Hi all!

Since this week is my birthday week (turning big 22 tomorrow) I thought I'd give you all a little treat in the form of a double update! I'll be posting again on Friday morning (since I'm in AU, #Walker day is on a Friday lol) to celebrate the return of Walker and give you all two chapters in one week.

We do have a trigger warning for panic attacks and underage drinking for this chapter, this is definitely one of the less pleasant chapters in this story but also a pivotal point in the story-line.

Anyway, enjoy :)

Saturday morning dawned bright and clear, not a single cloud to be seen in the crisp, blue sky. Maddie sat in the shade on the front porch, watching a couple finches eating from the bird-feeder hung off a post nearby. She smiled a little at seeing them and hearing their cheery little chirps. She was envious of the birds. So happy, free, without a care in the world.

A moment later, they flew away and she let out a sigh as she saw them disappear into the trees across the driveway. She'd been enjoying watching them. It was a welcome distraction from what was going on inside her mind. After she'd read that article about her father on Thursday night she'd begun to understand that he was struggling. Of course he was, even despite the fact he was still trying to convince them all otherwise. Coming to that realization though didn't make things any easier for her. Was it too much to ask that her father be here for her?

With all her heart, she wanted her father back.

Wanted to feel safe again.

Wanted to feel loved.

Taking a look down at her watch she saw that only five minutes had dragged by since she'd last checked the time. She was waiting for Mika and Elizabeth to arrive. They were going to go on a trail ride together. Maddie hadn't been sure at all about going on a trail ride with them but they'd talked her into it. They were right. She couldn't hide inside the house forever though she kinda wished that she could, even if these days home only felt half safe.

Resting back in her wheelchair her thoughts drifted back to the day before. She'd had her last session with that stupid councilor. There was no way she was seeing that guy again. Yesterday had been the last straw for her. Her patience with him was gone. He wasn't committed to helping her get better, not like her previous councilor. She had been great. It was just a shame that she had changed jobs and she'd been given this dude to speak to instead. He hadn't helped her at all. If anything he had made things worse and so, after hanging up her zoom call with him mid session she had sent him a message that she wouldn't be needing his services anymore.

The next hurdle was to tell that to her father.

That could wait though. She didn't particularly feel like telling him there and then.

Hearing the sound of a vehicle coming up the drive she turned to that direction, half smiling for a moment as she recognized it to be one of Briar Ridge's rigs. Wheeling herself down to the drive she stopped, Mika bringing the truck to a stop as she rolled the window down.

'Where do you want me to park?'

'Down by the girls' paddock. We'll tack up down there.'

'Right. See you down there.'

Maddie waited until she had driven on then followed the truck and trailer down the drive to where her horses were pastured. Mika and Elizabeth were out of the vehicle by the time she joined them, her two friends coming over to give her a hug. 'Hey.' She greeted, Mika hugging her first then Elizabeth. 'Sorry I haven't been talkative this week, I've just had things happening and stuff...'

'Hey, that's okay Madds. We understand.' Mika assured her with a smile. 'You don't have to apologize. We get it.'

'I just feel bad. You both have been great and well... I-I haven't been that much of a friend lately.'

Elizabeth placed a hand on her shoulder. 'Don't stress about it Maddie. We aren't going to hold it against you. Let's just have a good time today, shall we?'

After a moment, she nodded with a sad smile. 'Well, it'll be a good day if I don't fall off. I haven't...' She paused for a moment as the two girls went to lower the tailgate to unload their horses. 'I haven't ridden since that night. The-the night Dad went missing.'

'Well don't worry. We'll take it nice and slow.' Mika assured her, unloading Picasso first from the float. While Elizabeth climbed aboard the float to walk her stallion out, Mika led her horse over to the fence to tie him up. 'How's things been going anyway Maddie?'

With a shrug, Maddie wheeled herself over closer to her friend but still far enough back so she didn't interfere with the horses. 'Been taking it one day at a time.'

'How's your dad and uncle doing?' Elizabeth questioned, leading Diablo over to tie him up beside the gelding.

'I don't know. Reckon they're both doing the best they can given the circumstances. Dad's returning to work Monday. Uncle Liam... Well, he's been helping my Grampa out on the ranch.' She paused, watching Mika and Elizabeth begin to brush their horses down to get them ready for tack. 'What about you both? How's things been going for you two?'

'Good.' Mika was first to reply, taking a dandy brush from the grooming kit to start grooming her gelding. 'The team has qualified to ride this coming weekend in the Fall Classic so there's that. Other than that, I've just been busy with work. Spoke to my folks the other night, they're hoping to drop in for a visit next month sometime.'

'And you Ellie? Still busy helping out at the mustang rescue?'

Elizabeth nodded. 'Been working there most afternoons, Jane needs all the help she can get right now. She's got over thirty mustangs there at the moment, some being trained to be re-homed and others in rehabilitation. School starts again Monday for me so I won't be able to help out as much. If you know anyone else who might like to volunteer there, let them know they are welcome.'

'Yeah, I'll do that.'

'Hey Maddie,' Mika interjected. 'you hear about the group that's been stealing mustangs from the BLM corrals lately?'

She shook her head. 'No. I haven't had the energy to keep up with the news lately. Who are they?'

'No one knows.' Elizabeth replied. 'The corrals just keep getting broken into and the horses returned to where they were rounded up from. Can't say I agree with their methods but it's saving the mustangs so...' She shrugged. 'Better they get returned to the rangers then end up as dog food.'

'Can't argue with that.' Maddie remarked, smiling a little as Bel and Dakota with Hope in tow slowly ambled over to see what was going on. 'Well, I guess I'd better get my girl ready so we hit the trail before it gets too warm.'

'When I finish here I'll give you a hand.'

'Thanks Ellie. Appreciate it.' Wheeling herself around to the gate she grabbed Dakota's halter and lead-rope off the hook, letting herself into the pasture. She whistled softly, Dakota slowly walking over to her and after giving the mare a sugar cube from her pocket, the mare allowed herself to be haltered.

'So...' Mika started as Maddie joined them at the fence, tying Dakota up near Picasso. 'When are you going to get this girl back out competing? There's a rodeo on in a couple weeks, why don't you enter the barrel racing?'

'Mika.' Maddie sighed. 'I'm not ready, at all, to get back out there. Heck, this is my first time riding since Dad went missing. I'm not ready. I'm just thankful that Stella's been able to work Dakota each morning for me otherwise she wouldn't have been ridden at all.'

'Fair enough, I guess.'

'Why don't you come with us to the Fall Classic though?' Elizabeth suggested. 'Just to watch, mind you. Diablo and I are entered in the show jumping. It'll be our first outing since our accident.'

'I-I'd love to come watch, really but...' She paused for a moment, rubbing Dakota's head. 'I'm not ready to go out.'

'Well, if you do decide you want to come along, there's always room for you to join us.'

Maddie smiled sadly. 'I'll keep that in mind.'

Silence fell while the two girls kept brushing down their horses, Elizabeth being the first to finish. Tossing her brushes back into the grooming kit she gave Diablo another pat then turned to Maddie. 'Need me to go get your gear?'

'Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks. You know where it is?'

'I remember.'

Climbing through the rails, Elizabeth headed through the pasture to the nearby shed and shelter, disappearing into the feed and tack room. With Elizabeth out of earshot, Mika turned back to Maddie. 'Ellie's really worried about competing again.' She said softly, glancing towards the shed. 'It'd really help her if you came along, just for moral support.'

Maddie sighed, still rubbing Dakota's head. 'I want to come Mika, really I do but I can't. I'm just not ready to leave the ranch. I know it sounds crazy but I... I just don't want to leave here. It's safe here. Well... I feel safer here than being in town.'

'I understand.' She replied kindly. 'And I know you are probably tired of hearing people ask if you're okay so I won't ask but you know I'm always here for you. If you want to talk or just need me to come hang out with you for a while, I'm only a call away.'

'Thanks Mika.'

'Hey.' Mika smiled at her, taking hold of her hand for a moment. 'That's what sisters are for. Speaking about sisters...' She returned to grooming Picasso as Elizabeth emerged from the shed, bringing with her Maddie's gear. 'What's Stella going to get up to now that she's not going to college?'

Maddie shrugged. 'I have no idea. Frankly, I don't care. I've had enough of my siblings for this week, especially after the stunt they pulled over the weekend with the mustang.'

'Can't imagine your dad was happy about that.'

'Happy?' She snorted. 'Understatement of the year and I copped most of it, thank you but no thank you. I'll be glad when August is back in school. He's been rather hard to live with lately.'

'Oh I feel ya.' Elizabeth remarked as she set Maddie's saddle and saddle pad onto the top rail, hung up her bridle over the saddle horn and handed her the grooming kit before she climbed through the fence again. 'It's so nice to have moved out of home and be living with my Nana. I don't have to deal with the crap my brother's been messing with and do Mom and Dad do anything about it? No. Cause Scooter is their perfect little angel child and he can do no wrong. Bah.'

'Yeah. Kinda feels like that here with August.' Maddie agreed as she and Elizabeth set to work grooming her mare. 'If Dad doesn't rein him in soon, he's gonna have a nice bit of trouble to deal with.'

'He can't be that bad.' Mika spoke up. 'Surely. I mean, August has always been the sensible one out of him and Stella, right?'

'I think he's just cranky that Stella didn't go away to college. He keeps saying how he wants this school year to be his year and such. I don't know. Boys.'

'Speaking of boys... How are you and Colton?'

A faint blush came to Maddie's cheeks at the question. 'We're good. What about you Mika? Anyone significant that might be part of your life soon?'

'Nope. Still single and loving it baby.'

Elizabeth chuckled. 'Don't lie. I saw you making eyes at Brian last weekend.'

Mika blushed.

Maddie grinned. 'Brian? Oh, tell me more.'

'There isn't anything to say-'

'Come on Mika.' Elizabeth interrupted. 'You couldn't keep your eyes off him.'

'Spill the beans Mika.' Maddie prompted. 'Who is he?'

Mika sighed. 'He's someone I met at the show last weekend. We walked the showjumping course together.'

'Oh how romantic-' Maddie laughed as she was cut off by Mika throwing her grooming sponge at her.

'That's enough out of you.'

'Hey, I much prefer listening to you both talk about your lives then think about my own at this point.'

'Fair.'

'So when are you two going out on a date?'

'Maddie!' Mika exclaimed with a chuckle, placing a saddle pad onto Picasso's back. 'Please. I only just saw the guy. We didn't even speak.'

'Did you at least get his phone number?'

'Perhaps... Look, if there's any news, you'll be the first to know.'

Maddie grinned. 'Glad to hear that.'

'Now can we please stop talking and start tacking up?' Mika questioned. 'Otherwise we'll never leave.'

'Someone's touchy.' Elizabeth whispered to Maddie, the two of them sharing a soft chuckle as Mika saddled her gelding. 'No need to get your knickers in a twist Mika, we won't be long. Here-' Reaching over she grabbed Dakota's bridle. 'I'll saddle her up if you bridle her.'

With a nod Maddie took the bridle and set about putting it onto her horse while Elizabeth tended to the saddling. 'Mawline packed us some snacks.' She remarked as she pulled the headpiece over the mare's ears, Dakota chewing away on the bit in her mouth. 'Hope you two brought your appetites with you.'

'We brought snacks too.' Mika added, backing a ready Picasso away from the fence. 'Even got some blueberry muffins you love from that bakery.'

'Awe, thanks.' Doing up the throat latch she looked at Elizabeth as she did the cinch up. 'We ready now?'

Checking that the cinch on Dakota;s saddle was tight, Elizabeth nodded. 'All set to go. Want one of us to get on her first and see how she goes?'

'Na, Dakota should be fine. Come on girl.' Maddie led her away from the fence and over to where Mika was waiting with Picasso, already mounted. Elizabeth quickly set about tacking her stallion up as Maddie placed their snacks and water into the saddlebags then asked her mare to bow and climbed up into the saddle. When she was ready she asked Dakota to stand again and she gave her a pat before fastening her seat-belt and other straps that held her in place.

'Where are we going to ride to?' Mika questioned, just waiting on Elizabeth to join them now.

'There's a hill overlooking the ranch. Thought we might head up there then go on to the pond higher up in the hills. It's on federal land, Grampa showed it to me when we were rounding up his cattle last year. Sound like a plan?'

'Sounds good.' She agreed, Elizabeth finally ready to go. 'With how warm it is already, going for a dip in a pond sounds like a great idea.'

'We'll just have to see about that, the cattle make a good mess of it during the summer.' Maddie replied, Elizabeth mounting up near them. 'We ready to go now?'

Elizabeth nodded, finding her other stirrup. 'Ready.'

'Ready.' Mika agreed.

'Alright-' She clucked with her tongue to ask the mare to move forward. 'Let's hit the trail then cowgirls.'

Maddie sat on the grass beneath the shade of an old willow, watching Mika and Elizabeth playing in the pond with their horses later that morning. She chuckled as they carried on a water fight between the two of them, both trying to soak the other as much as possible. Diablo and Picasso were enjoying themselves just as much as their crazy riders were and when Mika managed to dunk Elizabeth, Maddie almost wet herself laughing at the horrified look on Elizabeth's face when she came back up out of the water.

'Oh... Oh, it's on now.' Elizabeth declared, wiping the water out of her eyes. 'Your gonna get it now Mika!'

With a shriek Mika tried to get away but Elizabeth lunged at her, both the girls disappearing beneath the surface for a few moments.

Maddie chuckled, glancing at Dakota as the mare grazed lazily beside her. 'They look like they're having fun.' She remarked then sighed sadly, watching as Mika bolted from the water with Elizabeth giving chase close behind. She couldn't join in on the fun and instead had to sit here and be content to just watch. 'Pity we can't join them...'

With the Texas sun now high above them the day had heated up. After going to the lookout they'd come here and found to their relief that the pond had been left relatively untouched by the cattle so far. Though the water was a little muddy at least it wasn't full of cow pies and Mika and Elizbeth had both stripped down to their underwear, un-tacked their horses and ridden straight into the cool water.

Finally, Mika and Elizabeth dragged their tired selves and their horses up the bank to the shade, dropping down on the grass beside Maddie to dry off. 'I-I haven't had so much fun in ages.' Elizabeth exclaimed between attempting to catch her breath. 'You didn't have to dunk me three times though Mika. Once... Once was more than enough.'

Mika chuckled, eyes closed as she laid on her back. 'Consider that payback for what you've put me through over the years.'

'Yeah yeah, fair enough.' She replied with a laugh then turned to Maddie. 'You should come in with us. The water is beautiful.'

Maddie shook her head. 'I can't. Besides, there's a perfectly good pool at home that beckons to me when I get back. I'd rather sit in that than the pond.'

'We should have brought out swimmers.' Elizabeth commented, resting on her elbows as muddy water dripped from her hair. 'Do you think your grandma will let us use the shower before we head back to the stables?'

'Yeah sure. She won't have a problem with that.' She said as she grabbed the saddlebags from behind her. 'Anyone up for some snacks? There's sandwiches, cookies, chips-'

Hearing the word snack Mika's eyes flew open and she looked over to see what Maddie was taking out of the saddlebags. 'I'll take those.' She exclaimed, helping herself to the snack pack of cheetos before Elizabeth could grab them.

'Hey, I wanted them.' She protested. 'Not fair!'

'Snooze, ya loose girl. Besides, who ate my entire bag last Sunday?'

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and resigned herself to a bag of chicken flavored chips instead. 'Alright, alright. You win.'

Maddie chuckled softly at their exchange and took one of the chocolate chip cookies her Mawline had made for them from the plastic bag. 'No need to fight over the food girls, there's plenty to go around.'

At that, Elizabeth gave Mika a side glance while opening her chips. 'Only if you keep an eye on hee. If you don't, it'll all disappear. Poof. Gone.'

'What can I say?' Mika questioned with a flourish, popping another cheeto into her mouth. 'I have a big appetite.'

'Matches the attitude.'

'Bull. I don't have an attitude.'

'Yes you do.'

'No I don't.'

'Yes, yes. You do-'

Maddie raised her eyebrows. 'Okay girls, please. If I wanted to listen to this, I'd have spent the day with Stella and August. Give it a break.'

At that, both girls stopped and looked at Maddie.

'You are in a mood this morning.' Mika remarked after a moment.

'I'm sorry. I just can't put up with much more arguing right now.'

Elizabeth frowned. 'But we weren't arguing. We were only having a bit of fun-' She saw the look Mika gave her then shrugged. 'I'm sorry Maddie if you felt that we were arguing.'

Maddie sighed, picking the chocolate chips out of her cookies. 'No, I'm sorry. I know I've been out of sorts lately. Just cause I'm feeling crap doesn't mean I have to make those around me unhappy too.'

They both smiled sympathetically at that, Mika reaching over to place a hand on her knee. 'Maddie, you'll tell us if we trigger you or make you uncomfortable, right? We want to help you anyway we can. You are safe with us. We want you to feel safe and comfortable around us.'

'I'll tell you.' She promised with a nod. 'And thank you. Thank you for being understanding.'

'Anytime.'

Silence fell as the three girls settled down to eat their snacks, the three horses grazing quietly nearby in the shade of the trees. A few clouds drifted lazily across the crisp blue sky and a soft, refreshing breeze blew. Seeing a couple birds coming down to play in the water, Maddie smiled as she nibbled on her second turkey and cheese sandwich. It was peaceful. Serene.

A loud gunshot echoed off in the distance, the three horses raising their heads from grazing for a moment at the sound.

She was back. Back... There.

Sean was standing in front of her, the barrel of his pistol pointed at her face as she realized she was about to die. He was going to shoot her. This was how it all was going to end...

The gunshot echoed around the building accompanied by the sound of a man's chuckling. I-I-I'm not dead. Her mind fought to register that fact after a moment. As tears of terror rolled down her cheeks she opened her eyes again and saw Sean laughing at her as he returned the pistol to the drawer in his desk. He motioned to one of the men standing on either side of her and after a moment, one of them roughly removed the cloth gag out of her mouth, Maddie flinching at the touch.

'Now, Maddie... Listen up and listen good. That was a blank. It just as easily could have been a live round. Next time I fire that pistol, someone is going to die. That someone is going to be your uncle unless you can convince your father to go along with us. Do I make myself clear?'

Die.

Die.

They were going to die.

All of them.

'Maddie, Maddie. Maddie.' Mika spoke softly but firmly in a concerned tone, watching as her friend stared off into the distance with tears streaming down her face. Her mouth was moving but no sounds were coming out as she rocked back and forth, holding her arms tightly against her chest. 'Come on. Come on Maddie. It's okay. You're safe. You're safe. We're here with you.'

Elizabeth sat back, at a loss to know what to do as she watched Mika try to draw Maddie's attention back out of her panic attack.

'Breath Maddie.' Mika instructed when Maddie finally made eye contact with her. 'Breath with me. In... Out... In... Out...'

Her whole body still shaking, Maddie forced herself with all the strength she had left to focus on her friend's voice and matching her breathing with hers. Though the day was hot she shivered with cold, accompanied by that horrible unsettling feeling of nausea and weakness she always experienced following a panic attack brought on by triggered flashbacks.

'That's it. That's it. Keep breathing with me.' She encouraged gently. 'You are safe. You aren't there anymore. You aren't alone. You're safe. You're here with Elizabeth and I. We're here with you.'

Slowly, slowly, Maddie began to calm down.

'One thing you can see.' Mika suggested when Maddie's breathing had become slower and even again. 'Tell me one thing you can see.'

'I can-I can see... See horses.'

'Good. Good. One thing you can feel.'

'Feel... Feel breeze.'

'One thing you can hear.'

'Hear bird... Bird chirping. Over there.'

'Smell. One thing you can smell.'

'Your... Your hair-hair. Smells gross.'

Mika chuckled at that, smiling a little as Maddie turned to her. 'That's a girl. That's it.'

'I-I need to... need to go home... Now. Please.'

'Alright.' She nodded. 'We'll take you home.'

With her voice quivering, Maddie forced out a reply. 'Thank you.'

'Elizabeth,' Mika turned to her. 'Would you mind tacking the horses up please?'

Grabbing her clothes to put back on, Elizabeth stood with a nod and headed over to the horses.

'I... I'm sorry.' Maddie apologized softly as she drew her legs up into her chest, hugging herself tightly. 'I don't know what happened.'

'Maddie, it's okay. You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault.' Mika assured her. 'Is it okay if I give you a hug?' After a moment she nodded and Mika wrapped her arms around her and began rubbing the back of her hand.

'How... How did you know what to do?' She asked after a moment. 'You-you did exactly what Dad used to do for me.'

'Been doing a lot of research so I knew what to do if something like this happened.'

Maddie smiled a tiny smile of appreciation. 'Thank you.'

'You think you'll be okay now?'

'I just need to get home.'

'We'll get you home. Don't worry but do you think you're okay here for a moment? If I go give Elizabeth a hand with the horses we can get back sooner.'

'I'll be alright now.'

'Alright.' Mika stood, squeezing Maddie's shoulder gently for a moment before she left to get dressed and give Elizabeth a hand.

Die.

You're going to die.

Maddie shivered as that feeling washed over her again, accompanied by those horrible thoughts. No. No. You are okay. You are safe. It was probably just someone hunting. People shoot guns out here all the time. Nobody's hunting me down. No one is going to hurt me. I'm safe. We're safe. It's just my imagination. It's just my imagination...

Hearing the sound of a horse being led towards her she looked up, Elizabeth leading Dakota over to her. 'Need some help getting up?'

Any other time her pride would have made her say no but she accepted the offer of help with a nod.

'Up you come then.'

Elizabeth helped her get to her feet and supported her weight as Maddie turned to the mare, asking Dakota to bow. Once the mare had lowered herself to the ground Elizabeth helped her swing her leg over the saddle and get on. Picking up the reins the mare stood again and she ran a hand down the mustang's neck. 'Thanks Ellie.'

'No problem.'

'I'm sorry we have to go back early.'

'Hey, it's okay. We understand.' Elizabeth assured her with a smile. 'It's not your fault, you can't help it. Besides, I hear there's a pool back at your place and it's just begging for me to take a dip in it. So don't feel sorry, alright?'

Maddie nodded with a sad smile. 'Alright.'

'Alright.' She repeated. 'That pool is sure going to feel good.'

'Mmhmm.'

Silence fell again and after a short while Mika came back over to join them, leading both Diablo and Picasso. Handing the reins to Elizabeth she quickly began packing away their things while Elizabeth mounted up. Once everything was packed away and she was ready, Elizabeth handed her geldings reins to her and after draping the saddlebags across the back of the saddle, mounted also. 'Alright-' She turned to both Maddie and Elizabeth. 'We all set?' They both nodded. 'Right. Let's move out.'

Abeline was out working in the garden when she heard the sound of hoof-beats coming up the drive and looked over from her work to see that Maddie and her friends had returned from their trail ride. Getting to her feet she brushed the dirt off her jeans before walking over to them, the girls riding over to the hitching rail so they could tie their horses. 'You lot are back early. I thought you'd be out all day.'

'So did we but plans changed.' Mika replied as she dismounted, wrapping Picasso's reins around the rail. 'Where's Maddie's chair?'

'Over on the porch.' She looked up at Maddie. 'Something happen?'

Maddie nodded, not looking at her grandmother.

Elizabeth dismounted, handing her stallion's reins to Mika to tie him up. 'I'll grab your chair.'

'Thanks Ellie.' She replied softly.

Abeline frowned a little, observing Maddie's downcast behavior as Elizabeth headed up the path to the house. 'You alright Maddie?'

'Just tired. I'm going to go have a lie down.'

'You not feeling well?'

'I just want to go lie down for a while.' She said, turning to Mika. 'Would you mind taking care of Kota for me and turn her back out?'

Mika nodded as Elizabeth returned, pushing Maddie's wheelchair. 'Yeah, sure. No problem.'

Silence fell as Maddie got herself down from her mare, transitioning from saddle to wheelchair without another word. The three of them watched as she headed up to the house, disappearing through the front door which closed with a half-hearted slam. Abeline turned back to Mika. 'What happened?'

'We heard a gunshot while we were up at the pond, someone must have been hunting out there.' Mika explained, scratching behind Dakota's ears. 'It triggered Maddie into having a panic attack.'

'She just wanted to get home.' Elizabeth picked up from where Mika left off. 'She didn't say a word on the ride back.'

Hearing that, Abeline let out a long sigh. 'Thanks for bringing her back girls. I'll keep an eye on her.'

'She's not doing well, is she?' Mika questioned. 'I've picked up on a few things here and there but I'll admit I'm worried about her.'

Elizabeth nodded in agreement. 'She's not herself.'

'No, I know. And you both aren't the only people worried about her.' Abeline said softly. 'We're all concerned about her.'

'How's things between her and her father?' Mika asked after a moment.

She raised an eyebrow at that question. 'I'm not entirely sure. Why do you ask?'

Mika shrugged, rubbing her hand up Dakota's face. 'Been doing some research about trauma and stuff so I can better understand what she's going through and know how to help her. I know she's close to her father but after going through something like they did together... It's bound to have affected it.' She let out a long breath, still rubbing the mare's face. 'I read through that article too. Wasn't an easy read.'

'No.' Abeline agreed, Dakota reaching over to sniff at her pockets. She smiled a little, giving the mare a pat on the neck. 'No, it wasn't. I don't know if Maddie's read it or not. And I don't know how things are with Cordell and her at the moment. Things have been a bit... strained around here lately...' Her voice trailed off and after a moment she regained her composure and took a step back from Dakota. 'Well, I best let you girls tend to the horses and I'll go check on her. Thank you both for coming to spend time with her today and despite how it turned out I'm sure she enjoyed seeing you guys.'

Elizabeth untied Picasso's reins, preparing to lead both Mika's gelding and Diablo back to where the trailer was parked. 'Let us know how she is later, please? She hasn't kept in touch with us much the past couple weeks.'

'I will.'

'If it's not too much trouble, would we be able to have a shower too before we go?' Mika asked hopefully. 'I don't think Mrs. Duviack would appreciate Elizabeth and I making her rig smell like pond water.'

'No trouble at all. There's a shower in the farmhouse, I'll make sure there's some clean towels over there for you. I haven't had a chance to clean our bathroom or I'd say you could have used it.'

'That's alright. Showering over at the farmhouse suits us fine. Thank you.'

'No worries. I'll go check on Maddie and bring the towels over.'

'Brilliant. It's a plan.'

Mika and Elizabeth headed down the drive leading their horses while Abeline went back inside the house. After washing her hands at the kitchen sink she headed up the hallway to Maddie's bedroom, knocking gently on the door. 'Maddie honey, you alright?'

She waited but there was no reply.

She frowned, knocking again. 'Maddie?'

'Go away!'

At Maddie's angry tone she drew back, surprised. 'Alright, I'll give you some space. I'll come check on you later, okay?'

No reply.

With a sigh, Abeline left to go grab the towels for the girls to borrow.

All she could do was sit there.

Sit there and watch.

Watch her uncle die.

Sean stood in front of her, slowly loading his pistol.

'This is what happens when people don't do what I want.' He said, his voice a menacing growl as he looked up at her, loading a second round into the revolver. 'I told you to convince your father to join us or else...' He motioned over at Liam who was being held between two thugs. 'Pitty, pity.' He remarked with a shrug as he aimed his pistol at Liam's chest. 'Guess you didn't take my threat seriously.'

Sean pulled the trigger.

Liam collapsed to the ground, blood pooling on the concrete beneath him as his body writhed in death throes...

'No!' Maddie screamed, trying to get herself free from Sean's thugs. 'No!'

Sean laughed at her futile efforts.

'Try all you want bitch, you can't get away from me.' He turned towards her, Liam's body twitching one last time before he lay still. 'With you and your Uncle dead, your father will do whatever I want...'

Maddie woke with a gasp, sitting bolt upright in bed as her heart pounded out of her chest. 'It's okay... It's okay... It was just a dream... Just a dream.' She whispered to herself, forcing herself to slow her breathing before she progressed into another panic attack. 'Oh boy...' Burying her face in her hands she took some more deep breaths, trying to forget the nightmare she'd just had.

Nightmares like these were commonplace these days, hence why she didn't sleep. Every nightmare was different but they all had one thing in common: they ended with Sean turning the pistol onto her, about to pull the trigger. It didn't matter if it was her father or her uncle that was killed first in her nightmares, they always ended the same with her waking up just before she was shot.

When she felt like she was finally calm she rested back against the headboard of the bed and looked over at her bedside table. 1:38 her clock told her when she looked and she let out a long, shaky sigh. She'd only slept for half an hour but it had been enough for the nightmares to return. If only she could have one night of good, uninterrupted sleep. Sleeping was literally a dream for her. There was no way she'd get it anytime soon.

There was only one thing that made her feel better these days. It wasn't her father, it wasn't her grandmother. It wasn't speaking to the counselor she refused to speak with again. It wasn't riding her horse. It was the bottle.

The bottle was all she practically lived for.

That sweet, burning liquid that made her thoughts easier to cope with.

Reaching over to her bedside table she opened the drawer and pulled out the bottle of moonshine, unscrewed the lid and took a long gulp. As the alcohol burned down her throat she rested her head back against the bedhead, her eyes misting. Who would have thought she would turn to the bottle?

You are just like your father. Her mind taunted her as she raised the bottle to her lips again, taking another swig. On your way to being a dead-end drunk.

Right now, she didn't care about those thoughts, swallowing that mouthful before she took another.

It was a miracle that no one had noticed yet she'd been drinking.

Well, in all honesty, it wasn't a miracle at all. It was just the fact that everyone had been so preoccupied with Cordell and how he was after being in captivity that no one paid close attention to either her or Liam. She'd only been home for a week before hitting the bottle, having wondered if drinking would help her sleep. It didn't but she'd come to appreciate the feeling of relaxation that consuming alcohol gave her. Apart from when she drank, she didn't feel relaxed at all. She was constantly hyper vigilant, listening for any sounds out of the ordinary, always on guard. It was a horrible feeling but at least alcohol gave her reprieve, even if it were only short lived.

2:15. The clock said as time slipped by, Maddie sitting on her bed quietly nursing her bottle.

After taking another swig she stopped, looking at the bottle in her hand. She would have to go steal another bottle soon from the basement where the moonshine was stored. She always kept one full bottle on hand so she still had something to drink if it took her a couple days to find an opening where she could get more. So far, no one had noticed that the bottles she had drunk had been returned to the crates, filled with water, and she hoped that it stayed that way. If they found out, what would the response be?

She'd be in trouble.

Big, big trouble.

And after last weekend's little mishap, she didn't need to dig herself a deeper hole.

'Maddie?'

Hearing her grandmother's voice from outside her room, she froze.

'Maddie, you okay honey?'

No. I'm not okay. She wanted to scream but held herself back, tears coming to her eyes as she tightened her grip on the bottle. I'm not okay but who would care anyway? Who would care that I was almost murdered? Who would care that I watched my Uncle be tortured and couldn't help him? Who would care that my father no longer cares about me?

'Maddie?'

A soft knock followed her gentle voice.

Bringing the bottle to her lips, Maddie drank what was left in it in one swallow, tears rolling down her cheeks.

'Maddie. Answer me honey. Please.'

The teen didn't reply, just stared down at the empty bottle in her hand.

Silence.

Another knock, this time louder. 'Maddie? Maddie, I'm worried about you. Answer me.'

Maddie looked up at the roof, her ceiling fan slowly turning into two ceiling fans as the alcohol she'd drunk began to hit hard.

'Come on Maddie.' Abeline tried to open the door but couldn't, Maddie having locked it shut from the inside. 'Please. Just answer me. I need to know you're alright.'

Who's alright? Who in this family is alright? She wondered, letting the tears flow freely. A moment later she heard footsteps receding and let out a sigh of relief. She just wanted to be alone.

No.

That wasn't quite right.

She didn't want to be alone but who could she turn to? Her father avoided her like the plague, her uncle's mental state was just as fragile as her own, her siblings... Well, they were the last people she wished to discuss things over with. That left her with her grandparents and did she really want to tell them what she'd gone through? What she'd witnessed Liam being subjected to?

The room began to spin as she went to sit up to return the bottle to the drawer and she stopped, resting back against the bed head. The room stopped moving when she sat still and it slowly dawned on her that perhaps, just maybe, she had drunk a little too much. How much had she drunk anyway? She held the bottle up, figuring out that there had been just a little more than a quarter left in it before she'd started.

Oooops. She thought with a little giggle. Think I had a little too much.

She felt relaxed though. More relaxed than she'd felt for a very long time.

This isn't too bad. Her mind spoke after a moment. This actually feels good.

Though she didn't know it just yet, Maddie had well and truly drunk way too much.

Hearing something happening over by her window she turned to look in that direction, it taking her a moment and a half to realize that someone was taking the fly-screen off the window. She watched in dumb stupor as the fly-screen was removed and the curtain pushed across then she began giggling as her grandmother climbed in through the window. 'Heeeeey you-you know... You know there-there's a door. Right... Right over there.' She spoke, her words slurring together as she made a motion towards the locked bedroom door. 'Do ya know-know' she hiccuped. 'Do ya know what a door is for?'

Abeline took one look at the teenager, taking a moment to process just what exactly she had stumbled in on. Maddie was drunk, blind drunk. That was evident by the fact she was still clutching one of Bonham's empty moonshine bottles. Lord have mercy. She prayed, a thousand thoughts coming to mind as she stepped over the piles of clothing on the floor to the girls bed.

'Hey-hey Maaawwwline. How's-how's it g-goin?'

Abeline took a seat on the bed beside her and held her hand out to take the bottle. 'You and I need to have a little talk.'

'Talk?' Maddie giggled as she let her take the empty bottle. 'Talk? 'Bout-'bout what? Whatdoya wanna talk 'bout? Oh, oh, wait, wait, wait.' She began to laugh. 'Maaawwwwline, you-you gotta liven-liven up a lil.' Drunkenly she reached for the bedside table and pulled the top drawer out but accidentally pulled it too far, the drawer falling out. She looked at it for a moment, bewildered for a second then began to giggle. 'Ooooops.'

'You stay right there.' Abeline commanded, holding the girl back from trying to pick the mess she'd made up. 'Don't you move a muscle. I'll clean this up.'

Maddie made a face at her. 'Spoilsport.'

'Yeah, well, that may be the case but you girl, you aren't moving. Understand?'

'Yeeessss ssssiiiiireee.' She slurred, offering a lazy salute. 'Understood loud-loud and clear.'

Abeline just shook her head as she stood, going around the other side of the bed to pick up what she'd dropped. The drawer had tipped over when it had fallen, books and other items strewn across the floor. It was the two bottles of moonshine that caught her attention though and she picked them up, holding them up. 'Care to explain?' She questioned, motioning to the full and empty bottles.

'Oh-oh that-that's the gooood stuff.'

'Yeah, I can see that.' Dumping the items back into the drawer (minus the bottles, she would be taking those) she returned it to its rightful spot in the bedside table then sat the two bottles down next to the clock.

'Can-can you pass me t-that?' Maddie questioned, motioning towards the full bottle. 'Please?'

'No.'

'Pwease Maaawwwline? I-I'll shareitwith ya.'

Abeline sighed. 'No Maddie. Believe me, you don't need any more.' She paused for a moment, looking at the teenager. 'Maddie, how much did you drink?'

Maddie thought for a moment then held up a hand to show how much. 'Just-just a lil-lil bit.' It wasn't a little bit by far. It had been a decent amount but not quite as much as Maddie was saying she'd had. She was being a bit too generous in her measurement. 'A liiiiiilllll bit.' She replied, giggling again. 'It-it was goooood.'

Crap. If she was being accurate, that was enough to send anyone straight to the ER with alcohol poisoning. Deciding to take a different approach she picked up the empty bottle again and held it towards her. 'Show me on the bottle how much was in it.'

After a moment, Maddie pointed to a level much closer to what she'd actually had.

'Are you sure?'

She nodded decisively.

Well, it was still a lot but much better then what she'd first said. Returning the bottle to the bedside table she turned back to her granddaughter. 'Why Maddie?'

At that simple question, Maddie's face fell. 'Be-because it made me f-feel-feel better.' She said, beginning to cry. 'I-I'm ssssorry. I-I know it was-was bad to-to take it but... I-I just...' By this time she was hardly making any sense now she'd begun to cry so hard. 'I-I-I-I'm s-ss-sorry.'

'Maddie... Darlin.' Abeline took her in her arms as the teen broke down, full on wailing as she held her. The floodgates had been opened, there was no stopping her crying until she had finished. 'It's okay...' She whispered to her softly as she held her, Maddie's head resting against her chest. Gently she rubbed her back, resting her cheek against the girl's head. 'Let it all out.' At that, Maddie cried louder and she held her tightly as a couple tears rolled down her own cheeks. Seeing her granddaughter in so much pain broke her heart. What hell had the poor child been suffering through in silence the past two months?

By the time that she finally began to calm down, Maddie looked an absolute mess with her makeup completely ruined and snot running out of her nose. Taking a tissue from the box on the table beside the bed Abeline handed it to her, letting the girl take a moment to blow her nose. After she had done, Maddie scrunched the tissue up and tossed it over to the garbage can beside the door before resting back in her grandmother's arms. 'I-I'm-I'm ssssoooorrryyyy.' She slurred, pausing for a moment to try to get her brain to function so she could get the words she wanted to say out. 'I-I didn't-didn't mean for t-this... To hhhappen.'

'I know.' Abeline kissed her head as a couple more tears slid form her eyes, cradling the girl against her. 'What happened sweetheart? What's wrong?'

'Everything... Every-everythings wrong. Whaaat's-what's r-right these days?' Maddie hiccuped. 'Dad-dad hates me. Uncle-uncle Liam he-he hates me.'

'No they don't honey. They don't hate you.'

'T-t-theeey do. It-it was my fault. Itwasmyfault.' She began to sob again. 'I-I-I wanted... I wanted to come home and-and that's... That's how they-they took us. It's my fault. All-all my fault.' Maddie paused for a moment. 'I-I just... I just wanted to come home. To-to be with you.'

Abeline took a moment to choose her words carefully. 'You aren't the reason why your uncle was taken by those men Maddie. What happened... It wasn't your fault. You aren't to blame. Your father and uncle don't blame you. It just happened sweetheart. It was out of your control.'

'Then-then why... Why don't Dad l-love me anymore?'

'Maddie, your father still loves you dearly. That hasn't changed.'

'Why-why ain't he been here? Been here-here for m-me? I-I need him-' Her voice broke as she choked back another sob. 'I need my-my Dad back.'

Abeline didn't know how to reply to that.

'Please... Please don't-don't tell Dad.' Maddie continued after a moment. 'Wouldn't wanna rock the-the apple cart, ya know-' Her words were cut off quickly as the urge to vomit came over her. 'I-I think... I think I'm gonna be-be sick.'

'Can you hold on a moment?'

'I-I can t-try.'

Quickly Abeline got off the bed and brought Maddie's chair over to her then half dragged, half lifted the teenager into it. Maddie held her hand over her mouth as she pushed her over to the door and unlocked it, pushing her towards the bathroom.

Halfway there, Maddie spewed. 'S-sorry.' She apologized, vomit having landed all over her lap and onto the floor. 'I-I was-was trying.'

'It's alright honey. Let's just get you to the bathroom and I'll clean it up in a moment.'

Heading into the bathroom Abeline stopped Maddie's chair in front of the toilet and the teenager began throwing up again. Holding her hair back out of the way so it didn't get vomit on it she rubbed her back, Maddie spewing up all the alcohol she'd drunk accompanied by her food for the day.

'What's going on in here?' Liam questioned from the open doorway having heard the commotion and come to investigate.

'Appparrently... I-I'm drunk.' Maddie replied with a giggle, feeling a bit better now that her insides no longer felt like they were being torn out of her.

'What!' He questioned with disbelief, looking closely at his niece. 'Drunk?'

'Yeah...' Abeline straightened with a sigh, handing the girl a face washer to clean her face. 'Feel better now?'

'Yeeeep.'

'I'm going to get Cordi-'

'No!' Maddie shouted, startling both of them. 'No. Don't-don't want Dad to-to know.'

Liam and Abeline exchanged a look then he looked back down at the teenager, noting the vomit decorating her clothing. 'Mama I-I'll stay with Maddie. Go grab her some clothes, she needs a bath.'

'Agreed. You'll be right with Liam for a minute while I get you some clothes and clean up the mess in the hallway?'

'We-we'll get a-along fabulously.'

Abeline left and Liam approached Maddie, crouching down beside her chair. 'Maddie-'

'Don't... Don't you-you sssstart too, Uncle Liam.' She interrupted woozily. 'You-you're one-one to talk bout goin on-on binges.'

He sighed, knowing exactly what she was referring too. Back last year when he'd gotten drunk out of his brain. 'Maddie, alcohol doesn't solve anything. Take that from someone who knows first hand.'

She threw her head back and laughed at that. 'Oh-oh it-it mightn't solve anything but-but hey, least-least I can forget.' She sobered again as she began to tear up. 'I-I'm not-not okay, Uncle L-Liam.'

'What's been going on kiddo?' He questioned, tucking her hair back behind her ear. 'What's wrong?'

'I-I can't sssleep. I-I haven't ssslept sssince well-' She chuckled hollowly. 'You-you know.'

Liam nodded.

'It-it keeps playin o-over n over.' She stopped, realizing that perhaps she had said too much. 'I-I'm sssorry. You-you have e-enough to-to deal with.'

'Maddie, it's alright. You can talk to me.'

Maddie bit her lip, her eyes watering. 'I-I just want it to-to go away. The-the memories. I-I don't think... I don't think I can-can take it- take it anymore.'

'Have you spoken to your counselor about this?'

'My-my counselor?' She snorted loudly. 'That-that fucking bastard?'

'Maddie! Language.'

'It-it describes him-him perfectly, the creep.'

He raised an eyebrow at that, wondering what on earth she was talking about. 'Okay...'

'I-I'm just... I'm not-not doing so well.' She continued after a pause. 'I-I don't know... Don't know what to do... I just... I-I can't forget it. It-it just keeps playin over and-and over. What... What-what h-happened. In-in there. Just.. Can't-can't forget.'

'Neither can I honey...' Liam sighed heavily, placing his hand on her shoulder. 'I don't know what to do or how to move on either. 'That's why I'm seeing this equine therapist on Monday.' He paused for a moment. 'I don't know exactly what you're dealing with but maybe you should come along. It might help.'

After a moment she nodded, wiping away a couple tears trickling down her cheeks. 'Alright. I-I'll come.'

'Things will get better.' He promised, trying to convince both himself and her. 'It's just gonna take time.'