Hey Everyone! Here's chapter 5! Sorry it took me so long to update! I got stuck for a while plus I was super busy. Now, with out further delay, here's chapter 5.

Chapter 5 : Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You

"You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off of you."

Stan wearily opened his football locker and pulled out his clothes. He silently got dressed while the eighth graders talked.

"My parents are going out of town this weekend" said Bobby Grant.

"Sweet! Party!" said Hunter Gardener.

"Exactly. Saturday night 8 o'clock, my house" Bobby turned to the entire locker room, "All of you better be there! And bring chicks!"

"This Saturday?" said Stan.

"Yes, this Saturday, moron!" Bobby retorted.

"Cartman's party is this Saturday." said Stan.

"Oh no! Marcia's conflicted!" teased Hunter.

Stan knew better then to react then Hunter Grant called him Marcia. Stan just turned towards his locker and reached for this shirt. Bobby pushed Stan into his locker and held his fist up to Stan's face, "Look, Marsh, you may be quarterback but you're still a seventh grader. That means that if you choose that Fattie's party over mine, you ain't gonna be so pretty anymore. Got it?"

Stan gulped, "Got it."

Bobby put away his fist, "Good."

Later that evening, Cartman was having trouble focusing on his Spanish homework. This upset Cartman because Spanish was the only subject in school that he cared about and was good in. The thing that was taking his mind off of Spanish was Shelly. He couldn't stop thinking about how many times the poor girl had gotten her heart broken. Shelly just had bad luck when it came to guys. It all started with Richard. Cartman clenched his fists at the memory of that twenty-two year old creep who came to babysit him with Shelly four years ago. Then he reveled in the satisfaction of the revenge he had gotten and how happy it had made Shelly. Then his mind drifted to another of Shelly's boyfriends, Amir, the guy who she met on the internet two years ago. Cartman couldn't help laughing to himself a little about how when they met in person at the Internet Refugee Camp during the Nation Internet Crisis of 2008 the chemistry between was so awkward that it would have given an awkward turtle awkward over-load. Amir was out the picture pretty quickly. Then Cartman's thoughts shifted to Jesse, the most recent asshole that Shelly dated. Cartman's blood began to boil. Jesse had used Shelly to make some slutty senior girl jealous. Cartman slammed his Spanish workbook shut in frustration and got up from his desk. "Come here, Mr. Kitty!" Cartman called.

"Mrow" Mr. Kitty responded as he got up from the corner he was resting in and walked over to Cartman.

Cartman scooped up the cat, sat down on his bed, and began stroking him, "Mr. Kitty, I don't know to do. I can't stop thinking about Shelly."

"Mrowww" said Mr. Kitty.

"Yes, Mr. Kitty, I do like her. I like her a lot. Especially since she became hot" said Cartman, "But the problem is she's Stan's sister and she's in high school. I don't know how to impress a girl my own age much less an older one. Also, Stan would flip a shit if he knew I liked her."

"Mrow" said Mr. Kitty.

"I'm not finished Mr. Kitty!" snapped Cartman.

Mr. Kitty hung his head.

"Thank you" replied Cartman, "Mr. Kitty, can you keep a secret?"

"Mrowwww" said Mr. Kitty.

"Ok, Mr. Kitty, you cannot tell this to anyone! Especially Kyle!" Cartman sighed, "Mr. Kitty, I have never kissed a girl. There, I said it!"

"Mrrrow" said Mr. Kitty.

"I knew I could trust you, Mr. Kitty. Anyway, if I don't kiss someone soon the guys are gonna get suspicious." said Cartman.

"Mrowwwwwwwwww" said Mr. Kitty.

"I am not being paranoid, Mr. Kitty!" retorted Cartman, "If Kyle finds out that son-of-a-bitch-jew is gonna laugh at me to oblivion! Of course, you know who I want to kiss."

"Mrow" said Mr. Kitty.

"So, what do I do?" asked Cartman.

"Mrrroww" said Mr. Kitty.

"Woo her?" said Cartman, "Like go to her window and sing some sappy love song?"

"Mrow" said Mr. Kitty.

"No way!" spat Cartman, "I can't sing! I'll look like a fucking moron! There's got to be another way!"

"Mrow" said Mr. Kitty.

"God dammit, Mr. Kitty" Cartman stood up and Mr. Kitty fell to the ground, "Well, if I'm gonna make a fool out of myself I might as well do it to a good song" Cartman froze, "God dammit! I don't know any sappy love songs!"

Cartman returned to his desk and went to his computer, "Let's see," Cartman muttered to himself as he typed into the google search bar, "Sappy love songs. Enter." His first hit was a list of the top 100 love songs. Cartman scrolled down the list, "Oh my god, my mom listens to these songs: 'My Heart Will Go On,' 'Wind Beneath My Wings,' 'From This Moment.'" Cartman gagged, "Okay, some Disney that's a little better: 'A Whole New World,' 'Once Upon a Dream,' 'So This is Love,' but not much better. Hmm, this is harder than I thought" Cartman sighed and kept scrolling, "What's this? 'Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You' by The Four Seasons? I don't know who The Four Seasons are but the title of the song is coooool." Cartman opened another tab for youtube and typed in the song. The first hit was from the show, Jersey Boys, "Jersey Boys? What the fuck? I thought this song was by an awesome rock band not some cheesy show tune!" Cartman clicked it anyway, "Hey, this isn't bad. These four dudes in suits must be The Four Seasons." Suddenly it all added up, "Ohhhh, Jersey Boys is about The Four Seasons." Cartman shook his head, "Focus!" Cartman paused the video and opened up itunes. He purchased the song and plugged in his iphone. Once it was synced, he unplugged it and called Kenny, "Kenny, I need your help impressing Shelly. Meet me outside of Stan's in five minutes. Don't tell Stan or Kyle! Got it?"

"Mmm hmm" said Kenny.

"Good" Cartman hung up and grabbed his coat.

A few minutes later outside of the Marsh household Cartman and Kenny met.

"Okay, Kenny, it's already set to the song and the volume is on max. All you have to is press play when I tell you to, got it?" explained Cartman.

"Mmm hmm!" said Kenny.

"Good, let's go!" said Cartman.

The two boys snuck around to the side of the house where Shelly's window was located. Kenny immediately began to climb up the tree to the branch closest to Shelly's window. Cartman took a deep breath and began to slowly grunt his way up.

"God dammit, this tree needs an elevator!" said Cartman in between a series of huffs and puffs. Finally, after a minute or so of struggling, huffing, and puffing Cartman made it to the branch near Shelly's window.

"Mmm mmm hmm hmm mmm?" joked Kenny.

"Of course this branch can hold me, Kenny! I'm not fat! I'm big-boned!" snapped Cartman.

Kenny burst out laughing.

Cartman narrowed this eyes, "Shut up, Kenny! Or you're gonna give us away!"

Kenny stopped laughing.

Cartman handed Kenny the iphone, "Okay, you know what to do."

Cartman turned towards the window to begin when his jaw dropped. Shelly was getting undressed! Cartman was frozen to the spot in awe. Never had he seen breasts so perfect, in fact he had never seen breasts before. He had no idea to think of what was happening because he was too absorbed Shelly's boobs. The moment was ruined by the sound of Kenny's voice. Cartman turned to Kenny, "Kenny, shut up! You're gonna give us away! This may be my only chance to get to impress Shelly and get a look at her boobs!" Then Cartman realized what Kenny was doing, "Oh sick! Kenny that's disgusting! Give me my phone back! You are not touching my iphone 4 after you've been jacking off!"

"Hmm?" Kenny handed the iphone back to Cartman.

"Dude, you were jacking off while holding my iphone 4! That's not coool man!" shouted Cartman.

"What the fuck are guys doing outside my sister's window?" Stan's voice boomed over them.

Cartman and Kenny looked over to the right of Shelly's window. There was Stan fuming at his own window.

"Smmm!" Kenny turned and began to climb down.

Cartman panicked and lost his balance. He fell out of the tree and hit the ground with a thud.