After I regained my composure and prevented myself from throwing up all over the interior of what was obviously a costly new car, I decided it was time to ask the questions I knew I didn't want to hear the answers to. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare and go back to being a normal guy, but with Haruhi, it's never that easy.

"So, it's not just me and my sister who ended up waking up with mix-matched genders this morning? Has the whole world been gender-flipped?"

"Oh, your sister was affected, too? That's interesting. Well, to begin with, no, you are obviously not alone in this, but it's by no means a global pandemic. At approximately midnight last night, Suzumiya Haruhi released what our alien companions may refer to as a 'data spike.' Our researchers immediately began to study it but could not notice any change to the world. That is, of course, until they asked for assistance from some of our younger members."

"Let me guess, the male assistants came in as females and vice-versa."

"Exactly. Specifically, those between the ages of twelve and twenty, though if your sister was affected... In any case, it gets stranger."

I placed my chin in my palm, sighing deeply. Perfect. I fail to see how this day could get any stranger, but I know better than to question Haruhi's ability to make things weird.

"Well, it's their memories. Many of those whose gender was changed had two sets of memories. One of them as a boy and one as a girl."

"Eh? But I don't have any memories of being a girl. It took me forever to get this stupid skirt on. Some memories might have helped..." Truthfully, I was glad I had no memories of being a girl, no matter how much more it may have helped me.

"Neither do I," said Koizumi, shaking her head and brushing back her hair. Dammit, stop looking so beautiful, you bastard! "We could only find one interesting correlation: Only people who are aware of Suzumiya's powers could remember their formal selves. People outside the Organization, and presumably outside the time-travelers and aliens as well, have no memories of their original lives. But we've only been at this for several hours now so we'll try to see if we can't find out more about what has happened."

I guess even the Organization has its limits. Of course, none of this really mattered to me. The only question I really cared about was how to go back to normal.

"Well, that answer is the same as it ever was: Simply put, Suzumiya wanted this for some reason. What that is, we don't know, but you need to show that the original world is better. Until Suzumiya wishes for this world to go back to the way it was, we will be stuck in these bodies."

Gee, thanks. Dropping it all on my shoulders. How the hell would I know why Haruhi would want this? I'm not a psychic!

"Well," began Koizumi, taking a deep breath. Oh boy. "There are many possibilities. If you want to look at the theories of Sigmund Freud, for example, while mostly discredited today, provides an interesting view of gender and sexuality. Perhaps Suzumiya felt that..."

I yawned. I really didn't care for a psychology lesson, least of all from the would-be philosopher Koizumi. Instead, my gaze drifted about, finally landing on her chest. They were... rather massive. At least a D-cup. I stared back down at my own meager chest and was overwhelmed by a sense of self-pity. Hers even jiggled a little when she spoke. They were... were...

"They are rather nice, aren't they?" interrupted Koizumi.

"Eh?! I-I wasn't jealous! I mean, I'm not... no, I mean I wasn't looking! I just... I..."

"It's okay," said the feminized SOS vice president. "You know, a lot of guys like smaller busts, anyway."

"Like I care about that!"

"Ah, but it's true. I think you'll make a very beautiful bride someday!" Suddenly an image of myself... my new self, anyway... popped into my mind. I was wearing a western, pure white as snow bridal gown, carrying a bouquet of white roses, walking down an aisle until I... I...

Dammit, why was I feeling all warm and cheery picturing that?! What the hell was this body doing to me?! Stop it, brain!

Koizumi began to giggle, but in a sort of refined way, like a perfect, upscale lady. How the hell was he so good at playing the part when he only ended up like this today?!

"Now, now, there's no need to be embarrassed. After all, it's only natural that in this world that you'd dream of being a beautiful bride. In this world, it's always been your dream."

"L-like hell it is! I don't care what world you live in, in mine, I'm a guy, and a guy can't be a bride!" I'm not sure if I was more mad or embarrassed. Quite frankly, I was still trying to cope with the notion of being a girl. Even listening to my own voice was still awkward. Against somebody like Koizumi, who never seemed flustered, I didn't stand a chance, despite my protests.

"Then why don't you take a look at this?" Koizumi reached into her bag and pulled out a sheet of paper.

"What's this? 'Future Ambitions?'"

"You should be familiar with them. You've probably filled out several in your school career. This one should be by you in the 6th grade. Why don't you read it off?"

I didn't like where this was going, but I didn't really have a choice in the matter. My top three career choices were... Oh God.

"Third, a mother... Second, a housewife... First... A b-bride..."

"I'm surprised they let you get away with that, seeing as they are, in essence, really all one in the same," Koizumi commented unnecessarily. Dammit, that's not the problem here!

"But I never wrote this! I wouldn't!"

Koizumi sighed and shook her head in a somewhat condescending manner. Somehow in this form, I found his mannerisms ten times more annoying than ever. "Don't you see Kyon... or rather, Kyonko, as you are really known as here... This is not your world. Our world. As the world is right now, you and I have always been female. From birth to this moment, we are girls right down to our genetic coding, and we've lived life as normal girls... well, until the events caused by you and Suzumiya, anyway. Never once did we ever realize this was not as things were to be. Until today, when we received our consciousness from our 'normal' world."

After that barrage of words and exposition, I was still trying to absorb it all in, when I noticed she was still just staring, probably waiting for me to respond. What do you want me to say? "Oh? Is that so?" You know more about this than I do! Or maybe he's just waiting for me to... oh, fine. I'll bite.

"So... how is that possible?"

"I'm glad you asked," smiled Koizumi as if her prayers had been answered. Great. "We have two working theories. One is that Suzumiya has rewritten history retroactively in a manner to affect only a select group of people. It's possible that somehow we were shielded from the mind-altering effects of this, hence why we remember our 'past' selves. The reason for our memory discrepancies is still being researched."

I sighed and looked out the window. From the sights, I'd say we were on our way to the school, and we still had a few kilometers to go, so I might as well let Koizumi get it out of his... I mean her system. This is going to take some getting used to. "And? What's your second theory?" I asked in a completely disinterested tone.

"Well, are you familiar with the theory of parallel universes?" His question seemed rhetorical, though honestly I never gave it much thought. "The idea is that there are an infinite number of worlds out there with an infinite number of small changes. A world for every possibility. It's quite fascinating."

I'm sure it is.

"In any case, what if there was a world where we were all born like this and our minds were somehow swapped with our alternate counterparts? Amusingly, though, that may mean somewhere a girl has recently woken up in your body and may be having the same conversation as us, but in reverse."

"Koizumi, I think you and I have totally unrelated definitions of 'amusing.'"

The car came to a stop and I noticed we were at our school. We both stepped out and headed to the school gates together, but I wondered why we needed to be here so early until Koizumi handed me a couple of books. They were yearbooks. Specifically, from my previous school, and they appeared to be filled with assorted papers and photos.

"You should use the time before homeroom to study these. They'll help you recognize your friends more easily, as they've changed." With that, the Vice President of the SOS Brigade gave me a wave and walked off with perfect grace. I wanted to ask her how she managed to act so perfectly, and, more importantly, why in the hell he had my old yearbooks, but honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to know. So instead, I hurried off to my classroom and found my old seat by the window, dropped the pile of books onto my desk and began to flip through my old yearbooks.

I shouldn't have been surprised, but seeing myself in a bunch of photos I don't remember posing for, especially in dresses, was something of a shock. But I was able to spot most of my friends with easy. And it seemed all of them, even Kunikida, had become girls. Some extraneous photos in the pages, obviously left by Koizumi, showed some of my classmates that didn't go to my old school. Like Taniguchi. Ugh. Male or female, Taniguchi still had that same perverted, stupid expression. To avoid further mental trauma from picturing that idiot in a skirt, I slammed the book closed and opened another.

"This is..." It wasn't one from my school. It was from Haruhi's. Wait. If everyone

in our age group changed, then does that mean...? I quickly searched through the yearbook, curious and afraid of what I would find. "Suzumiya, Suzumiya... S... Su..."

"UNACCEPTABLE!" A booming voice from behind me caused me to jump out of my seat. I turned around to find myself face to face with a beast of a man. He was tall. Really tall, though my perspective was somewhat skewed as I was now short. Really short. Even through his shirt, it was obvious he was in good shape. Broad shoulders and thick arms, currently crossed in front of his chest, gave him an aura of authority. And his face... All of his expressions demanded your attention. The face of a leader, with piercing brown eyes that seemed to see right through you. His short black hair was slicked back and held in place by a yellow hairband. Overall, he was... well, handsome. Really handsome. My heart skipped a beat or two at first sight. Just looking in his gorgeous eyes, I... Oh God, what am I saying? Am I blushing? Somebody, please, shoot me.

"What is all this? What point is there in looking through the past?" The boy continued his rant while all I could do was stare in embarrassment and keep my heart from racing. "As a member of the SOS Brigade, it is your responsibility to lead! And a leader keeps his eyes on the future, not on days gone by!"

Wait, who in the hell was this guy? Did I know him?

"Eh? This is..." he picked up one of the yearbooks from my desk and stared at it intently, giving me time to catch my breath. Why was I blushing? What was happening to me? "Ah, I see." The boy dropped the book back onto my desk. "Well, that's different. If you wanted some pictures to make a tribute to your beloved Brigade Commander, all you had to do was ask!"

"Eh?" Did he just say he was... wait. I grabbed the yearbook that was just dropped and held it up in the air as a comparison. "Su... Suzumiya... Haruki." The faces... they were identical. Well, except in the yearbook, he had a scornful look, and now he wore a boastful smile that sent my recently-turned-female heart aflutter. But all the same, it hit my like a sack of bricks. This was Haruhi.

Once again, I felt all the blood in my body quickly drain away. Only this time, the shock was too much and I quickly found myself become closely acquainted with the floor as the lights went out.

End Chapter 2