Chapter 6

I don't think I'll ever forget the months I spent with Yuki. They seemed to fly by so quickly…I can't really put all that I felt in words. Maybe that's why people can't express their feelings because they try to put simple sentiments in complicated words that don't seem to do them justice. It's one of the reasons why I admire Yuki. He can say exactly what he wants using little and simple words.

We've been together for almost six months. At first it was hard because he couldn't accept my presence and used to push me away all the time. I practically forced myself into his life and also moved in with him, although he was against it. Sometimes I felt it was a mistake seeing as he used to call me Brat all the time or resort to other offensive names, 'idiot' being one of his favorites. I still don't know how I survived, although I'd like to think it was because of my blooming love I held for him but I knew I had just got used to it.

Fortunately he only treated me like that in the first two months together, after that something changed in him. He received a call from his brother Tatsuha and he disappeared a few days. When he returned, it was like he was a new man. He told me to stop calling him Yuki as it was only his pen-name; he said to call him by his given name Eiri. I considered it a huge step forward, but what really shocked a yelp out of me was the smile on his face. The very first smile he showed me and it nearly melted my inside. I was ecstatic, but I couldn't shake the nagging question at the back of my mind: 'What happened while he was gone?'

Whatever it may have been I was eternally grateful because in the following weeks he helped me become more responsible and more careful with what I did. I learned to cook, which was a huge feat in of itself, to clean and it never ceased to amaze me how patient he was. I mean he didn't lose it even when I nearly destroyed his kitchen, although he did take a long walk by himself afterwards. I tried to do everything to the best of my abilities because I wanted to be a better person so that he could trust me, be proud of me and that finally paid of two weeks ago when he told me about his past.

It was nightfall when I got home from work and I found him sitting on the couch looking intently at a photograph. It probably doesn't seem much of a big deal but if you could have seen the way he looked at it you would have agreed with my assumption that something was wrong. He had a lost and helpless expression on his face like he was in a world of his own full of regret and sorrow. I was surprised, I didn't know what to do leave him to his thoughts or talk to him.

"How come you didn't ask anything yet?" his voice broke through the silence startling me out of my musings.

"I was waiting for you to say something willingly. If you don't want me here, I could go to the bedroom and…"

"Where is the curious and hyperactive boy I met in the park and that has forced himself in my life? You really weren't going to ask?"

"Do you really want to get rid of me so badly?" I couldn't help myself his words really stung me.

As a response he gestured for me to take a seat on the couch next to him. He showed me a picture with his tutor, Kitazawa, and himself at the age of sixteen and he told me everything that happened.

"Here you have it; are you sure you want to stay with me now that you know I killed? Can you really still claim that you love me unconditionally?" I could practically read the doubt and bitterness in his eyes, and that wasn't all. It was something that truly scared me to see in his eyes: defeat. It seemed that he still hadn't got over the incident but damn if something like that will stop me.

"I can't believe you think that I'm going to leave you when I know it wasn't your fault. It was an accident and on top of that, you could have been raped. He betrayed you! It really hurts me that you regard me as such a superficial person that is going to leave you in a second when things became a little tougher."

"I want a straight answer Shuichi."

"Well I want you to realize that nothing is going to stop me from loving you and that you are stuck with me forever." And with that, I captured his lips in a gentle chaste kiss which he wholeheartedly returned.

"I'm never going to understand you. Do you want to go get something to eat?"

"Eiri…I'm tired. Can we go to bed now?"…At that moment I could have given up my whole collection of Nittle Grasper for a picture with him. He had a truly happy and content expression on his face.

Finally, a day off! Not that I'm complaining but these past weeks I feel that I've exaggerated a bit with work. Of course it's nothing but a minor problem seeing as everything has been going smoothly. Bad Luck is among the first places of the charts, I stopped being late at work, I haven't been arguing with Suguru, K doesn't have a reason to point his Magnum at me and Sakano is calm and collected. The part that has me giddy is that in a few days I'll be celebrating my 6 month anniversary with Eiri. I was sure it must be a crime to be able to feel so happy at once, but who was I to argue with fate? That day Eiri had been out having a meeting with his editor so I decided to clean his study for him because I knew he has been extra busy this period. When I entered the room, it was like a bolder hit me but fortunately it had only been the heavy smell of smoke. I opened the window and proceeded to clean his room. To my surprise I found his laptop open. He never leaves it open so he must have been in a hurry to meet Mizuki so the best thing to do is ignore it and go outside… I would have done so if it weren't for the fact that I caught a glimpse of his journal…

'In the end Satomi convinced me to tell everything about my past to Shuichi. What I find funny is the fact that he was right about what his reaction would be. He actually predicted it quite accurately. Shuichi is still the kid I met 6 months ago but at the same time everything changed. I'm really grateful to Satomi. He came all the way from Kyoto to talk to me earlier the day when I told Shuichi about Kitazawa. At the risk of becoming melancholic I have to confess that I was reminded days we spent together doing everything and anything. The only thing that ever got between us was Krystal. He would always find time for 'little Krissy'.

I can't believe he isn't going to tell her the truth. I wonder how he would have reacted had he known that she called only minutes before he arrived at my apartment. You ask me to trust you but it's hard especially when I think that any time she talks to me she could ask about you and I would have to lie to her. It's been three years and I can't help but wondering if you realize that the longer you lie to her the harder she will forgive you…'

"Are you reading my journal?" His voice froze me completely. I knew what I done was immoral and low but once I saw the name 'Satomi' I couldn't help myself..

"Why can you tell me about your past but you can't tell me about who Krystal and Satomi are? What role do they play in your life?"

"I told you it is too personal."

"Too personal? I'm supposed to be your BOYFRIEND! You still don't trust me? You need somebody to push you from behind to tell me about who you are? Tell me where have I gone wrong? What have I done to you?"

You don't have any right to read my journal…"

"Is it that Satomi is the person you actually love and I'm just an obstacle in your way to happiness?"

"Shuichi, Shut up!"

"Tell me Eiri, is that why you changed your attitude towards me? He found out about poor little old me who was always waiting for you?"

"Shuichi!"

"Did you tell him about the idiot that loves you so much and would do everything for you? I can imagine how the conversation went: 'Play with him a while honey, seeing as I'm in Kyoto and I can't be there with you all the time you should take advantage of the little puppy to keep you company. There's no reason for you to feel alone.'…Is that what he said or did he put it in a more elegant way with big and pompous words like you seem to prefer?"

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"Does the truth hurt?"

"I told you to get out before I lose my temper and I'll…"

"You'll what? Are you going to kill me?"

The next moment I felt a blinding pain and all went black.

I don't know how long I've been unconscious but I was starting to get cold. I woke up in front of the building with all my stuff neatly packed next to me. This was the end of my beautiful dream of love…I called a taxi and went to my apartment. Subconsciously I started thinking about all the time we spent together and I found that even though it hurt I couldn't stand being lied to anymore. As far as I was concerned if he really loved me he would have told me everything. Or…was it all just an illusion?