Harry: Well, Dumbledore must be dead, since I'm free of his body-binding curse. Because anytime a wizard dies, every spell they've ever performed is undone. Yep, that's always how things have worked, even though there's plenty of ancient magic from long dead witches and wizards. Definitely how that works…I should probably go after Snape, given that he just murdered the cause of most of my problems. But should I thank him for it, or trying and kill him since he's obviously evil? You know what, I'll decide on the way *starts running down the stairs after him*
Greyback: Hey kid, where are you going?
Harry: Going after Snape, why?
Greyback: *grabbing Harry* I don't think you'll be doing that *licks Harry* Hmm, you taste good, kiddo.
Harry: I don't think your boss is going to appreciate you eating me.
Greyback: *throwing Harry to the floor* Good thing I'm not a Death Eater then.
Harry: …right…PETRIFICUS TOTALUS! *hits Greyback in the chest*
Greyback: HEY! I only wanted one part of my body hard *falls to the floor*
Harry: Wow man, just wow. If I weren't in a rush, I'd kill you just to prevent you from doing that shit to other kids. For now, though… *kicks Greyback in the nose* …that'll have to do.
*further into the castle*
Amycus: CRUCIO! *Ginny disappears then reappears elsewhere* CRUCIO! *Ginny disappears again* CRUCIO! *Ginny disappears again* You can't dodge forever.
Ginny: I wouldn't be so sure of that.
Harry: *pausing as he's going past* Hey Ginny, how's it going?
Ginny: *dodging another curse* Oh, you know, *dodging another curse* Same old, same old.
Harry: Do you need a hand, or…
Ginny: *dodging another curse* Nah, I'm finding it pretty hilarious how bad this guy is at Whack-a-Mole.
Amycus: WILL YOU STOP MOCKING ME?!
Harry and Ginny: No.
Amycus: Fine *turns to Harry* Then I'll just… *suddenly chokes up*
Ginny: *her face very close to Amycus's, eyes on fire* I'm your opponent, you got that? You're fighting me. Touch him, you die multiple times in the most painful ways I can imagine. And I've got a vivid imagination. You got that? *Amycus nods* Good *releases Amycus, who falls to the floor unconscious* Aw, I broke it.
Harry: I'll get you a new one for your birthday.
Ginny: Aww, you're the best.
Harry: So, what the hell happened while I was gone?
Ginny: Apparently McGonagall knew shit was about to go down, and got the teachers, the Order, and some of the more competent students to defend the school.
Harry: Uh huh. And why's Neville on the floor there?
Ginny: I needed a shield.
Harry: Fair enough. Well, I need to catch up to Snape. He killed Dumbledore.
Ginny: HOLY SHIT! Didn't think he had it in him.
Harry: Neither did Dumbledore apparently. Anyway, gotta go *leaves*
*outside the castle*
Harry: Okay, if I were Snape, I'd try to get away from the scene of the crime as quickly as possible. That would mean going through the vanishing cabinet that the Death Eaters initially used…which is all the way back upstairs...DAMN IT! I have to… *explosion* Never mind, they're going the long way so they can apparate apparently, and blew up Hagrid's house on the way *runs in the direction of Hagrid's hut*
Hagrid: *running out of his house* FUCK! I blew up me moonshine. Oh, hi Professor Snape, where are ye headin' tonight with Draco and a group ah Death Eaters? …wait a minute…
Harry: STUPEFY!
Snape: *easily deflecting the spell* Draco, go on ahead, I have some teaching to do.
Harry: Hey, come on, I was aiming for Malfoy.
Snape: So not only are you still failing wordless incantations, but your aim is awful too? Potter, I'd be ashamed if you weren't so pathetic to begin with.
Harry: You can't block me forever. STUPEFY! *Snape blocks it* IMPEDIMENTIA! *Snape blocks it* INCARCEROUS! *Snape blocks it* CRUCIO! *Snape blocks it* …huh, maybe you can.
Snape: I'm sorry, Potter. I'm sorry I failed you as a teacher if you can't do something as simple as wor…
Harry: SECTUMSEMP… *Snape counters, knocking Harry down*
Snape: You dare use my own spell against me, Potter?
Harry: Your own…no way…
Snape: Yes Potter, I am the Half-Blood Prince.
Harry: HOLY SHIT! This reveal is going to mean so much to the overall plot of the series, isn't it?
Snape: Nope, not even in the slightest. Now, I have to get off of school grounds so I can apparate away, even though the person who cast the spell that prevents that is dead and it should theoretically be possible anywhere now *turns and walks away*
Hagrid: Wha' does 'e men, the person who cast the protective spells is dead? Dumbledore's not dead.
Harry: Yeah…about that…
Hagrid: What, you expect meh to bleev Snape killed Dumbledore and 'is body's lying on the floor of 'is office?
Harry: No.
Hagrid: Good, because…
Harry: He's actually at the foot of the Astronomy Tower.
Hagrid: Bullshit. And I'm going to prove it right now *sets off towards the castle*
Harry: Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you *follows him*
*back at the castle*
Student 1: Holy shit…
Student 2: Dumbledore's dead?
Student 3: I didn't think he could die.
Student 4: He was like a hundred years old, of course he was about to die.
Hagrid: Make way, make way, aye need tah prove 'e ain't dead *standing over Dumbledore* See 'arry, 'e's just sleeping.
Harry: Do most people sleep with their blood outside their body? And their internal organs splattered across the ground? Honestly, that was a helluva fall, I'm surprised there's still enough of him left to be identifiable.
Hagrid: …I mean, most people don't, but Dumbledore…
McGonagall: …is dead, Hagrid.
Hagrid: …no…no…nonononononononononoNONONONO…
McGonagall: There, there Hagrid… *tries to put her arm around him to comfort him*
Hagrid: *pushes her away, accidentally sending her flying* …NONONONONO… *runs away crying*
Harry: Hey, I should probably take this *picks up the locket* Hmm, it doesn't feel like an object of pure evil. And the fall opened it up, revealing this piece of parchment. Maybe it's instructions on how to destroy it *opens it up*
Note: Dear Voldemort, I stole the real horcrux, and I intend to destroy it, because you really, REALLY suck. Nanny nanny boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo! Sincerely, R. A. B.
Harry: …SON OF A BITCH!