Chapter 6

He pulled the door closed and stood in the hall…waiting. A few moments later he heard the click of the lock and he slowly dragged his feet to the stairwell.

Jason felt…confused. He had not planned on following her around half the night then climbing in her window and waiting in her bedroom…but after he saw her he wanted more. It was always that way with Elizabeth. He would always want more.

He remembered her words… Damn right I'm angry. You left me!

She left me, he told himself. Hell, he had been telling himself that for almost 3 years. It had been an act of self preservation. He had done it once before. When she left him standing in the park, he took off without a goodbye. He offered himself to her…well sort of, and she walked away. When he returned she wasn't mad, in fact she was happy to see him.

But in the penthouse…all of their cards were on the table. They had said they loved each other and that they wanted to be together. They had made love, although less than he would have preferred because he was so wrapped up in Sonny and the mob war that was breaking out all around him. He was working long hours and trying to keep her safe. He had lied to her, made her feel foolish. He hadn't wanted to be dishonest, but it made sense at the time. He had expected her to be upset, but…

"She left me," he muttered, raking his hands over his face.

Jason stared out over the water, asking himself what he could or should have done differently. Should he have gone to her? Fought for them? She said it was over and he tried to respect that the only way he knew how. He felt as if a vice was gripping his heart. How can this feel so fresh, he wondered. It had been almost three years.

Elizabeth waited to hear the tell tale click of her front door closing before she moved. She walked down the hall in a daze, crossed the living room and pressed her hands against the front door. Managing to move her hand she flipped the dead bolt. Turning, she leaned her back against the door.

Her eyes rolled up towards the ceiling and she asked herself what she had done to deserve such punishment. Why her? It had been almost three years. How did he still have such power over her?

As she looked up towards the heavens, she decided she was broken. Totally and completely ruined. Ten minutes alone in a room with him and all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sob. Elizabeth looked down and eyed Jake, rubbing himself against her leg. "He likes you," she said to the cat. "Nobody likes you…but me." The words hung in the air, she was too damn sober, and that was a bad thing.

She wanted a drink. Her brain was screaming for one and the strength of the desire made her nervous. Elizabeth looked into the kitchen and saw a bottle of wine shimmering in the moonlight, calling her name. She swallowed hard, considering her options. Her eyes felt like they had sand in them, gritty and stinging. Grinding her palms against them, she decided she just really wanted to sleep.

Walking back to her bedroom, Elizabeth turned on the light and paused. Jason had been here. She could clearly envision him standing at the foot of her bed, looking forlorn. Rolling her eyes closed, she could hear the creaking of his leather jacket and he stuffed his hands in the pockets. Hell, she could practically smell him, that musky soap scent that only belonged to Jason.

Forcing her eyes open, she looked around the room, wanting to burn it down. Elizabeth recalled experiencing a similar feeling about her studio after learning Jason had left town…and what had happened there. The savage desire to watch her studio be reduced to kindling had surprised her, but the prospect of an arson conviction with jail time was not at all appealing. She felt imprisoned enough…no need to be literally locked away, so she'd moved instead.

Strengthening her fortitude, Elizabeth decided she'd be damned before she let his little visit force her to move again.

She stripped out of her jeans, trading them for soft flannel pajama pants and pulled her sweater up over her head. Removing her bra, she grabbed the nearest t-shirt and tugged it on. Throwing her hair into a quick ponytail-bun of sorts she left her bedroom in the dark. She might not move, but there was no way she was sleeping in there that night.

Shuffling to the bathroom, she looked at herself in the mirror. "Ouch," she said aloud as it was not a pretty sight. Her eyes were rimmed red and bloodshot. She looked like a raccoon with mascara encircling her patriotic orbs. Her skin was pale and her nose was runny from emotional overload. Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders as she realized her insides and outsides matched…probably the first time in a long time that was the case.

Opening the medicine cabinet, she perused the contents. Her eyes repeatedly returned to the little prescription bottle on the top shelf. The sleeping aide had been prescribed after the accident, and although she hated taking them, her doctor insisted she keep a small supply just in case. He had actually wanted her to take something more, but she'd refused.

Elizabeth reached for the bottle and scoffed at herself. Just minutes ago she had thought it was a good idea to return to a state of drunken bliss in order to sleep. Now, here she was, struggling over taking a little legal pill prescribed by a professional. And, she was a nurse off all things. She rolled the bottle in her hands, finally deciding to flip the lid and shake a pill into her palm. She popped it in her mouth and took a swig of water from the faucet. Straightening, she took a long, hard look at herself in the mirror before heading to the living room.

Stretching out onto the couch, Jake made quick work of jumping up beside her and cuddling against her chest. Elizabeth turned on the television and stared. Watching the screen, but not absorbing anything she saw, she started to cry. Big tears. Big, fat tears rolled down her face and began to wet her shirt. Her head was swimming with memories and as she sobbed her eyelids began to feel heavy, her breathing slowed, until…

The sound of a horn. Elizabeth stood in the dark, foggy street as her eyes moved over the wreckage. Pain. She was suddenly in the penthouse, doubled over. Tears streaming down her face as she clutched her waist. "Jason," she cried. "Jason!" Looking around Elizabeth realized the penthouse was empty. She struggled to move, but was frozen in place. Her heart racing, she was panic stricken and paralyzed with fear. Then she heard it. She couldn't make it out at first. Was it a cat's meow? Or crying? What was making that sound?

Elizabeth woke with a start. She felt as if she had an axe embedded between her eyes. She grimaced and placed a hand on her forehead. Daylight cascaded in from the windows in her living room and she looked around. She was on the couch, the TV was on, and Jake was sprawled out on his back between her legs.

Squinting as she looked towards the clock, she furrowed her brow. Two? Two pm? Elizabeth eyed her answering machine and saw the red light blinking. Rolling off the couch she limped over, feeling stiff and hit the play button.

"First new message. Eleven twenty-nine am," stated the digital voice.

"Hey E, it's me. It is around 11:30 and I was wondering if you still wanted to get together for lunch. I'll try your cell. Call me on mine if you get this."

Shit. Ryan. Lunch.

"Second new message. Twelve o'nine pm."

"Elizabeth…Where are you?" She listened to Ryan's sing song voice. "Am I being stood up? Call me."

Elizabeth eyed her cell phone on the table and watched the green light blink…shit, another message.

Walking into the kitchen for a drink to cure her cotton mouth, her eyes moved to the upper corner of her refrigerator, where she had affixed a quote she found in a magazine about eight months ago...

Fake it 'til you make it

She recalled taping it up when she started at GH, intimidated by actually working in the hospital and having to put all of her new knowledge into practice. She snorted and guessed she had never quite realized how many situations that statement could be applied to.

Shuffling out of the kitchen, Elizabeth went into her room, crawled onto the bed, pulled a blanket over her body, placed pillow over her head, and went back to sleep.