Not the best chapter...but its something!
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Chapter 5
Deputy Coffin and Deputy Jefferson (Benny and Joanne)
As Benny drove the car, he looked into the dashboard camera and began talking. "So it's day two of us being cops. We were all assigned different partners, and I am now partnered with Deputy Jefferson. To tell you the truth I wasn't too happy about being partnered with a girl, but Joanne is a hardcore lesbian so I feel pretty safe, and quite frankly I'm just happy I'm not with Mark anymore."
Joanne turned and glared at Benny. "Thanks for your sharing time. I'm happy to know me being a lesbian makes you feel safe."
Benny shrugged. "Hey I'm just speaking the truth."
"Anyways on a more police related topic." Joanne said into the camera. "We just got a radio call, about something happening in the park. So me and Benny are going to go check it out."
"It's Deputy Coffin." Benny corrected her.
Joanne looked out the window and mumbled. "You're going to be in a Coffin if you don't shut up."
"What was that?" Benny asked.
Joanne smirked. "Nothing, lets just put on the sirens and go."
"Really the sirens?" Benny asked surprised. "You're not going to pee your pants or anything?"
Joanne looked at him confused. "Pee my pants? Wait Mark peed his pants didn't he?"
Benny began laughing. "How did you guess?"
"Because it's Mark!" Joanne said.
They both sat there in silence for about two seconds, until they both burst out laughing and sped down the street. They arrived at the park, and both climbed out of the car.
"So what are we looking for?" Benny asked.
"An injured civilian." Joanne answered.
"Oh civilian, nice choice of words." Benny said astonishingly.
Joanne grinned. "I am a lawyer."
Benny chuckled silently until his eyes fell on an injured person. "Would this person happen to have an arrow stuck in his shoulder?"
Joanne followed Benny's eyes. "I don't know lets check it out."
They both walked up to two grown men, one lying on the ground with an arrow sticking out of his shoulder, and another guy leaning over him.
"Did you guys call for the police?" Benny asked.
The non-injured guy stood up. "Uh yes, my friend is hurt."
Benny and Joanne looked them up and down.
"Um sir can you tell me why you are dressed like a knight, and an elf?" Joanne asked. "I believe Halloween isn't for another four months."
"We are playing Dungeons and Dragons." The guy answered. "I had to shoot him, or else I would have died."
Benny stifled a laugh. "Dungeons and Dragons?"
The guy looked at him with a serious look. "Yeah he was about to attack me with his sword so I defended myself with my magic arrow."
"Magic arrow?" Joanne asked.
"Yes, magic arrow. No one, or nothing can escape the magic arrow." The guy answered.
"Well you know you can get charged for something like that right?" Joanne asked.
The guy froze and looked between Benny and Joanne.
"I was just defending myself." He finally answered.
"You were playing a game." Benny said.
"You don't understand!" The guy yelled.
"Calm down sir, I think right now you need to understand your friend is hurt because of you." Joanne said.
"You can't take me!" The guy yelled. "I'm the miraculous elf, nobody can take me!"
"Calm down sir, or this will get ugly." Benny warned.
"You can't get me!" The guy yelled as he began running away. "I'm wearing a coat of escaping!"
"Come back here!" Benny yelled.
"I'm wearing a coat of escaping!"
Benny and Joanne looked towards each other and rolled their eyes.
"Lets just get this guy to the hospital, we will find him later." Joanne said.
Deputy Davis and Deputy Cohen. (Roger and Mark)
"We got a call about some guy dealing drugs on his front lawn." Roger said into the camera. "So me and Cohen here are going to go take care of it."
Roger pulled up to a house where a guy was watering his garden.
"Sir." Roger called out.
The guy looked Mark and Roger over.
"Is there a problem officers?"
Mark nodded. "Yeah we heard you are selling illegal drugs."
"Mark I think its legal." Roger said.
Mark shook his head. "No it's illegal."
Roger shrugged. "Whatever."
"I am doing no such thing." The guy answered.
"Can we search your house please?" Mark asked
"Don't be nice." Roger said to Mark, and then looked back towards the guy. "We are searching your house!"
The guy turned to face them, with his hose spraying towards them. Mark and Roger froze in their tracks.
"Put down the hose sir!" Roger yelled.
"This hose?" The guy yelled as he sprayed the water a little closer to the two.
"Yes that hose!" Mark finally yelled.
"You don't want to get wet?" The guy asked.
"No, now put it down." Roger said.
The guy smiled, and then sprayed Roger and Mark a little.
"We said put down the hose!" Roger yelled as he took out his gun.
"You really going to shoot this guy over a hose?" Mark asked.
"I'm a police officer, I can do whatever I want." Roger said.
"Okay, okay I'll put the hose down." The guy said as he slowly placed the hose on the ground, he then slowly started reaching for something.
"Put your hands in the air sir!" Roger yelled.
The guy quickly grabbed his item, and held it up.
Mark was then quick to grab his gun, and point it at the man. "Put down the gnome sir!"
"You really going to shoot this guy for holding a gnome?" Roger asked.
Mark shrugged. "They freak me out."
Finally after a half hour, they tackled the guy down and found no signs of drugs.
"Damn! I really wanted to take him in." Roger said.
"Well he did have a weapon…two to be precise." Mark said.
"That is true." Roger said. "Good thinking Mark!"
So Roger and Mark handcuffed the guy and threw him in the back seat.
"You're going to arrest me for holding a hose and a gnome?" The guy asked.
Roger and Mark just ignored him as they drove to the police station.
Deputy Schunard and Deputy Marquez. (Angel and Mimi)
"This is kind of boring." Mimi said as they drove down the street.
Angel sighed. " Just a little."
They drove around for a bit longer until Angel got a bright idea.
"I know!" Angel said as she pulled the cop car over. "Lets get pedicures."
Mimi smiled. "Okay!"
They both jumped out of the car and headed for a beauty shop.
"Wait." Mimi said before they entered. "We don't have any money."
Angel stopped but then smiled. "We're cops they have to give it to us."
Mimi nodded. "That's true!"
Angel walked in and up to the counter.
"Two free pedicures please." Angel said.
The girl looked them over, and then smiled. "Anything for our cops."
As they both sat there getting their feet done, there was a robbery across the street. All the customers looked towards Angel and Mimi, waiting to see if they were going to do anything.
Mimi shrugged. "One of the other Deputies will catch him."
Angel nodded. "Yeah, and maybe the robber needed the money."
"Want to go shopping after this?" Mimi asked.
Angel nodded. "Yeah, I need a knew wig to go with this uniform."
Twenty minutes later, they both walked out of the shop and went shopping.
"Wait." Angel said as she noticed something wrong. "Isn't that a parking violation?"
Mimi studied the car, it was parked in two parking spaces, and the back end was sticking out. "Yes I think it is."
Angel smiled. "Lets right it a ticket!"
Mimi clapped. "Okay, I haven't fought a crime yet."
They both pulled out a pad of paper and began writing.
"What are the police terms for this?" Angel asked, as she held the pen to the paper.
Mimi shrugged. "Um…ass is sticking out, and your fast ass truck is taking up two parking spaces, next time leave room for other people, signed the police."
Angel nodded as she wrote down every word. "Sounds good!"
They stuck it on the car, and walked away.
Mimi and Angel slapped hands. "Another round of justice served!"
Deputy Collins and Deputy Johnson (Collins and Maureen)
"So you're telling me you would never do Aunt Jemima?" Maureen asked.
Collins stared straight ahead as he drove. "No, maybe if she was a guy, but even then I could never leave Angel."
"But it's Aunt Jemima!" Maureen shouted.
Collins chuckled. "What's with you and Aunt Jemima?"
Maureen shrugged. "She is hot, and I love pancakes and she just so happens to go perfectly with them. You know what I'd do, take her to my bed, poor syrup on her, and lick it off."
"MO! That is degusting!" Collins said. "You are on camera, if you are going to lick anything off of anyone, or even talking about it, then lick hot fudge off of her, not syrup, that is just nasty!"
"Whatever lets go get some donuts, all this talk about syrup made me hungry." Maureen said.
"I'm down with that." Collins said.
After a quick stop at the donut shop, they hid in a bush so they could catch speeders.
"Now we're real cops." Maureen said as she bit into a donut.
Collins laughed.
Just as they were biting into another donut, a car drove by.
Maureen rolled her eyes. "That was like the tenth non-speeding car, this is boring!"
Collins shrugged. "Want to get em anyways?"
Maureen smiled. "Hell yeah, turn on the sirens!"
As they chased the car down the road, Maureen picked up the radio. "Did you know you can talk into this, and the people outside the car can hear you?"
Collins nodded. "Cool, now we wont have to get out of the car."
Maureen smiled and talked into the radio. "Pull over!"
The guy in front of them kept driving.
"PULL OVER I SAID!" Maureen shouted.
Finally he pulled over, and stepped out of the car.
Collins took the radio out of her hand. "Step out of the car sir."
The guy slowly stepped out of the car. "What did I do?"
"Lets have fun with this." Maureen said as she took the radio back. "Put your hands in the air sir!"
"I'd like to know what I did." He said as he raised his hands.
"Now bend over, and put your hands on your butt." Maureen finished.
Collins chuckled as he took the radio back. "And moo like the silly little fool you are!"
The guy rolled his eyes, and did everything they told him.
Maureen and Collins laughed their Asses off as another car pasted them.
Maureen and Collins eyed each other.
"Our next victim!" Maureen shouted with joy.
Collins started up the car, and then sped down the street, leaving the guy mooing.