Title: House Meets the Family
Rated: T/M
Warnings: language, intense momens

NOTE: This is purely for fun and for lolz. This is not serious writing and I'm only posting it laughs. If you don't like crack!fics or Matrix parodies, don't read.
Also, I know this has more than one topic/character in this that is not The Matrix. The reason it's not under crossover is because there's honestly not one other fandom these fics can be classified under. Problem? Deal with it. :D

Disclaimer: I do not own The Matrix, House, or anything else mentioned in this.

"Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of crack on paper. That is the sound of your lulz."

"ZOMG. NEO, YOU'RE SO UGLY WITH YOUR BURNED EYES," Morpheus yelled. It had been seventy-twelve days since Morpheus and his bitches found Neo. Trinity was dead. Morpheus was sad. He would have been even sadder if Trinity was his bitch. No, she was Neo's…

"Fuck you, Morpheus," Neo said. He was laying in one of Zion's hospitals, which was named Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital (named after Neo's mother's maiden name translated into Latin).

Doctor Gregory House walked into the room, smelling the sexual tension-or was that Morpheus's fart? He couldn't tell. "You're all dicks," House said. It wasn't unexpected.

Neo hadn't heard the man. "What?" he asked.

House looked irritated. "What do you mean, 'what'? You're blind; it should make your hearing better…" Neo's mouth dropped like this smiley face's Dx. House slapped Neo's face but Neo didn't react. "…Along with the rest of your senses." Then, House jabbed his cane into Neo's crotch, just 'cause he was a jackass like that.

"It's a good thing Trinity's dead, huh? LOL because it might be a little harder to have kids now! That and because you're sooooooooooooo old!" Morpheus was LOL-ing.

While House and his bitches tried to figure out what was wrong with Neo, Morpheus took the pleasure of slapping Neo.

House was so puzzled with Neo's case that he overdosed on IC Minocycline and died. His bitches were so depressed over their master's death that they killed themselves too. It was tragic.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY DOCTOR?" Neo yelled.

"Right here, darling," Morpheus said from the corner.

"Have you been drinking?" asked Neo.

"LOL YEAH! I WAS DRINKING YOUR MOTHER. OHHH FUCKING BURN!"

All of a sudden, the last living sentinel in Zion came out of the closet and shot Morpheus in the head. The sentinel fell on top of him, a message playing: "Battery empty. Please recharge."

Cuddy ran into the room and screamed, "HOLY SHIT! A SENTINEL? GTFO, BITCH!"

Morpheus was taken away in a body bag. Nobody paid attention to Neo's problems.

The moral of this story: Don't be a loner, cover your boner