152 Years Fling

No doubt about it the 152 years I spent with Kali were the best years of my life. Better than putting Zachariah in his place, better than my nights of passion with Freya and Aphodite, better then the fourgasm I with the original Charlie's Angel in 1977.

Our first date was attacking some manor belonging to some stuck up lord in Greece after Thor's betrayel . Man that was a great date, we got to watch the the servants being pulled apart by the horses, I feed Kali the guy's wife's entrails and we roasted marshmallows over his burning corpse, aw such a romantic night. And it got even better, Kali was all hands. When we woke up on the guys bed well lets just say we didn't want the fun to end.

After that we went from village to village, town to town, together the two of us were a walking natural disaster. Now of course I made sure that the people we targeted were stuck up assholes. Like their was this one guy, shopkeeper in Rome. He overcharge for everything especially when the people buying it were incredible poor. He charged people an arm and a leg so I cut off his arms and legs and let Kali eat them right in frout on him.

Their were times when Kali had me teleport her back to India so she could be worship by her own followers and let me tell you Kali when she angry is a scary sight. Once a villager didn't recognise her as a god so she massacred his whole. In fact if I had calmed her down she would have burnt down the building were all the children were hiding.

But apart from that India was a nice place, plenty of other god, not many were to keen of some norse trickster especial after Thor, although they never said it I read their mind and all they were thinking was 'Kali has the weirdest taste in men'. Well she could do worse she could date Tom Cruise or Zachariah. Some on the Gods were ok, Ganesh was nice guy. I remember sometimes we used to shapeshift in to elephants and stampede through the villages.

Agni seemed to like me, she found me funny and said that if things didn't work out with Kali i should come see her. After we broke up I took her up on that offer. But Vayu he did not like me. I remember one night he tried to kill me but I was to clever for him and took away his breath.

Now like me tell the Hindu really know how to treat their deities. In Europe people worship us because if they don't we'll kill them but in here they love I mean they practical serving themselves on a silver platter which they actual were doing, even through I was just a guest god I got more wine and food then their is tea in China.

Speaking of China me and Kali decided to have a little spot there before traveling a bit more. The Chinese not the most friendly people particularly to gods from other countries like Kali or gods from other continents like me. We did have some fun one night when an army of about 500 hundred cornered us.

I remember that night so well. We were cornered and the soldiers were coming at us with their weapons. The moon was full and me and Kali looked at each other and smiled as if to say 'These guys are doomed'. Then she said to me 'I love you' and began slaughtering the soldiers. That night we ripped and burned so many people and I felt like I was floating, She loved me.

Now the next morning not a single soldiers survive and we burned all the bodies and for the first time ever I made love to Kali, sure we had sex before but this is the first time we ever made love.

After China we decided to head to Ireland. We went there and bumped into the Carriggans at Newgrange. Appearently the Celts built it for them.I remember the dinner we had with them. They served us one of their followers.

'Why it is so nice to have guest' Madge said. 'Thank you for having us' I said. Kali began to eat and said 'This is delicious'. 'Why thank dear' Madge said. 'I tell you these Irish make great meals, not like the Walsh to thick and rough, me I like my meat tender' Edward said.

That meals was a great one and talk about lot to drink. To this day I've never seen so much alcohol at one meal before but we were in Ireland so that to be expected. After the meal we watch a battle between two tribes and Kali man did she get excited watching it. In the end we decided to intervine all kill them all.

Of course the bodies didn't go to waste they were dinner for the next month. That about as long as we stayed there. After that we decided to head to Egypt and see the pyramids.

Ra didn't welcome us with open arms and we had to fight our way through an army just to get to seen the pyramids and the sphinx. Kali thought it would look better without the nose so we decide to redecorate as a thank you to the people for their hospitality.

However our relationship kind of fell apart in Spain. Kali and I were walking along the beach when she said she wanted to break up. 'Why' I asked. 'Because you are stopping me from realising my dream of destroying this world'. 'You wouldn't destroy this world and you wouldn't wipe out humanity' I said. 'Why not' she asked. 'Because, first off you need humans to survive' I said 'And secondly despite all the horrible thing you do to them, I think depth down in your heart you really care about Humanity'. At first their was a look on her face that told me I was right but then she became angry 'How dare you say that Loki' she said and began fire blasting me.

The fire was nothing the real pain was in the heartbreak. After a day or two of non-stop fire blasting she realised she couldn't kill me so left to return to India.

After that I became very depressed at lost my trickster ways. For a whole I didn't kill anyone. That was until one day in Rome. I was at a brothel trying to forget my trouble but I just couldn't when some idiot comes up to me and starts talking to me.

Now this guy thought he was God's gift to women how arrogent and how wrong he was. 'What's wrong' he said. 'The girl I loved left me' I said. 'So what plenty more fish in the sea' he said.

I really own that guy a lot if it wasn't for what he said right their I probable wouldn't have been able to get over Kali. But what he said really pissed me off. Plenty more fish in the sea he told. So I let him me those fish by turning him into Nemo and tossing him into the big blue.

It was that moment that reminded me who I was. I was Loki the Trickster. I was done pinning over Kali, no wonder she left me I'd gone soft. Now I know what I have to do. I have go back to being a trickster only a thousand times greater then before and show her that I can be the god she fell in love with. And you know what it work because over the next few we bumped into each other we did have short but sweet flings.