Chapter 7 – Never Leave Your Heart Alone

Meredith was standing with Bailey when Derek walked over, looking for an intern. Bailey looked at the two of them, considering. She had done her best to keep Derek away from Meredith, but work was work, and she was the only one available…

"Grey, you're with Shepherd. Go." She leaned close to Derek and spoke, lowering her voice so Meredith couldn't hear. "And I better get that intern back in the same condition I gave her to you."

Derek raised an eyebrow at her. "Meaning what?"

Bailey wasn't intimidated. "Meaning, if not exactly in a good mood, at least somewhat normal and not crying and miserable." She glanced at Meredith. "If she does come back that way, Shepherd, you won't be working with her for the next month."

He paused, then nodded at her. He glanced at Meredith, who was absent-mindedly fiddling with her lab coat. She didn't look like she'd heard what had been said. "Let's go." Meredith accepted the file from Derek and followed him down the hall. It took her a little while to realize they weren't walking to the patient's room.

"Dr. Shepherd… Mr. Shapiro's room is the other way."

He looked over at her and smiled. "I know. I just checked on him earlier. I thought we would grab some lunch first."

"I've already eaten," she lied. Although her appetite had returned a little, and she no longer threw up at the smell of food, she had been busy that day. Still, she didn't want to eat with Derek.

"Well, you can eat again. You could definitely stand to gain a few pounds." She looked over at him sharply. Did he know? "You know, to gain back the weight you lost over the past month." Oh. She relaxed slightly at this. "Plus, I have a surprise for you."

She eyed him curiously. "What is it?"

"You'll see," he replied, opening the door to the stairwell for her. He led her to the roof of the hospital. "We're having our lunch up here." He walked over to a corner of the roof, and retrieved a bag. He started pulling food out of the bag, and waved her over to where he sat.

She looked around nervously. "Are we allowed to be up here?"

"Sure." He was lying, he had no idea whether or not they could be there, but he wasn't going to have her worrying over it. He pushed the food toward her. "Eat."

They sat in silence for a little while. Derek watched as Meredith nibbled at the food, and even met his eyes a few times. He smiled to himself. He had given her two weeks to cool off after Doc's funeral, and it seemed to have worked. He pulled the binoculars he had brought with him out of the bag.

He stood up. "And now for the surprise," he said, extending a hand to Meredith and pulling her up. The roof had a view of the harbor, and the ferryboats. He scanned the water until he found what he was looking for, and handed the binoculars to Meredith.

"Right there," he said, turning her slightly to the side. "You see that boat, with the blue stripe on the side?"

Meredith scanned the water until she saw it. "Yes."

"Look at the front of the boat."

Meredith moved her binoculars to focus on the front of the boat, where its name was neatly spelled out, in blue letters. Meredith. She stared at the boat for a while, and lowered her binoculars and turned to Derek. "You found a boat that's named Meredith?" she asked, confused.

"No," he corrected her. "I bought a boat and named it Meredith."

"You named your boat after me?" she said incredulously, allowing herself to feel a tiny bit pleased at this. She fought to keep from smiling, but Derek could tell she was happy.

"I did," he confirmed, stepping closer to her. She looked up at him, her eyes wide, as he lowered his face to hers and kissed her. She pressed closer to him, as his hands pulled her head to his. "I've missed you," he said in between kisses. "And this."

The temptation to forget everything that had happened was strong, but Meredith couldn't stop the thoughts rolling around in her head. The baby. Addison. Divorce. Prom.

She pulled free. "Oh God, what are we doing?"

"What?"

"What are we doing?" she repeated. "You're married, we work together, and I'm…" Don't tell him, don't tell him.

"You're what?" When she refused to answer, he sighed. "Is it Finn? Are you still seeing him?"

"No, we broke up," she answered. "I'm surprised you didn't hear."

"Oh," he exhaled, relieved. "As for me being married, the divorce was finalized a few days ago. It's over. I'm surprised you didn't hear about that."

"No, I didn't," she replied quietly. "Still, we can't…. We shouldn't." A look of panic came over her face. "I have to go."

With a sinking heart, Derek watched as she flew to the door and down the stairs. Patience, he reminded himself. Patience.

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An hour later, Meredith knocked frantically at the door to Cristina and Burke's apartment. After a few minutes, Burke answered. A look of concern came over him at her tear-streaked face.

"Dr. Burke," she said, shifting back and forth. She had forgotten he would be at home. "Is Cristina here?"

"No, she's at the hospital," He stopped. "Which I'm guessing is where you should be right now." At Meredith's nod, he sighed. "What did Shepherd do now?"

Meredith opened her mouth to answer, but nothing came out. She let out a small, quivering sob, and Burke, alarmed, opened the door fully. "Come in." She stepped into the apartment and looked around curiously. She had never been there before. "Do you want something to drink? Coffee?"

"No, thanks. I shouldn't even be here. I'm supposed to be at the hospital." Her panic quickly rose. "Bailey is going to kill me!"

"Calm down, Grey," he said, leading her over to the couch. "Just consider this part of the week that the chief gave you and you never took." When her look of panic didn't subside, he sighed. "So you wanted to talk to Cristina?"

"Yes… No. It was a stupid idea. I mean, I saw her this morning. I knew she was working." She fidgeted in her seat. "I don't even know why I came here."

"What did Shepherd do now?"

"He named his boat after me," Meredith stopped for a minute to compose herself. "And he wants to get back together. He got a divorce, and I broke up with Finn, but we can't be together because…"

"Because why?"

"He can't just erase the past… I mean, he wants to pretend like there was never an Addison, and he was never married, or lied, and also…" she stopped. Taking a deep breath, she said to him, "Nobody knows this. And if I tell you this, you can't tell anyone. No one."

Burke was now a little alarmed. Meredith looked like she was going to fall apart. "I won't tell anyone."

She took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

Burke took a moment to digest this. "And it's Derek's?"

"Of course it's Derek's! If it wasn't, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"But how… I thought you two aren't together."

Meredith buried her head in her hands and mumbled, "Prom."

"What?"

"Prom! We had sex the night of the prom."

"Oh. Ohhhh."

"Yeah. He was there with Addison, and I was there with Finn, and it just…" she gestured helplessly. "I don't know. It was not a smart thing to do." She looked up, alarmed. "And remember, you promised not to tell anybody."

"I won't," he sighed to himself, wishing that Cristina had been home to do this. On second thought, he was probably better at dealing with this kind of crisis than she was. "Wait, why haven't you told anyone?"

"Well, Izzie's been kind of a mess, and Alex is busy taking care of her, plus he's still Alex. I mean, we're kind of friends, but still… And George and I are finally moving on from the whole sex thing, and I don't want to mess that up. Actually," she mused to herself, "Callie knows about prom, and I'm surprised she hasn't said anything. And Cristina's been worried about you," she said, gesturing to his hand, "and I didn't want to dump this on her. And I was going to anyway, because I came here to talk to her about what I should do."

"Well, if it's any help, Shepherd will be thrilled," Burke offered.

"Thanks, but that's not very helpful. I mean, I just don't know what I should do," Meredith said, looking straight at him. "What do you think I should do?"

"Well, Shepherd's already made it pretty clear that he's chosen you, and he doesn't know about the baby. I think you should talk to him," Burke said, knowing that this was probably exactly what Meredith didn't want to do.

"I probably should tell him, right? I don't know," Meredith said, pushing her hair away from her face. "I should go, though. I shouldn't have dumped this all on you, but thanks for listening anyway."

"It wasn't a problem, Grey. To tell you the truth, since I'm not at the hospital, I kind of miss you and Derek's angst-ridden relationship."

"Thanks," Meredith said sarcastically, smiling a little. "I should go. Thanks for your help," she said, standing up and hugging him.

Burke awkwardly patted her on the back. "Always happy to help," he replied, walking her to the door. "Do you know what you're going to do?"

"Kind of… Maybe… I don't know. I hope you'll be back at the hospital soon."

"Another month, Grey," he said, showing her his tremor-free hand. "Good luck."

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Meredith pulled out her keys and quickly opened the door and stepped into her house. Although the nausea that came with her pregnancy had subsided a little, she wasn't feeling well, and her stomach hurt. At the sound of the door opening, Izzie came into the front hall.

"Meredith. Good," Izzie said, relieved. "McDreamy's here. He was looking for you. You ran out of the hospital today?"

Meredith groaned inwardly. All she really wanted to do was go upstairs and lie down. "I didn't run out." She reconsidered. "Okay, maybe I did. But I don't want to talk to him. Why didn't you get rid of him?"

"He won't leave! So just go and talk to him, and then maybe we can finally have some peace in this house."

"Fine," Meredith agreed, annoyed and scared at the same time. "And don't eavesdrop."

A guilty look crossed over Izzie's face, and Meredith knew that's exactly what she had been planning to do. "Fine. Now go and talk to him," she said, pushing her toward the living room.

Meredith stopped in the doorway of the room. "Derek."

"Meredith," he sighed. "Enough of this. We have to stop dancing around each other, and make a decision. Either you want to be with me or you don't. Which is it?" He paced slightly across the room. "You know, I told myself to be patient, and give you time, but I just… I can't see you and not want to be with you." At her lack of reply, he stopped pacing and really looked at her. At her chalky-white face, he grew nervous and strode over to her. "Meredith?"

"Derek. I feel…" she gasped in pain. "I don't feel so good…" And at this, she fainted in his arms.

As always, reviews appreciated. And thank you to everyone who has written a review so far - you were my motivation for this chapter.