Disclaimer: I still do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, nor do I have any decisive plans to gain control of it by the time I've finished typing this up. Yeah, if you hear about something involving a holdup or a ransom and funimation it certainly wasn't me...
FantasyFanatic1: Aww, I know. I'm just as torn as you are. sigh Too bad it's not in either Hiei or Yusuke's natures to share… :P
Happydemonhobo: As always, thanks for the review!!
Gemenice: Not sure if I can promise a happy ending for everyone, but I can promise a lot more excitement and drama!
KyoHana: thanks so much for that sweet review, and no problem with it taking a few days. I'm just happy I get one eventually. : )
kittyfoxy: ooh, and it'll be a doozy when I get to the end, let me tell you. :P (heh, I think that's the first time I've ever used the word 'doozy.') Thanks for reviewing!
Jesanae Tekani: You are so cool! I completely love you. I haven't had time to correct all those typos you found for me yet, but I will soon. Hey, any chance that when I'm done typing my original novel you'd want to look it over for me? And that was a great review, thank you!
Chapter 9
By Yami no Kokoro
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Kurama's POV
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The look in his eyes makes me die a little bit inside, makes me want to hide, to cry, to do all of the things a proud Yoko would never allow himself to do, and the only things that I've felt like doing lately. I want to just take him into my arms and let him kiss all of my doubts away.
All of this and I haven't even told him yet.
School today was a limbo to me. Perpetual waiting in a realm of nothingness, hoping for some kind of joy or pain to break the cycle of tedious fearing and anticipating, not knowing which is to come. The teacher's monotonous droning made hardly an impact over the screaming of my own thoughts, but no matter how long and hard I thought about the problem at hand I could only come up with one solution. Well, one that was fair to more than just me and didn't reek of cruel deceit, anyway. And though Yoko might have been alright with enjoying the affections of both of my beaus at once, it is a behavior that I, as Shuichi, don't think I could stomach.
Isn't that what I've already been doing, though? I've been saying all the while that I was with Yusuke, but every time Hiei's shown up I haven't been able to keep my hands off of him. Perhaps I am not so much changed as I'd like to believe.
I'm fixing it now, though. Even if it ends up killing me inside. If I can't choose who I want to be with then the only fair thing to do will be to leave them both.
So, Yusuke gets to be first. Isn't he so lucky? Aren't I for having to be the one to tell him this? I don't want to, I'm not sure if I can, but I have to, to spare him future pain.
"Kurama, is there a reason that you called me over or did you just want to stare at me? 'Cause, you know, that's ok too."
I could back out, or just put it off a bit longer. Inari knows that the thought of doing this thing is ripping a hole inside of me...
No. I push the cowardly thought from my mind as soon as it enters, and press on before I can stop myself.
"Yusuke . . . we need to talk." Immediately my soon-to-be ex-koi's eyes turn guarded.
"That's what I said to Keiko when I realized we could just work as friends."
Stupid, weak ningen body. I can murder any opponent without the slightest hint off disgust or remorse showing through my thick walled visage, but when given a matter of the heart to deal with I'm as weak as any of those sobbing ningen women in daytime soap operas. My eyes blur with my next blink, and I turn my gaze to the ground quickly, determined not to let my frailty show.
"That's what we need to discuss. I can't . . . we cannot be together anymore." Every fiber of my being screams in protest, and I nearly bite my tongue after I've spoken the words. Yusuke lets out a soft gasp and I keep my eyes down, veiled from view. "I'm sorry, Yusuke."
I'm so, so sorry. The length of the silence that descends then goes on endlessly, and I watch him through my lashes, waiting desperately for some kind of a response. Finally, he crosses his arms, face stony.
"Why?"
I raise my head. That was not at all the response that I'd been expecting from my hotheaded partner. Yelling or punching something... that would be more along the lines I'd anticipated. This calm quiet is unnerving.
"Well? Look, Kurama, I'm gonna need some kind of a reason here. You know I love you, and until now you seemed pretty happy with me too."
I can't respond. I have no answer to give. 'Because, Yusuke, I'm in love with you, but I'm also in love with Hiei. I can't have you both and I can't choose between you so I have to leave you both.' I can't see that going over well.
We watch each other for a long second, before Yusuke shakes his head.
"Gods, Kurama, I can't believe I'm about to say this, but you are such a coward. I gave you a chance to move on, to find someone new, someone who really cares for you. But you can't, because you're too afraid of letting go to whatever love you felt for Hiei. Newsflash: He left you for a stupid job offer, obviously he didn't care for you all that much."
"Yusuke . . ."
I am a coward, and a fool. What am I doing? Where had Yoko disappeared to- my cold, dispassionate counterpart who was a complete master of his emotions and desires, and knew well what to do with them? Where is Shuichi- always calm and levelheaded in every situation, a brilliant mind who could think his way out of every problem? They seem to have both disappeared, leaving only Kurama, a quavering afterimage who can't decide what he wants and chooses instead to run away.
"Don't say anything, Kurama. You know what, you want to hide out alone that's you're choice. I'm not gonna force you to stay with me, but I'm not going to wait around forever for you to figure out what you want." Quickly he turns away, sighing. "I should have known that stupid dream didn't mean anything."
Shakily, I take a step forward, reaching out to touch his shoulder. I can't stand to see him like this. This is supposed to be for him, to help him, to save him from sorrow. It seems as though I've gone and done the opposite.
"Yusuke, I'm so sorry. I tried to tell you, I'm far from perfect. I am afraid. I'm afraid of what I feel for you, afraid of what I felt and still do for Hiei. You would think that after seventeen years as a human I'd be able to handle these emotions better, but I-I can't. Until I understand better then I have to be alone."
The raven haired detective glances back at me, a small frown on his face as he rakes a hand through his loose bangs.
"Damn, then I'm sorry too."
"Why?" I begin to pull my hand back, but he grabs it, and caresses my palm with his thumb gently, making me shiver.
"Because I've gotta kiss you now."
My eyes widen. Wait, kiss me? But hadn't we just... his lips touch mine, and without thought I respond immediately, mind going blissfully blank for a moment as I fall into his embrace. All of my problems are for gotten as our bodies seem to meld together, every curve of his beautiful form molded to mine as though we were made to fit together.
Yusuke's lips are hardly moving, and I impatiently deepen the kiss, tongue sliding past his parted lips, desperate for a taste of him.
I don't notice his trick until it's too late, and he moans softly, pulling away and grinning devilishly. His eyes glint at me from under ruffled bangs.
"I think we can both see what you feel for me. Is that really so scary?" I bite my lip as everything that had disappeared during the kiss comes rushing back at once.
Why do I find it impossible to stay strong in these decisions?
"Don't do that." He chides me, leaning in again. "Let me do it." Gently he takes my bottom lip between his teeth, licking and nipping at it playfully. My tongue grazes over his top lip and he releases it as I sigh softly, returning his attention to the rest of my mouth. My senses are nearly overloaded as his hands glide down my body, and tease the area just below my navel.
And then the front doorbell rings.
I start to pull back, but Yusuke holds onto my shoulders, keeping the connection between our hungry mouths.
"Yus . . . ke . . . I should . . . get that." The bell rings again as Yusuke responds, still not breaking his fast kisses.
"Don't . . . bother . . . prob'ly . . . girl scouts. . ." Lips trail across my jaw, then trace down my throat to rest on my collarbone, which they start to graze over and devour with surprising speed and desire. Sighing softly, I give in once more and pull Yusuke closer, grinding our hips slowly together in a way that makes him pause his assault just to let out a delicious moan.
Ding-dong. Ding-dong.
Regretfully, I pull away from my koi's warm arms.
"Persistant girl-scouts." I murmur, straitening my shirt. "I'll be right back."
Turning away I leave the living room and paste a polite smile on my face, wondering who could be at the door.
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Yusuke's POV
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Damn doorbell. It seems like every time I get Kurama to start loosening up something has to happen to ruin it. With the luck I've been having the person at the door will be telling Kurama someone died.
Heh, maybe Hiei died. Then Kurama could get to be all sad for a few days, I'd get to play the consoling boyfriend, and he'd move on without having any weird guilt trips. See? Everyone's happy.
The thought is a bitter one, and I know it's not meant seriously. Hiei has been my friend for as long as Kurama has, but every time I think of him now I can't feel much of anything but anger and bitterness.
Anyway, I wonder who's at the door. Kurama seems to be taking longer than it would to send away Jehovah's Witness.
Moving to the living room's doorway I poke my head out into the hall, and see my rose involved in a hushed conversation with Kuwabara.
Why would he even be here? And what are they both looking so serious about? Most importantly, why are they whispering about it? Listening hard, I'm able to pick up a few words from them both.
". . .said . . . were his . . . not Urameshi's."
". . .I'm aware of his intentions . . ."
"Just thought . . . know. . . not planning on leaving." Kurama pauses, and though his back is towards me I can almost see him biting his lip nervously. What are they talking about?
"I know. Hiei-"
"Hiei?" My old partner's name makes my heart clench as I repeat it numbly. Both redheads turn to face me, Kurama's gently features full of pain and fear. That only serves to turn my shock into anger.
"Hiei's in the Ningenkai and you just, what, forgot to mention it? Slipped your mind, maybe?" Then a worse thought enters my mind, and I take an accusing step forward, into the hall. "Yesterday, you disappeared so fast and came back all nervous." My glare seems to be hurting the rose, or maybe it's my words, but either way he looks down as though scathed.
"Please, Yusuke-"
"Don't, Kurama. No excuses. Were you with Hiei yesterday or weren't you?"
I silently beg for him to deny it, but then he looks back up and meets my eyes steadily, and I know the answer before he speaks it.
"Yes."
Heart breaking. Eyes burning.
I didn't realize that the sayings were so literal. My chest feels as though my heart is literally being wrenched in two. I close my eyes tightly, unable to look at him any longer.
"It's not like it sounds, Urameshi!" Bad time to jump to Kurama's defense, Kuwabara. I'm really looking for something to punch.
"Damn it, what else could it be like?" Kurama doesn't blink as I glare back at him, pointing a finger at the carrot-top angrily. "And you told him? You freaking told Kuwabara and not me?!"
"Kuwabara saw us talking." His voice is so steady, face so calm. I've never been on the receiving end of one of those icy gazes before, but it's not about to make me back down.
"'Talking'? All you did was talk?"
Ha! For a second the mask on my roses face flickers into a painful wince, before its back in place. Seeing Kurama hurt is strangely comforting right now, when my heart has been shattered into a million pieces.
"No." Make that a million and one.
"You kissed him."
Once again Kuwabara decides it's time to jump in.
"The shrimp kissed Kurama, but he pushed him away."
"Right, after how many minutes of necking?" That was cruel, but I can't seem to care at the moment. I shove past Kuwabara roughly and pause beside the kitsune, keeping my gaze forward, refusing to look at him. No matter what I do I keep seeing Kurama with Hiei yesterday - on our freaking date.
"I guess those stories I've heard about Yoko's loyalties are true. And you were right before, Kurama. We all have our flaws."
And with that I'm out the door, moving to the sidewalk, striding down the street, steadily, calmly, and I don't let myself start to run until I'm out of view of that house.
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Kuwabara's POV
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I watch as Urameshi leaves, then glance to Kurama, who is staring determinedly at the wall with an eerily calm expression on his face. For a few seconds I just watch him, kind of afraid to disturb him when he's like this. Finally, though, I need to say something.
"Uh . . . Kurama?" Slowly, his attention turns from the white plaster to me, and he smiles gently, speaking in a calm tone that's exactly like his normal one, but somehow scares me.
"Thank you for the information, Kuwabara. Now, if you don't mind I think I would like to be alone for a short while."
"Uh. . . yeah, sure. As long as you don't want some company." He shakes his head slowly, pleasant smile never leaving.
"No, that's quite alright. I'm sure that you have other places you need to be, I wouldn't want to keep you here."
I scratch my head, thinking it over.
"Yeah, Shizuru did mention something about groceries."
"Right." The kitsune ushers me towards the door. "It's been nice seeing you again, Kuwabara."
"Uh, yeah." Wow, does Kurama even notice that he and Urameshi just had the biggest, worst fight ever? He seems kinda out of it. "Well, see you later, then."
"Goodbye." The green-eyed youkai nods a farewell to me before swinging his door shut. I turn to leave, but pause, glancing back. I'm not even sure what I'm waiting for until I hear a soft thud on the other side of the wooden door as Kurama collapses against it. The sound is quickly followed by that of soft sobs.
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TBC
A/N: Another chapter up! Poor everybody, I'm so horrible to my characters. . .