Okay. I thought this was going to be the last chapter.

I was wrong. I had too many loose ends to tie up and ended up throwing together a bunch of new ideas. Maybe a few too many. It jumps around quite a bit.

But next chapter, I swear, will end it all. And hopefully I'll end it soon. Work and school make it hard, but I'll do my best.

In any case, as always, thank you for reading, and please point out any errors, plot holes, or whatever you like.

The swirling mass of energy before me was certainly something new. I was fairly sure if he had one, Tsuruya would have mentioned the trans-dimensional gateway he kept in one of his rooms. This was a bad sign.

"Nagato, what is this?"

"It's a vortex of energy and data that alters physical mass at a subatomic level in order to--"

I pushed my finger to his lips and applied my free hand to my forehead. I forgot that when dealing with situations like this, you need to phrase your questions to Nagato very carefully.

"Nagato, what I mean is, why is there a portal to another world in Tsuruya's summer home?"

"I do not know for certain."

"But then you have at least some idea?"

He looked at me as he adjusted his glasses as if he was wondering if it was really okay to speculate. Don't worry. I trust your random guesses more than I trust other people's hard evidence.

"...Very well. I stated that things grew worse while you were disoriented from the blow from Suzumiya. I can only theorize that the act of hitting you resulted in a massive surge of unstable mental states, which resulted in a burst of data. As I attempted to analyze the data, the merging of the two worlds began to hasten. Furthermore, preliminary analysis suggests that this house is the epicenter of the dimensional convergence. The time-space continum has become weak here. Shortly after I detected the first tears in the fabric of the multiverse, the biological signatures of all organic creatures in this area were erased."

All I could do was rub my temple and hope that would fascillitate my brain's ability to process all of that. So, long story short, Haruki flipped out and it tore a hole in time and space, I guess.

Asahina raised his hand as if he were sitting in class. "Ummm, Kyonko, I'm not too sure what all this is about, but I got a message from my group. They told me to tell you that there was a large-scale time quake just recently. It's causing massive interference with my communications, and the message barely got through."

Ah, well, more good news, then. I rested my chin in the palm of my hand and started to ponder what, if anything, I could do. The world is about to collide with another world with untold consequences. Haruki is missing, as was Tsuruya, Koizumi, and the staff of the house. I'm still trapped in a female alternate version of myself.

About the only thing I could understand about this situation was that I didn't understand anything. Well, mostly. I understood that if I didn't do anything the world would be in jeopardy. Which really left me with only one option: Run headlong into the fray.

I sighed deeply. Only a collasal idiot would jump into a dimensional vortex without knowing where it leads. But considering the company I willingly keep, I suppose I can't deny that I am, in fact, a collasal idiot.

"Let's get this over with," I grumbled as I stepped back and took a deep breath. My feet, still bare from our training, ran across the carpeted floor and charged into the portal.

Only to be stopped mere centimeters before it as a hand reached out and grabbed my own.

"Kyonko, no! You can't!" I turned my head back to see a very scared looking Asahina, tears in his eyes, holding my hand. "Entering a vortex without the proper training and understanding is extremely dangerous!"

"Why are you crying?"

"B-Because..." Asahina stammered and teared up some more. "Because I kept thinking about it, and this whole thing is really my fault. I don't know what's going on but if I hadn't dodged that punch, you wouldn't hve gotten hurt. That's why all this began. Because I wasn't enough of a man."

The sobbing boy wiped his eyes on his sleeves and continued to squeeze my hand until it really started to hurt.

"Asahina, but you're not supposed to be a man."

"Don't say that!" For the first time, I saw a flash of anger in Asahina's eyes. But as quickly as it came, it left. "Kyonko, please don't say that. I'm telling you the truth. I don't... I don't remember anything other than being the boy you see before you. So when you say I'm not a man, that I shouldn't be one, it hurts. Especially coming from you."

It was in his eyes that I saw the truth. Through the tears I could see the innocent but determined look of Asahina, the pure angel that could never lie to me. He really didn't remember being Asahina Mikuru, the lovely maid of my dreams. Was this a side effect of the world's impending collision? Did his mind swap with his alternate self again and go back to normal? No, now's not the time to worry about this.

"Please understand, Asahina." I needed to get him to let go of me. We needed to go through that portal and find Haruki. Possibly. I didn't really have a plan beyond finding him, and I had no guarantee that this portal would even lead to him, but I had little other choice. "The memories you have aren't necessarily your own. They're likely somebody else's, implanted in your mind. You're not Asahina Mitsuuru, and if we can find Haruki we can--"

"I remember the day we were alone for the first time." Asahina interrupted me. The tears on his face were no longer flowing. His bangs covered his eyes as he stared at the floor. "When we spent that Saturday afternoon together. We walked by the river. And that's when I told you I was not from your time plane. That I didn't really belong in your world. I remember seeing you in your bright yellow sundress and sandals. And I remember thinking how cute you looked. I was weak, I was short, I was as far from manly as could be, and it was only by chance but we got to spend the afternoon together. But I remember feeling like I was the happiest man in the world."

At this point, his face was as red as could be, and I could only surmise that my own was just as red, if not redder. Was this a confession? From Asahina of all people? Oh man, normally this would be the happiest moment of my life, but was this really the time or place for it?

"...As I said," continued the fire-haired boy, "I'm not sure what's going on. Possibly due to the time quakes, something has become amiss. But you're telling me that those memories, some of the happiest..." He turned away from me. "I know I'm a hypocrite. I can't... get close... it's forbidden. But..."

Forbidden? I wasn't sure where he was going with this, but I was hung on his every word.

"At least don't tell me the memories I cherish are a lie! They're real to me. So... so let me prove to you that I'm really a man! I'll go in your place and I'll bring Haruki back!"

For some reason, a smile creased my lips. "All right, all right. Tell you what. Let's go together. And if I get in trouble, you can be my 'shining knight,' okay?"

Asahina nodded his head and smiled. "Okay, don't worry." He puffed out his chest and smiled. "After all, we came here for just this sort of reason, right? So there's no need to be afraid."

Of course, his courage would have been a lot more convincing if his whole body wasn't trembling like a leaf in a hurricane. But he was trying his best, so I let it slide. I suppose he was right, anyway. He, for all intents and purposes, wasn't my Asahina Mikuru. He wasn't the bright, shy, and considerate girl that always cheered me up and he had no memroy, for whatever reason, of being her. And it wasn't fair to treat him as such.

I reached out my hand to hold his so that we could walk together. As our fingertips grazed each other, in an instant, I felt my legs give out as I fell to the floor. My sight began to fade and I could barely hold my head up. The last thing I can remember was seeing Asahina struggling to get to me. Though we had been mere centimeters away, a barrier of some sort was now between us. He struggled to get through it. Even Nagato, the nearly omnipotent alien boy, struggled against the barrier, trying to pull it open it seemed.

From behind me came the sound of footsteps, moving closer as I passed out.

I honestly don't remember much of what happened then. I vaguely recall a sensation that was like falling into a pool. Then there was a warm sensation on the side of my head. And things got blurry.

"Ugh... wha?"

"It's okay, you can go back to sleep if you want to. I don't mind."

That voice.

"...Haruki?"

"Heh. Who else would it be?"

Opening my eyes proved a formidable challenge. It felt like I had 50 kilogram weights on my eyelids. But when I did, I saw Haruki's face staring back down at me.

"...What are you doing here?"

"Ouch. That hurts. Are you saying you want to end our date already?" The boy pouted like a little kid who was just told to put his toys away and to go to bed.

Blood began to rush to my face. "Date?" Then I realized where I was. I could see we were on a bench in the park. It was... well, it felt familiar. Like I'd been on this bench with someone before. But when I tried to think about who, my mind went blank. More importantly, I noticed where my head was, which was in Haruki's lap. I immediately sprang from the bench to my feet, making sure to get a good 5 meters between us in the span of a second or two.

"Wh-what's going on here?! What was I doing in your—Argh!" It felt so weird. I didn't remember anything. How did I get there? What was I doing? And I had this nagging suspicion in the back of my mind that I was supposed to be doing something else. But what?

But Haruki didn't seem the least bit concerned about my worries. Like that's anything new. He just smiled handsomely and told me, "God, you're cute when you freak out like that."

And immediately, said worries melted away like a block of ice in the Saharah. And a well of embarrassment took their place. "How can you say that so casually?"

"Easy." He stood up from the bench and slowly walked towards me. And then he gently kissed the back of my hand. "It's the truth."

"W-Whatever. Let's just go already." Dammit, keep cool, Kyonko.

...Kyonko? Why does my nickname sound so weird to me all of a sudden?

Before I could ponder and reorganize my internal thought process, Haruki wrapped his arm around mine and started to pull me along. "What're you staring off into space for? Come on, the movie will be starting soon."

"Movie?" I stumbled a few times as the energetic boy dragged me along. Seeing this, he slowed down a bit. This gave me the first chance to really look at him without me covering my face to hide my blushing. He was sporting a pair of tan khaki's and a white button-down shirt. It was simple, but it worked for him. When I looked at his smiling face, my heart always skipped a beat or two.

"Don't tell me you forgot about the movie. The one you practically begged me to take you to."

"Ah? Oh, yeah..." Actually, it did sound vaguely familiar.

Damn, why was my mind so hazy today? Here I was on a date with the hottest boy in school, and yet everything was like I just woke up from a dream. Get it together, girl! You picked out your best outfit, a combo of a crimson mini-skirt, a sky blue blouse, and thighhighs. You've been planning this date for a long time. Sure, you've been officially dating for two months, but with a figure like yours, or lack thereof, who knows when he might just up and dump you for some jiggly-chested bimbo?

So I psyched myself up and off we went together. The movie was a new romantic comedy by a favorite director of mine. It was very charming, I'd say. But throughout the whole show I couldn't get rid of that nagging feeling that something was wrong. But every time I seriously tried to remember what it was, Haruki would say or do something to take my mind off of it. Was it that obvious that I was feeling out of it? Or maybe he was secretly an alien and was capable of reading my brain waves.

Wait, aliens? I know I was joking, but... I get the feeling that nagging feeling had something to do with aliens, as crazy as that sounds.

"What's wrong, Kyonko? Didn't like the movie?"

I shook my head. We were outside the theater now, just walking along the sidewalk to kill some time.

"Haruki, I'm sorry. Today was supposed to be such a special day. I wanted it to be perfect, but I fell asleep on you and I've been spacing out all day."

But he still just smiled back at me. "It's okay. I had fun. It's just fun to be with you. Just spending the day with you like a normal couple out and about is good enough for me."

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

My mind suddenly felt like it was about to split in two. I could here a voice screaming in my head.

"That man is not Haruki."

That's what the voice was telling me. But I didn't need him to tell me that. "Wait, this date we're on. It's so... normal. That's wrong. It's completely wrong!"

"Kyonko, wake up, please!" The voice cried out to me again. I knew it.

"But Kyonko, we always go on dates like this together," the fraudster claimed. But I didn't believe it. I knew something was wrong with this scene.

"Do you take me for an idiot? Haruki would never do anything normal! Sitting in the park? Going to the movies together? That's not like Haruki at all! We should be out looking for hidden dinosaurs or trying to develop psychic powers or something insane like that!"

Haruki took several steps back. "Kyonko, calm down. Please, I know this is what you really want. It's what your heart desires."

My blood was boiling. I stepped forward and in one blow, I threw my fist into the fake Haruki's fake. "Who the hell do you think you are, telling me what I want? Even if you were right, the world never goes as you want it to. Reality and desire are two seperate things. And what I really desire right now is to get out of this fake world right now!"

I stomped my foot with all my anger and the world around me began to tremble like an earthquake. Buildings crumbled. Trees shrank until they disappeared. The sky began to fall. And the world exploded into a bright, white light.

As the dream world ended, I began to drift back to the real world.

I don't know how long I was out for, but when I came to, my head felt like someone had taken a jackhammer and applied it directly to my brain. I tried to open my eyes, but water seeped into them, stinging pretty badly.

Wait, water?

As feeling returned to my body slowly, I realized I was definitely underwater. Yet I could breathe. I pulled my hands to my face. A respirator.

I never was much of a swimmer and I never could open my eyes underwater, but I figured a little stinging was probably a small price to pay to figure out what in the hell was going on. As my eyes adjusted to the water, I could tell there was a wall of glass before me. Not only that, but there was a door built in to it. Unfortunately, it couldn't be opened from my side, and the fact that no water appeared to be leaking from the cracks meant it was also air tight. And looking up, I could see a steel plate blocking the only other possible escape route.

Well, on the upside, I was alive. On the downside, I had no idea where I was, I had no clue where anyone else was, I was still the wrong gender, I was cold, stuck in a tank like a goldfish, and I was naked. Did I mention that last part? Because I was. Apparently, whoever threw me into this thing decided I simply had too much dignity left.

Given the absurdity of the situation, I was half expecting a dark man in shades to come fetch me from my tank and explain to me that my whole life up to this point was an elaborate lie cooked up by a race of sentient computers.

Actually, I doubt a bunch of computers could ever hope to dream up a world as insane as mine had become, so I suppose that rules out that possibility.

And yet, a tall, dark man did come into the room at that moment. He wasn't wearing shades and a leather trenchcoat, though. Instead, he had on a dark military uniform and a combat helmet that obscured everything above his mouth. He walked to a console I hadn't noticed before and the water in my tank began to drain.

While I'm not usually friendly with heavily armed guards, this one appeared to be a gentleman as he opened the door and gently helped me out of the tank, leaning me up against the tank. He even brought me a towel to dry off with (and provide some much needed modesty).

"Here," he said in a strangely high pitched voice, at least for a man his size and then handed me a strange sealed bag. "It's a change of clothes. An officer's uniform. I can't stay long, so please listen carefully. Some guards will come in soon. Show them the badge that's in the bag. Tell them to act in formation X3D. When they leave, take the stairs to the top. I'll see you again soon."

Then he left as quickly as he came, stopping only briefly to look back before the door closed.

Just who the heck was that guy? But I suppose now is a bad time to sit around and ponder this mystery, so I opened the bag and pulled out... Oh god.

The officer jacket and hat I could understand, but the pantyhose, high heeled shoes and knee length skirt? It felt more like I was getting ready to go be an office lady. But beggars can't be choosers, and it's either this or run around an unknown, presumably guarded facility stark naked.

And worst of all, they all fit. How did these guys know my measurements? Argh, none of this makes sense!

The door opened again and several more guards entered the room. These ones, however, didn't have the same tact as the previous one, as they immediately raised several mean looking guns at me.

"Freeze!"

The correct reaction to the combination of guns aimed at you and a command to freeze is to follow their orders. But given what the man before had said to me, I figured it was better to put on a little act.

"Don't shoot, it's me! It's me!" I cried.

One of the guards moved closer. "Identify yourself."

Oh God, I hope this works. I carefully glanced at the namebadge that was pinned to my uniform. "Colonel Sekiutsu Chiri, check my ID."

The soldier up front moved closer and examined my ID badge. "Hmm..." He removed a small device from his pocket and appeared to scan it. A small beep came from the gadget when it finished.

"It checks out," he said turning to his squadmates. He turned back and added, "Sorry about that, ma'am. We just, uh, didn't recognize you in this lighting. Are, uh, you new, ma'am?"

"Y-yes, I just, uh, transfered in. In any case, uh, why don't you give me a situation report?"

"Yes, ma'am!" The soldiers saluted. "We had several intruder alerts aboard the ship and have lost contact with several teams. Shortly after that, we detected abnormal activity in the Prison Hold. We were dispatched here just a minute ago, and that's when we ran into you, ma'am."

"V-very well," I said while nodding my head. Ship? Intruders? What in the hell was going on? This was too weird even by Haruhi's standards. Had I somehow been transported into some sci-fi drama? The only alien I ever want to deal with is Nagato.

"I, uh, I was also investigating the escapee. So, let's not waste time. Take formation, uh..." Quick, what did that guy say, oh yeah! "Take formation X3D."

"F-formation X3D? M-Ma'am, is that wise?"

"You have your orders. See to them," I commanded. "Until then, I'll be here looking for clues. Dismissed."

"Ma'am, yes ma'am!" The soldiers saluted me, turned, and left the room.

And immediately, my weak knees finally gave out as I fell to the ground. My heart was racing, sweat was dripping everywhere. I was utterly petrified. All I can say for sure is I'd be either dead or recaptured at this point if it weren't for that guard who rescued me and my recollection of how military types talk via old war movies.

I doubt I had the nerves to try that a second time, and it probably wouldn't be long until someone figured out I wasn't one of them. So I had to escape before that happened.

Once the guards were long gone, I quietly snuck through the door and into a small corridor. It branched off in every direction, with a set of stairs before me. I remember what that guard told me. Could I trust him? Who knows. But he got me out of that tank of who knows what and gave me some clothes, so I was willing to give him the benefit of a doubt. Besides, it's not like I had any better notion of where to go.

Though a minute or so later, I wish I did.

"Haven't... these people... ever heard... of an... es... es... frickin' escalator?!"

I lost count of how many flights of stairs had gone by. How big was this place? What it was was also unclear, though a soldier had called it a ship. But I couldn't think. I was too tired and too sore. My head was still throbbing and now my legs were sore. It didn't help that I was running up the stairs wearing high heeled shoes. Seriously, women who wear these by choice must all be masochists. I must have fallen at least a dozen times. But despite the pain, I eventually made it to the top.

A large metal door greeted me, with some sort of ID checking device on its side. Maybe I went too far up? But he said to go to the top...

But as I pondered my mistake, the scanner on the door went off, sending a red light all over my body.

"ID verified. Access granted," said a computerized voice as the metallic door slid open.

"The hell...?" I wondered why I was given access. Well, I guess my ID must be real, as those guards before accepted it. I slowly walked into the open door to see that it was obviously some sort of control room. Panels covered with buttons and dials adorned every inch of the walls, at least the parts that weren't covered by monitors. My theory that I had somehow gone into some sci-fi movie suddenly seemed even more plausible.

Then the door slammed shut. I quickly turned to try and open it, but I had no idea how. Worse yet, when I turned around, I could clearly see a man sitting at a panel at the front of the room. Probably hearing the commotion, he got up, turned around, and began walking towards me.

So, on top of a pounding headache, sore legs, an inability to walk straight, I now also had a heart that was about to burst out of my chest in total fear. Oh man, I hope my officer impersonation pays off again.

But before I could think of what a military officer would say in a situation like this, he stopped in front of me and... was he smiling? All I could see was his mouth, but I was sure that was a smile, and not a sinister one.

"It's been a long time, Kyonko. Well, if you don't count that thing a few minutes ago."

"H-how do you know who I am? Who are you for that matter? Were you the one who helped me out back there?"

His smile only widened. It's purity set my heart at ease, at least a bit, but I was still scared.

"Well, I did help you out of that tank, but I've also helped you out a few times before that. And you helped me. Especially on Tanabata."

Instead of my heart, it was now my eyes that threatened to jump from my body. There was only one person who could know all that and would talk to me in such a way.

"A-Asahina?"

The guard slowly pulled off his helmet, revealing—Oh my god. He's utterly gorgeous. I mean, drop dead beautiful. His face still had Asahina's youthful charm, but with far more maturity and dignity. He'd certainly never be mistaken for a girl, unlike the Asahina Mitsuuru I knew.

Did I mention his medium length, fire-colored hair was tied back in a ponytail? Did he do that just because he knew my one weakness? He's certainly not to be underestimated.

"Ah Kyonko, every bit as cute as I remember."

My face turned red.

"And I must say, that outfit truly suits you."

Warning. Embarrassment levels rising. Face reddening reaching critical levels.

"Ah, well. What can I say? With a girl like you, Suzumiya must be the luckiest guy in the world."

Ding-ding-ding. Ladies and gentleman, it's over! Winner by Technical Critical Embarrassment, Asahina Mitsuuru!

"What do you mean 'with a girl like me?!' Since when did I become property of Haruki? Didn't I tell you I was supposed to be a guy?"

But the totally pure, sincere, and utterly un-Koizumi-like smile didn't disappear from the man's perfectly-formed lips.

"You say that now, but I still remember the way you looked at Suzumiya down at the beach. Don't worry, you two will be very happy together."

Oh god. The fact that this was coming from a man from far in the future meant that my and Haruki hooking up was a predetermined event? Oh man. Whatever happened to whispering "classified information" cutely and leaving me in the dark? Some things are best left unsaid!

But the composed time traveler just shook his head casually. "You know I'm physically unable to tell you anything that you're not cleared to know. Which means you already know about your feelings. But it's okay. I apologize for teasing you like that."

Sigh. I suppose I could at least take this as a sign that I wasn't going to be riddled full of holes or skewered today. But better safe than sorry. So let's get down to business. "Just what are you doing here, anyway?"

Asahina turned away and headed back to the control panel. "Just my duty, as always. Making sure history progresses as it is supposed to. Especially when it gets complicated. And today, that means making sure you all get out of here in one piece."

"Quick question, though." I was quite sure I wanted to get out of here, but... "Where, exactly, is here?"

"You mean you don't know? But you were the one who told me that... Ah, I see. So that's how it is." Asahina said as he continued to mess with the panel. "See, we're not really anywhere. Perhaps it would be easier to just show you."

Several of the monitors began to switch between various spots, until one stopped at a very familiar room.

"No way. No. Not again." I had my suspicions and they were just confirmed. I did know this place. On the monitor was an open room overlooking a nearly spherical observatory. Outside the glass window, two large, swirling, sun-like objects were clashing together.

It was the ship Youji brought me on in my dreams. I had been kidnapped twice in one day to the same place.

"Well, at least this time, you've got some friends to rely on, Kyonko."

I nodded. "Yeah. I suppose you've always got my back. Thanks."

The future boy shook his head. "No, not just me. Take a look."

He cycled through a few more security cameras. As I pondered the need for such things on board a ship inbetween dimensions where visitors are sparse, he stopped on one video feed of a squadron of guards running down a corridor. As soon as they left the field of view of the camera, there was a clamour of gunshots, slams, and screams. The few soldiers that weren't thrown back down the hall they came from retreated the same way. Then Nagato stepped into our view, with Asahina (younger) cowering behind him.

"Eh? How'd they get here?" I wondered aloud.

"Simple. I let them in," Asahina noted as he continued to fiddle with the controls in the room. "This ship has the capability of opening multiple portals to anywhere in any world. After you were abducted, I reported it to my bosses. So they sent me to the ship to grant me access."

Ouch. Time traverler logic should not be listened to when you already have a headache, especially one this painful.

"But... then how did you, I mean, you you, not your younger self, get here?"

My handsome savior simply put a finger to his lips and winked. "Classified information."

Ah, much better. I think I actually prefer being left in the dark to the little details.

"In any case," Asahina continued, "Those two aren't the only other people on board you may recognize, though I'm getting ahead of—Hey, are you all right?"

No, I'm not. This should be evident by the fact that, as the throbbing in my head worsened beyond what a normal headache should be, I began to teeter and eventually found my way to the floor. For a record-shattering fourth time today, I saw the world around me begin to fade away.

But as it did, I was at least comforted by the words, "Don't worry, Kyonko. Help is on the way."

A number of strangely familiar scenes flashed before my eyes. Memories from a childhood long past. But they weren't exactly as I remembered. A picnic with my family when I was barely old enough to have memories. But I certainly wasn't wearing a dress back then. The same could be said for my first kindergarten outfit. And I remember greeting a new sister home, not a younger brother. But that was exactly what I saw.

It occured to me in my fevered dreaming that these weren't my memories, despite the similarity. They were the memories of Kyonko. The past of the woman whose body I was stuck inside. But why was I seeing them now?

The visions continued, and as they did, they differed more and more from my own, but nothing truly of note until a day I remember all too well. The first day of high school. The day Kyonko met Suzumiya Haruki. I felt the way her heart wouldn't stop beating when she first saw him. The way her face burned up as she looked at him. And how that all came crashing down the moment that idiot opened his big, fat mouth and spouted all that junk about aliens, time travelers, espers and sliders.

But I also felt those feelings gradually returning with time, as things changed. As Haruki changed.

And then I felt a prick on my left wrist, and I woke up.

Nagato had my arm in his mouth, his incisors digging into my flesh.

"Kyonko!" squealed a (younger) Asahina Mitsuuru, who immediately threw himself around me before I could even stand up, tears rolling down his cheek. "Kyonko, thank goodness you're all right! When we came in, we saw you lying on the floor like that and... and... we were worried!"

Freeing my arm, Nagato took his teeth out of my arm. "The virus has been neutralized."

"Virus?" I asked.

"A fabricated virus designed to attack the central nervous system. It paralyzes the infected individual temporarily and then proceeds to the brain where it rearranges the chemistry of sections in order to upload data programmed into it into the recipient. The likely effect is to alter the memories of selected individuals and then erase others."

Well, that certainly explains that.

Nagato continued. "The process was neutralized before the virus could begin memory deletion." He paused, as if unsure if he should continue. "I am relieved."

Nagato was... relieved? Well, that was a rare thing to hear. Rare enough to make me smile, despite all that had happened.

It was then that I noticed that both of them we also wearing the same suits as the guards, minus the helmets. I suppose running around barefoot and wearing little more than practice robes would be rather difficult.

"Kyonko, listen, I'm sorry," apologized the cute, orange haired boy as he finally let me get to my feet, not that I enjoyed being being back on high heels again. "I promised to protect you, but I couldn't stop you from getting kidnapped right in front of me. I'm useless..."

I patted the boy's head and mussed up his hair. "Don't say that. You were a big help to me. I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you."

"What? What do you mean? I didn't do anything."

I smiled sincerely. "Don't worry about it. You'll understand someday. But I'm really grateful."

The tears halted, and a smile creased his increasingly adorable face. "I... don't quite understand, but... I believe you. Thank you."

I dusted off my skirt and sighed. "But now I suppose we should get around to finding Haruki. Not that I have any idea where he'd be."

But then a familiar voice came to my ears. "Attention, would Colonel Sekiutsu Chiri and Officer Kino Mikoto please report to the detention level 5. All other personell are to remain at their stations until further notice. I repeat, would Colonel..."

As the female voice repeated itself, I remembered something. I stared at my ID badge, which was still pinned to my chest. Colonel Sekiutsu Chiri. That was the name Asahina (older) gave me for this disguise. Was I being called? Wait, then who was the second person that voice was calling? Well, I suppose one sign was as good as any other at this point. Besides, if that voice belonged to who I thought it did...

"I think I know where to go now," I said as I walked back towards the stairs.

Asahina, however, was a little worried. "But how do you--"

"Just trust me."

"No, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just... do you know where the detention levels are?"

"Ah." Well, yes, that was a bit of a problem. I couldn't exactly go up to a guard and ask them for directions. Being an Colonel, I'm assuming I should probably know the layout of the ship already, and it wasn't like there was writing on the wall pointing the way.

The quiet, rapid-fire tapping of computer keys drew my attention to Nagato, who sat at the console.

"Nagato, what are you--"

Before I could ask what he was doing, a large, 3D map of the ship popped up. Ah, yes. I had forgotten. When in doubt, Nagato. Words to live by.

A minute later, I found myself cursing the idiot on-board this ship who decided that A) Elevators were apparently too expensive to install and that B) Female officers should wear high heeled shoes. There should be a law against combining those two ideas. Anyway, after tripping another half dozen times (thankfully Nagato and Asahina at least caught me these times), we came to the detention levels.

It was something of a large room, with intercrossing walkways leading in every direction. We stood over the railing on the highest level, staring down. The bottom floor was flooded with soldiers patrolling the area.

"Psst, in here." A faint whisper came from behind us. Turning around, I saw one of the high-security doors was unlocked, its digital lock glowing with a dim green light. As I stepped near it, the door automatically slid open. The room was dark, but if there was anything to fear, well, at least Nagato would have reacted to it. But as the three of us stepped inside, the door slammed shut, leaving us in total darkness.

"Kyonko," Asahina cried out. "What's going--"

Thump.

The sound of a body gently hitting the floor echoed throughout the room. The lights suddenly came back on, blinding me momentarily. I looked away to see Asahina sprawled out on the floor.

"Asahina! What's wrong?!" I began to panic.

"Don't worry, he'll be fine," a familiar, feminine, and calm voice reassured me. I turned around to see a beautiful face I thought was forever lost to me.

Before me, in a similar military officer's uniform to mine, though with a figure that filled it out in ways I could never hope to, was Asahina (older, female). Beside her, smiling a handsome smile, was another familiar face, another Asahina (older, male).

"W-what's going on here?!" I couldn't help but scream, despite the fact that alerting the shipful of heavily armed guards was probably not in my best interest.

"We'll explain just as soon as the last of the guests arrive. Speaking of which, I believe they're just about here," said Asahina (older, male). The lights dimmed and I was treated to a replay of the previous scene.

"Psst, in here."

The sound of footsteps enterting the room. The door shuts once more.

"Kyon," says a light, feminine voice. "What's going--"

Thump. A body hits the floor.

The lights come back on.

"You!" we both yell in unison.

Before me was me. Kyon (male), that is. And not just him/me. But Nagato (female) was there, too, and the younger (and female) Asahina was now lying right next to her alternate self.

Me and myself began to rub our temples. This was giving me a headache.

"Just what's going on here?" Kyon asked.

"You two were drugged and captured by agents of Multidimensional Microbial Collective," explained Asahina (older, female). "The purpose was to seal away your memories of who you once were."

"Who we once were?" I asked. "So you do remember--"

Both of the older Asahinas shook their heads. "Unfortunately, not," spoke the more masculine of the two. "Several reports from our time indicate that during the night before the incident at the dojo, we disappeared from our respective time-space contiuum. At the time we assumed it was merely interference with our technology due to – well, it gets complicated. Long story short, we were kidnapped, much like you. And we had our memories altered."

"But... why? Why go to all that trouble?" I asked.

"Because we are a threat," the female Asahina noted. "We are friends with Suzumiya and would fight to protect our friend. We wouldn't let them erase our bonds without a fight. But if we forgot who we were and forgot we ever fought the agents of the MBC, they could act without interruption."

One bit of this whole scene was bothering me. Before I could bring it up, however, Kyon did. "How, exactly, do you know all of this?"

"Simple," the two time travelers answered in unison. "You'll tell me all of this when I wake up."

Ow. Time traveler logic.

"But... it's okay," said the male version.

"Because I'm still me," said the female. They continued to speak back and forth.

"My memory may have been altered..."

"But I still know who I am."

"Gender doesn't matter. It's who you are."

"And that can't be changed so easily."

Whoa. They knew they weren't who they used to be, but they still accepted it so easily.

"In any case," explained Asahina (older, male), "Suzumiya Haruki and Suzumiya Haruhi are both here and are in the sector with the highest-security on the ship. We'll need someone to open it from a distance. Fortunately, we have two such people." He walked over to another control panel and brought up a large monitor. On the other side sat two very familiar faces.

"Ah, greetings, Kyon."

"Hello, Kyonko. You look well, all things considered."

Both of the two Koizumi shared the same phony smile.

"Ah, Asahina," said the male Koizumi, "about Tsuruya, thanks to your aid, we successfully evaded all guards and transported both of them to the dimensional gateway. They should both be home and unaware that anything has happened."

"Excellent," Asahina (older, female) exclaimed. "And the other thing?"

"It took some work, but we figured it out thanks to your instructions," said the female Koizumi. "We should have remote access to the room open at any time. In any case, it's unlikely we'd be of much help over there, so we'll stay here and fiddle with the security controls to see if we can't buy you some time before you're discovered. Speaking of which..." she turned to her male counterpart. "Would you be a dear and activate our little trap?"

The male nodded and smiled. "I'd be delighted."

Ugh. Two of them is too much to bear to watch.

"Intruder alert," an alarm screamed. "Intruder alert. Several intruders have been spotted approaching the bridge. All hands, please respond. This is not a drill."

"Well, that's our cue. If you'll excuse us," said Asahina (older, male), we have much to do. "As do you. Leave this room, take an immediate left, and you'll figure out what to do."

"Wait, you're leaving?" Kyon interrupted.

"I'm afraid we have to. We can't be here when we wake up," answered the female. "But don't you worry. I know you'll do just fine. So, until we meet again..." She blew a kiss and with that, the two time travelers left the room.

"Ugh... What happened?" Like clockwork, at that moment the two younger incarnations awoke, struggling to their feet.

"Ah, who are you all?!" They both yelled.

After managing to calm the two of them down, Kyon and I re-explained what we had just heard, ommiting, of course, the parts involving their older halves.

"I'm... still a little confused," said Asahina (female).

Join the club. I haven't understood a damned thing since this whole mess began.

"But we're both with you, Kyon, Kyonko," said Asahina Mitsuuru with a fiery determination in his eyes. "So please, let's hurry! We have to rescue Suzumiya!"

I couldn't have agreed more. I thought back to all that had happened over the course of less than a week. I was trapped in the body of a girl, an experience I'm scared to say is growing more comfortable than I'd like to admit. I was publically humiliated on a beach. I met alternate versions of myself and my friends. I was held at gunpoint, kidnapped, knocked out, nearly brainwashed, and confused out of my mind. And the whole apocalyptic scenario our world faced was none too pleasant, either.

But now, Haruki and Haruhi were both here. They were just down the hall, waiting to be rescued. I don't know how, but we're getting them back and we're getting back home. So things can go back to normal. So I can enjoy my days as a high school student again. So I can beat Koizumi's stupid board games, savour Asahina's fine tea, feel comforted knowing Nagato was watching over me, and deal with whatever Haruhi would throw my way next.

One way or another, this was going to end.

To be continued.