narrate the story. The camera zooms out from the table before we can no longer hear what is being said.) With an 18, there are two things you notice about the vegetation around the castle…
(End Scene)
Scene 2:
(We return to the recreational hall where Jonathan is holding a growth mindset circle meant to help people feel comfortable with opening up to each other and to encourage communication between people. The circle is comprised of Jonathan's patients including, Jervis, Victor, Pamela, Edward, Joker, Oswald and a couple of other nameless inmates. It is later in the afternoon on a different day, and everyone is sitting on metal folding chairs.)
Jonathan: Very good. Next, lets go around the circle and talk about goals we have. It can be a goal you have now or a goal you had in your youth. Whichever you feel comfortable with sharing. (Jonathan holds up a squeeze ball that is meant to be the talking piece.) A goal that I have is to help all of you to be able to find your place in the world as normal everyday citizens. (He passes the talking piece to Jervis who is on his left.)
Jervis: Well, a goal I've had has been to make Wonderland a real place. Whether as an amusement park or perhaps some sort of virtual reality game, to make it real and share it with others. (Jervis passes the talking piece to Pamela)
Pamela: When I was a little girl, I wanted to make the world a better place by protecting the rain forests… I also wanted to have a horse at one point.
(She passes the talking piece on, and the group continues to answer in a similar manner so on and so forth until we get to Oswald who has his arms folded and isn't interested in the conversation as Victor holds the talking piece out for him to take.)
Cobblepot: No. I pass.
Jonathan: Mr. Cobblepot, please participate. It can be something as simple as you want to read more often and then we can move on. I'm not asking for much.
(Oswald just harrumphs and sits in his seat. Jervis then attempts to assuage him.)
Jervis: Come now, Oswald. It's only for a moment. Be reasonable.
(Oswald's eyes flick towards Jervis and slowly he unfolds his arms and takes the talking piece from Victor.)
Cobblepot: I uh… I guess… I guess something I always wanted to do was to… make my parents proud of me. I… suppose I still do. (He then quickly passes the talking piece to the next person.)
(Jonathan nods as they continue. He briefly looks to Jervis, makes eye contact and raises an eyebrow. Jervis just shrugs his shoulders, and they continue. We cut to static and then back to the same room as they are wrapping up and putting the chairs away. Jonathan makes his way towards Jervis.)
Jonathan: Jervis, I must say that was impressive what you did earlier. I've never seen Mr. Cobblepot comply so quickly before. I thought he had been giving you some trouble recently.
Jervis: Yes, for a time. But I think the roleplaying sessions we've had have been a big help in fostering relations as it were. He's been far more amicable lately. Perhaps it's just in the way we communicate with some people.
Jonathan: (puts a hand on Jervis' shoulder.) Well, in either case, I'm very impressed, Jervis. You're making good progress. I'm proud of you.
Jervis: Thank you, Jonathan. That means the world to me.
(End Scene)
Scene 3:
(We open to the recreational hall once again. This time it is late in the evening on a previous day. Penguin and four of his goons are making their way towards one of the side rooms meant for studying. Jervis has told them to meet him here for their first game. Penguin chuckles to himself. He plans to have his goons help beat up Jervis. And since this particular room is designed to be soundproof Penguin is confident no one will hear them until it's too late. He slowly opens the door. Jervis is already sitting at the table with everything set up. The map is laid out with the character sheets, dice and figurines as well as some curiously made masks on top of each character sheet.)
Jervis: Gentleman, please come in. (He quickly gets up and leads each person to their respective seats) I'm so glad you all could come for our first game of Wonderland: Red Re-Dead Revengance. Now I know some of you might not have any experience with this type of game, but our first session will be meant to help familiarize you with how the game works.
(Everyone in the room is taken aback at Jervis' enthusiasm and almost forget what it was they had come here for. Before they can get their bearings Jervis explains their characters.)
Jervis: Now before we begin, you'll notice the masks I've laid out. Each one is meant to look like the character you'll be playing to help enhance the immersion. So, if you'll please put on your masks for me, we can start.
(The goons look to each other briefly, shrug and put on the masks. They've had worse requests before, so they don't mind too much. Penguin speaks up.)
Cobblepot: Hold on a tic, Tetch! We may have agreed to this silly game, but we weren't told it'd be a masquerade. Maybe I don't feel like wearing it.
Jervis: Come now, Mr. Cobblepot. Be reasonable. It's only for a little while. Tell you what? You wear the mask for the opening introduction I've prepared and if afterwards you still don't like it, you can take it off, agreed?
(Penguin looks at Jervis with suspicion. Then to his mask. Then to his goons who are all wearing their masks and looking towards him expectantly. He looks back to his mask. After a moment he finally relents.)
Cobblepot: Alright, fine. I'll put the stupid thing on. (He grabs the mask and begins to put it on) But I draw the line at doing silly voices. (Once the mask is over his face, Cobblepot goes silent and faces Jervis in a manner almost identical to his goons.)
Jervis: Excellent. Now does everyone feel comfortable with their masks?
Everyone: Yes. (They say in unison monotonously)
Jervis: Would anyone like to take them off?
Everyone: No. (Said in the same monotonous unison)
(Jervis reaches under the table and grabs something he has kept hidden. He pulls out a large, dark top hat. There is a card that has 10/6 written on it in the side of the hat. Jervis puts it on and grins wickedly like the Cheshire Cat.)
Jervis/Mad Hatter: Callooh callay, oh frabjous day. The party is here. It's time to play.
[(End Scene) End of Episode]