It would never have been the same
All our time
Would have been in vain
Cause you had to go
Kat came down the stairs slowly. She found Dean in the living room standing by the fire place sipping a beer. She looked around but didn't see Sam or Bobby around. She guessed they had left to give her some time alone with Dean. She sighed. She knew they were going to need it. She walked over to him and stood beside him. She wore only one of his t-shirts. She looked up and met his eyes when they looked at her.
"I'm sorry. I said some things... Some things that I shouldn't have," she whispered.
"No, Kitten, I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't... I shouldn't have started in on you like that. I know that being here, being pregnant without me... It must have been hard and... You had to make some hard choices," Dean said setting the beer down and reaching for her hand.
"I know you don't accept them. I wonder... Will you ever be able to look at me like you use to?"
Dean turned towards Kat. He pulled her in his arms glad that he could hold her in his arms again. He reached out and brushed her hair over her shoulder feeling the softness of it and remembering many times when his hands had been tangled in her hair. He leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips feeling her tears fall on his cheeks. He pulled away and stroked her cheeks with his thumbs.
"Yes, I will. I just... I need time. I think we both do. I just know that I never, ever want to be away from you again. When I came back here without you... I had this hole in my heart. I thought what I was doing was right but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I should have let you come with me. We could have had more time together," he said kissing her again.
"We have time now. We can't change the past but we can make our future better. For Adora."
"I love that little girl, Katerina. Thank you. Thank you for giving her to me."
"I didn't do it alone. She does have half your DNA," Kat laughed looking in Dean's eyes.
"Well, that's why she's so cute."
"You saying I'm not cute?"
Kat smiled when Dean kissed her again. She pulled away and ran her hand down his chest. She had missed just the simple act of touching him. She closed her eyes and let more tears fall. She felt Dean wipe them away. She rested her head on his chest and heard his heart beating. She let more tears fall and buried her face against his chest.
Dean realized that it was finally hitting home for Kat. He was back and he was alive. He kissed her on the head then swung her up in his arms. He felt her snuggle against him. He carried her up the stairs and to the room Bobby had said she could stay in. He gently placed her on the bed and stood up. He pulled off his shirt and then sat on the bed. He pulled off his boots stopping when he felt Kat place a soft kiss on his back. He turned and she kissed him on the lips. He pulled away and looked into her grey eyes grateful she was there with him.
"Hold me tonight, please. Just hold me," she asked softly looking at him her eyes filled with love.
"I'll hold you tonight and every night after," Dean answered.
Kat smiled. She laid back in the bed and watched as Dean stood up and pulled off his jeans leaving him in his black boxers. He climbed in bed beside her and she was so thankful that the bed was only a double. She cuddled close to him and rested her head on his chest. She hooked one leg around Dean's hips and smiled when she heard him chuckle a little as he stroked her hair.
"I'm not going anywhere," he told her loving the feel of her curled around him again.
"Just want to make sure. Without you beside me I... I found out I don't sleep well," she answered feeling sleep pull at her.
"Well, I'm here now. So go to sleep, Kitten. I'll be here in the morning."
"I love you, Dean."
"I love you too."
Kat woke up when she felt Dean twitching beside her. She sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She heard him moan and swore. She touched his forehead and he was warm to the touch. She knew he was having a nightmare of Hell. She shook him gently trying to wake him.
"Dean, wake up," she said wincing when she heard him moan in pain.
"No, please don't," Dean cried out.
He lashed out and Kat didn't have time to move. He punched her in the face. She swore and held her face. She felt blood from where he had busted her lip. She reached out and placed her hand on his forehead. He started to fight her, she knew he was really fighting off the person who was hurting him in his nightmare but he was still going to leave bruises on her body.
"Excito sursum quod solvo," she said hating that it had come to this; her using her powers on him.
Dean's eyes snapped open the nightmare gone. He took deep breaths and turned. He swore when he saw Kat looking at him. He reached out and touched her lip. She flinched and he let his hand drop. He looked at the rest of her and saw the red marks on her skin where his hands had held her arms tight, the marks his nails had made in her skin as they dug in. He felt tears come to his eyes. He had hurt Kat. He looked up and knew she would have a bruise on her jaw and a busted lip. He went to climb out of bed but Kat stopped him. She took his arm and pulled him back towards her.
"I used my powers to wake you up. Sorry, but I didn't want you to suffer anymore," she said stroking his cheek.
"Didn't want me to suffer? Kitten, look... Look what I did to you," he said sitting up in bed beside her.
"Shh, don't do this, Dean. Don't push me away. Please. It was a nightmare, I know all about nightmares. Let me stay with you, let me help you."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't. You didn't want to hurt me when you hit me. You were lashing out at whoever was hurting you. You don't have to tell me about what happened there. It was Hell, I... I can only imagine what they did to you."
"They tore at me, Kat. They literally tore the skin from my body. And then whenever they were done... I would go back to being whole so they could do it all over again," Dean said letting Kat pull him in her arms. He rested his head on her chest and cried.
"Shhh, Dean. It's alright, they can't hurt you anymore," Kat said stroking her lover's hair. She turned and looked at the window. Dawn was coming and she knew she wouldn't be getting anymore sleep that night. She didn't care though because Dean needed her.
"I keep telling myself that. That I need to be strong. I can't fall apart like this, I just can't."
"Yes, you can. Here with me, you can fall apart. You don't have to put on a strong face for me, Dean. I can handle anything you throw my way. And that's because I love you with all my heart and soul. I take you with the good and the bad, baby. I can handle this, we can handle this."
Kat whispered soft soothing words to Dean as she held him in her arms. She felt her own tears falling down her cheeks. She realized that the man she was holding in her arms wasn't the same Dean she had fallen in love with almost a year before. This man was more damaged and so close to falling over the edge. She needed to help him to make sure that he didn't fall. She looked down when she saw that he was sleeping. She closed her eyes and sighed.
"Forgive me, Dean but I know how to keep the pain away," she whispered kissing him on the head.
She smeared some of the blood from her busted lip onto her finger. She gently rubbed it on his forehead. She closed her eyes and started whispering the binding spell that would bind his nightmares inside his mind. They would only be released with an incantation from her. She hated doing it to him because she knew if he ever found out that he would be angry. She however, didn't see any other way. She couldn't deal with him in pain and crying out every night. If he found out she would deal with that when the time came.
Sam woke up when he heard Addie crying in the kitchen. He sat up from his place on the couch and winced. The couch really wasn't designed for sleeping. He got up and walked into the kitchen. He saw Kat sleeping her head against the wall while Addie cried from her spot cradled in Kat's arms. Sam walked over and gently took his niece in his arms. Addie rested her little head on his shoulder and Sam reached out and shook Kat.
"What?" Kat asked her eyes snapping open.
"Kat, you were sleeping with Addie in your arms," Sam said kneeling in front of her.
"Fuck, I just... I fell asleep."
"Didn't you sleep last night?"
"Not very well. Dean and I... We talked and then we went to bed but... I guess I had a bad night."
"Does it have anything to do with what happened to your face?"
"No."
"Did he hit you?"
"Sam, please don't."
"Katerina-."
"Dean didn't hit me. Really. Sammy, I am just... I am tired, drained and... I just need everything to stop going fucking wrong."
Kat hated when the tears started. She stood up and walked over to the fridge to grab a bottle for Adora. She pooped it in the microwave and grabbed a fresh nipple and leaned against the counter. She saw Sam turn and look at her. She knew he wasn't buying her story that Dean didn't hit her. She also knew that she couldn't tell Sam the truth. She knew that Dean wouldn't want her to. She watched as Sam walked over to her and took the nipple from her hand. He nodded towards the doorway.
"Go back to bed," he said.
"Adora needs to be fed and changed and bathed and-."
"I got it. What do you say Addie, you want to hang out with your Uncle Sammy today?" Sam asked rubbing Addie's back.
Addie sighed and Kat smiled. She shook her head and nodded. She walked out of the room stopping to watch Sam with Addie. She watched as he kissed her daughter on the head and started to talk to her softly. She turned and walked back up the stairs. She walked into the room and stopped to watch Dean sleep. She walked over to the bed and climbed in beside him. She licked her thumb and gently wiped out the dried blood on his forehead. The binding spell had taken and she didn't have to worry about him having nightmares anymore. She curled her body around his and closed her eyes. She felt him hug her close and she drifted off to sleep. She loved the man holding her close to him; she loved him and she was never going to let him go.