The Introduction:
The disclaimer: If Barney the Dinosaur fought Inuyasha in a cage match to the death and the only weapon was sheer coolness... Only I could win.
Thankfully, I don't have to deal with either of them.

So Kagome is kidnapped. Yes, you heard me. Again. By an aging nympho werewolf vampire (henceforth, ANWV).

How? She was probably wandering naked through the woods again for another bath. You know, the usual. Or, as usual, her thighs lengthened enormously so that her skirt could shorten enormously. Why do we like a character that looks like she just came stumbling out of a strip club with a handful of ones sticking out of her thong?

Who wouldn't kidnap that? No, we're not counting Jakotsu.

Anyway, Kagome is gone, Inuyasha harps on his being inadequate and it's just about time we saw Miroku feeling up Sango again, just to lighten the mood. Cause don't you feel extra horny when your best friend gets abducted? That was rhetorical. I'd be happier without the answer.

So the gang skips along their merry way. Wait. How long has it been since this story had dialogue? Five chapters? Damn…

So on skippeth the merry mob (who shall henceforth be called party 1) to ye olde rescuing place.

"Waiteth!" sayeth Inuyasha…eth… "I'm tired of looking. Isn't it about time a random stranger came skipping along to tell us Kagome's exact location?"

"Why yes," declareth Miroku. "I-"

"I have arrived!" gaspeth a random villager number 1 (who shall henceforth be called party 2)

"Where is Kagome?" quoth party 1.

"I knoweth not," babbleth party 2, "but perhaps that large neon sign (which shall henceforth be referred to as party 3) may assist you in finding your friend."

"This is a suspicious place," pointeth outeth party 3, as evidenced by dark and otherwise scary woods (which shall henceforth be referred to as party 4).

And we're done. So, the gang plus the random villager continue on their merry way, skipping toward said suspicious place. Said villager will tell the story of the suspicious place, inevitably using the words "doomed" "curse" and "the" and also maybe "Chlamydia." Of course, the place will either glow… spookily… or be disturbingly "normal" looking.

Inuyasha is pissed. The kind of pissed he often gets- like when you step in a pile of horse crap or you lose all of clothes in strip poker. Of course, he has to be pissed that somebody stole his woman. If he wasn't he'd just be bored. Like the rest of us.

So everyone's pissed or horny or emotionally unhinged. Anyway, the merry band are off to find Kagome. This time, they have realized that the diabolical villain is none other than a gigantic scary monster having some connection to Inuyasha's father, brother, sword-maker, mother, groomer, whoever is convenient.

So they have found the scary fortress. For whatever reason, Miroku and Sango have to wait outside. (Inuyasha and Kagome are going to need some alone time after the rescue so the fluff druggies stay hooked.)

So Miroku and Sango are hanging out outside. Inuyasha is charging in after his skank and Kagome is inside trying to pull some crazy psychiatrist shit on her abductor to understand his pain. Unfortunately for her, everyone else knows that aging nympho werewolf vampires don't have any unresolved issues (they have very supportive fathers.) What they do have is power lust.

So said ANWV is after the almighty power of the sacred jewel. Of course, Kagome, being the eternal screw-up that she is, only has two pieces since the rest were lost to punk ass bitch Naraku, who is invariably involved in the kidnapping. Why? Who really knows? If you had to wear a baboon suit, you'd be upset, too!

So Inuyasha comes charging in, sword swinging and rescues the fair maiden in distress. The fluff junkies are shaking. They are shivering as Inuyasha and Kagome act bashful. They are running through imaginary scenarios with all the creativity of a bad porno as the two try to speak... They are holding their breath as... a fight breaks out. Why? Remember that character development... No, of course you don't. Because it doesn't happen!

The fluff junkies are-

Oh, dear God, we lost one.

Those with no sense of humor are the junkies laying on the floor gasping for air, so they pose no threat. No flames will be necessary since they are burning in their own personal hells.

Those with a sense of humor are invited to just turn off the damn TV. More is coming! BEWARE!

In Memoriam: K.S. (Fluff Junkie #886-510B-1235Q)