Chapter Four

"So, why did you want to leave from wherever you were to come back to this hick town? May I remind you that I still do not know where you live? I asked Tom but he ain't tell me nothing," Fanny said sourly next to me in the car.

I had to restrain myself from physically from straining Fanny. It had been like this nonstop ever sense we left Winnerrow. We were heading to Georgia to visit Tom, Grandpa, and Pa, myself once and for all trying to reunite our family.

I had invited Fanny along, to make the family reuninon more complete, and I had to admit that I was surprised that Fanny wanted to come. I guess that selfishness in her succumbed to good nature.

But ever since we left the house, she had been drilling me nonstop about my life, how much money my mother's parents had, what I bought, why I never bought her anything, etc. Her whole being revolved around money, as always, and her greed sickened me.

"Fanny, please," I exasperated. "All I want to do is get to Pa's home in one piece. Can't you talk about that? About the prospect of finally having our family together once and for all? As a matter of fact, I had seem Keith and Jane at my graduation, you know the one you decided not to come to?"

Fanny grumbled. "Who cares about them?"

I flashed a shocked look at her. "Fanny! They are our younger brother and sister!"

"Ah, boo hoo! They were nuttin' but trouble when we were youngins and all they did was cry and complain. Us being sold had to been the best thing that happened in our miserable lives. Of course, I bet they got put in a better home then I did," she grumbeled.

I felt a little sadness towards Fanny's sympathy. "It must have been intimidating and frightening that the Reverend was….well…you know…"

"Having sex with me?" she said bluntly. I felt my cheeks heat a bit at her bluntness. She laughed a wretched laugh.

"Oh Heaven, I bet you're still a virgin are you? Ain't go git no man with that shyness," she snickered.

Oh, Fanny, if you only knew, I thought. I decided to disclose Troy and I's nights of passion away from her. She didn't need to know that. I don't care if she assumed the fact that I was still a virgin.

"It doesn't matter Fanny. But you should have gone to somebody, the police, me, do you know I tried for months to contact you only to have that wretched woman turn me away every time? If only I knew…."

"It wasn't so bad. At least the Reverend was a good lay."

I was appalled. "Fanny! How could you say so of the guy that took you in-"

"You mean bought me?" She said pointedly.

She had a point. "But he got you pregnant Fanny, and proceeded to take away your child."

She shrugged. "He didn't give me the offer of money. And I took it. I wish I would have bargained for more though. $10,000 wasn't enough apparently."

I felt sickened. "Fanny, please stop it. I thought you'd feel at least some remorse over the lost of your child."

She shrugged. "I guess I did."

I shook my head. "Let's just concentrate on getting to Pa's place in peace."

Fanny smiled smugly then. "Why are you so anxious? I hope you don't think Pa's gonna welcome you with open arms? If you remember correctly Heaven, I was the one that Pa loved the most remember? He didn't care to pay you any attention."

I felt my heart sting at the barb. How could Fanny be so purposely hurtful? But I couldn't help but recognize the truth in her words. Pa did exhibit more affection towards Fanny than I.

I pressed my lips grimily and continued to drive towards our destination.

We arrived in Georgia the next morning and drove down the street which Tom told me was their new home.

"Wowee. This sure is a fancy neighborhood. Are you sure Pa lives here?"

Fanny was right. This really was a nice neighborhood. Not the nicests that I had seen, but still pretty nice. Suburban like. The kind I dreamed about living in when I was younger.

"This was the street gave me. The address is…" I fumbled around in my purse for the letter which he wrote me with the address on it. "Here it is…223…there it is," I pointed out.

I turned into the driveway which was empty of a car. I put the car in park in the driveway and just sat there looking at the house. It was a single story beige house with white trimming. The lawn was perfect with a red plastic toy truck sitting out in the middle it.

"Wow. Nice house," Fanny remarked. "Not as nice as the Reverend's house, but it ranks up there." She hopped out of the car, making my teeth grit at the way she just climbed over the door like a monkey, her shoes imprinting dirt tracks into my leather seat.

I followed her lead and opened the door, following her to the front door. She had already pressed the doorbell, and after a few seconds had passes, she rang it two more times.

I slapped her hand away from the doorbell, hissing, "Give someone a chance the come to the door first before you go nuts on the doorbell."

She stuck her tongue out at me, grimacing.

A woman opened the door with a startled smile on her face. "Hello, can I help you?" she asked. She had a southern accent to her voice which seemed perfect for this side of the country.

She was pretty, kind of ordinary. Not striking like some people that I had seen before. She was shorter than I, and blonde. Her blue eyes danced merrily and laugh lines appeared by her mouth when she smiled.

"Hello, My name is Heaven and this is my sister Fanny," I spoke up before Fanny did. "We're here to see our P-Father, Luke Casteel."

The woman suddenly turned serious, the merriment drifting out of her eyes, but the smile still on her face, only not with oblivious curiosity. I had a feeling that this woman knew exactly who we are.

She cleared her throat. "Wow. I finally get to meet the children of Luke that I've been hearing so much about. Come in!" she gestured, opening the door further.

I stepped through the door and was swarmed with all of the furnishings inside of the house. She walked us through the house and I took notice of all the pictures on the wall and tables. Several of them featured the woman, and a man whose face I would recognize from anywhere.

Pa, I thought painfully. Even though in the pictures his hair had streaks of grey in them, I would recognize that face anywhere. That daring and handsome face that drove women mad with sexual need, the need to have him. Those mischievous eyes that carried within his secrets. Oh how I wanted to hate him, him and his stupid attractive face. But I couldn't. I couldn't' help but long to have Pa look at me with something other than resentment in his eyes.

I couldn't' help but notice how happy he looked with this woman who answered the door. They shared secret looks in every picture, a look filled with love. My heart squeezed as I glanced at one of him in a tux, and her in a bridal gown.

They were married, I concluded. The man who I knew almost nothing about, yet still so much, had married another woman.

And they obviously had a child, I thought with bitterness. If not evidence of the toys scattered about the living room, the family portrait of them was clue enough.

"Excuse me for the mess. Our son has been taking out every toy he owns and has been leaving it everywhere."

"Who are you," Franny said bluntly, and slight of rudely. So apparently she had noticed the portraits of Pa and the unnamed woman. I could have kicked her for being so rude, but also kiss her for showing the emotion which I wanted to show as well. Seeing Pa married to another woman had unnerved me as well.

She giggled like a little girl. "Oh, I'm sorry. How rude of me. My name is Stacie Darling…well Casteel now. I'm married to your father."

"I see," Fanny said snidely. "Why I didn't even know Pa was even married. Figures…couldn't stay away from women long enough…always chasing after one after 'nother."

I could see the woman visibly flinch and I knew that was uncalled for from Fanny. "Well…it's a shock to us both because we were unaware of the fact that our father was remarried."

Stacie nodded. "We have been for five years."

"Looks like you have a son too," I remarked. Only a blind person would miss how much the little boy in the picture look so much like Pa.

She nodded. "Yes. Our son, Drake. Who is the reason for all this mess down here.," she said, referring to all the toys scattered about her living room. But she didn't look mad. In fact, she had a slight smile to her mouth as if she enjoyed having a mess in her living room. "We were just playing hide and seek. I believe that he's hiding right now."

I cast a quick glance toward Fanny, and I saw that she was getting ready to explode. She was glaring daggers at Stacie, and Stacie seemed a bit oblivious to it.

"He's beautiful," I remarked.

"Looks just like Pa," Fanny commented. Stacie agreed with her. "Yes, that he does. Takes after Luke too. Would you two like to sit? Can I get you some snacks? Drinks?"

"Got any Vodka?" Fanny said dryly. I elbowed her in the ribs hard. Leave it to Fanny to be the least civilized person.

Stacie shook her head. "No. We don't drink in our home. Perhaps a soda?"

Fanny snorted. "Hmm. Must drive Pa up a wall not being able to drink in his own damn house."

I saw the shocked look flash across Stacie's face at Fanny's snide comments and I felt guilty. "Actually, if it would just be possible that we could see Tom or Grandpa, or…Pa? That was the main reason for our visit."

If it was one thing I was good at, it was carrying on a conversation more smoothly. If I expected to spare this poor woman some of Fanny's outrageous outburst, then I best take her out of Fanny's presence.

"Well your father and brother are all down at the circus and your grandfather is at Miss Aggies."

Circus? Miss Aggies? I thought, confusion clouding my brain.

"The circus? And who is Miss Aggie?" I asked her. Fanny seemed interested in knowing the answer too because she dropped her hostility and stepped forward to listen more.

"The circus is not far from here. Just two miles from here. You'll turn left on Lexington when you leave her, then follow down the main road till you get to a big sign advertising the circus. It'll be the only section off the road with a bunch of tents and such. Now Miss Aggie, she's about 5 miles up the road. You'll have to go back towards town to get to her. She runs a boarding house, and your grandfather has been staying there a while with her."

My head was spinning. Tom had never mentioned any of this. He had some major explaining to do. "Thank you," I said politely. "If you will excuse us, we'll make our way down to this…circus."

"Oh, ok. Well, I appreciate you stopping by. Don't hesitate to do so sooner. We would love to have you stay with us. We have enough room. Or even come to dinner. Maybe you can dine with us tonight?"

I shook my head. "We don't really know how long we're staying in town. But thank you for the offer."

She shook her head. "Nonsense. You're family." I couldn't help but flinch at the reference.

"Well thank you anyway. " I dragged Fanny with me out the door and into the car. As we backed out of the driveway, I saw Stacie stare out at us with a slightly pained expression on her face that I couldn't interpert. But that expression of her standing in the door with her hand slightly outstretched and that expression on her face stuck in my mind.

Why in the world are we at a circus? Not even a big one neither," remarked Fanny as we pulled up to the gates of the tied of circus area.

"I don't know Fanny. But something tells me that we'll find out soon enough." There wasn't anyone at the main gate to stop us; inside it was a whole different story. Or should I say place. People were walking this way and that, chatting at each other as they did so. I even saw a couple of chickens and pigs running about. But something about the people struck me as odd.

"Excuse me," I said, stopping a woman that was passing us. Or at least I though she was a woman until she turned around. Was that a real beard that she was wearing?

"Hello, honey. You're kinda early. The show doesn't start until seven tonight."

"Oh, no. We're not here for the show. We've here looking for our brother, Tom Casteel. Is he here?"

"So you're Tommy boy's sisters?" She exclaimed. The voice seemed odd coming from a person that look like her. You know, a woman with a beard that was as long as Santa Clauses.

I nodded dutifully. Fanny just stood there popping her gum loudly.

"Well then I'll be! Luke must be yer daddy!" she concluded. I gave a tight lipped smile and a slight nod. "Yes. There is that relation."

"My oh my," her voice chimed like a little girl. "What a small world this here must be! How nice for you both to come out here to support yer daddy. I know that you ain't from around here. Got the city look all over the both of yers."

"What's this about a show?" Fanny broke in abruptly. "We ain't know nothing about a show. W's only come cuz Heaven said so. Why's he here at a stupid circus?"

The woman's bushy eyebrows quirked up. "Honey, you don't know that yer father is the owner of the circus?" Our bewildered expressions must have been clue enough. "Oh dear," she muttered.

"We haven't been in contact in so long," I began, trying to make it sound less bad than it was. I didn't want a total stranger knowing all about our history. But thankfully she cut me off with welcoming words.

"I don't need to know yer private business. I mind my own. But to give you a bit of background, yer father bought this circus almost five years ago. Yer brother Tom helps him too. Like tonight, they'll be doing the main attraction, the lion taming."

My face instantly drained of blood and she must have taken in my ashen complexion for she muttered 'Oh dear' again.

"There I go with my foot in my mouth again. How's about you go find your father and brother. They're over there in that big blue tent practicing. Now if you'll excuse me, but I have a date with a cow."

We followed her directions and went into the blue tent. The first thing I noticed was the ferocious lion in the cage. The second thing I noticed was a single person standing next to it. I would have noticed that red hair or that stance anywhere. "Tom!" I hollered.

Tom turned around and a wide grin broke out onto his face. I took several steps forward before the lion growled at me and I obligingly took a step back.

His blue jean overall clad body came over to us. "Heaven!" He exclaimed, sweeping me up in his strong embrace. He had gotten taller, I noticed.

"Fanny," he greeted, hugging her as well. "I didn't expect to see you here."

She snorted. "What? You think Heaven's the only one that cares about her ol' family?"

He grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, Fanny. It is good to see you here."

"And speaking of 'here', Tom, when were you going to tell us Pa owned a circus Tom? And the fact that you are working with him? I thought you said you were going to school," I sharply accused him.

He blushed as red as his hari. "I was going to tell you about that. I've been working with Pa for a while now with the circus. And I like it."

"But what about school Tom? I seriously doubt that you can get a degree in being a circus clown," I protested. His face had lost all its merriment now, for it had a serious overcast look to it.

"I never was made out for school-" he began, but I abruptly cut him off.

"Nonsense, Tom! You always went to school when we were younger. More than I did even, for I had to take care of Keith and Jane."

"No Heaven," he cut me off. "Let me finish. Now yes, I did go to school on because you motivated me to, and I wanted to make you proud. But the truth be told, I never was made out for school. You were. And-" he added for emphasis, signaling for me to stop interrupting him. "I nvere was that good at any of it. I actually hated school. I went those days when you stayed home with Keith and Jane because I wanted to help bring you up to par."

"But you told me that you were going to take your college entrance exams. Whatever happened to that promise?"

He looked down at his shoes, then stared me back directly in the eye. "I did take them."

I nodded and pushed him further. "And?"

He glared at me. "I failed them, ok? I wasn't smart enough to pass them."

Fanny snickered. I glared at her warningly. She didn't have room to say anything on account on the fact hat she didn't even finish middle school. "Shut up Fanny."

"I didn't even say anything," she said innocently.

I turned back to Tom. "Well, you just have to climb back on the bandwagon and take them again. This time I can help you to prepare, and-"

"STOP IT HEAVEN! JUST STOP IT!" He shouted. I leaned back, abashed. Tom had never yelled at me before.

He dug his toe into the sand. "Sorry," he muttered. "But please stop trying to control my life."

My jaw dropped. "Control your life? I'm not trying to control your life Tom. Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"That's what it feels like. I can't breathe. I know that you want what you think is best for me, but working here at the circus is what makes me truly happy. It overrides trying to make you happy."

Tears welled in my eyes. He jumped when he saw them. "NO! Don't think that Heaven. I still love you. I will always love you. But I need to make myself happy. College wouldn't make me happy. It's time that you accepted that."

I was silent for a few seconds, tears silently leaking down my face. How could I miss the signs of this happening to my own brother? Damn Pa for splitting us all apart and selling us to strangers with the highest bid.

"But…I always thought-" My throat clogged up. He embraced me. "I know what you thought Heaven. And I never stood to correct you. But it isn't so bad! Look at you, for you've done us Casteels proud! You graduated from college, something that wasn't expected of us lowlifes."

I sniffed. "We're not lowlifes. We never was. We just had rotten luck."

Tom grinned. "You make me proud Heaven. The only thing I regret and truly sorry for is missing to see my sister graduate from college."

Fanny made gagging noises in the background. We ignored her.

"Keith and Jane were there to support me," I supplied.

He smiled. "How are those little riffraffs anyway? I notice that you don't call her 'Our Jane'."

I giggled. "She told me that was too babyish. Oh Tom I wish you could have seen them! They're so grown up and beautiful! They're so healthy and alive. I know that the people that adopted them care for them and love them both equally. And to tell you the truth, I believe that they got the best of all of us."

"Pa!" Fanny exclaimed, running to him as he came into the tent at that moment. All at once, I lost the smile on my face. Here was the man who never showed me an ounce of love, and sold me without a backwards glance.

"Heaven," Tom warned, probably noticing the look on my face. He probably saw resentment there. "Don't be so hard on him, now. He's changed."

"Where did he get all the money to buy the circus Tom?" I asked, a thought that had plagued my curiosity.

He shrugged. "I don't know. He never told me. But don't bring it up Heaven, please." He led me over closer to where Pa and Fanny stood having their joyous reunion.

I observed him while he was not looking our way. Pa had looked the same as he always did, if you didn't take into account the new grand strands in his hair. As a matter of fact, Pa looked even more handsome than the years I knew him back when we were in the mountains. It was easy to see why now many women fell for him, as he looked dastardly handsome. But it didn't sway my opinion of him any.

I took in the excited reunion he had with Fanny, crying her name and swinging her in the air as he embraced her. Fanny giggled as she use to when she was a little girl.

Sometime during his reunion, he looked up and discovered me there. His eyes lost some of his light, and his smile dimming a few watts. He gave me a cursory nod.

I should have expected as much, from him, and not have been so offended or hurt over his obvious distaste and non affection for me. But that still did not prepare me for the cloud of hurt overtaking my eyes, temporarily blinding me, and my heart was encased in a tight fist.

No Tom, you're wrong, I thought sadly. He hasn't changed. At least not his feelings for me.

I cleared my throat, trying to loosen the death grip of pain on my throat. I decided to be the better person and speak. "Hello P-Luke," I greeted formally, stopping myself when I would have said Pa.

He nodded again, breaking eye contact with me to look at Tim. He can't even stare at me for long, not even long enough to acknowledge who I had become and my appearance.

"I didn't' know you had bout a circus," I continued, straining to keep up as if everything was all right. I tried not to let the fact that the way he greeted Fanny, and the way that he had greeted me was a sad comparison that would drive you to tears.

His head turned back to me, but his gaze chose to settle on a point over my shoulder. He did even have the nerve to look me in the eye as I was talking to him.

He upgraded to a simple 'Yes' this time.

"Your wife said we would find you here," I added.

Fanny broke into the conversation. "Yeah, Pa. I didn't know you had a wife," looking accusingly at him.

He looked down at her, smiling, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "yes, sweetheart. I've been married for five years."

My vision clouded with tears. He could talk to Fanny more than he could talk to me, actually calling her 'sweetheart'. I was the one who had succeeded more in life than she, and had hurt far more that she did. He was treating me as if I was nothing but a stranger on the street.

No, strangers get treated better than even that, I thought bitterly. I spun on my heel and raced out of the tent. Tom wasn't too far behind me.

"Heaven! What's wrong?" he exclaimed, grabbing me by my shoulders to prevent me from going any further. I angrily shrugged out of his grasp, again tears falling down my face.

"Oh, get off of it Tom! Did you not just see that in there?"

"See what?" he asked dumbly. That even made me madder than hell.

"Stop acting so oblivious Tom! He couldn't even stare me straight in the eye, much less examine the fact that even though I'm not his biological daughter, we're still bonded together somehow. He still hates me Tom."

"He doesn't hate you," Tom stated, somewhat lamely.

"Oh really? Then why give Fanny more attention, and treat me as if I were something stuck to the bottom of his shoe?" I angrily wiped the tears from my eyes. I'll be damned if he saw me crying and assessed that the tears were for him.

"I need to go…get away from here."

"Wait!" Tom protested, capturing my hand when I tried to walk off. "Why don't you come to dinner?"

I looked at him as if he just sprouted another head. "Are you serious?" I said finally.

He stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Or you can come to the show tonight. IT would mean a lot to me if you'd come to see what I do."

All of a sudden I remembered hat he was the main attraction. With a lion.

"Tom are you sure about that? Performing with a lion is pretty dangerous. You could be seriously hurt."

Tom just grinned. "Naw. I'm not going to be hurt. I know what I'm doing. Say you'll come. Please?"

My resolve broke down. "Okay. I'll come. BUT-" I added for emphasis. "Don't expect me to not be scared for you."

Silence. "What about Pa?" Another silence. "He can get eaten by the lion for all I care."

Tom gave me a stern look. "Don't look at me like that Tom. I'm telling you how I feel."

He shook his head. "That's a pretty mean thing to say about him, Heaven."

"What do you expect for me to say about the man who sold all of us without a backwards glance? He sold me to an unthinkable home; He sold Fanny to a perverted, molesterous monster; He sold you to a...slave handler; and…" I trailed off.

"And he sold Keith and Jane to loving and caring parents. And I believe that they did get the best deal of all."

I stubbornly shook my head. "But he split us up! He sold us like we were nothing but cattle waiting to be sold to the highest bidder."

Tom held up his hands in self defense. "Now hold up. I didn't say I agreed with his methods or condone what he did. But perhaps in the long run, it was best for all of us. It was better than staying up there in the mountains."

"But we would've been all together," I protested.

"And you wouldn't have gone to 'em fancy schools. It's all in the past, Heaven. You can't haunt Pa for that. Let old ghosts stay in the closet."

Suddenly an idea loomed in my head. It was as if a light had just clicked on in a dark room in my head. "You know what Tom, you bring up a good point. Is it possible that Fanny can stay here? I would hat to break up father and daughter reunion," I added sarcastically.

Tom ignored my last comment. "Sure she can stay. What do you want me to tell her where you went?"

"Just tell her that I went to go run an errand. I'll be back in a few hours to pick her up." And with that, I left the circus area, leaving Tom with a bewildered look on his face.

I checked the trunk for the item in particular that I needed. Gotcha, I thought, filled with triumph.

I drove around in town looking for a building in particular that I was searching for. I finally found the place of my destination and grabbed my purse. Revenge was best served cold, that was true. But revenge this hot was just too good to pass up.

Don't think that I'm letting you off the hook Pa. Not until I hurt you as much as you've hurt me.