How the War was Really Won

Not many people know this but I single handedly led to the downfall of Adolf Hitler and the Nazis thus securing the Allies victory in the War. Its an interesting story but to tell it i would have to go back to the crucifixation. Yes sir I bet you that when Christ was being nailed to the cross and put up for the night he wasn't thinking "This moment will create a powerful weapon that centuries later would be used by a deranged psychopath to start the biggest war ever"

Nah he was thinking "You know I can see my house from up here". Well that what happened see as Jesus was dying on the Cross the Roman got impatient, they didn't want to miss their soaps so a Roman soldier shanked Jesus in the side with his spear.

You've all heard the story of the Holy Grail, you know the whole The Last Crusade thing, take one drink out of it and your Dorien Gray. Very few people have heard of the Holy Lance. Its also know as the Spear of Destiny and they say that the Spear tip used to stab Jesus is blessed and anyone who possesses it become invincible.

All you have to do is pick it up and its goodbye Clark Kent , hello Superman. Anyway enough with the Fairy Tales as you can image something like that has passed hands for centuary ever Atilla the Hun and Genghis Khan in the world wanted it and it has a long and bloody history. That little knife has a bigger body count then The Friday the 13th series.

Eventually it made its way back to Rome. However after that dumbass Mussolino joined forces with that blowhard Hitler he gave it to him as a birthday present. With that weapon Hitler was able to conquer nearly all of Europe, until I step in.

I figured after he started his whole ethnic cleansing thing he needed to be taken down a peg or to. So I travel to the center of Naziville and snuck into The Fortest of Death and robbed The Emperor blind. I stole his kagic dagger right under his mustached face. After that came the turning point in the Battle of Britain and 3 years later the allies won.

If your wondering what I did with the Lance I sold it to a young boxer many years later named Cassius Clay and I heard he had quite a career.

Now I'd like to take you back to just before the war. 1939 one of the best years ever because of the movie that came out that year. The Wizard of Oz. It one of my favourite films of all time.

I remember the first time i saw i immediately created everything in a town. I turned people into Munchins, talking trees, flying monkeys and of course Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion and the Wicked Witch.

I had them play out the whole movie for my amusement. They still brings a smile to my face.

After WWII went back to America and had some fun in the 50's. It brought about the rise of Teenagers and a whole bunch of douche bag Biff Tannans who needed me to teach them a lesson. I was hardly bored.

Most people don't know that I inspired one of the coolest and most famous TV characters of all time. It all happened in a diner one day when I was getting a burger.

There was this kid on a date with a girl completely out of his league. He was a 4 and she was an 8 or 9 easy. Don't know how he convinced her to go out with him but she did.

Anyway I came into the diner and ordered a burger. I saw he was having trouble with the Juke Box and his date wanted to dance and was getting impatient.I felt sorry for him and decided to help. "Stupid Machine" he said. "Need a hand " I asked as I came over. "Are you a repairman" he asked. "No" I said hitting the machine while using my powers to start it up "Just a magician".

The juke box played Earth Angel as the kids danced and the girl looked like she was having fun. At the end they were leaving but he said "I'll be out in a minute". The girl went to his car and waited. He came up to me and said "Thanks man, you saved my date I own you one".

"Don't mention it" I said. I looked at her and then at him and said "No offense but how does a guy like you end up with a girl like that, did you hypnotise her or something?". He smiled and said "No, she told me that its because I'm the only guy she can count on and that means something to her".

"She's going to be your wife" I said. "You think so" he asked. "I know so" I said. "Thanks man, I'm Jesse Delamotte" he said. "I'm Arthur Fonzarelli" I said using my alias.

He headed out to his car but from the diner i saw trouble coming in the form of a gang of Bullies starting to haress him and his girl. I decided to even the odd and used my ability to Popeye the kid up. He showed them and it saved me the trouble.

I watched him drive off with the impressed girl and something told me His life was about to go uphill.