(AN: Aaaaand apologies to the dozen or so fans of this fic that have been faithfully reading and re-reading this fic in hopes of an update. I had some life-stuff happen in the summer of 2022 that kept me away from for months, then the site was having issues and I heard that it was going away permanently and it killed whatever muse I had left for this fic. I will still update this story, it's not dead let (cue Monty Python joke) but updates will be probably every 6-8 months realistically speaking. I may go on a tear and update after Easter, but in fairness this book is pretty short, and we're not going to be slogging through ALL of the Harry Potter books. This story, after all is about how the Damned and the Exiles fair in their new world, and more importantly how their actions affect others...).

"When you're abducted at gunpoint, it's best to approach it like a blind date. You want to be an active listener, you want to stay positive, and you want to make a connection..."

- Unnamed Black Ops NSA Operative

Gina awoke to the sound of traffic. She opened her eyes, and was surprised to find that she wasn't tied up, or with a bag over her head, or in the trunk of a vehicle. Instead, the private-turned-witchling saw that she sitting in the back seat of a luxuriously leather-upholstered late-model Range Rover. Her situational awareness kicked into overdrive, and Gina's eyes darted first to the driver, sitting in the right-hand seat. He was wearing US Army ACU's, his grim face crisscrossed with scars. She thought the soldier looked familiar from somewhere. Her eyes then flicked over to the passenger seat, whose occupant was turned around to get a better look. That soldier Gina recognized, he was none other than Captain William 'Wild Bill' Pilton, of Kilo Company, and the leader of the 'Damned'. The captain gave her a friendly smile.

"Well well, you're finally with us, Gina Gavin. Or should I say, Private First Class Pete Gobbi?"

Before Gina could speak she heard another voice.

"Captain?"

Pilton grey eyes flicked over to the owner of the other voice. Gina followed his gaze to the back seat's other occupant, a tall red-haired girl in Hogwarts robes who was currently pointing a wand at the private-turned-witchling. Gina also recognized who this girl was. Polly Perkins spoke up again in that posh-accented voice that grated on the private's nerves.

"You knew, I had wondered about you. I had organized that outing to London knowing it would flush out the enemy operative."

She paused.

"Then again, I had my suspicions because of your ridiculous Southern accent. That and only you would be so unladylike in your behaviour...and to be in Syltherin."

Polly said the last word as if it were a dirty slur, and Gina glared at the redhead.

"And y'all gotta be Lt. Shawn Perkins, based off yer name and only you could be that much of a condescending know-it-all!"

The girl returned Gina's glare.

"That's sir, or rather ma'am, to you, private!"

Pilton cleared his throat, getting both of the girls' attention.

"At the moment, Perkins, you are not an officer, you're a girl. Remember your role."

Perkins blushed at the reprimand, and for a moment Gina had a slightly higher opinion of Captain Pilton, leader of the 'Damned' or not. The captain continued as he pulled a cigarette out of his pack.

"I have to say Private Gobbi you look much cuter than the last time we crossed paths in Dubai. The purple eyes and the rosy cheeks are a nice touch."

The private-turned-witchling brushed some of her hair out of her face.

"Yeah thanks, it's some higher power's idea of a practical joke."

Gina glanced back at Perkins, who still had a wand trained on her. She heard Pilton continue as he pushed the cigarette lighter by the cupholders on the center console.

"Relax private, we're not going to target Miss Granger. I just wanted to have a chat. That and some Death Eaters were going to try some shit and asked that I ensure you don't interfere."

As if on cue the cigarette lighter popped, that provoked Gina out of her fugue.

"Wait! I gotta help her!"

She started to reach for the interior door handle, but was stopped by Perkins' wand. Captain Pilton shook his head, although he was still smiling as he lit his cigarette. When he put the lighter back, he continued.

"Nope. Not happening, private. But for what's it's worth you won't need to do anything."

He leaned back into his seat, and took a drag from his cigarette.

"...Little Miss Brainiac will survive just fine, she's got a few tricks up her sleeve. That an' if she gets into a tight spot her Friend-zone'd ginger classmate will save the day."

This time both Gina and Polly gave a start.

"Wait, what?"

Pilton grinned.

"You heard me, Miss Gavin. Hermione won't need your help."

He turned to the driver.

"Don't believe me? Sergeant Barnes, can you take a detour to Lewis Cubitt Park?"

He turned his attention to Gina, while still talking to Barnes.

"An' you will leave the doors unlocked, so if Miss Granger gets into trouble, the private-I mean, Miss Gavin- can get out and help."

The sergeant grunted.

"Roger that, sir."

Sergeant Barnes took a left turn, and followed a narrow two-lane street away from the bustling shopping district. Pilton continued.

"But you won't need to...You see private, I'm here to prove that your mission is irrelevant."

He finished off his cigarette and opened the passenger window, tossing the butt out.

"This little charade, like our occupation of the Rockpile and our occupation and unceremonious withdrawal from Kabul, was completely unnecessary."

Pilton paused and regarded Gina, still smiling.

"Unless you really like being a girl?"

The private-turned-witchling snorted.

"Fuck that, sir! I hate this stupid body and this stupid mission! An' if I get outta here with my balls and sanity intact, I'm gonna have some four-letter words with Spinach Chin an' Colonel Long!"

Rather than mocking Gina's tirade, the leader of Kilo Company nodded gravely.

"Then we're of the same mind, pri'at. You don't want to be here, an' neither do we."

"Then what're you doin' here, sir?"

Pilton shrugged.

"A favor for a friend of a friend, but we never promised anything, because He didn't."

"Then why did you kidnap me? Why all this cloak-and-dagger shit?"

The leader of the 'Damned' gave a Gina a more friendly smile.

"Kidnap? I didn't kidnap you."

Gina huffed.

"Riiiight, an' the fact that I had a bag put over my head and was forced into yer vehicle was just bein' neighborly, right?"

She lapsed into her southern drawl as her voice rose. Pilton just continued to smile, gesturing to Polly Perkins.

"My subordinate got a little carried away with her 'observe and report' mission, that's all."

Gina glanced doubtfully at the redheaded girl with her wand still trained on her.

"Then...I can go?"

Pilton shrugged.

"Of course."

He saw that Gina was intrigued, but still doubtful. So the 'Damned' officer switched tack.

"Think I'm lying?"

Gina still didn't respond, so Pilton nodded.

"Very well."

He turned to Polly, and his voice took on his more authoritative tone.

"Perkins, secure your wand."

The girl looked dumbfounded at Pilton.

"B-but sir..."

"That's an order, Lieutenant, I realize you're currently inhabiting the body of a pretty high-school princess, but you are still an officer under my command."

The girl let out an uncharacteristic snort, but complied and put away her wand.

"Roger that, sir."

Pilton then turned his attention back to Gina.

"See? Nobody's holding you. The doors are unlocked, you can jump out anytime you want, although I would recommend waiting for Sar'ent Barnes to pull over and come to a stop."

He paused.

"Plus you'll want an advantageous position if Hermione and her cucked Ginger friend need backup."

The Range Rover came to a stop at the edge of a quiet park with gently sloping scenery, a large pond and a copse of trees. Pilton finished his cigarette and tossed it. Seeing the look on Gina's face, he smiled.

"Just wait, the action should happen right...about...now!"

No sooner had the captain spoke then there was a bang like a clap of thunder, with Hermione and Ron Weasley appearing out of nowhere. Both looked out of breath as if they were running. Instinctively Gina reached for the door handle, but was stopped by Pilton's voice.

"Just a minute, pri'at. You're going into an unknown sitch, you have no backup, no weapon, not even a wand. What are you going to do?"

Gina stopped for a moment.

"Well, I can't sit around an' just do nothin'!"

Pilton chuckled.

"Spoken like a true Leeroy Jenkins. Just hold what you got, pri'at and watch."

Sure enough several Death Eaters in black cloaks appeared on dark contrails like plumes of black smoke. But both of Potter's friends were ready for their enemies, and had taken cover behind the trees, throwing bolts of magic at Voldemort's followers. Caught off-guard, the Death Eaters scattered, each trying to return fire. Then Hermione did something that amazed Gina. With a swish and flick of her wrist the Granger girl conjured up a creature composed of sparkling bluish silver light. Although it was translucent, Gina could see that it was an otter or some other form of aquatic mamal.

Herminone's spirit guardian gamboled and swished around the Death Eaters, making short work of them as they all disappeared in a puff of black smoke. It was unclear if the guardian was killing them or incapacitating them, but the effect was the same. Just as suddenly as it happened it ended, with Herminone and Ron alone in the park. The private-turned-witchling couldn't make out what they were saying, but it was clear by their relaxed posture that both considered themselves out of danger.

Gina stared as both her target and the ginger friend Apparated away. She heard Pilton chuckle again.

"See? No need for us to even be here."

She looked over to see Pilton leaning back in his seat. Even Barnes visibly relaxed.

"Of course, it's a long way back to King's Cross Station, which is has the nearest Floo Network. And you'll miss out on lunch..."

Gina cocked her head to one side.

"Lunch?"

The captain turned and gave her an knowing wink.

"Sar'ent Barnes is taking his 'daughter' out to lunch, my treat. We're getting hamburgers."

The girl's violet eyes glittered with undisguised avarice.

"Hamburgers?!"

Pilton nodded to Barnes..

"Yep. An' we're not goin' to McDonalds either. Barnes found a nice, American-style diner that serves old-fashioned hamburgers, shakes and that sort of stuff."

He gave a sly smile to the private-turned-witchling.

"Care to join us, pri'at? They've got some really big burgers."

Gina nodded enthusiastically.

"I've been stuck in a stuck-up Brit school for witches living off their weird ass food...Can you believe they serve baked beans and mushrooms at breakfast? And don't get me started on the black pudding...Hell to bite into a real, American burger with cheese I'd suck a train of dirty cocks!"

Pilton chuckled at the private-turned-witchling's salty humor, and even Barnes cracked a smile. Perkins, on the other hand, wasn't impressed.

"So uncouth, Gina...you can take the private out of the barracks, but you can't take the barracks out of the private..."

She yawned and stretched her arms.

"Oh I'd love to have a real Coke, but I think I'll stick to a salad instead of a burger. I don't want to get fat or bloated before the Yule Ball. I picked out a lovely red velveteen frock."

Gina glanced over to Pilton, her raised eyebrows said everything. Pilton shrugged and spoke in a lower, conspiratorial voice.

"The lieutenant is a bit deep into his role as a teenaged girl, private."

The private-turned-witchling continued.

"I'd say it's pretty deep, sir."

Captain Pilton found himself agreeing with his captive.

"More so than you know, pri'at, more than you know..."

(AN: So Pilton is trying to corrupt the cutie...we'll see how that goes, and see if PFC Pete Gobbi takes the bait. In the meantime, the next chapter is about 70% done, because there was a lot of fluff attached to this chapter that was not particularly relevant to the pacing, which was over 2K words that I've cut and put on the the next chapter. So, in theory the next chapter should come up in soon-ish (as in in 2-3 months instead of 6 months) and it will be a nice, fat chapter, but we'll see. Until then, thank you all for your patience and continued interest!