Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: Sorry that this took so long. I'm disappointed in the level of my creative writing abilities, and have not had the inspiration to continue until now.
Faced with the decision of whether or not to return home, Olivia settled down onto the couch cushions in her small apartment, with a beer in one hand and a blanket from her bed in the other. What her partner had said earlier had really gotten her thinking. That was the problem, she was thinking, thinking too much about her old life. True, she had never endangered any member of the squad, or herself, and she was not reckless or careless on or off the clock, but in her profession, it only takes one time of not being focused to truly fuck up, and that was not something she wanted to do.
'Can I even go back?' Olivia thought, tucking her feet in underneath the blanket, 'I'd look like such an idiot for leaving again.' As she looked around the room, taking in what few decorations she had, she picked up the bottled and wiped the condensation off the chilled glass, and went to take another sip.
"Shit," she mumbled to herself when a slosh of the beer missed her mouth and cascaded onto her t-shirt.
She sat her beer on the coffee table, unwrapped herself from the blanket, and walked over to her dresser, stripping out of the wet shirt and pulling another one out of her dresser. As she placed her hands through the sleeves of the worn shirt, she caught sight of something in the back of the drawer. She pulled the shirt over her head, and reached into the back to retrieve the picture. It was a picture of her and Elliot, one of her favorites, taken before everything became so complicated between them. Munch had been screwing around with the new cameras that the squad purchased to keep in the sedans for evidence purposes. Olivia and Elliot had been making fun of him, and were mid laugh when he snapped the candid. It was the only reminder of Elliot that she had taken to Maine with her, and she hadn't bothered to take it out of the dresser until now.
"God, El, why did you have to go and ruin everything? We were so good together. Everything was easy and simple, now everything's so fucked up, I don't even know where to begin to start sorting it out."
By this time, a few tears had escaped and had tracked down her face. She violently swiped them away. Weakness was not something she embraced, and crying over any man was not something Olivia Benson was going to continue to do. No matter how bad it hurt, she was still the 'take no shit' woman she had always been.
"That's it," she said aloud, slamming the dresser drawer shut, "I'm moving back. I'm not going to let my feelings run my life. I'm done playing this stupid game and pretending to be happy here just so I don't have to be faced with reminders of Elliot. If he wants to go have a family with his wife, fine. If he wants to have twenty more kids with her, even better. I don't need him to move on with my life. I am Olivia Benson, SVU detective and I am going home. Screw this city, screw this shitty little apartment, screw pretending to enjoy my co-workers, screw it all!"
With that, she ripped the picture into pieces and threw it in the trash. A small sense of relief washed over her as she finished her therapeutic rant. Olivia grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch, neglecting the beer, and headed toward her bed for what she hoped would be a restful night of sleep for the first time since she had arrived. She crawled under the blankets and felt peaceful with her decision. It would be hard to be back at the 16 for the first couple of days, especially since she hadn't set foot in there since she left after Elliot told her about Kathy's pregnancy, but she knew that it was what was best for her life.
The next morning, nerves woke Olivia up at 5:30 in the morning, well before the sun would be shining through her window. She laid in her bed and stared up at the textured ceiling, making sure that this was what she wanted, because as soon as she asked her captain for a transfer back, there would be no more leaving. A strong sense of deja vu came over her as she flashed back to the time she returned from being undercover in Oregon. She couldn't keep showing up at Manhattan SVU then leaving whenever something went wrong. This had to be for good. She showered, got dressed, and took her time brewing a cup of coffee before she had to leave. Olivia knew that her captain would be in around 7:00 and no one else would get there until 7:30, leaving her the perfect window of opportunity to talk it over with him, alone.
She walked up to her captain's open door and gently rapped her knuckles on the hard wood, announcing her presence.
"Detective Benson, you're here early."
"Yes, sir. There was something that I wanted to talk to you about."
"Is everything ok? Your partner's not being a pain in the ass is he?"
"No, sir. I've actually been doing a lot of thinking, and I feel that it's best for the squad if I return to the 16."
"Your old precinct?"
"Yes. I miss it. I came here for a change of pace, but I've realized that I don't want to change everything in my life. I'm sorry, sir."
"Anything in particular you want to talk about?"
"It's personal. I'm sorry for the hassle, though."
"Are you sure this is what you want? We can't have our detectives playing musical precincts every time something goes wrong. It costs us money, time, and energy every time we transfer someone."
"I know that sir. I've made some mistakes in my life, but I always end up going back to Manhattan. I know that's where I need to be, and I will keep my personal affairs separate from my work. If I need to leave again, I will leave the job altogether."
"I know you will keep everything the way it needs to be, and I'm not saying that you can't ever transfer again, but it needs to be more permanent than six months."
"I understand. I'm sorry."
"Don't be Benson. You're a good cop, that's why we were happy to have you at our precinct, and I'm sure your precinct will be happy to have you back. When would you like this to be effective?"
"As soon as possible."
Her captain nodded his head, "That can be arranged. Anything else?"
"No"
"Ok, then get back to work since you're still on my watch," he said, with a hint of a smile.
A couple of hours and a personal phone call from Cragen later, Olivia was reinstated as an SVU detective in her old squad. She went home and packed her car with all the belongings that she had brought with her, thankful that she had opted to rent a furnished apartment and leave her apartment in Manhattan set up the way it was. She pulled onto the interstate, nervous, but excited to be heading home.
Meanwhile, around 4:45 in the afternoon, the phone on Cragen's desk rang.
"Cragen."
"Captain, it's Elliot," he said hesitantly, waiting for a reply.
"How is everything down there? Kathy and the kids doing alright?"
"Funny story actually, long story short, the baby's not mine, and I asked my captain to put in a transfer back to the 16 and I was just calling to give you a head's up."
"Wait a second. Kathy was not pregnant with your baby? Then who's kid is she carrying around?"
"Like I said, Cap, it's a long, boring story, but the important part is that I'm coming back."
"Elliot, have you talked to Olivia since you left?"
"No, I haven't. I figured that I'd meet up with her when I got there."
Cragen sighed, "I don't know if that's such a good idea. She's only now coming back."
"Back from where?"
"Maine. El, she was heartbroken when you left. She didn't want to stick around and relive everything day after day. She called me this afternoon in fact, and said that she was ready to come back and her first day back would be the day after tomorrow, but knowing her, I have a feeling I'll see her at some point tomorrow."
"Not to sound childish, but is that really fair? She gets to come back because she managed to call you a couple of hours before I did. Since when did our precinct become first come, first serve? Like I said, I already put in the request, so I guess if you don't want me there, you can deny it."
"It's not that simple and you know it. You and Olivia had one of the best solve rates around, both here and at your current precincts. I know that someone would question my reasoning for not allowing you to return, especially since I have a vacant spot on the squad, and I don't know if I could deny your request while maintaining the secrecy of your and Olivia's past relationship, which as you well know, could cost you your job if the wrong people found out."
"I know that," Elliot said with a sigh.
"Like I said, I'm going to have to approve your transfer unless you decide to withdraw your request. You don't have to make a decision now, but hopefully, you'll at least think about what I said. If you plan to return, when would your first day back be?"
"Monday, and I already know what I want to do. I want to come home."
"Well, once something gets in your head, there's no getting it out, so I guess I'll see you on Monday, Detective."
"Cragen?" Elliot asked, hesitantly.
"Yeah," he replied, scrubbing his hand over his face.
"Thanks."
"I'll see you later, Elliot."
With that, Cragen hung up the phone and proceeded to attempt to figure out how he was going to tell Olivia that the one person that caused her to rearrange her entire life, was coming back to the same precinct.
Cragen had opted to avoid telling anyone about Elliot's return, until he spoke to Olivia about it, and only after she was settled back into her routine.
As Cragen had guessed, as soon as Olivia had arrived back in Manhattan, she was back at work, and had been working nonstop since then, trying to get caught up on all the latest cases. It was now Friday morning, and Cragen knew that by the end of the day, he would have to let Olivia know about Elliot's return on Monday, something he was not looking forward to. For now, that thought would have to wait, because the search warrant for their suspect had come through and it was Munch and Olivia's turn to catch.
"Olivia, Munch, we've got the search warrant for Jake Simms. You two get over to his apartment and see what you can find."
"Got it, Cap." Munch said has he and Olivia headed out the door, toward where the sedan was parked.
"Fin, get down to the lab and see what we've got on the Moore case, results should be in by now."
After ensuring that his Detectives were all taking care of their perspective jobs, he retreated back to his office to complete some paperwork, only to be interrupted by a knock at the door half an hour later.
"Captain, where is everybody?"
"Elliot, I thought you weren't coming in until Monday."
"I hadn't planned on it, but I found an apartment easily, and my furniture is being shipped from storage, directly there, so I thought I'd get a jump start on the job."
"Well, you just missed everybody. Olivia and Munch are working with a search warrant and Fin is looking over some evidence samples. As soon as Fin gets back from the lab, you can work with him."
"How did Olivia take the news? I mean is it ok that I'm here?" he said rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, unsure of himself.
"Actually, Elliot," Cragen started off, trying to decide how to tell him that she didn't know yet, when a call came through on the radio.
"This is Detective Munch, requesting backup. Suspect fleeing on foot going north from his house, last seen wearing black shirt and jeans. Officers unable to continue pursuit at this time ."
"Cap, didn't you say that Munch was working with..." Elliot began, stopping to allow Cragen to concentrate on calling John's cell phone.
"John, what happened? What's going on?"
"Asshole tried to run, shoved Olivia down in the process. She fell backwards and hit her head on a rusty drain pipe protruding from the steps. It gave her a pretty good gash in the back of her head. She's dizzy, and in need of stitches, but insists that she doesn't need medical attention."
"Alright, take her to Bellevue, and tell her getting checked out is not an option."
"Okay, bye."
"Captain?" Elliot questioned, "What's going on?"
"Olivia's been hurt. Munch is taking her to the hospital."
"You said Bellevue, right?" he said, retreating out the door.
"Elliot, maybe that's not," Cragen attempted to stop him, but soon realized that no words would stand between Elliot checking on Olivia.
"Detective Stabler, Manhattan SVU, I'm looking for Detective Benson," Elliot said, holding out his badge to the receptionist.
"What did you say her first name was sir?"
"Olivia Benson," he stated in an authoritative tone.
"She's in exam room four."
Elliot headed off toward the exam rooms, almost knocking Munch out of the way.
"Wait...wha...Elliot? What the heck are you doing here?" Munch replied to a retreating figure, as Elliot went in search of Olivia's room.
Elliot quickly pushed through the swinging doors and walked down the hall until he found exam room four. The door was mostly closed, leaving a gap of a couple of inches, between the door and the frame. He gently rapped his knuckles on the door, and proceeded to push it open.
"Come in." Her voice was raspy and strained, and he could hear her let out a sign.
"Liv, you ok?" he replied standing at the foot of her bed, studying her appearance, and how small she looked in her blue hospital gown.
"What the hell?" she laid her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes, "I was starting to think this day couldn't get any worse, I was wrong. What are you doing here?"
"Captain didn't tell you?"
"Tell me what, Elliot. I'm clearly not in a position to enjoy guessing games with you right now."
"I moved back. I couldn't handle not being near you."
"You sure have a funny way of showing it, moving away to be with your wife," Olivia raised her voice, but continued to keep her eyes closed, "I can't deal with this right now. My head feels like it's going to explode, the painkillers are making me sick to my stomach, and I'm pretty sure that before the night is over, they're going to have to shave part of my hair to stitch me up."
"Ok, we don't have to talk about anything right now," he said, moving to sit in a chair next to her bed, "we can just sit here."
"You don't get it, do you?" Olivia opened her eyes, sending a cold stare in his direction, "I don't want you here. I don't want you at work. I don't want you at all. Why do you think you can just come and go in my life as you please? I'm not your little fuck-buddy anymore, and I won't let you treat me like that."
Elliot blinked hard, in hopes of reigning in the few tears that had pooled in his eyes, "you don't really think that, do you? That I used you for sex? That you were just some senseless lay? Because if you do, then you've really had me fooled. I never once 'fucked' you. What we had means so much more to me than that."
"I call it as I see it." She shrugged her shoulders, and again closed her eyes, signaling that the conversation was finished.
"Son of a bitch, Liv, don't do this," he mumbled, rubbing his hand over his face, "I screwed up. I'm sorry for that. Everyday, I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made with us, but don't make what was between us worthless."
Olivia sighed, "What do you want me to do, Elliot? I haven't heard from you since you told me that your ex-wife was having your baby. I move home less than a week ago, and suddenly you're back in my life with no warning. I'm sorry if I'm a little less-than-overjoyed to see you."
"It's not my baby."
"What?"
"The baby, it's not mine. Kathy had a boyfriend when she got pregnant. It's not mine, and in my defense, Don was supposed to talk to you about me returning to work, so that you would have some warning."
"How thoughtful of you," she sarcastically bit back, "must be that Catholic guilt hard at work."
"Ok, I get it. You're pissed at me, which you have every right to be, but I'm trying here. I don't know where to go from here, but I do know one thing. I'm not leaving. You can yell, scream, and throw a fit if you decide, but I'm going to stay here with you."
"What I want is for you to stop pretending that everything is going to be ok, and just leave me alone."
"I'll stop bothering you," he said, standing up from his chair and pacing back toward the door, pretending to read some poster on the wall, "but I'm not leaving."
Before Olivia could respond, an orderly opened the door. "Detective Benson?"
"Yeah"
"Hi, I'm Steve. Looks like they've got you signed up for a CAT scan and an MRI," he said flipping through her chart, "Nasty fall?"
"Something like that."
"How are those pain meds working out for you?"
"I'm fine," Olivia said, shooting Elliot a look that clearly told him not to argue her current condition.
"Ok, well, we're going to take you down the hall for the tests, so if you'll lean towards me, I'm going to help you scoot over into this wheelchair.
"Sir, if you want to wait here, we'll be right back," he addressed Elliot.
"Thank you," he said, flashing the orderly a grin.
After being gone for a while, the orderly pushed Olivia back into the exam room and helped her out of the wheelchair, while Elliot helped guide her back into her bed.
"Ok, Olivia, the doctor will be in shortly to talk to you about the plan for getting you fixed up and out of here."
"Thanks," she said, shifting slightly in the bed to accommodate her head injury.
"So, how did it go?" he asked, sitting down on the side of her bed, head turned toward her.
"Ok I guess, I'll find out when the doctor comes back. I'm just ready to get out of here."
"I'm sure they'll spring you soon enough. They just have to make sure everything's alright though; head injuries can be tricky," he said tentatively patting her hand, careful of the IV line running into it. He was surprised when she didn't pull her hand away or scowl at his antics, but instead just nodded and allowed her eyes to drift closed again. Elliot gently continued to caress the back of her hand with his thumb, all the while watching her for any signs of discomfort.
After about half an hour, the doctor knocked quietly on her door, waking her up from her dozing, and eased into the room, followed by a nurse.
"Detective Benson. How are you feeling?"
"Alright."
"Well, I've got some good and bad news for you. The good news is that you don't have any brain damage, swelling, or a major concussion. Unfortunately, the nasty gash on your head is going to need stitches. It's a simple procedure really. I'll have you lie on your left side, so I can get direct access to the area. I will have to shave the hair around the cut, but your hair above it should be able to cover the area. I'll give you a local injection to numb the area, stitch it up, and you'll be free to go. If you're ok with that, let's go ahead and get started."
"I don't really have any other choices, do I?"
"Not unless you want it to get infected."
"Fine, let's just get it over with."
The doctor lowered the head of her bed to be flat, while she rolled over onto her side. Elliot came over to the left side of the bed, so that he could be face to face with her, while the doctor and nurse prepared their instruments on the other side. He pulled his chair up close, and took her hand in his.
"It's going to be fine, Liv. Squeeze my hand as hard as you need to if it hurts. I'll be right here."
"I don't want you 'right here'," she said mocking him.
"Liv…,"
"Just…don't….,"
She closed her eyes as she heard the electric razor begin to shave around the area, then felt the coolness of an alcohol pad being swabbed over her skin.
"Alright, Olivia, now we're going to give you the local. On the count of three. One. Two," and the doctor pushed the needle into the flesh over her skull.
"Shit that hurts," Olivia whispered, flinching at the pain.
"I know. It'll be done soon, just try to relax," Elliot whispered back, rubbing his other hand, the one not occupied by Olivia's grip, across her forehead, brushing a few stray hairs out of her face.
The whole procedure only took about 15 minutes, and then Olivia was discharged.
"Do you need anything else?" Elliot asked.
"No. I just want to go home and go to bed. I need some time alone."
"If you need anything, you know my number. Feel free to call, any time, day or night."
"Thanks, but I won't need to."
With that, Elliot simply nodded,closed the door to her room and headed out toward the parking lot.