A/N: Okay, before I even begin, I want to thank two very special people for reviewing and making me feel all arm and fuzzy inside. They would be:

Kantala

sound-sheep

I love you!!

Thanks again Kanty-chan, sheep-chan/kun (sorry, I don't know which one!! TT!!)

And now: on with the fic!!

Kakashi awoke to something wet and cold.

"My God, are all you Konoha shinobi this stupid?" someone was saying. Apparently they had figured out he was awake…

"Stupid little shithead," a slightly-higher voice snarled. Female? Yikes-scary little girl. "Shouldda let Kabuto take him. I'm not good with torture…"

"I am," a male offered. Kakashi groaned.

"I'm going to die."

"By the time we're finished with you, little dipshit, you're gonna wish you were dead," the girl snapped. "Stupid little-"

"Tayuya, language."

Kakashi froze. He knew that voice…!

"And now, Kakashi, I believe we have a score to settle. Or rather, you do. Got anything to say for yourself?"

Kakashi glanced at Kabuto, one exposed eye pleading with him. "Don't do this. I will fight."

Kabuto sighed and stopped next to Kakashi's head. "Shame," he said smoothly. "I didn't want to kill you."

Kakashi sighed. "You don't have to kill me, you know."Kabuto smiled. "Oh, no, I won't kill you. Not when your blood is this smooth and rich…"A knife slid into his flesh, and Kakashi bit back a whine of pain. It wasn't unbearable yet, but it certainly wasn't a pleasant experience!

"I've been dying to show you exactly what you tried to fight," Kabuto whispered, sliding the knife across Kakashi's arm again, drawing a bit more blood. Kakashi sighed. If this was going to go on for hours, he might as well rip off the mask and start biting.

"Leave us."

The rest of the Sound ninja filed out of the room, leaving Kabuto alone with the bound and irritated Kakashi. Kabuto waited until the door had firmly closed to drop the knife and reach for Kakashi's mask.

"Let's see what that pretty face really looks like," he whispered, pushing one finger underneath the thin fabric of the mask.

"Don't."

Kabuto smiled. "So this is your weakness. What, you're so deformed you have to hide yourself?!"

He yanked down the mask, and two gasps ensued.

Only then did Kakashi notice Sasuke standing in the corner.

Sasuke's face twisted into a smirk. "Hello, little whore," he whispered, walking up to Kakashi and giving him a firm kick in the ribs. Kakashi gave a long, drawn-out whine of complaint, and Sasuke kicked him again, if only for the purpose of breaking the long whine.

"What do you want with me?" Kakashi whimpered, panting hard from the strength of the blows.

Sasuke shrugged. "I'm looking for another slave. You know how all good things come in twos?"

Kakashi didn't seem happy with the prospect. "What do you mean 'another?' God, Sasuke, how far have you gone…?"

Kabuto glared at Sasuke. "He's gone as far as to nearly kill Orochimaru-sama. He tied him down, beat him almost unconscious, and then raped him."

Kakashi's eyes widened. "So basically I'm a porn toy?"

Sasuke gave a simple nod that almost shattered Kakashi's sanity once and for all.

"So the only reason I'm being held here against my will is to be played with as a bondage-?!"

Kabuto plastered his hand over Kakashi's mouth, effectively silencing the jounin. "Shut up. The longer you put up with it and do what we tell you to, the longer you'll live."

Kakashi gave Kabuto his best death glare, which was fairly difficult when he was bound, on the ground, and being kept quiet only by a ninja's hand.

Kakashi sighed. He had the feeling this wasn't going to turn out well…for any of them…he sighed again. What he was about to do wasn't exactly glamorous…

Kakashi stuck out his tongue and ran it down the middle of Kabuto's palm.

"Oh, that is just nasty!!"Kabuto yanked his hand away, leaving Kakashi's mouth free. Kakashi spat at Kabuto's face, showing him a high amount of disrespect. Sasuke kicked him hard from behind, punishment for the disrespect.

Kakashi spun around, using the momentum to swing to his feet. He had picked up the kunai Kabuto had dropped and was now using it to cut away the ropes someone had taken great care to tie as tightly as possibly around his wrists. The bloody ropes fell to the ground, and Kakashi carefully pulled his mask back up. He just didn't feel comfortable without it.

Kakashi knew he wasn't going to be able to fight both of them at once. Kabuto might give him a little trouble, but other than that he would be okay with him. But Sasuke…Sasuke would be a living hell to battle. He should probably just make a run for it…

And he did.

He hacked blindly at Kabuto, shoving the genin to the ground in the process. Sasuke seemingly didn't have enough time to get to him before he bolted out the door, because it sounded like chaos behind him. Kakashi left his final words hanging over them before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

I never hated you.

OOOOOOOOOOO

As soon as Kakashi ran, Kabuto scrambled to his feet, hoping to get away before Sasuke had a chance to act. He knew the Uchiha would either punish him or make him go after Kakashi, and that would leave Orochimaru unguarded…

"Get Orochimaru," Sasuke snapped. "The two of you are to pursue Kakashi and capture him alive. If you can't, kill him. He's seen too much."

Kabuto gulped, nodded, and fled the room. His heart pounded; if he could get to Kakashi in time, he could save him…the jounin had no idea what he was up against, and would probably come back to save Sasuke. If Kabuto could convince him otherwise, it might help matters…

Kabuto shoved open the door after unlocking it, drinking in the scene as quickly as he could. Orochimaru was lying quietly in Kimimaro's arms, and the teen was absently stroking Orochimaru's soft black hair. Orochimaru looked up immediately as Kabuto came in, and Kimimaro seemed surprised to see him so soon.

"Did it work?"

Kabuto shook his head. "There were…a few…complications, if you will. Someone new showed up. I have to chase them, now, and as Sasuke's slave, Orochimaru-sama has to as well. That's why I'm taking him far away from here and seeing what will happen if I-"

"Kabuto!"

Kabuto stopped abruptly at the sound of Kimimaro's voice. "What?" he asked softly. He turned away from the many weapons that he was throwing into a bag and gazed into Kimimaro's sea-green eyes.

"You can't take him anywhere. Sasuke will find out almost immediately and catch up very quickly. And not only that, but he will kill anyone or anything that stands in his way."Kabuto sighed and plopped down on the bed next to Kimimaro. He reached over, put his arms around Orochimaru, and gently pulled the sannin into his lap. Orochimaru seemed relieved to have Kabuto back; he immediately settled into Kabuto's lap, tucking himself into the curve of Kabuto's arms. Kabuto almost smiled at the sight; the deadly golden eyes were closed, the long-fingered hands that had frequently been stained with blood were now draped over Kabuto's shoulders, quiet and motionless, and the lethal tongue was kept firmly in Orochimaru's mouth. His powerful jaws were closed, a deceiving hint of what lay beneath those soft, tempting lips…

Kabuto placed a small, chaste kiss on Orochimaru's lips, reveling in the way he tentatively reached up, begging for more as Kabuto pulled away.

"You sexy thing," Kimimaro teased, watching the both of them. Kabuto smiled.

"Which one of us?"

"Orochimaru-sama, of course!"

Kabuto's smile broadened and he cradled Orochimaru in his arms as he stood and kissed him again. "Gee, thanks. Anyway, what are we doing?"

"Going,."

A girl stood in the doorway, long red hair spilling out from underneath a black hat, the base of which was wrapped in bandages. Her tan dress was still drenched from her earlier act, although her make-up still ran a bit. Kabuto glanced at her. "Excuse me?"

"I'm-going. Final. I don't care what you do, little shitheads that everyone here seems to be, but I'm going after that stupid jounin and that's that!"

Kabuto looked down at Orochimaru. "Got anything to say about that?"

"Tayuya, watch your mouth," was the reply. Kabuto glanced back up Tayuya and smiled.

"Well, there's your answer. Anyway, shall we be going, then?"

"Not without me!"

Kidomaru had appeared behind Tayuya, smiling slightly despite the situation. Kabuto nodded. "Good. Any other takers?"

"Me."

Sakon and Ukon had come up on Tayuya's other side, each seeming excited for a fight. "We're a little sick of Sasuke. It's always been about him, and he is a bitch…"

"He won't let me eat chips!!"

Tayuya gave Jiroubou a cursory glance. "Gee, it's such a mystery why," she said dryly. I really should have drowned you when Kabuto-sensei gave me the chance."

"I never gave you a chance to drown him," Kabuto said smoothly. "Now, what's the plan?"

"Kimimaro hides Orochimaru-sama here so he can rest and heal, and we go after Sasuke," Sakon said. "See, we all planned this out while you and that damn jounin were having a love fest. And we came up with this: what I just told you, and that gives Orochimaru-sama to transform into one of us and just say that we were on a different mission and missed Kabuto's call for help on his mission. But only one of us, because Sasuke will see three of us leaving, and only three. The one he picks will pass ourselves off as him, but we need to know now, because Kabuto needs to whip up a little potion for us."

Kabuto handed him a small container. "Done. Latest version; should grow hair and bones for a period of time. I have color contacts somewhere in here…I can make them look like Orochimaru-sama's eyes. And if Tayuya still has make-up…"

Tayuya nodded and darted off, and Kabuto heard the door close firmly behind her. Kabuto gave a curt nod. "Now, since I have nothing to deal with breasts, and seeing as Tayuya is one of our best ninja, Sasuke might ask why we did not attempt first to find you before leaving. And that could get complicated…and like I said: boobs."

Tayuya had just come back, make-up in hand, and promptly bashed Kabuto over the head. "You got a problem with 'em?! I thought not! I think they're kinda sexy-!"

"Shhhhh!! Keep it down!!" Kimimaro reminded them. "Sasuke might hear-!"

Tayuya sighed. "Shut up about my boobs unless you want your face stuck between them!" She almost shoved her middle finger up Kabuto's nose, then thrust the make-up into his hands and walked away again, looking slightly miffed. Kabuto smiled.

"Okay; who's doing this?"

Sakon shrugged. "Ukon might have a problem…and so will Kidomaru. Well, if Ukon can stay in another body…but then his head-"

Jiroubou shook his head. "It's up to me."

Kabuto's eyebrows rose, but he nodded, and Sakon passed the container of…whatever Kabuto wanted it to be to Jiroubou. Jiroubou glanced at the small jar, turning it back and forth.

"What, do I eat it?'

Kabuto nodded. "Just think about what you want to look like and it'll make you look like that."Jiroubou shrugged and wordlessly unscrewed the cap. He sniffed at the substance, and Kabuto handed him a spoon.

"It's like peanut butter."

Jiroubou shrugged again and accepted the spoon Kabuto handed him. "How much?"

"A small mouthful."

Jiroubou swallowed, clearly disgusted with the taste. "Ick…essence of snake."

Orochimaru clearly didn't have the courage to give Jiroubou a death-glare, but Kabuto had already done so. Within the minute, Jiroubou had shrunk down to Orochimaru's height, and his hair was steadily lengthening and growing darker with every passing second. Jiroubou seemed interested in the whole process; he kept glancing down and looking at Orochimaru, settled quite comfortably now against Kabuto's chest. Finally, his height had fallen several inches to Orochimaru's, and his hair was long and flowing. Tayuya cocked her head curiously.

"How do ya feel?"

Jiroubou shrugged. "I dunno…actually, I feel kinda sexy…"

Kabuto sighed. "Hopeless. Absolutely hopeless."

Jiroubou leaned over, looking at his feet. "Hey, I can see my toes now!"

Kabuto sighed and opened the tray of make-up Tayuya had given him. "Let's see…purple…purple…purple…God, how many shades of purple can there possibly be?!"

Tayuya rolled her eyes. "Come here," she said, motioning to Orochimaru and Jiroubou. She snatched the tray back from Kabuto and held it up to Orochimaru's eyes, staring at the shades for a minute.

"Okay, here."

She pointed to a shade, then picked up a Q-tip and brushed a bit of the eye shadow on the back of her hand. "Yeah, that looks good…oh, good, that stuff changed your facial bones. Well, it'll make it ten times easier. One, because you're pretty now and two, because I don't have to create the illusion of shadows with this stuff to make your face loom different."

Jiroubou scowled, but it looked almost threatening on Orochimaru's face. Tayuya sighed as she glanced back and forth between the two ninja. "God, Orochimaru-sama, you're so white…have you ever seen the sun in your life?"

Orochimaru ignored the comment and let Kabuto put his arms around his shoulders. Tayuya sighed again. "Okay, I need some foundation…I'll be back."

Kabuto smiled and placed a small kiss in the hollow of Orochimaru's temple, brushing his hair back. "You are really pale. But I like you that way. It's sexy."

Orochimaru almost smiled.

Kabuto felt a rush of adrenaline at his achievement and kissed him again. Orochimaru leaned into the kiss, drawing back to make more contact with Kabuto's body. Kabuto glanced up at the door a second before Tayuya came back.

"Sasuke's coming!"

A/N: Swell, I got no where in this chapter. But hey, it's kind of funny to see Tayuya and Jiroubou fight, right? So here is the next chapter, and enjoy it!!