What Family Means –
On Saturday afternoon, Colby pushed back from his computer, rubbing his eyes. He'd just spent a while online, emailing some old army buddies that he hadn't talked to in a long time. He'd been thinking a lot about family the last few days, and the army had been a family to him when he'd needed it.
The overwhelming 'family-ness' of the Rosh Hashanah activities and last night's Shabbat meal hung with him. How could something so foreign, so different than his upbringing, feel so comfortable? It wasn't the rituals, it had to be the people. People that, against all odds, against all reason, had become his family now.
As he started to walk down the stairs, Colby spotted Will and Nena sitting at the coffee table, doing some of Nena's homework. Who gives homework in kindergarten? Shrugging off that thought, Colby automatically checked the room to make sure that Don was there. Nena and Will were never to be alone together. Don was nearby, sitting on the couch with a sports magazine. Colby let out a breath … and then stopped, mid-step.
How long did he plan on doing this? Was he never going to trust Will again? It seemed like Will had learned his lesson, but …
Colby sat down on the stairs and rested his chin in his hands, watching Will and Nena together.
Will was patient with her, more patient than Colby could be sometimes. Will really was a good teacher. Scratch that, Will was a good uncle. He was always doing fun things with Nena, taking his 'custody' turns without complaining, treating Nena like the intelligent little girl she was. Until the whole gun thing. Colby sighed, wishing he could go back to that point, back to when he completely trusted Will with his daughter.
Well, is that it, then? He makes one mistake and he's out? Colby thought about all the mistakes he'd made as a father, the biggest one not insisting on being more a part of Nena's early years. Yes, he'd lived an unsettled life, often overseas, often in war zones. But, he could have tried harder, could have pushed Jenny for more time. In those years, Nena didn't seem to blame him for his neglect, she was just happy when she did see him.
Now here he was, in a settled, safe situation, and he was still making mistakes. Will deserved at least as much slack as he gave himself. Forget what Megan said about Will's childhood, it was just a matter of respect. Colby rubbed his eyes again and got up from the stairs. He needed to talk to Will. And he couldn't just say a few words and punch him in the shoulder. This was for Nena's sake as much as anyone's. He steeled himself and walked down the stairs, towards the coffee table.
As he approached, Will stood up, his eyes flashing over towards Don then back to Colby, almost defiantly. It was as if Will was saying, See? I'm following your rules. You want to punish me for spending time with her at all?
"I need to talk with you," Colby said.
Will's lips pressed together and his eyes narrowed. He moved to go towards the kitchen and privacy, but Colby shook his head. "Here."
Will turned back and stood tensely, his weight on the balls of his feet, almost as if he expected an attack. Colby looked at him for a moment, at this man that was so different and so similar to himself. Where to start?
"I've been … thinking about families," Colby said at last. "I just emailed some old army buddies and told them about my family here. But …" He swallowed. "But when I say 'family' I really should mean it, not just part way."
Colby looked at Nena, then at Don, then down at his own gripped-together hands. "Real families … Real families forgive each other," he continued, struggling to keep his voice calm when it wanted to jump with emotion. "Families make mistakes and they fight and they make up and they forgive."
He met Will's eyes, trying to read him. "Maybe you and I came from families that weren't too forgiving of our … choices in life, but we're making a better family here."
There was a flickering in Will's eyes and Will looked away.
"You and me and Nena," Colby said quietly, "We're really lucky to become part of a family that does believe in that stuff – love and forgiveness and understanding. It's about time I stopped acting like a Granger and you stopped acting like a Stevens and we started acting like Eppeses."
Will looked back up, a smile hovering on his lips.
"Okay," Colby said with a responding faint smile. "I'm not saying we have to becoming Jewish or short or competitive as Hell, but the good parts, the family parts, yeah."
Colby looked down at Nena, who was sitting very still, a crayon clenched in her hand. He looked over at Don, who was sitting just as still, as if even breathing would break the moment.
He turned back to Will. "You're practically my brother, and my own brothers have done a helluva lot worse to me than anything you might do. You don't stop caring for your brother even if he acts like an a—like a jerk." He gave a little shrug. "Especially if he acts like a jerk with your best interests in mind."
"Been called worse," Will said, his eyes glittering with suspicious moisture.
"I bet so," Colby said with a wink, then grew serious again. "Someday I might do something awful, much worse than you did. But I'll need to know that my family will forgive me."
Will raised his eyebrows. "Got something in mind?"
Colby swallowed a feeling of dread and took refuge in sarcasm, "Yeah, I'm gonna build a race of killer robots to take over the world and have a cat and a monocle."
"Your cat has a monocle?"
"It's a one-eyed cat," Colby shot back and Will chuckled.
"So … friends again?" Colby asked. "No more restrictions."
Will gave a faint smile. "I've always wanted a brother, preferably an older one."
Colby made a little gesture with his head towards Nena. They needed to make it explicit.
Will nodded and said, "Friends again." He held out his hand. Colby gripped his hand then impulsively pulled Will into a hug. Will stiffened in surprise then awkwardly hugged him back.
Will pulled back and there were definitely tears in his eyes. Colby looked at Nena, who was sitting there with her mouth open. Don, on the couch, was beaming.
"Maybe you should help Nena with this," Will said, pointing at the paper under Nena's hand. "I always forget which is the square and which is the rectangle."
Colby grinned. "Spend enough time around Charlie and you'll start to wonder if one plus one really does equal two."
Will smiled, nodded and went to sit with Don on the couch. Colby sat down on the floor next to Nena. He heard Don speak quietly to Will then set down his magazine and put his arm around him.
Colby smiled at Nena, who was still looking dazed, and said, "You need to find round things for your homework. This coffee table is round, right?"