Chapter 5

Elizabeth stood ramrod straight.

Please let that be an apparition, she thought in a silent prayer. Elizabeth had considered Jason Morgan's death many, many times since she last saw him. His ghost haunting her would be just the thing she needed to lead her down the path to normalcy. She snorted. If nothing else, at least her sense of humor was intact.

She squeezed her eyes shut and opened them one at a time. He was still there. Shit. She realized her drunken mind was not playing tricks on her. As the hair on her arms stood at attention, Elizabeth suddenly felt very sober.

Turning slowly, she watched Jason move out from behind her bedroom door. Her eyes roamed over him, taking in his chiseled cheekbones, strong jaw and perpetually bronze skin. His sandy blonde hair looked softer, still short, but not as spiky as she remembered.

Her gaze moved over his broad shoulders, clad in a leather jacket, narrow waist, and strong thighs. In faded jeans and a t-shirt, with motorcycle boots at his feet, he looked larger, fuller and more masculine, if that was possible, than he used to. He looked good.

Elizabeth's body started feeling heavy as she took him in. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears and noticed her breathing had changed, becoming shallow and forceful. Her shoulders were slumped and she felt slightly slack-jawed.

She couldn't see his eyes. Those blue eyes were masked by a shadow, but she could recall the color vividly. When she had allowed herself to paint him – driven by some misguided notion that it would be cathartic – she used cerulean blue with a color called light dull azure, although there was nothing dull about the blue of his eyes.

Elizabeth pursed her face as she decided to speak. "Jason?"

"Elizabeth." His voice sounded like velvet. The way her named rolled off his tongue in an intimate whisper threw her back to his penthouse, his bed, his lips teasing the shell of her ear as they…

Her eyes rolled closed and she slowly shook her head from side to side. The wheels in her brain, which had ground to a halt, began churning again. "Nope. No, no, no, no, no..." She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked quickly as her heart began pounding in her chest.

The look on his face as he returned her stare was…was…uncertainty? apprehension?

"I…I wanted to see you," he responded, his voice even.

"So you broke into my bedroom in the middle of the night?" she asked, her voice straining.

"The window was unlocked. Which by the way…"

She cut him off. "Oh, no. Don't even say it. You have no right to waltz in here like you own the place and start in on me about safety." She snorted, "It's kinda funny, actually, since you're the one I need protection from."

His brows lowered. "Me?" He looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Where have you been?" she asked, ignoring his question.

"Around," he answered plainly, his hands wedged into the pockets of his jacket.

"Of course..." Elizabeth smirked and raked her hands through her hair. "You know what, I don't even want to know. You just need to leave."

"You're angry," he said calmly…too calmly.

Elizabeth released a disgusted huffed. "Damn right I'm angry. You left me!" she yelled.

"No," Jason paused, "you left me."

"What?! Jason, we had a fight. Couples fight. I," she pointed to her chest, "went to my studio which is exactly 2.4 miles from the penthouse. You?" she pointed at him, "You left town! Hell at some point left the country!" she seethed.

"You told me it was over," he stated simply. "You said I ruined our chance to be together."

"And that's it. I get mad – because you lied to me by the way – and make some hot headed comments and you head for the hills?" she asked, lifting and dropping an arm to emphasize her point.

"I believed what you said…and I…I left for work."

"Sure you did, Jason," she mumbled.

Elizabeth realized his gaze was locked on her, watching her…and she found it unnerving.

Her head was spinning. She drug herself to the side of the bed and sat down, placing her face in her hands. Jason moved to stand by the footboard and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

She sighed. "No, Jason. No, I am not."

"Do you want me to get you some water?" he questioned.

Where the hell did that come from, she wondered. "That's not really my problem, but thanks," she responded sarcastically as she stared at the floor, ever so slightly shaking her head back and forth.

They sat in silence for a minute, her seated on the bed looking at the floor and him standing at the footboard watching her. She could hear him shuffling his feet and feel his eyes boring into her skull.

"Why didn't you call me, Jason?" She looked up at him with wide, sad eyes. "It's been almost three years."

He ran his hands over his face. "I sent you a postcard," he answered honestly.

"Oh yes," she rolled her eyes. "That blank postcard got me right here," she said as she patted her chest over her heart. "Hell, my address wasn't even in your handwriting."

He averted his gaze. "I paid some kid to write it for me."

"Why?" she implored.

"I dunno," he replied as he pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. "I just couldn't."

Suddenly, Jake came bounding into the room and jumped onto the bed, crossing it he tried to wiggle into Elizabeth's lap.

"I like your rat," Jason said, changing the subject.

"It takes one to know one," Elizabeth countered, half under her breath.

"Jake?" he asked, ignoring her jab.

"Yeah," she paused, considered his question, and furrowed her brow. "Were you listening to our conversation?"

"Maybe. Who is he?" Jason asked as he flicked his head toward the open bedroom door.

"That's none of your business." Elizabeth remembered the kiss and felt her cheeks flush from embarrassment. A flash of anger coursed through her…she had nothing to be ashamed of! Yet, she couldn't help but wonder…How much he had heard?

Jason pushed his hands into the pockets of his coat and shifted his weight. He looked at her, moved his eyes towards the door, and then looked at her again. "Are you…" he swallowed hard. "Are you sleeping with him?" he asked.

The hand that was stroking Jake's head froze. "That," Elizabeth raised her brows, "falls under the 'none of your business' category I was referring to." Her breath shuddered.

Shaking his head, Jason's eyes narrowed slightly, his brow drawing into a deep v as he stared at her.

"Give me a break, Jason," she clipped, annoyance dripping off her voice. "Need I remind you it's been three years? Do you expect me to sit here and believe that you haven't slept with anyone since we broke up?"

He shuffled slightly and averted his gaze.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Elizabeth swallowed hard in an attempt to counter the lump that was forming in her throat.

She felt a twinge of pain in her heart and she was unable to look at him, so she stared at the floor. The silence in the room was deafening.

"Is he...Is he good to you?"

Elizabeth's head snapped and her eyes locked with Jason's. It took a moment before she could speak. "Ryan's a good guy. He's nice. He's normal." She lifted her shoulders slightly as she stared at him.

Jason winced.

She grimaced at the realization she'd hurt him. "Um…well…um…you…you know what I mean," she stammered.

Groaning, she fell back onto the bed and covered her face with her arms. Elizabeth chastised herself for the knee jerk response to hurting his feelings. Why the instinct to try to make things better for him?

She reminded herself that he was no where to be found when she needed him. A pit of grief formed in her stomach as thoughts of what they lost crept into her consciousness.

So what if he hurt.

She sat up in the middle of the bed. "You have to go."

"If that's what you want," Jason responded with a stiffness that angered Elizabeth even more.

"It is. In fact, I don't want to see you again," she stated, crawling off the bed, placing it between them. "If you move back into the penthouse or take off for Uzbekistan, I don't wanna know about it. You left me when I needed you the most. We were supposed to be together. We made love. We made…" she stopped suddenly and shook her head back and forth as tears formed in her eyes.

Elizabeth swallowed hard and softened her tone. "You told me you loved me and then you left. I have been fighting to pull my life back together ever since, and I refuse to loose everything I've worked for simply because you decide to grace me with your presence."

"That's not the way I see it, Elizabeth," he replied, stone-faced.

"Well it doesn't really matter at this point, does it? Because, whatever it was…it's over. Now please, please just go," she pleaded as she pointed to her open bedroom door.

Jason tucked his hands into his pockets, looked to the floor and nodded. He crossed the room and paused next to her. Inhaling deeply, he hesitantly looked at her face out of the corners of his eyes. Her gaze was fixed on the window.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he whispered.

He was too close; she could feel the heat from his body. Elizabeth felt a tear escape her lower lid. She closed her eyes and slowly shook her head.

"Please go," she said in a broken voice.

And he left.