Disclaimer: Naww.
A/N: Gee willakers I started high school. :D I made a lot of friends already so I'm happy and so um yeah, I decided to update since it's the weekend and I can relax.
Pearla H.Sweden: Lotsa people think that Littlecloud liked Cinderpelt. Thornclaw's siblings are Brackenfur, Brightheart and Cinderpelt and Honeykit is Brackenfur's daughter. Yeah, I know what kawaii means, it reminds me of Hawaii. Lolerz.
Flamespirit: Part of a nutricious breakfast! Sounds yummy. LOL yea exactly and awie thanks, I know you're not sucking up. Heyy I love the fashion industry, I might wanna be a model. But whatever, it's your opinion.
xx-Secrets-xx: Thanks so much. Okay I officially despise my computer, I never get the e-mail. Do you have an AIM screen name?
Aiko-Chan SoT: You're a sweetie:D ThornLeaf is adorable lol. :)
Sapphirepaw: LMAOO! Yeah it is! Omg that made me laugh so hard—'that's a gay name for a tom!' XDD Yeah, you'll just hafta wait, I don't wanna spoil anything. I love Neopets except I always quit it, then go back, then quit, etc. My account is under construction at the moment but my account is secretofmine. And who cares if you go on Neopets? I'm not gonna think you're immature or whatever, it's cool.
Rabbitstorm: Thank youuu.
mysterys: Thanks a lot. :)
Peachfoot: Lol, like teenagers, aren't they? Exactly, thank you! Feathertail's too perfect, just like Spottedleaf. In my opinion, I don't think Leafpool's too perfect, they don't describe her as an 'omfg gorgeous-ness-ness silvery sex kitten'.
HawkDancer: That's where the drama comes in even though I HATE drama. Lol Kaitlin's in my history class but she doesn't talk to me but I'm like 'ok whatever I don't really care'. Argh I miss you Irisness. :(
hyper.much911: LMAO! You're so funny. :D
Doxeh: Don't worry about it and which Greys characters? I don't watch it but I know the characters. I'm sure you finished the book by now but the epilogue was ehh. I wanted to know who Draco's wife was, maybe Pansy? I hope you had a good summer, too. :)
SC-Bradley: Aw c'mon, Leafpool's the magic keyyy. :D Yeah I don't get that either. But the more conflict in the story, the better, in my opinion and I personally hate Rowan x Tawny even though I'm including it.
The Crazy Things We Do
Chapter 11—It Was Only The Best Mistake
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Tawnypelt's POVI feel a little paw pitifully claw the tip of my ear. With the right side of my face pressed against the ground, I groggily open my left eye a crack to see the ShadowClan camp bathed in a soft, orange light from the setting sun. The bushes and small trees that lined the hollow are in silhouette.
The aching feeling in my heart continues to throb, as if stones were piled inside of my chest and weighing me down. My knees feel weak—I don't think I can get up.
"Tawny!" A voice cries out, high-pitched, with a hint of snobby-ness in it, "Tawny, get up now!"
Great StarClan! I think, inwardly groaning, I'll never have kits. I don't think I'll be able to handle them."What is it now, Ivykit...?" I mutter, flickering my gaze upward, to where a tiny sand-colored kit stood at my head. She stops batting my ear.
"Mother's asleep and Owlkit keeps annoying me so can you get him to stop it?" Ivykit rants, an unusual grown-up smug on her face, "He listens to you, Tawny."
For some reason, Ivykit always calls me 'Tawny'. Either she has a problem pronouncing my full name or she's just lazy. Or maybe she just prefers 'Tawny'. She's a defiant kit but she already seems too vain for her own good.
She's always boasting about what an amazing warrior she'll be and even if it might sound confident, the little thing didn't know that she was overdoing it. She somewhat reminds me of Squirrelflight, when she was younger.
A raging fire suddenly builds up inside of me and I grit my teeth. Not too long ago, I heard Rootpaw laughing with his friend, saying that you were flirting with Leafpool while helping her collect herbs. Not only that, but your muzzle was brushing hers.
Great StarClan—just thinking about anything that had to do with ThunderClan got me infuriated...I'm so stupid to think that anything real could happen between us. It's just a game. This isn't love—it's lust and pity and almost everything else besides true affection.
But padding after a medicine cat isn't going to make any difference!
I feel like total foxdung now, and what's worse, Ivykit came to bug me at the wrong time. To add to all that, I'm supposed to go to the Gathering tonight and I'm in the perfect mood to rip your nose off of your stupid, smirking face but I'm scared to see you now.
I'm not too sure why.
"Ivykit, go back to your mother," I meow, lifting my head, "If she wakes up and realizes that you're not there, she'll freak."
I crane my head to look at the nursery, and spot Owlkit at the entrance, staring at us in obvious curiosity.
"Owlkit, you leave your sister alone." I call to him, "Don't make me tell your mother."
Owlkit's amber eyes grow wide. "No. don't tell Mother!"
"Then stop telling me to sleep somewhere else in the nest, you big momma's boy!" Ivykit snaps.
My gaze switches back to her in surprise. I've never seen siblings argue like this. I always got along well with Brambleclaw when we were kits. Out of the blue, I begin to wonder how it must have been like for you. You had three siblings, but Cinderpelt's dead, Brightheart is somewhat half-dead and Brackenfur's the only one left.
Ugh. I'm beginning to feel my blood boil again. I hate you so much right now, I wish you'd just get out of my life. I tell Ivykit to go back to the nursery as calm as I can. Fortunately, she leaves without arguing, and I press my forehead to the ground, exhaling a shaky breath.
Stress is something that I can't control, and when it overcomes me, it swallows all my happiness and peace, and I feel like the world has given up on me. Or have I given up on the world? On faith? On who I am?
On you?
Leafpool—I've always thought she was nice but at the moment I can't help but hate her with every burning spark in my heart. It's not fair at all and I don't wanna hate her but she took you away...I think.
Honestly, I don't even know what happened but Rootpaw and Littlecloud wouldn't say those things for nothing. Maybe I'm misunderstanding something but the way they put it...
"...followed her around, this dreamy, troubled gleam in his eyes as he thought about something...perhaps upset that he could never be with her?"
"...touched her muzzle with his and the look in his eyes made it clear that everything was okay right there and then..."
"...poor tom, isn't she still in love with Crowfeather? That's the rumor going around, but she chose to be a medicine cat..."
I HATE HER, I HATE HER, I HATE HER!
You were supposed to be MINE. Mine. You were my reliever, my bliss and ecstasy. When we were alone, you took me somewhere no one else knew about, maybe not even StarClan.
When I was upset, you made me better, you took away my pain. Yes, I admit, at first you were my toy. My little play toy. But then these feelings erupted inside of me when I took notice of that exhilarated expression on your face after we'd spend the night together.
I noticed the way you groomed your chest, so that the fur was always smoothed downward, with not even a single hair pointing to the side. It was never out of place. I began to realize that you had a soft tuft of fur between your ears that swished to your left, just above your eye. It looked so cute back then, when I was sure that there something more between us.
I guess I was wrong. Even when you told me that you thought you felt something for me, it must be gone. Or maybe you do still sort of like me but you knew we couldn't be together.
This is so stupid—if you obviously can't be with an enemy Clan cat, why go after the medicine cat? The freaking medicine cat? (A/N: Yeah I know they don't know what 'freaking' means but ehh she seems like the type of cat to say something like that)
I hear pawsteps approaching, and they cut through my thoughts. I lift my head, and a sharp pain goes through it. My vision is blurry and I blink hard several times to clear it. By that time, a shadow looms over me and when I look up I see my old mentor, Oakfur, above me.
"Tawnypelt, are you feeling okay?" The small brown tom asks me, regarding me with suspicion.
For a moment, all I do is stare at him. Finally, I meow, "Yes."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes...Why, is something wrong?" My stomach gives a nervous flutter but I try to cover it up. I don't want him detecting my anxiety.
"Well, you don't usually curl up in the middle of the camp with your face shoved in the ground." Oakfur drawls, raising an eyebrow.
"Er." I feel my face grow hot and I slowly push myself into a sitting position. "I was feeling a bit tired and...I didn't feel like going to my nest."
"You were that tired?"
"Yeah."
"Feel better now?"
"Yeah."
"You really think that I'm stupid, don't you?"
"Yeah."
Silence surrounds us for several heartbeats, my mind wandering somewhere else...
"Wait, I mean—no!" I burst out, finally realizing my mistake, "I'd never think that about you, I just—"
But Oakfur just laughs, leaving me gaping at him, feeling stupid.
"Don't worry, I was kidding." He tells me, his tail curling up, "But I can tell that you're a bit tired, judging by the state of your thoughts...Are you sure you want to go to the Gathering tonight?"
"Y-Yes." I stammer, before carefully taking in what he said, so as not to make another mistake, "It's an honor to go to a Gathering, of course I'd like to go."
Oakfur regards me once again, then rests his gaze on my eyes. I meet them steadily, and I can already tell that he knew I wasn't feeling right. Despite this, he remains silent, then pads away.
I watch him leave, then turn my attention towards the darkening sky. It was already a light lavender color, mixed with indigo. A strip of orange streaks the horizon. I notice a few stars glimmering faintly in the distance.
Then, I spot the largest, twinkling star almost right above me. Sadness washes over me as I think of how my loyalty had been thrown away, just for...for...
A stupid, careless mistake.
I close my eyes and, for the first time since we spotted each other across the border that unexpected night, send a prayer to StarClan.
I'm sorry. It won't happen again.
--
Great StarClan, can Leopardstar talk any longer? I'm sitting here, feeling fully awake at the Gathering, and all she's talking about is how fat her Clan is because they have sooo much food.
Well, that's not exactly what she's saying but close to it.
She should start sharing. I think, growing grumpy. Good thing that it's about to end.
Sure enough, the Gathering was breaking up. Before I arrived, I had spotted a few ThunderClan warriors, but not you. Disappointed though I was, I'll feel better when I get home. I see Leafpool not too far away, weaving her slender body through the crowd. My claws unsheathe unconsciously...it seems like she's looking for something.
Then, just as that thought crossed my mind, our eyes meet. Amber eyes with amber eyes. A frightened shiver runs down my spine—but I simply get to my paws, turn, and pad away.
Why did I feel scared? Now that I think of it, she looked unnerved as well, but no matter, she doesn't mean a thing—
"Tawnypelt!"
I freeze on the spot. I whirl around, and—Great StarClan, no. No, no, no...The feeling is coming back.
I see you trotting in my direction, your eyes ablaze with excitement and apprehension. What's with everyone feeling panicky today?
"Tawnypelt, I want to talk to you," You begin, ignoring the fact that there was still cats everywhere, padding back and forth.
My heart flutters I look into your eyes but I know that I can't do anything—it had to stop.
"No." I meow, slowly turning my head.
I hear a "Wha—?" come from you as I pad away. But now it's really starting to hurt. I hear you approach me again and I whirl around this time, and unwillingly bear my teeth.
"Go away, Thornclaw! Forget we even knew each other, forget everything!" I snarl, "If you really need someone, go walk with cute, little Leafpool—what are you doing next to me?"
Horror flashes across your face and it even brings my guard down a little—nonetheless, I continue to glare at you, waiting for you to pad away. But you only shakes your head, your whiskers twitching.
"Whatever your stupid ShadowClan apprentice medicine cat said isn't true, okay?" You growl, "And before you start jumping to conclusions, you should listen to me because I know you feel the same way—"
"No, I don't, Thornclaw!" I retort, although I know I'm lying to myself—it was such a big lie— "I hate you, you are a liar and you don't mean a thing to me."
"No, you're the liar." You hiss at me, but before I can say anything else, you shove me into the bushes that lined the island, away from the other cats. I fall to the ground but get up swiftly, spitting angrily. We seemed to be in a very small clearing, where the moonlight spilled all over the place, giving it an eerie, silver glow.
"Leafpool's the best cat to talk to when you need advice on having feelings for another cat in another Clan!" You continue fiercely, "Why don't you use your brain and put two and two together? The easiest way for me to talk to her alone was when I was helping her gather watermint from the river and then your loudmouth Rootpaw just had to be there!"
My glare grows colder but this time, I don't know what to say. I search my mind for an excuse but all I could think of was 'You're lying' but I can't bring myself to say it.
"It was more than a one-night stand, you knew it from the start." You growl, bristling.
"I don't care." I spit, lashing my tail.
"You're lying to yourself! You're such a liar, you weren't like this before!" Your voice grows louder.
"I don't care!" Since you're taller than I am, I have to tilt my head to look at you.
Your eyes burn into mine with such passion, such anger, that it's starting to make my knees weak. But I stand firmly, not about to back down. The tuft of hair between your ears is untidy, perhaps due to the pressure that I can feel vibrating off of you.
I hear your breaths, loud and shallow, and filled with fury. The moonlight washes over you, giving you the appearance of a StarClan warrior. All of the sudden, I feel my heart soar in unexplainable rapture, feel my burden dissolve like mist, as you whisper those words of longing,
"I love you."
--
A/N: FINALLY! Now then, there's gonna be one more chapter to this, then an epilogue, and then I'll start updating my other stories, and start thinking about the sequel I plan to right for this. It's gonna be called The Secrets That We Keep but the summary won't be written 'til after the epilogue of this. ;)
--;Kewix