Failed Attempt #05
Voldemort staggered into the Great Hall closely followed by his Death Eaters. He was laughing openly and swayed as he clambered through the massive doors.
"Master," asked Malfoy Sr. "Are you drunk?"
"Now, why would you think I am drunk," Voldemort replied hiccupping loudly.
He looked at Goyle Sr. and burst out laughing, saying, "You look like a troll."
Then he turned to Malfoy Sr. and said, "And you look like a ferret, a cute little ferret."
Voldemort looked ill. Malfoy Sr. tried to get away from Voldemort, but to no avail.
Voldemort vomited on Malfoy Sr. "Is that my Bologna?" he asked
"My bologna has a first name. It's O. S. C. A. R." he sang loudly and out of key.
His Death Eaters tried to drag him out of the Great Hall, but he broke free and ran to Harry.
Voldemort looked Harry dead in the eyes. "You know what, Harry? I only hated you because you're dead smexy."
Harry was mortified and never wanted to hear the words he just heard again.
Voldemort then fell asleep in Harry's lap.
"I'm so sorry. We tried to get him to stay at the mansion, but he wouldn't listen to us."
They carried Voldemort, snoring, out of the Great Hall.