Hey everybody! Chapter two is here! I'd like to thank Ritegirl456 for being my beta reader and for helping me brainstorm the plot.

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or the following quote.

Chapter Two: Agony

"Agony! Beyond the power of speech, when the one thing you want is the only thing out of your reach."

Stan wearily walked out of the locker room. Football tryouts had gone rather well. The eighth graders didn't beat him up, at least not yet. All of that training he had done over the summer had paid off. He had done everything the coach asked him to to perfection. He caught every pass that came his direction, threw the ball with dead accuracy, and even managed to tackle some of the eighth graders. Even though the roster wouldn't be up until tomorrow morning, Stan already knew he had made the team. He smiled to himself as he pulled out his phone to text Cartman. Where are you, Fatass? Stan asked.

Outside waiting for you. What the heck's taking you so long? I thought tryouts ended at 4. Cartman replied.

Coach talked for like forever afterwards. It was kinda ridiculous. Is Shelly there yet? responded Stan.

Nope. answered Cartman.

Ok. I'm at the front doors. See ya in a sec. replied Stan.

Stan burst through the double doors and saw Cartman sitting on the steps with a bucket of KFC. Stan sat down next to him. "Hey, Dude. How was KFC lovers?"

"Awesome" replied Cartman with a mouth full of KFC, "Billy Miller hooked us all up with tons of KFC. He also talked about some stuff in order to save the South Park KFC from going out of business which is not awesome. How was try outs?"

"Good" said Stan, "I did really well. Coach likes me. Got some scary looks from some eighth graders in the locker room. I was afraid that I was gonna get beat up right then and there but I didn't. Wendy was out there. The cheerleaders were having their try outs at the same time. She didn't notice me though. She didn't even look in my direction!"

Cartman rolled his eyes, "My god, man! That bitch is not worth the agony of getting your ass kicked. You should be enjoying your youth like me."

"Wendy is the most beautiful and intelligent girl I've ever met and I'd let myself get beat up by eighth graders every day for the rest of the year for her!" Stan cried.

"Wake up and smell the fried chicken, Dumbass!" Cartman shoved his drumstick in Stan's face, "The Wendy you went out with in third grade was an annoying smarty pants. The Wendy you see today is a sluty, hot, smarty pants with a line of guys around the corner who want her."

BEEP! BEEP! "Come on, Turds! Let's go!" shouted Shelly impatiently.

Stan sighed in relief that he didn't have to respond to Cartman's comment and walked towards Shelly's lavender Lexxus. Sitting, the passenger seat was a sleezy looking guy of seventeen or eighteen wearing a leather jacket, a stained white t-shirt, torn jeans, and combat boots smoking a cigarette. Stan just glared at the guy and climbed into the back seat. Cartman climbed in behind him. His eyes widened and he dropped his drumstick into his bucket when he saw Shelly. He hadn't really seen her since she last baby sat him almost a year ago. She wasn't the terrifying troll that he knew to be Shelly. She had grown! Her braces her gone and her unibrow was plucked into two perfectly shaped eyebrows. Her perfectly made up face was framed by her straight brown hair that was cut into sharp layers. She wore a tight demin mini-skirt and fitted v-neck t-shirt that emphasized her womanly curves. On her feet she wore combat boots to match the guy in the passenger seat. Cartman couldn't help staring.

"Don't get any of that fried chicken in my car, Turd!" Shelly threatened.

"I ain't gonna get fried chicken in your car, Bitch" Cartman retorted "By the way, who the fuck is the tool in the front seat?"

"That happens to be my new boyfriend, Turd!" Shelly snapped, "His name is Jesse and he's a senior!"

"Sup, Fattie!" said Jesse.

"Ooooh! A senior! Big deal and I'm not fat! I'm big boned, Asshole!" Cartman snapped back.

"What are you doing, Fatass?" asked Stan, "Lay off."

"Stan, are you really going to sit idly by and let this FREAK put his hands all over your sister?" said Cartman.

"I heard that, Turd!" shouted Shelly.

"Honestly, I don't care who Shelly dates. That's my parents' job." Stan paused for a second, "Why do you care?"

Cartman froze up. He couldn't tell Stan the truth. Having the hots for your best friend's sister is totally against man-code. He had to get Stan off his case. "Uh, no reason. Just forget it, okay?"

"Whatever" Stan put on his seat belt and turned away.

Cartman sighed in relief and put on his own seat belt. Then he pulled out his phone and started texting Kenny while finishing the drumstick that he had dropped. OMG! Kenny, have you see Shelly lately?

Stan's sister, Shelly? responded Kenny.

Yes, that Shelly! replied Cartman, She's hot!

Since when? asked Kenny.

Since now. responded Cartman, She's smoking hot! I think she may be hotter than Beyonce.

Holy shit! Holy shit! I wanna see her! said Kenny.

Cartman snapped a picture of Shelly while she was driving and sent it to Kenny.

Damn! said Kenny, She's a babe! I'd tap that!

Too bad, said Cartman, One, I saw her first. Two, she has a boyfriend, some agonizing douche bag named Jesse.

Goddamn it! replied Kenny.

Before Cartman could respond, Shelly pulled up to his house. Cartman pocketed his phone and got out of the car. "See ya, Stan! Later, Bitch!"

"See ya, Fatass!" said Stan.

"Later, Turd" said Shelly as she pulled away.

Meanwhile, Kyle was having some trouble focusing on his hebrew. Thoughts of what happened that day were racing through his head as he chanted. "V'a-hav-ta et Adonai Eh-lo-heh-cha," Stupid Stan, making a fool out of himself over some girl. "b'chol l'va-v'cha u-v'chol naf-sh'cha u-v'chol m'o-deh-cha" Saying I don't understand cause I've never kissed a girl. "V'ha-yu ha-d'va-rim ha-ei-leh a-sher a-no-chi m'tza-v'cha ha-yom al l'va-veh-cha" So what if I've never kissed a girl? I'm waiting for the right girl. There's nothing wrong with that is there? "V'shi-nan-tam l'va-neh-cha v'di-bar-ta bam b'shiv-t'cha b'vei-teh-cha u-v'ech-t'cha va deh-rech u v'shoch-b'cha u-v'ku-meh-cha" Who am I kidding? Of course it's wrong. What girl wants to kiss a nerd like me? "U-k shar-t-damn it!" Frustrated, Kyle slams his prayer book shut, gets up from his desk, and plops down on his bed. He lay there on his back and stared at the ceiling. "This is horrible. How am I supposed to become a man in October if I've never kissed a girl? I'll be an even bigger loser and Cartman will tease me to oblivion" Kyle sighed. What was he to do? He wanted his first kiss to be special but he couldn't wait forever. After staring at the ceiling for half an hour, it hit him, "That's it!" Kyle sat up, "I'll havezas my first kiss at bar mitzvah party! What could be more special than that? And I know who I want to kiss more than ever, Bebe Stevens. I'll impress her with my totally cool party!" Kyle paused, "But wait, how am I gonna work up the courage to invite her? I can't walk near her without tripping over myself! Plus, she's popular and I'm not. Oh god, I'm screwed! Oh, the agony!" he plopped back down, "I need to get close to her, but how?"