{.x.o.} | Rapture's Remorse | {.o.x.}
{x| Chapter 13: Recant |x}
Life settled down a week after her rapture filled return, oh, her giddy grandpa couldn't hide the excitement he was eager to express to anyone willing to listen about how his prized, precious grandbaby had finally come home. He, of course, neglected to mention the fact that it had a great deal to do with his fading mind that had begun to blur the lines between reality and fiction. There was no need to alarm their loving neighbors who brought over at the very least a week supply of food to welcome her home with that news, though. So instead she just told them she hated Tokyo and missed Nikko, more importantly she received a job at St. Raphael's.
After all her items were settled down and she felt at home, more so than she ever did in Tokyo, in her room that she grew up in she couldn't have been happier to start her nurse career at the hospital that she received the heart that kept her alive. Some days were bad, some were filled with death and tears from the loved ones, while others were filled with joy—it all depended on the area she was placed in. The ER was rarely inspiring, not like the maternity ward that gave her an odd feeling of a void in her life—she hadn't any idea her biological clock was ticking until she held the first infant she helped bring in to the world. Of course, she ignored that. She was only twenty-two; she had plenty of years to start a family.
First, she had to find a good man. And there in lied the rub, how many of those could be out there?
No, silly her, she hadn't the time to think about romance. What, with the bills to pay, the chores to do around the house that her grandpa no longer could—including, the cleaning the shrine—and her work? She barely had time to visit with her friends let alone look for love. The dreadful inevitable occurred after her move back to Nikko, she ran out of all the money that her parent's and Kikyou's life insurance and her inheritance from both left, after all it was expensive to pay for an education especially a college one, along with living in Tokyo even if she had a house there and to pay to alter the inside of Inuyasha's studio so it could function as a hanyou-proof-rehab, plus paying for all his groceries for months, along with her own, and his rent?
Then the money to move back to Nikko? Neither Kikyou nor her parents had much, so it was all gone and finally she had with paying for everything on her own. She couldn't say she hated it, she rather liked it, actually, it made her feel all grown up and independent for the first time in her little life.
More importantly, for the first time in that period she could earnestly say that her life was hers to live—with no burden of a promise that wasn't fulfilled, no transplant waiting list to fret over, and no illness just some pills to take. That was about the time she realized, though, how difficult and tiring life really was.
The bills piled up after a few months, they were a pain to pay but she prided herself in never being in debt or missing a deadline. But her life became so filled with activities that she barely had time to think, too. On the one hand, that was great there was no time to ponder about a hanyou. On the other, she hadn't a time to take a moment to relax. Her weekends were filled with shrine related tasks if she wasn't at work—which, was nearly an every day, seven to nine hour shift anyway—then there were her childhood friends, Ayumi, Yuka, and Eri that were all giddy about catching up with her and then the bills…
Time slipped away all together with Yuka and Ayumi were engaged simultaneously, dear Eri was already married—that left just her… she never really thought that much about getting hitched since she never really thought that she'd a have the time—the life span—for such a pleasure but with all the wedding preps (two at once, at that) she found any moment she had to think was filled with thoughts of what ifs, the type of ceremonies she'd like, each with a blank faced man by her side as she said 'I do'.
Then her vivid imagination broke away by either the shriek of Yuka or Ayumi asking if this or that would look better for their weddings or her grandpa's stubborn refusal to eat a proper meal or take his medication… the shrine, visitors, work, wedding planning, bills, more work, choirs, cleaning, grocery shopping, lack of money, fittings, meetings with caterers, more work, shrine, visitors, debates with dress designers, cake tastings, fantasies of her own happiest day of her life, dreams of a possible family, so much more work… watching as people died, helping people live, seeing strangers cry, aiding births, witnessing watery eyed new parents on the day that trumped their wedding for best day of their lives… bills.
Life was too difficult sometimes… but even though it was tiring, she was happy with her busy schedule because it's hers for the first time in her twenty-two years.
[…]
Of course, that zeal wore off when the bills began to be harder to pay—after all, the bride's maid had to pay for their own dresses and two very well-made ones around the same time? Oh dear. Then there were groceries and both her grandpa and her own medication… the electric, the water, which they used so much of to tend to the garden but at least the fall was coming and that would cease but then that meant that the heating bill would just go up because of the poor insulation within the house. She'd tough it out to keep the payment lower but her grandpa couldn't, he was too old and frail.
With each passing day he lost a little more of himself, some were better than others—some she was almost certain he was himself, that all was fine, but as a medic of sorts she knew better.
How she loved the little lala-world she had formed in her head, though, that beautiful life with the most charming blank-faced husband she wedded over and over again. It was even on her mind as she picked up her grocery bags to walk out of the story and home, after all, a car would have coasted too much to keep up, pay for gas, and—hell—to even buy?
That must have been why she didn't notice the person she bumped into, luckily, that someone was had quick reflexes and could catch the bag that slipped from her hand before she it could get the ground.
"I'm so sorry!" Kagome gasped right away as her hazels dashed up to meet a pair of chocolates.
"Higurashi Kagome," the man grinned as he resituated the bag in his grasp so he had one arm free, "do you not remember me?"
"Akitoki Houjo, of course I do!" She chimed back as she hugged him briefly with her free one, "I'm so sorry, my head must have been up in the clouds."
"It happens, let me walk you to your car," he offered gentlemanly.
"Oh, I don't have one, it's not that far of a walk and I only have two bags so I'll be fine, thank you, though," Kagome replied with her usual smile as she tried to take her bag back from him but he evaded her, which caused her brows to bend together.
"Then let me drive you," he countered, "please, I wouldn't feel right about leaving such a pretty girl out when it might rain."
"It won't rain," Kagome replied but she couldn't help but smile at his lame excuse, "but, why not?"
"Good," he nodded as he showed her to his fancy black car, he even had the manners to open the door for her and place both her bags in his trunk before he got into the car and started it—without even a key, it was that high-tech that Kagome was in awe and he just chuckled.
The Akitoki family had never felt hurt for cash.
There was no arguing with him when it came to carrying her groceries into her home and how could she deny her grandpa that joy of seeing the boy that would so often come to the shrine to play with her when she was a child? The old days were the only ones he remembered well and how truly happy her grandpa was to see him, the reminisced for quite some time as she put away the groceries.
Then she heard was she was fairly certain she would, "you and my grandbaby need to get married already."
Of course, Houjo was stunned—though, it was no surprise to either that that was exactly what both their families had always wanted.
"How about I take you lovely granddaughter out for dinner instead?"
"That'll do," her grandpa approved with a nod. At first, Kagome said 'no' but then he offered to pay and it would give them time to catch up so why not?
There was no shocker when he took her to the nicest restaurant in all of Nikko, either.
"So, you just moved back?" Kagome inquired as their dishes were placed before them—she ordered quite a hefty one since she had skipped lunch, there was no time in her day for something like that.
"I did, I was supervising the part of our business that was in Osaka," he explained with his boyish smile, "it was my father's way of prepping me to take over. Gosh, when was the last time I actually sat down and had dinner with you? Before college… wow, how time flies, huh?"
"Yes," she laughed lightly, "yes, it really does."
"I was so glad to hear your body accepted the heart," Houjo emphasized as he reached over to pat her hand, "I was always so worried."
"Thank you," she smiled once more as she withdrew her hand slightly from his, to pretend she needed to whip something away from her lips. "Did you like going to Tokyo University?"
"I did, wanna hear something funny?"
"Sure."
"I fell head over heels for this girl," he sighed, "but she was Catholic and wouldn't date me in less I was, so I converted for her—my parents, needless to say, weren't too happy—but I did it anyway because I thought she was the one. Obviously, she wasn't."
"That's not a good reason to do something like that," Kagome pouted.
"I know, I know," he assured, "but it wasn't until after we parted ways that I actually learned about it and decided… I made the right decision. Kagome," he paused as his eyes scanned over her, "may I be blunt with you?"
"Sure," why not? They had only met for the first time in over four years, what harm could that lead to?
"I've reached that point in my life where I am content and feel like I need to settle down, I think we are compatible and I've always had such a… huge crush on you," he admitted with a weak smile, "but I don't need you to commit to anything, I'm not asking you to marry me… I just wonder if you are at the same point in your life."
"Am I," she whispered back, after all, she truly did want to live happily ever after with a handsome husband.
"Then, would you like to go out with me again sometime? Just coffee or something? No commitments?"
It was cute how nervous he was to ask that, how much courage it obviously took him, so she warmly smiled and said, "yes."
After all, she did believe that they were compatible, too. That probably had a lot to do with why only five months later they were engaged.
[…]
Her time with Houjo was truly a happy one, everything became simpler and though she protested so much at first she gave up—she was going to be his wife so why not let him help out with the bills and hire someone to tend to the shrine? The Akitoki family, as they always put it, never hurt for cash and he did love her so and hated to see her work so hard at home and at the hospital.
Which, he frequented often with a flower, chocolates, or lunch when he knew she didn't have the time to leave and meet him somewhere. It was blissful, his visits made whatever horror she saw that day dissipate to the smell of sweet flowers and taste of gourmet food.
By the age of twenty-three she would be married and in the life she had always hoped for with a man she could easily fine peace with and form a beautiful life but… did she love him?
Her mind told her yes, she had every reason to, he was perfect in every which way and would never even dream to cheat on her when he dote over everything she did. He would give her a more than adequate life, her grandpa would die happy knowing she was an Akitoki, and she would never struggle from pay check to pay check.
She. Could. Be. Happy. That's what her mind shouted but…
Her heart whispered to her at night while she laid in bed thinking about the man that had agreed they shouldn't consummate their marriage until the night the ceremony—no.
Just because you could, you should, love someone didn't mean you would.
[…]
"Hey, I do believe it's time we re-meet," a cocky man announced as he leaned against the bar she was sitting at all alone—she just wanted some time alone, was that so much to ask for? She was about to tell the man off with the dullest look before she turned her hazels to meet his crystal blues, right away she knew she met him before.
"Hello," she wearily replied.
"I remember you," he stated as he tapped the counter to get the bartender's attention, "a beer and another glass of Sherry for the pretty lady."
"You don't have to do that," she countered but was disregarded as he sat down in the empty stool beside her.
"Do you remember me?" He inquired as he turned his attention back to her, "we met that night, I was the body guard that was working with—?"
"Inuyasha," Kagome murmured, verbalized a word she hadn't thought of—hadn't said—in ages, "yeah, of course. The man from Nikko, Akimoto Kouga? I see you've come home to visit."
"And what about you? Visiting or…?"
"I moved back, I didn't care for Tokyo much."
"I loved it," he sighed, "but I came home to take over the family business after my pa passed last month."
"Oh my, I am so sorry," she awed as she placed her hand upon his shoulder, "that's terrible."
"Yeah," he smiled weakly, "but it happens, how's your grandpas doing?"
"Good, thank you for asking. But he's mind is sort of going every now and then."
That sparked more conversation, which sparked more orders of booze, which sparked more giggling and touching and hands brushing against hands or one upon her thigh, another on his chest and lips so close…
An exchange of numbers and a phone call later started their once a week night meetings at the bar Howling Times—his family business—then they turned into nightly… it wasn't wrong, they were just friends.
That was how she justified their dinners, then her canceling lunches with her fiancé to meet with the handsome wolf demon, and agreeing to go over to his home to watch movies… she had no way to cope with the kisses that started to be exchanged. The ones that held a passion she never knew with her husband-to-be Houjo.
[…]
It became sneaking around—what else could she call it when she lied and said the phone calls were from Ayumi, Yuka, or Eri? Or that she was going to meet one of them when she wasn't? It was so wrong, so wrong, but so, so thrilling. It made her feel alive in the oddest ways. Kouga was the bad boy she never got to test out in high school while Houjo was the honest, cute, sure thing… maybe if she lived in high school she would have never done such a thing.
That was just an excuse to help her sleep at night, though.
"Come back to mine tonight, babe," Kouga requested with his classic cocky grin as he draped an arm over her shoulder and led her out of the bar he owned and half the time bartended for. He moved his lips to her ear to whisper, "I don't want to say goodnight yet."
It gave her a shiver, in the best of ways, so she couldn't help but stutter back, "sure."
His was getting kinda close, kind of touchy, he might have had a little too much but she didn't complain. She wanted to say she shouldn't, but he was so close and it started to stir something deep in her that she only had ever felt with him around. He could place her in a zone of zealous bliss whenever he showed her things she had never seen before—displays of definite affection. Oh, and was he ever smooth but she knew it was probably a game. His title around town as the 'virgin killer' after all.
She wasn't stupid, she wasn't delusional, the way he licked his lips and touched her hips on the way up to his place was slick but did she walk away? No.
She went in to his humble abode. She wanted him and she hated it, he had her lit, she was on fire when he touched her lips—she told herself to get a grip.
It was just kissing at first, which went deeper—how was she to justify it when their fumbled, stumbled, way led to the bedroom, when her shirt was discarded and she undid his buckle to slide off his pants? It was wrong, she wasn't married to him, had no intention to—she was betrothed to another! But his hands were so skilled, his lips knew the right spots, and he was gentle instead of harsh like she had imagined—yes, instead of thinking about that prefect white wedding was planning, a new fantasy took over… one that was naughty in all the wrong ways.
And filled with a man with a face and a killer body, a wolf demon she knew.
She gasped and moaned, he groaned and howled her name, she screamed his, their bodies tangled and mingled and twisted as they unified for the first time, as he brought her to the tip of ecstasy and back down again. He lived up to his nickname that night.
[…]
"I have to call off the wedding," Kagome panted after she finally caught her, "it's wrong… I can't do that to him, this to him anymore."
"I'm not as rich as that guy and stuff," Kouga muttered as he propped himself up on an arm and let the sheets slide down to his thigh as he leaned over his nude companion, "but I think I can say with completely certainty that I love you and he doesn't, not like I do… I've never even told anyone that… I… I can't give you an easy life, not like an Akitoki can, but I can give you a good one."
A smile shifted up her lip as she raised a hand to cup her lover's face, had she developed feelings for a certain wild wolf? Yes, more than any she had for her soon to be ex-fiancé? Yes.
Love…? Maybe.
But was she shocked that he loved her? Yes, in a good way—in the best of ways.
"I need time to think about all this, you know? I need time to settle things with Houjo… to come to term with what we've done to him. How wrong I feel about it."
"I understand," he assured as he took her hand and pressed it to her lips cautiously, "but, while you are dealing with such horrid moral dilemmas," he pouted playfully as he gave her butterfly kiss up her neck and down again, "can we still meet for lunch in… say two days?"
"OK," she laughed as he positioned himself over her again, "but I should go for tonight."
"I don't think you should," he countered as he bent down to smoother her lips.
Her heart—yes, hers, it belonged to her, it beat for her then—whispered that she had found her match.
Or was she still just trying to justify things?
A/N: Do you have any idea how happy I am with the review turn out for the last chapter? No? Well, let me enlighten you then, very happy. Super happy, please keep it up. I always feel ever so accomplished when a fanfic breaks a 100 reviews :)
I'm sure a few people are disappointed, eh? You were certain that if Kagome lost her virginity it would not be to anyone but Inuyasha, riiiight? Wrong.
I have to give two plugs: I kept using the word Justified because I fell in love with the word recently, mostly because of this epic show that's on FX now with Timothy Olyphant. It's amazing, my favorite show currently. I love that man, I usually don't go all goo-goo eyes over actors but damn, he's so hot. And You Make Me Sick by P!nk was an inspiration, too.