Well here is the chapter where you find out some things about Natalie. I hope you like it.

Thank you for those of you that have review. That means the world to me!!! :) If you haven't review well....please review

Thanks to my beta reader Melissa who fixed it and helped me make sure it made sense

Disclamer: I do not own The Outsiders. I just own Natalie and any other character I have made up. I don't own the song Who I am Hates Who I've been by Relient K

On with the show!!

Chapter 4: Who I am

'cause I don't want you to know where I am

'cause then you'll see my heart

In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.

See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.

Stop right there. Well I never should have said

That it's the very moment that

I wish that I could take back.

-Relient K

I woke up to dim sunshine showering my room. I had to close my eyes because the light was hurting my already aching head. Reopening my eyes more slowly, I took a glance around my messy room. It wasn't much, just some jeans and some Earth-colored t-shirts. I don't have a lot of skirts, which bugged Cara, one of my closest friends, to death.

There was a group of us, three to be exact—me, Cara, and Crystal. We had all met when I was exploring the north side of Tulsa, when my foster folks were not at their place. We clicked immediately, and we had each other's back. We were tough, and we knew how to walk the streets without getting hurt.

We didn't look like sisters—Crystal with her long, black, wavy hair, Cara with her short dirty blonde, and me, with my brown, almost naturally curly hair. But, we acted like sisters; we had a strength that made us a force to be reckoned with. Crystal was tough and cool, but she kept to herself unless she knew the person. She had been roaming the streets since she was a little girl. Cara was the smart one who always thought things through, but she still was wild. And me I fight hard for what I want. I learned how to handle myself if I got into a fight with no help. That's helped me in a few situations.

Those two girls were the only girlfriends that I ever really had. The rest of the gang was made up of guys. It wasn't like my brother's gang; it was organized. We had a leader, Mike, and from there it was a consul. We all had a say in what was happening. Those boys were like my brothers—they cared for me, they taught me more how to fight, from how to fight on top of the basics that Darry had taught me.

I wish I could have told one of my brothers, or Two-Bit even, who was one of my best friends, but I couldn't. We were called the Rattlesnakes, the most legendary, organized, and feared gang in Tulsa.

They called me Shadow.

We were all sitting in Danny's living room; Blade and Charlie were wrestling on the floor when suddenly someone barged in.

"What the hell of those morons doing!" I'd recognize that high-pitched shriek anywhere. It was the residential skank of the north side: Ava. She had a short, black leather skirt on and a blood red, low-cut halter. "Who started it?"

"It doesn't matter, they're winding each other up for the fight tonight," Danny yelled. He had a beer in his right hand but was watching the clock, ready to jump up and leave.

"Well… I know one of them is going to lose and I'll be there to boost their ego, so tell me," she purred seductively. I rolled my eyes at how cheap this girl was trying to be.

"It doesn't matter who started it, it's just a brawl, and we all get into them. Right, Shadow?" Danny eyed me playfully as he took a swig of his beer.

"Damn straight," I replied, holding my beer bottle up high.

"Why do they call you Shadow, Curtis?" Ava asked. I turned around to face her, lifting one eyebrow just like Two-bit taught me. "Well- "

"Let's go rumble!" Caleb yelled running into the room. Ava's question was forgotten as we ran out of the house and into the dark night.

Shadow…I never got to answer her that night or the next time I saw her. They called me Shadow because I could get into enemy territory without anyone suspecting. To enemies, I was as threatening as a shadow. They didn't know what was coming to them. It was my nickname and I liked it.

I realized that I need to leave the comfort of my room soon. I would have to fight my brothers to make sure they knew nothing of my dream. I know they wanted to know what had happened those ten months that I was gone. But I can't, I really can't.

I couldn't tell them about the many firsts that I had with this gang. Like my first time actually stepping up and starting a rumble.

I felt the cool breeze as I walked forward toward the greaser. I didn't know who he was, just that he stepped forward. We started circling each other calling each other out. Well, until I pounced and punched first.

My first time I got a tattoo, it was a mustang running and on my shoulder. I got thorns on my neck and a rose on the side of my neck

My first beer.

"Here kid." Rod handed me a cold beer which sent unexpected shivers through my hand.

"Why…-" I protested.

"Because, you showed me that you can handled yourself," he stated.

My first slap and attempted rape.

"Hey there, girly." I jumped at the voice in my foster folk's hallway. His drunken eyes held danger and lust. "Let's play some games," he slurred and stumbled forward.

My first kiss.

He was leaving in the morning and I would maybe never see him again. His eyes were locked with mine as he reached forward with his hand and let it graze my cheek. I leaned against it, against his warmth. He moved forward as well and I could feel the hotness of his breath against my face.

He lowered lips to meet mine, but stopped just short of them. "You are mine, Shadow," he whispered softly. His lips finally put pressure on my own as he kissed me again and again.

I leaned into him, letting him know I did not want him to leave. I put my arms around his neck, leaning forward, still kissing him. He grabbed my waist and pulled me into his body.

Then we stopped.

"I will come back for you, Natalie, I swear."

"You promise?" I whispered, wanting nothing more than to kiss him again

"I promise."

He let go of my waist, and I let my arms drop to my side. He grabbed my chin and kissed me with a gentle force. Then, he let go of my chin, walked out the front door, and into the street.

I knew I could not tell them about what I had happen to me. They would just judge me, and I would still have to face them afterwards.

I walked to the door, ready to face the day, and my brothers about last night. I opened it and took a deep breath, knowing I would need it.

This is who I am, and this is my life. There is no way I am changing it.

Thanks for reading this chapter. If you have any Q. about the character just give me a shout. Oh and the group of girls, Rattlesnakes and the mystery kisser will be appearing in the next few chapters not in the next one though.

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