A/N: This is sort of a short chapter, but it was an extremely necessary one. I cried when I wrote this chapter because it explores some of the deeper meanings of pain and personal accountability. What does it mean to be accountable? And where do we draw the line when it comes to guilt and accountability? The line between accountability and acceptance of 'come what may'/ fate and karma is nearly as fine if not finer that the line between love and hate. It brings to mind the old adage . . . "Be careful what you wish for . . . you just might get it." - Kanzen Ne Tsuki
Haruko: This is a short chapter! -Phew- Didn't take me long to beta-read it, I must say, Lady Kanzen is getting better and better at this, very soon, she won't need me anymore. ^_^ I love this chapter, very necessary, but extremely heart-wrenching, especially since you already more or less know what's going to happen. It was very difficult for me to read it despite its short length because it tugged at something in me. Wonderful chapter!!! Read and review ok??
Chapter Eight
Fires of The Past
November, 1999
"Mum, I'm leaving for Jen's house, Ok?"
"Not so fast, Young Lady." Ayame Kamiya sternly called her daughter back from her frivolous flight out the front door of their modest 2 story home. "You still have chores to finish... remember?"
"Awwww, come on, Mum." Kaoru whined to her Mother's 'oh, no you don't, young lady' look, and rolled her eyes. "I've cleaned my room and the upstairs bathroom already. Isn't that good enough?"
"No. I have been asking you to clean up that mess you and your friends left down in the basement for over a week now, and you keep saying you'll get to it. Well, today is the day you are going to 'get to it'." Ayame loved her daughter dearly, but she was simply the worlds worst procrastinator when it came to getting to projects she really did not want to do. And ever since she and her girlfriends had trashed the basement during their all-night 'sleep-over', Ayame had been dogging her to clean up the mess of dried soda, paper plates, napkins, and smunched potato chips along with other assorted crumbs and paraphernalia that had been strewned around the large single room.
"But that will take hours, Mum." Kaoru protested as she angrily threw her bright pink backpack into one of the mauve colored chairs in her Mother's livingroom. "I promised Jen I'd be over there a half an hour ago."
"Well, then I guess you've better call her and tell her you are going to be late, hadn't you? Because you are not stepping foot out of this house until that basement is cleaned."
"Great..." Kaoru mumbled under her breath and stormed past her stubborn Mother. "Why does it have to be today and right now? Why can't it wait until tomorrow?"
"Because, Tanuki, if I keep letting you put it off until 'tomorrow', I am going to have to open a mouse motel for all the little rodents that are showing up down there to more than happily eat the graciously discarded offerings you and your friends left for them."
"Ewwwwwww, Mum... that's gross. What did you have to go an mention 'mice' for? You know I hate mice." Kaoru suspicisouly eyed the basement door as if it were an explosives depot, and then turned her large expressive blue eyes back to her Mother. "Do I really have to go
down there?"
"Take a broom. Not only can you sweep up the mess, but it will work well as a bludgeoning club for you unwanted little guests."
"MUM!" Kaoru whailed loudly and ran for the bathroom. "You can't make me go down there... Daddy would never make me go down there."
"Wanna bet?" The deep masculine voice of Ishida Kamiya sounded just beyond the doorway, and then his dark haired head was peaking around the edge. "You are going to go down there, I am going to make you go down there, and you will do exactly what you Mother told you to."
"But, Da..."
"No buts, Tanuki. You have put this off, and put it off until the smell down there is terrible. Now get up and stop fooling around. I know you aren't that grossed out by the thought of a few mice, your just stonewalling again."
"But Daddy, I can't do the whole thing by myself. It will take me all day."
"It had better not, Tanuki." He gave his hem-hawing teen a stern look. "If it takes you longer than two or three hours, then I will know your goofing off down there, and you will definitely be grounded for the whole weekend."
"But Daddy..."
"Enough 'buts' already!" Ishida had finally lost his patience completely with his 15 year old daughter who cowered beneath his flashing indigo eyes. "Move it!"
Knowing she was totally out of options and leeway, Kaoru timidly scurried passed her angry parents and disappeared through the basement door closing it with a quiet 'click' behind her as she went. She had to walk clear into the center of the large room in order to grab the pull-chain that pulled on the 60-watt lightbulb which was the only source of illumination for the dim dungeon-like space.
"Yuck." Looking around at the cluttered mess that greeted her disgruntled attitude, Kaoru felt the rise of teenage anger rise up from deep inside of her. "This could have waited until later." She huffed as she kicked several rumpled napkins aside and stomped on the already molding crumbs of long forgotten muffins of some sort. "I really wanted to go over to Jen's this afternoon... But, nooooooo, I have to clean this stupid basement or I get grounded. That is sooooo stupid. I hate the two of them when they get like this. I mean, what is the big flipping deal? So what if there is a little bit of crumbs and stuff on the floor? It's not like it's gonna start a fire or something. Geez, Parents are such a pain in the butt." As she continued to grumble about her parents, Kaoru started to clean up some of the garbage and toss it in the big plastic bucket her Father had so lovingly provided for her at some earlier point in the day.
"It looks like they have been planning on ruining my day for some time." She muttered angrily as she dropped the last of the hand-held garbage into the bucket. "Wasn't that nice of them... thinking of me like that?" Thick sarcasm colored her tone as her pretty blue eyes narrowed into furious slits of rich indigo that closely resembled that of her Father's. "Sometimes I wish there weren't here so they'd just leave me alone so I could do whatever I wanted." A malicious little smile slowly curled across her mouth turning in into an unattractive snarl of sorts as she envisioned her life without her parents always breathing down her neck and telling her what to do. "Yeah, I wish they would just disappear and leave me alone." With that wickedly spoken half-truth, Kaoru turned and began sweeping the cold bare cement floor. All the while, the iciness of a cold stone of something she chose to ignore began to grow heavy within her heart, but it was small and easy to set aside so she did.
As the pile of dust and debris grew, Kaoru realized she did not have a dust pan with her, and not wanting to go back up stairs to face anymore of her parents angry or snide remarks, she decided to improvise. Looking around the room, she spied a perfect place, and hurriedly swept the pile of dirt and dust-bunnies over the floor. Once reaching her destination, she quickly and deftly swept the pile out of sight and out of mind with several sharp vindictive strokes.
"There," She announced to the room and whatever 'occupants' within who cared to be listening. "I am finished, and if they don't like it... Tough." Haughtily she strutted over to the closet and put the broom away, and then turned around to survey the room. "I think it looks pristine, if I say so myself, and it only took two hours. Let them chew on that."
As she marched up the stairs, she was feeling exceptionally cocky and unrepentant about her attitude and the things she had said to herself. She had finished the unpleasant chore in record time, and there was not one thing either one of them could say about it.
"I'm finished." She announced in a snippy voice to the two adults setting in the living room watching TV.
"Of course you are, Koishii." Her Mother gave her a huge smile and stood up to give her an ever bigger hug. "I knew you could do it if you put your mind to it."
"I... ahhh, what?" Kaoru stuttered and stared at her Mother in shock. This was not the reaction she had been expecting.
"All you needed was a little shove, Tanuki, and I knew you'd get it done in no time. Here," Ayame handed her a plate covered with aluminum foil. "I made some cookies for you to take with you over to Jen's house. Oh, don't worry," She patted Kaoru's astonished face. "I called over there and told her Mom to tell her you'd be over in a bit when you were done with chores. So, everything is just fine. I even said you could spend the night... If you want to?"
"Oh Mum," Kaoru was suddenly excited and contrite all at the same time. "I'm sorry I was such a brat, I really am." She threw her free arm around her Mother's neck and hugged her tightly. "I love you, Mum. Thanks."
"Your welcome, Tanuki." Ayame hugged her tempermental daughter again, and then gave her a gentle shove toward the front door. "Go on now. You better hurry. Jen's Mom said they were going to Barbeque for dinner, and I know how much you love that."
"Oh, WOW! Ok, I'll see you then. Thank's again Mom. Love you, bye." And she was out the front door like a flash.
"Don't you just wish you had that much energy, Aymes?" Ishida looked up from the TV and smiled lovingly at his beautiful wife. "If you did, we wouldn't have to farm the kids out just to have a little bit of fun."
"ISHIDA!" Ayame looked at him in mock horror, but her eyes were twinkling wickedly. "Shame on you, you terrible man."
"Yeah, but you love me." He chuckled and reached out to try and slap her still shapely rear as she dove past him.
"Yessss..." She squealed like a teenager as she barely managed to avoid his well aimed palm. "Yes, I do." Sherry color eyes twinkling with merry amusement locked with his just before she disappeared into the kitchen to start dinner. There was a promise in those beautiful eyes, a promise Ishida cherished more than life itself. A promise of a lifetime of love everlasting, and that was more precious to him than the air he breathed.
It was the smell that woke him up first. It was like a suffocating blanket of fire burning in his lungs stealing his breath and making his eyes water until he could hardly see.
GAS!
'Oh Dear God!' His mind started racing in panic as the meaning of that word registered in his foggy brain. 'The house is filled with Gas... Ayame... Yahiko... THE WATER HEATER... THE FURNACE... OH MY GOD, THE PILOT LIGHTS!' Ishida tried to get out of bed but his legs buckled underneath him the moment he put his weight on them. The gas had already started to damage and slow his muscluar-nervous system as well as affecting his respiratory system. He could hardly move, but his mind was screaming in urgent ferocious panic that he had to get his family out of the house before the Gas caught. He had to get them out NOW. 'God!' He prayed as he drug himself along the floor to the other side of the bed he shared with his wife. 'Help me! Help me!"
Ishida pulled himself up with the sheet and the edge of the mattress until he was looking into Ayame's face, she was barely breathing and looked frighteningly pale. Her face was covered with the wetness of tearing from her burning eyes, and he knew he had to somehow wake her up before she completely succumbed to the suffocating effects of the choking gas.
"A- coughcough Ayame coughcough-cough A-ayame..." He patted her face and shook her shoulder as rough as he could with his rubbery muscles. "Saiai... coughcough wake-up coughcough A-ayame cough Ayame coughcough Ayame..." 'God! Oh God... Help.' "Sai- cough-saiai coughcoughcough wake up." Finally her eyelids fluttered and then opened.
She was seized by a horrible fit of coughing that left bloody spittle on the pillowcase and on her lips. "I-ishida?" Her huge round eyes were filled with fear and confusion. "What coughcough is cough hap-pening?"
"Gas." Was all he could say. "Have coughcough to get out coughcough."
"Yah-hi coughcough..."
"I'll get him."
"No... I'm com- coughcoughcough..."
"N-noooo coughcoughcough... get out... coughcough... get out. P-pilots... f-fire." He looked her full in the face and she could see the determination and fear on his face. "G-go... P-pl-cough-please." She finally nodded and tried to stand up, but found herself falling to the floor the same as Ishida. "C-crawl." He motioned for her to follow him and they painfully crawled through the semi-dark into the hallway. "Go..." He nudged her towards the stairs and they both managed to roll down the single flight without getting hurt. "Out... coughcoughcoughcough... side... coughcough... out-side cough Ayame, outside." They lay and looked at one another long and hard for the briefest instant sharing a lifetime of deepest love and devotion in that single look. And then Ishida turned and crawled toward their son's room.
That was the last time Ishida and Ayame ever saw each other.
She lost consciousness before making it all the way to the front door, and as Ishida Kamiya used the last of his strength and breath to throw his 11 year old son, Yahiko, from the open bedroom window, the heating mechanism in the gas furnace located in the basement clicked on and automatically lit the pilot light located in its base, thus lighting the heating element within. As this occurred, a deadly chain reaction was sent into motion. The lethal swirling pool of gas, that had been gradually collecting around the basement floor as a result of a partially opened valve next to the water heater, was instantaneously ignited into a living ball of flame which was sucked up into the vacuum of the aluminum heating ducts where the gas had also been gathering and slowly filling the house turning it into a waiting Roman Candle.
As the fire ball seethed through the aluminum fuse, it took less than 3 seconds for it too find every open vent in the modest home, and then everything in the world that Ishida and Ayame Kamiya had worked their whole lives for had gone up in one massive ball of flames as the Gas in each room was ignited and the house exploded upon itself.
Ishida and Ayame died instantly.
Yahiko was blown 50 yards away and left to watch his parents die.
The neighbors, awakened by the thunderous blast, poured from their homes in horror and someone called 911 even though there was no single possibility the couple could have survived the blast. The fire had to be contained. Someone was sent to find Kaoru.
She had to be hospitalized for nearly two weeks because of severe hysteria and total nervous collapse. She kept repeating over and over that it was her fault her parents were dead, that she was responsible, that she had killed them, that is was an accident. No one could understand what she meant, no one could console or control her. Even counseling had not helped. She continued to blame herself for what had happened, although she never said a word to her younger brother, she knew it was her fault. Somehow, because of what she had said, she had made it come true. She had managed to kill her own parents.
She remembered listening to the Police Arsonists Investigators talk after the fire was officially closed and the insurance company was finally willing to pay the life insurance on both her parents and on the house. They had been standing inside their office talking, and she had gone to thank them for doing such a good job and helping with the claims. They had never even seen her.
"It was a very sad thing to find." The lead investigator had said. "But it appeared that somehow the gas valve on the water heater had been partially opened."
"Opened?" The other investigator had sounded stunned at the prospect.
"Yes, opened. Just a small turn, but it was enough to have let gas leak into that basement for the better part of the day and that night, so when the furnace kicked on and lit its pilot... boom. The whole thing went up like a torch. There was nothing anyone could have done. It is a wonder the Kamiya man woke up at all with the amount of gas that had to have been leaking through that house by the time things went up."
"Those poor kids."
"Yeah, real shame."
"Hey, didn't I read in your report that there was a big pile of dirt or something around the water heater? Was that what I read?"
"Oh, yeah. That was sort of strange. It didn't get blown away because the fireball went up the ducts, you know."
"Yeah, weird."
"Yeah. Anyway, the basement was fairly well untouched, and I did find this real neat-like pile of dirt and heavy dust underneath and behind that heater. Almost looked like it had been swept there."
"Didn't look quite natural, huh?"
"Nope, not quite."
"Could have been swept like you said. You know kids."
"Yeah, I know kids. Gotta couple of my own at home, but the problem with this is that if this was something that just happened... well, a bump of a broom could very easily have jarred that valve and opened the gas leak."
"Oh man, you have got to be shitting me?"
"Nope. I wish I was."
"You telling me that everything that little girl has been saying could very well be true?"
"Yup, but I'm not gonna put that in my report. Would you?"
"Hell no. It would scar that kid for the rest of her life if she knew that she really could be responsible. Geez."
"Tell me about it."
She had quietly left without anyone noticing her, and then took a bus over to the park where she had sat looking at the iced over pond for hours and hours until she could not see anymore.
"I killed them." She said to herself in a small cold voice that left a hole of desolation the size of the moon inside of her soul. "I wished they would go away and leave me alone... and they have." Tears were flooding down her thin pale cheeks as her heart turned to stone and her soul froze itself into a sarcophagus ice. "I can never forgive myself for this, never." And she had remained looking at the dismal frozen world of winter until her worried Foster parents came looking for her with a terrified Yahiko in tow.
That was the day Kaoru Kamiya lost her sparkle, lost her smile, lost her laugh, and lost her desire to ever be noticed by anyone again.
That was the day she wished she could be invisible. It worked once. Why should it not work again? She had wished that her parents would go... Why should she not be able to wish herself gone as well?
Pity, it never did work.
God Bless my little Tanuki-chan. She has delved into the world of Karma vs Accountability. Sometimes in order to go forward in life, in order to learn and grow, in order to progress and become more than we are we must experience great pain and even greater trials.
To be baptized by the Flames of Hell and live is to be a Survivor. To learn, and step forward onto life's battlefield's with courage, a beating heart, and living soul is to be a Teacher.
May we all have the strength to survive, learn from our pain and grief, and progress on to share what we have learn with lose who still lie suffering on the battlefields around us. But may we never become so arrogant that we forget we are all still children in this world, and only God can heal all wounds. Faith is the key to finding the pathway out of the dark into the light, and there is always enough to be shared with someone else. Just like a warm blanket. Share what you know with those you are in need. Life is too short to be lost and alone.
Kanzen Ne Tsuki
Haruko: This is a short chapter! -Phew- Didn't take me long to beta-read it, I must say, Lady Kanzen is getting better and better at this, very soon, she won't need me anymore. ^_^ I love this chapter, very necessary, but extremely heart-wrenching, especially since you already more or less know what's going to happen. It was very difficult for me to read it despite its short length because it tugged at something in me. Wonderful chapter!!! Read and review ok??
Chapter Eight
Fires of The Past
November, 1999
"Mum, I'm leaving for Jen's house, Ok?"
"Not so fast, Young Lady." Ayame Kamiya sternly called her daughter back from her frivolous flight out the front door of their modest 2 story home. "You still have chores to finish... remember?"
"Awwww, come on, Mum." Kaoru whined to her Mother's 'oh, no you don't, young lady' look, and rolled her eyes. "I've cleaned my room and the upstairs bathroom already. Isn't that good enough?"
"No. I have been asking you to clean up that mess you and your friends left down in the basement for over a week now, and you keep saying you'll get to it. Well, today is the day you are going to 'get to it'." Ayame loved her daughter dearly, but she was simply the worlds worst procrastinator when it came to getting to projects she really did not want to do. And ever since she and her girlfriends had trashed the basement during their all-night 'sleep-over', Ayame had been dogging her to clean up the mess of dried soda, paper plates, napkins, and smunched potato chips along with other assorted crumbs and paraphernalia that had been strewned around the large single room.
"But that will take hours, Mum." Kaoru protested as she angrily threw her bright pink backpack into one of the mauve colored chairs in her Mother's livingroom. "I promised Jen I'd be over there a half an hour ago."
"Well, then I guess you've better call her and tell her you are going to be late, hadn't you? Because you are not stepping foot out of this house until that basement is cleaned."
"Great..." Kaoru mumbled under her breath and stormed past her stubborn Mother. "Why does it have to be today and right now? Why can't it wait until tomorrow?"
"Because, Tanuki, if I keep letting you put it off until 'tomorrow', I am going to have to open a mouse motel for all the little rodents that are showing up down there to more than happily eat the graciously discarded offerings you and your friends left for them."
"Ewwwwwww, Mum... that's gross. What did you have to go an mention 'mice' for? You know I hate mice." Kaoru suspicisouly eyed the basement door as if it were an explosives depot, and then turned her large expressive blue eyes back to her Mother. "Do I really have to go
down there?"
"Take a broom. Not only can you sweep up the mess, but it will work well as a bludgeoning club for you unwanted little guests."
"MUM!" Kaoru whailed loudly and ran for the bathroom. "You can't make me go down there... Daddy would never make me go down there."
"Wanna bet?" The deep masculine voice of Ishida Kamiya sounded just beyond the doorway, and then his dark haired head was peaking around the edge. "You are going to go down there, I am going to make you go down there, and you will do exactly what you Mother told you to."
"But, Da..."
"No buts, Tanuki. You have put this off, and put it off until the smell down there is terrible. Now get up and stop fooling around. I know you aren't that grossed out by the thought of a few mice, your just stonewalling again."
"But Daddy, I can't do the whole thing by myself. It will take me all day."
"It had better not, Tanuki." He gave his hem-hawing teen a stern look. "If it takes you longer than two or three hours, then I will know your goofing off down there, and you will definitely be grounded for the whole weekend."
"But Daddy..."
"Enough 'buts' already!" Ishida had finally lost his patience completely with his 15 year old daughter who cowered beneath his flashing indigo eyes. "Move it!"
Knowing she was totally out of options and leeway, Kaoru timidly scurried passed her angry parents and disappeared through the basement door closing it with a quiet 'click' behind her as she went. She had to walk clear into the center of the large room in order to grab the pull-chain that pulled on the 60-watt lightbulb which was the only source of illumination for the dim dungeon-like space.
"Yuck." Looking around at the cluttered mess that greeted her disgruntled attitude, Kaoru felt the rise of teenage anger rise up from deep inside of her. "This could have waited until later." She huffed as she kicked several rumpled napkins aside and stomped on the already molding crumbs of long forgotten muffins of some sort. "I really wanted to go over to Jen's this afternoon... But, nooooooo, I have to clean this stupid basement or I get grounded. That is sooooo stupid. I hate the two of them when they get like this. I mean, what is the big flipping deal? So what if there is a little bit of crumbs and stuff on the floor? It's not like it's gonna start a fire or something. Geez, Parents are such a pain in the butt." As she continued to grumble about her parents, Kaoru started to clean up some of the garbage and toss it in the big plastic bucket her Father had so lovingly provided for her at some earlier point in the day.
"It looks like they have been planning on ruining my day for some time." She muttered angrily as she dropped the last of the hand-held garbage into the bucket. "Wasn't that nice of them... thinking of me like that?" Thick sarcasm colored her tone as her pretty blue eyes narrowed into furious slits of rich indigo that closely resembled that of her Father's. "Sometimes I wish there weren't here so they'd just leave me alone so I could do whatever I wanted." A malicious little smile slowly curled across her mouth turning in into an unattractive snarl of sorts as she envisioned her life without her parents always breathing down her neck and telling her what to do. "Yeah, I wish they would just disappear and leave me alone." With that wickedly spoken half-truth, Kaoru turned and began sweeping the cold bare cement floor. All the while, the iciness of a cold stone of something she chose to ignore began to grow heavy within her heart, but it was small and easy to set aside so she did.
As the pile of dust and debris grew, Kaoru realized she did not have a dust pan with her, and not wanting to go back up stairs to face anymore of her parents angry or snide remarks, she decided to improvise. Looking around the room, she spied a perfect place, and hurriedly swept the pile of dirt and dust-bunnies over the floor. Once reaching her destination, she quickly and deftly swept the pile out of sight and out of mind with several sharp vindictive strokes.
"There," She announced to the room and whatever 'occupants' within who cared to be listening. "I am finished, and if they don't like it... Tough." Haughtily she strutted over to the closet and put the broom away, and then turned around to survey the room. "I think it looks pristine, if I say so myself, and it only took two hours. Let them chew on that."
As she marched up the stairs, she was feeling exceptionally cocky and unrepentant about her attitude and the things she had said to herself. She had finished the unpleasant chore in record time, and there was not one thing either one of them could say about it.
"I'm finished." She announced in a snippy voice to the two adults setting in the living room watching TV.
"Of course you are, Koishii." Her Mother gave her a huge smile and stood up to give her an ever bigger hug. "I knew you could do it if you put your mind to it."
"I... ahhh, what?" Kaoru stuttered and stared at her Mother in shock. This was not the reaction she had been expecting.
"All you needed was a little shove, Tanuki, and I knew you'd get it done in no time. Here," Ayame handed her a plate covered with aluminum foil. "I made some cookies for you to take with you over to Jen's house. Oh, don't worry," She patted Kaoru's astonished face. "I called over there and told her Mom to tell her you'd be over in a bit when you were done with chores. So, everything is just fine. I even said you could spend the night... If you want to?"
"Oh Mum," Kaoru was suddenly excited and contrite all at the same time. "I'm sorry I was such a brat, I really am." She threw her free arm around her Mother's neck and hugged her tightly. "I love you, Mum. Thanks."
"Your welcome, Tanuki." Ayame hugged her tempermental daughter again, and then gave her a gentle shove toward the front door. "Go on now. You better hurry. Jen's Mom said they were going to Barbeque for dinner, and I know how much you love that."
"Oh, WOW! Ok, I'll see you then. Thank's again Mom. Love you, bye." And she was out the front door like a flash.
"Don't you just wish you had that much energy, Aymes?" Ishida looked up from the TV and smiled lovingly at his beautiful wife. "If you did, we wouldn't have to farm the kids out just to have a little bit of fun."
"ISHIDA!" Ayame looked at him in mock horror, but her eyes were twinkling wickedly. "Shame on you, you terrible man."
"Yeah, but you love me." He chuckled and reached out to try and slap her still shapely rear as she dove past him.
"Yessss..." She squealed like a teenager as she barely managed to avoid his well aimed palm. "Yes, I do." Sherry color eyes twinkling with merry amusement locked with his just before she disappeared into the kitchen to start dinner. There was a promise in those beautiful eyes, a promise Ishida cherished more than life itself. A promise of a lifetime of love everlasting, and that was more precious to him than the air he breathed.
It was the smell that woke him up first. It was like a suffocating blanket of fire burning in his lungs stealing his breath and making his eyes water until he could hardly see.
GAS!
'Oh Dear God!' His mind started racing in panic as the meaning of that word registered in his foggy brain. 'The house is filled with Gas... Ayame... Yahiko... THE WATER HEATER... THE FURNACE... OH MY GOD, THE PILOT LIGHTS!' Ishida tried to get out of bed but his legs buckled underneath him the moment he put his weight on them. The gas had already started to damage and slow his muscluar-nervous system as well as affecting his respiratory system. He could hardly move, but his mind was screaming in urgent ferocious panic that he had to get his family out of the house before the Gas caught. He had to get them out NOW. 'God!' He prayed as he drug himself along the floor to the other side of the bed he shared with his wife. 'Help me! Help me!"
Ishida pulled himself up with the sheet and the edge of the mattress until he was looking into Ayame's face, she was barely breathing and looked frighteningly pale. Her face was covered with the wetness of tearing from her burning eyes, and he knew he had to somehow wake her up before she completely succumbed to the suffocating effects of the choking gas.
"A- coughcough Ayame coughcough-cough A-ayame..." He patted her face and shook her shoulder as rough as he could with his rubbery muscles. "Saiai... coughcough wake-up coughcough A-ayame cough Ayame coughcough Ayame..." 'God! Oh God... Help.' "Sai- cough-saiai coughcoughcough wake up." Finally her eyelids fluttered and then opened.
She was seized by a horrible fit of coughing that left bloody spittle on the pillowcase and on her lips. "I-ishida?" Her huge round eyes were filled with fear and confusion. "What coughcough is cough hap-pening?"
"Gas." Was all he could say. "Have coughcough to get out coughcough."
"Yah-hi coughcough..."
"I'll get him."
"No... I'm com- coughcoughcough..."
"N-noooo coughcoughcough... get out... coughcough... get out. P-pilots... f-fire." He looked her full in the face and she could see the determination and fear on his face. "G-go... P-pl-cough-please." She finally nodded and tried to stand up, but found herself falling to the floor the same as Ishida. "C-crawl." He motioned for her to follow him and they painfully crawled through the semi-dark into the hallway. "Go..." He nudged her towards the stairs and they both managed to roll down the single flight without getting hurt. "Out... coughcoughcoughcough... side... coughcough... out-side cough Ayame, outside." They lay and looked at one another long and hard for the briefest instant sharing a lifetime of deepest love and devotion in that single look. And then Ishida turned and crawled toward their son's room.
That was the last time Ishida and Ayame ever saw each other.
She lost consciousness before making it all the way to the front door, and as Ishida Kamiya used the last of his strength and breath to throw his 11 year old son, Yahiko, from the open bedroom window, the heating mechanism in the gas furnace located in the basement clicked on and automatically lit the pilot light located in its base, thus lighting the heating element within. As this occurred, a deadly chain reaction was sent into motion. The lethal swirling pool of gas, that had been gradually collecting around the basement floor as a result of a partially opened valve next to the water heater, was instantaneously ignited into a living ball of flame which was sucked up into the vacuum of the aluminum heating ducts where the gas had also been gathering and slowly filling the house turning it into a waiting Roman Candle.
As the fire ball seethed through the aluminum fuse, it took less than 3 seconds for it too find every open vent in the modest home, and then everything in the world that Ishida and Ayame Kamiya had worked their whole lives for had gone up in one massive ball of flames as the Gas in each room was ignited and the house exploded upon itself.
Ishida and Ayame died instantly.
Yahiko was blown 50 yards away and left to watch his parents die.
The neighbors, awakened by the thunderous blast, poured from their homes in horror and someone called 911 even though there was no single possibility the couple could have survived the blast. The fire had to be contained. Someone was sent to find Kaoru.
She had to be hospitalized for nearly two weeks because of severe hysteria and total nervous collapse. She kept repeating over and over that it was her fault her parents were dead, that she was responsible, that she had killed them, that is was an accident. No one could understand what she meant, no one could console or control her. Even counseling had not helped. She continued to blame herself for what had happened, although she never said a word to her younger brother, she knew it was her fault. Somehow, because of what she had said, she had made it come true. She had managed to kill her own parents.
She remembered listening to the Police Arsonists Investigators talk after the fire was officially closed and the insurance company was finally willing to pay the life insurance on both her parents and on the house. They had been standing inside their office talking, and she had gone to thank them for doing such a good job and helping with the claims. They had never even seen her.
"It was a very sad thing to find." The lead investigator had said. "But it appeared that somehow the gas valve on the water heater had been partially opened."
"Opened?" The other investigator had sounded stunned at the prospect.
"Yes, opened. Just a small turn, but it was enough to have let gas leak into that basement for the better part of the day and that night, so when the furnace kicked on and lit its pilot... boom. The whole thing went up like a torch. There was nothing anyone could have done. It is a wonder the Kamiya man woke up at all with the amount of gas that had to have been leaking through that house by the time things went up."
"Those poor kids."
"Yeah, real shame."
"Hey, didn't I read in your report that there was a big pile of dirt or something around the water heater? Was that what I read?"
"Oh, yeah. That was sort of strange. It didn't get blown away because the fireball went up the ducts, you know."
"Yeah, weird."
"Yeah. Anyway, the basement was fairly well untouched, and I did find this real neat-like pile of dirt and heavy dust underneath and behind that heater. Almost looked like it had been swept there."
"Didn't look quite natural, huh?"
"Nope, not quite."
"Could have been swept like you said. You know kids."
"Yeah, I know kids. Gotta couple of my own at home, but the problem with this is that if this was something that just happened... well, a bump of a broom could very easily have jarred that valve and opened the gas leak."
"Oh man, you have got to be shitting me?"
"Nope. I wish I was."
"You telling me that everything that little girl has been saying could very well be true?"
"Yup, but I'm not gonna put that in my report. Would you?"
"Hell no. It would scar that kid for the rest of her life if she knew that she really could be responsible. Geez."
"Tell me about it."
She had quietly left without anyone noticing her, and then took a bus over to the park where she had sat looking at the iced over pond for hours and hours until she could not see anymore.
"I killed them." She said to herself in a small cold voice that left a hole of desolation the size of the moon inside of her soul. "I wished they would go away and leave me alone... and they have." Tears were flooding down her thin pale cheeks as her heart turned to stone and her soul froze itself into a sarcophagus ice. "I can never forgive myself for this, never." And she had remained looking at the dismal frozen world of winter until her worried Foster parents came looking for her with a terrified Yahiko in tow.
That was the day Kaoru Kamiya lost her sparkle, lost her smile, lost her laugh, and lost her desire to ever be noticed by anyone again.
That was the day she wished she could be invisible. It worked once. Why should it not work again? She had wished that her parents would go... Why should she not be able to wish herself gone as well?
Pity, it never did work.
God Bless my little Tanuki-chan. She has delved into the world of Karma vs Accountability. Sometimes in order to go forward in life, in order to learn and grow, in order to progress and become more than we are we must experience great pain and even greater trials.
To be baptized by the Flames of Hell and live is to be a Survivor. To learn, and step forward onto life's battlefield's with courage, a beating heart, and living soul is to be a Teacher.
May we all have the strength to survive, learn from our pain and grief, and progress on to share what we have learn with lose who still lie suffering on the battlefields around us. But may we never become so arrogant that we forget we are all still children in this world, and only God can heal all wounds. Faith is the key to finding the pathway out of the dark into the light, and there is always enough to be shared with someone else. Just like a warm blanket. Share what you know with those you are in need. Life is too short to be lost and alone.
Kanzen Ne Tsuki