(Wow. I never have had reviews like this. So, on with the series. I apologize fans of my other fics; updates are coming soon!

Veritas: this is not my real writing, it's just for kicks! If you think it's against the TOS, this had long been a fanfic tradition, and there usually is at least one of these kinds of stories in every popular fandom. Just for laughs.

Veritas can laugh too, you know :D.

And, I'm gonna do a Mary Sue unit! That will make Veritas people laugh.

Everyone else, enjoy:

Disclaimers:

I do not own Percy Jackson

I do not own the "Owners Manual" Idea. That belongs to Theresa Green.)

Owner's manual: the PERCY JACKSON unit.

Congrats! You have successfully purchased the protagonist of our set of units, the PERCY JACKSON unit! You won't regret your purchase, guaranteed and if not, we still won't refund your money.

Product Information:

Unit: PERCY JACKSON

Height: Shorter than the THALIA GRACE unit

(warning: don't mention this to your PERCY JACKSON unit; it will activate his angry setting)

Weight: Insufficient data

Serial #: 047297291

Warning: Please don't try to traumatize your PERCY JACKSON unit. He is very abused in FF and we are scared of what will happen if you are his master. Leave it at that. Your PERCY JACKSON unit should be treated the way you want to be treated. Actually, scratch that. Treat him the way HE wants to be treated. I don't want to know how you want to be treated.

Settings

The PERCY JACKSON unit comes with many special modes and settings:

Stupid

Do not mistake this setting for the "clueless" setting. This setting only appears when your PERCY JACKSON unit is attempting schoolwork or conversing about the RACHEL DARE unit to the ANNABETH CHASE unit. Talk about stupidity!

This may also appear if his friends are threatened. See, "loyalty" mode.

Clueless

This is the default setting of the PERCY JACKSON unit. He will be clueless about Demigod terminology when you first take him out of the box, so make sure you have a GROVER UNDERWOOD unit or ANNABETH CHASE unit to explain things to him. It will probably take him at least three years before he knows as much about Greek Mythology as you do. Also; this mode may be activated when feelings are being displayed by the ANNABETH CHASE unit. If your PERCY JACKSON unit is indeed clueless during the ANNABETH CHASE unit's flashy display, your ANNABETH CHASE unit will switch to the "upset" mode. Avoid this at all costs.

Angry

The PERCY JACKSON unit is pretty well tempered but can be angered by the ANNABETH CHASE units' flimsy emotional outbursts. He will always make it up to her, though. The PERCY JACKSON unit is easily angered by the DIONYSUS and ARES units as well. Keep your PERCY JACKSON unit away from these units at all costs.

Embarrassed

The PERCY JACKSON unit is easily embarrassed. This happens shortly after someone points out he has been in stupidity mode for a while, or when he understands that the ANNABETH CHASE unit is making a flashy display. This also can be triggered by exposing your PERCY JACKSON unit to a computer if he finds all the...interesting stories about him and the ARTEMIS unit on FF, as well as some others.

Loyal

The Fatal flaw of the PERCY JACKSON unit is loyalty towards other units. He was programmed incorrectly and instead of having built-in self preservation, he will stupidly try to save anyone no matter how hopeless the situation. This makes the PERCY JACKSON unit very lovable to many other units, as well as disposing him to the fate of fangirls. (Warning: keep your PERCY JACKSON unit away from fangirls or he will feint from fright) However, be cautious! As admirable as this setting is, it makes your PERCY JACKSON unit much more susceptible to accidentally getting killed.

(This happens frequently. We included reorder forms in case)

Restless

All of our units in the DEMIGOD set, which is part of a larger set, the PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS series, have this setting. Careful, if your PERCY JACKSON unit starts to get bored, this setting will be activated, and he may damage your property.

Uses

Last Minute Prom Date

Your PERCY JACKSON unit will blush and stutter and switch to the "embarrassed" mode if you ask him to do this (no, don't scream "oh you're so cute!" when he does this or it may anger him. If you have an urge to do this, you are most likely a fangirl so return your PERCY JACKSON unit right away), but he will reluctantly agree. Careful, if his identity is revealed he may be taken away from you by force from fangirl attacks. He is a perfectly acceptable Prom Date however, just be sure that you sent the ANNABETH CHASE unit on an errand that night and don't make a habit of asking your PERCY JACKSON unit out, or you may suffer serious injuries or even death from your ANNABETH CHASE unit. If your PERCY JACKSON unit sees the ANNABETH CHASE unit, he will dump you himself. Please try to refrain from using this feature unless you are female.

Sword Combatant

Suck at fencing in gym? Your PERCY JACKSON unit can disguise himself behind the heavy equipment and he will kick everyone's butt! Always bet your money on the PERCY JACKSON unit in a sword combat, but do not do this in archery combat. If your LUKE CASTELLAN unit fights your PERCY JACKSON unit, don't bet any money.

Entertainment

Careful: everyone, mainly the units in your GODS set, especially the APHRODITE unit, will use this function of the PERCY JACKSON unit whether you like it or not! If you are a fangirl, please return him instead of overusing this function. It will most certainly activate if you send your PERCY JACKSON, ANNABETH CHASE, RACHEL DARE, and CALYPSO units to a deserted island. We recommend just ordering the ANNABETH CHASE unit for entertainment: one is enough, give your PERCY JACKSON unit a break.

Driver

As long as there are no PEGASI units around, your PERCY JACKSON unit is an awesome chauffeur. Don't try to show him off though or the car may get maimed by fangirls.

Plumber

Due to the ability of being able to move water with his mind, your PERCY JACKSON unit is an excellent plumber.

Cleaning:

The PERCY JACKSON unit is the best at keeping himself clean and is completely water proof. Be sure to dunk him in a lake or bath once a week to keep up his energy (his clothes should stay on when doing this). You won't even have to charge his batteries if you do this! Do not wash in the same machine as the THALIA GRACE unit. This will cause severe "bleeding" in your PERCY JACKSON unit. You can try washing it with your ANNABETH CHASE unit and see what happens. This will activate the "entertainment" setting. Do not hang out to dry. He already feels like that a lot without you physically hanging him up to dry.

FAQ's

Q: I'm not happy with the romantic relationship between my ANNABETH CHASE unit and my PERCY JACKSON unit. How can I spice things up without being cruel?

A: Throw the two of them in a lake and have CAMPER units waiting for them at the surface. That ought to get it on.

Q: I just wanted to thank you guys for my PERCY JACKSON unit! He's more handsome than all the other PERCY JACKSON units and has these bright blue eyes, plus he's such a flirt! I love him, thanks!

A: AUGUGHGHGH! How on earth did you get your hands on the LOGAN LERMAN unit? Return him at once! He hasn't been properly tested yet!

Q: The house keeps being swarmed by fangirls? HELP ME!

A: We told you to keep your PERCY JACKSON unit a secret... However, tell all the fangirls that Logan Lerman is doing an autograph signing across the street, and they will all leave. The remaining fangirls who don't care about Logan Lerman are probably decent people, so hide your PERCY JACKSON unit in the laundry room (don't hide him in the bedroom-that's the first place they would look) invite the fangirls in and feed them ambrosia if you really want to be rid of them. If you aren't this cruel, discuss whether or not Luke Castellan was truly evil to run away, and while the fangirls are fighting about this, let your PERCY JACKSON unit escape to a nearby NICO DiANGELO unit where he will swiftly shadow travel to Camp Half Blood.

Q: My PERCY JACKSON unit spends all his time with my ANNABETH CHASE unit and they won't do what they're told. Help!

A: Haven't you heard of young love? Nothing can fix this. Unless you are super cruel- if you are, press the reset button on your units and make sure they never see each other again. Make sure the PERCY JACKSON unit never sees a RACHEL DARE or CALYPSO unit either to avoid similar results.

Troubleshooting:

If you are experiencing serious flooding, this is due to the PERCY JACKSON unit having bad dreams. Ask him to fix it and he will, then give him some knockout drops before bedtime so he goes out cold.

If your school is currently in flames, try not to bring the PERCY JACKSON unit to your next school. He has a habit of destroying every school he finds. Only bring him in for emergency fencing tournaments.

Warranty

When properly cared for, your PERCY JACKSON unit will live a long and prosperous life, up to 25 years. If you order an ANNABETH CHASE unit and they marry each other, this will either seriously shorten the PERCY JACKSON unit's life expectancy or it could possibly increase it. You take the risk. We do not accept refunds unless you have discovered you are a fangirl, in which case we will gladly take your PERCY JACKSON unit back.

COMING SOON!

Are all your units too happy? Is their happiness sickening you and you want to wreck it or teach them a lesson? Well then, order a MARY SUE unit! Guaranteed to piss off all your units! Enjoy, and coming soon.

(Lol. Review? Please? Which one should come after the MARY SUE unit? I will ask about the NICO DiANGELO one!)